Parents don’t know shit. While they blindly send in the College tuition checks and brag to all their friends about how “young Jimmy is double-majoring in Finance and Economics” so that they can prove once and for all that their son is better than their friends’ kids, bros have other plans. Every bro knows that College is not a place for learning. Fuck that – College is about breaking shit, getting fucked up, and slaying slam pieces. Although a true bro would love to stay in College forever, there comes a point where you eventually have to graduate and move into the bro hater working world. So how do you balance drinking six nights a week, sleeping until 1, skipping pretty much every class with the high demands of getting enough credits to actually graduate? You sign up for every fucking class your College has to offer that you could have passed in the 4th grade. Bros fucking love joke classes.
Since bros are the smartest people on the fucking planet, they realize that it’s a waste of time to ever enroll in difficult classes that have worthless bullshit such as homework, exams, or even actual grades. Therefore, every fucking bro knows about every single class offered on campus which has absolutely no academic value whatsoever and you would literally have to be retarded not to get an ‘A.’ Here are a couple examples of the types of classes which are absolute jokes on College campuses.
Sports Classes – These are the only classes that a Bro might ever make it out of his bed to make it to. How fucking great is it that your parents could pay thousands of dollars for the credits for you to take some shitty canoeing class? Personally, I don’t think it’s possible to get a well rounded college education without learning how to slowly paddle in some shitty man-made lake in the middle of campus for 45 minutes a day. If you are not up for the water just sign up for beginning Tennis or some shit like that and learn how to bounce the ball on your racket 20 times in a row for College credit. Now, obviously, bros fucking dominate all sports, but there’s no need to push yourself. Bros know they are better athletes than fucking everyone so they don’t need to prove that shit to some bro-hating teacher.
Classes Intended for Incoming Freshman – By Senior Year, you are starting to run low on your options for Joke Classes. My last year, two of my bros and I had to have a sit-down with an Academic Dean to find classes for us since we were signed up for too many Sports classes. Thank God we did that because we discovered perhaps the greatest class we could have ever hoped for: Introduction to Computers. So, as second semester seniors, we signed up for a class meant for freshmen who grew up without access to computers or the Internet. At our first class, our Professor told us to log on to our email, but stopped himself, sensing he was moving too quickly. “Does everyone know what email is?” he asked. Thanks to that class I was able to learn about all kinds of things I use everyday, such as Microsoft Word, what a spreadsheet is, how to use the calculator on the computer, and how to refresh a web page. Needless to say, we made that class our fucking bitch.
Women’s Studies – Senior year, me and a couple bros decided to sign up for Women’s Studies thinking, like any fucking logical person, that it would be about typical Women things, like cooking, cleaning, maybe some hot girl on girl action and the final exam just being one big pillow fight. We were wrong. Do you know what goes on in fucking Women’s Studies classes? It’s fucking terrible. It’s a bunch of girls sitting around talking shit about bros and at the same time talking about great Women in history. Did you realize that you can actually major in Women’s Studies? Might as well just flush your parents’ tuition money down the fucking toilet. Seriously, what are you looking to do with that degree? Picket at a suffrage rally? Become the butch in a lesbian relationship? Fucking please. Anyways, the point is that like true bros, we shat upon pretty much anything said in the class. One of my bros even declared in front of the class that periods are as disgusting as taking a shit. He also got some girl who announced in class that “blowjobs are obscene” to give him dome shots after a night at the bar. Fucking Bro King.
As your final semester approaches, realize that the last fucking thing you want to do is give yourself a tough schedule. You’re a fucking senior, the only thing you should be focused on is breaking your record for number of chicks banged in one semester. Take the joke class. Learn nothing. Be the Bro.