Comments on Bros Like This Site: #89 Hating Hipsters

Bros would love this vid: Sh*t Hipsters Say http:/...

2012-01-25T14:23:36.773-05:00

Bros would love this vid:
Sh*t Hipsters Say
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSbf-qidVek

Broment of the Week 01/10/2012: So I get to the g...

2012-01-14T17:40:36.941-05:00

Broment of the Week 01/10/2012:

So I get to the gym and immediately notice that some hipster is dicking around on my bench press, a major bro-no. Without a second thought, I steal his gym bag right in front of him (though it was more like a gym-purse) for even imagining that it was okay to be there in the first place. I throw the gym bag into a toilet that some chill bro had clearly just destroy...ed, to let him know that this is no-joke. I then grabbed his hair spray that he uses to construct his fohawk hair-style, sprayed enough to tear a hole in the ozone, and then made him take a deep breath.

He then began to cry. Being the cunning bro that I am, I offered a false apology (hipsters are easily swayed by emotional appeal), and told him that I would pay for his plane ticket to Paris, where the latest "Indie" music festival was being held. Being too excited about traveling to Paris where he would see the latest hipster fashions in person, he didn't realize what a mistake he was making when he agreed. I purchased his ticket, and then called the airport TSA to tip them off that a terrorist wearing thick-rimmed dark glasses was on his way to the airport about to board the Paris flight. According to the tracker I placed on his Starbucks Frappucino, he is now in Guantanamo Bay. It's a bro's world, everybody else is just living in it.

I found this while looking for hipster porn, good ...

2012-01-12T14:41:37.201-05:00

I found this while looking for hipster porn, good job on the very detailed joke 7.5/10

i just love how there's an ad for urban outfit...

2011-11-18T15:22:40.949-05:00

i just love how there's an ad for urban outfitters at the bottom of this page haha

You guys are so lame. Anyone who calls themselves ...

2011-10-06T21:01:14.011-04:00

You guys are so lame. Anyone who calls themselves a bro is not a bro. Real bros are no doubt called bros by other people but they don't openly embrace that label (NYB is clearly posting with a hint of irony) . Anyone who openly embraces that label is a poser. And god these comments are stupid. how fucking immature are you guys? 90% of these comments look like something a high school kid would post. On both ends. Maybe its because real bros, don't waste their time posting on some stupid website.

^^ gayest post on the site

2011-09-23T18:49:27.184-04:00

^^ gayest post on the site

There are only two types of people in this world; ...

2011-09-18T17:39:42.479-04:00

There are only two types of people in this world; those that have perfect bro bodies and those that crave them sexually. When an imperfect male such the guido first sees a bro, they become BROver awed by the perfect male body that bros have to the point that guidos start sexually craving them. Guidos lift weights and pump steroids hoping to build a male body that they think a bro could possibly like ignoring the fact that bros never like male bodies sexually back. Guidos refuse to accept this fact so they keep tons of gel in their hair that they can quickly run their fingers and stick up their butts hoping to be the first to capture a gay urge out of a bro for just a second. This is how the guido prepares himself to catch! When the reality that bros can never like men sexually finally hits a guido, guidos get BROverwhelmed to the point of desperation and start attention whoring by dying their skin orange for the same reason fat, skanky, ugly bras dye their hair pink or purple.

Another type of imperfect male that craves the bro body sexually is the lazy tranny! They go by various names such as hippie, rocker, metal head, grunger, goth, emo, scene, hipster, and many more. The lazy tranny has a little more sense than the guido since they realize that bros are only sexually attracted to the female body. Lazy trannies are under the delusion that wearing their sisters’ tightest jeans and black makeup and black nail polish will make them competitive with bras for the sexual attention of bros. Lazy trannies won’t even make the effort diligent trannies do to make themselves attractive to men such removing all facial and body hair except scalp but partially removing eyebrows to a sexier shape, taking female hormones, getting breast implants, facial and sex change surgery let alone what bras do to try to get the sexual attention of bros. When lazy trannies get rejected by bros, they turn to affirmative action like bullshit arguments as to why it is only fair that bros ass slam them to. When that doesn’t work, they get more bitter than Hillary Clinton and make futile attempts to act worthy by pretending to be too good for bros. Just because half of the lazy trannies look more like a bra than Hillary does doesn’t mean bros want to ass slam them. As far as slamming diligent trannies go, even the most diligent tranny can never look like a bra except on television with lots of porn movie camera tricks so the stupid questions about slamming them are mute.

They are several other types of imperfect males that also sexually crave the bro body but I am limiting this post to the two most common types. So my fellow bros, when you see a guido, lazy tranny, or any other type of homosexual/imperfect male on campus or elsewhere, remember one thing, our bodies created this condition in them. This is natural. It is only mental illness when imperfect males expect bros to be sexually attracted back.

This pansy ass, mo fo hipster has thrown two no-h...

2011-09-10T20:30:03.272-04:00

This pansy ass, mo fo hipster has thrown two no-hitters, has played and started on an AAU team with Mr. Basketball (in fuckin Bloomington, Indiana), and could tear your fuckin tricep out with a ballpoint pen. I love tits and beer, and popmusic. The kicker is that I'm not an anti-environmentalist, spoiled, misogynist, homophobic, entitled, irreformable bastard.
You can find me working at the public library, wearin my tightish black levi's, listenin to indie music, with my racing road bike locked up outside.

-BROn Iver

Hipsters have no musical taste. They start to fuck...

2011-08-23T08:00:48.115-04:00

Hipsters have no musical taste. They start to fuckin love a "nu-indie" youtube vid and start doing some sort of dance that causes paramedics nearby to think someone went into an epileptic seizure. But as soon as the video views hit 1000 views they totally fucking crucify the song and criticize it for being too fucking mainstream. Its like teen angst for nerds. God whenever I see a dude with his goddamn tiny hoodie, paper-thin tighter-than-bdsm-plastic-clothes jeans, doin "the seizure",having thier overpriced headphones blaring cacophonous shit: i will ask him to stop, if he refuses, almighty God and almighty bros help me, I will rip out the nearest stop sign and shove it so far up his ass that he will shit out the letter "P" in two months time.

Bros slam shit!

To the guy who said "Kid Cudi is a hipster. ...

2011-07-28T10:49:16.497-04:00

To the guy who said "Kid Cudi is a hipster. But he's still awesome. Explain..."

Explanation: he's awesome cuz he's black, knows who he is, and doesn't give a shit.

Don't get me wrong - hipsters are fucking scum...

2011-06-18T09:23:55.286-04:00

Don't get me wrong - hipsters are fucking scum, but if I see some stereotypical douchebags or cookie-cutter frat boys, I'll make fun of them amongst me friends. If that prompts one to get into my face, I'll stare him down til he backs off or takes a swing. If the latter happens, I'll promptly kick his ass because I'm not a hungover douche who's threatened by a stranger's opinion of him. Honestly, bros shouldn't lose their chill that easy.

bros do deadlifts. hipsters don't. end of sto...

2011-06-17T19:37:43.646-04:00

bros do deadlifts. hipsters don't. end of story.

This article disgusts me. I haven't heard of b...

2011-04-12T21:44:49.192-04:00

This article disgusts me. I haven't heard of bigotry like this since the 19 fucking 30's. Who the fuck do "bros" think they are? Just because they can get a "slam piece" girl better than I can doesn't make them any better, it just makes them sick and disgusting for labeling these human beings with a word better fit for meat. It's not a bro's world. Bros will just end up with a beer belly sitting on their mom's couch at age 30, watching football clips for 5 seasons ago. I'll have a life, they won't.

Stole a hipsters fixie today, immediately sold it ...

2011-02-23T23:35:22.330-05:00

Stole a hipsters fixie today, immediately sold it for 40 bucks and bought two 30 packs of natty ice.

Bros don't drink coffee though... hipsters do....

2011-02-23T05:37:59.625-05:00

Bros don't drink coffee though... hipsters do.

"Swagbasedgod"?? are u fuckin serious? w...

2011-01-18T23:00:48.531-05:00

"Swagbasedgod"??
are u fuckin serious? what a chode.

lol first line of this post is mint, when my bro bought his new house i spear headed the theft of 2 benches from an old folks home in 2 consecutive weekends. best part was a few days after when my bro told me he drove by and saw 4 old people crammed onto one bench. fucking gold.

The chinese kid from Temple of doom calls him Dr. ...

2011-01-09T22:07:52.173-05:00

The chinese kid from Temple of doom calls him Dr. Jones not Indy... you bros are fucking stupid

this site is clearly written by a hipster

2011-01-09T06:22:25.373-05:00

this site is clearly written by a hipster

oh yea an i forgot. fuck spending alot of money on...

2010-12-30T02:17:18.102-05:00

oh yea an i forgot. fuck spending alot of money on cloths. what money? u mean the weed i had, nah i spend proly 50 max on a full outfit. thats shirt pants and sox cus i sure as hell didnt buy these vans.

you could say im a hipster. love indie, and altern...

2010-12-30T02:01:26.487-05:00

you could say im a hipster. love indie, and alternative music but fuck me that post was funny as hell. That perfectly describes faggets who want to be indie. Im not gona make fun of bros for there life style cause mine real similar like. im always fucked up mainly weed an shit load of alc. but i realy like coke. Also those faggs with fake glasses are gay as hell, but im all for skinny jeans and a striped shirt. my point is not all of us are broke back bitches and this was a funny post.
thumbs up man

I guess you'd call me a hipster because: 1) I...

2010-12-16T22:49:33.589-05:00

I guess you'd call me a hipster because:

1) I have a higher IQ than you.
2) I have taste and realize why Pavement is about 50,000 times better than Dave Matthews.
3) I think spending a lot of money on clothes is, as your slope-headed neanderthal self might say, really gay.
4) I'd rather not go to a bar that charges $5 a head to get in where you drink piss beer in plastic cups and can get crabs peeing in a urinal.

And on top of it:
1) I know more about sports than any of you.
2) And that means real sports, which does not include playing in a boat or throwing a ball around with a toy stick.
3) When I was in my prime, I could drink more in one hour than you pussies could in a week.
4) I broke more people's shit in one hour than you white-hat wearing closet cases did in an entire four years of college that month I was straightedge.
4) I know more about economics and finance than any of you dumb fucks.

Do you know what one of the funniest bro things is? When the "sensitive" bro takes an acoustic guitar out and sings John Meyer.

Seriously, brosef -- I might not wear tucked in golf shirts, but I'm better than you.

^(continued) After listening to about 30 more sec...

2010-12-12T21:01:22.744-05:00

^(continued)

After listening to about 30 more seconds of his mouth diarrhea (some horseshit about yoga being a better workout than weight training), I had to intervene.

I turned around, summoned my best Ogre voice, screamed out "NEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRDDDDDDD!!!!!", and watched the horror on his face as he recognized me and his days as a loser came crashing back down to haunt him. I smacked his beer out of his hand, put him in a headlock, and slammed the rest of my Natty while my bros and the slampiece he was talking to laughed their asses off.

He ran out of the house crying and I never saw him at a party again for the rest of college. When I saw him on campus, he had ditched his stupid hipster getup (ironic t-shirt, scarf, and black glasses) and returned to his nerdy windbreaker and coke bottle glasses from high school. The correct social order had been restored.

Was this cruel of me? First of all, the fact that you even asked that question means you are not a Bro and need to get the fuck off this site. Second, I'm a Bro and I don't give a fuck about making losers feel bad. And third, no, it fucking wasn't cruel.

I was doing this kid a favor. He has no business living the lie that he knows shit about music, can pull tail, party, or be cool. He's a dork and always will be. He needed to stop wasting his time on hipster bullshit and focus on studying so that he can become an engineer, go to work for Coors, and perfect the next advance in beer can cooling technology for the benefit of Bros everywhere. That's his station in life. I was just helping him be true to himself.

Bros - it is your Bro duty to help put an end to this pathetic nerd uprising of hipsterdom by publicly humiliating every hipster you see. We need to remind them that they are losers, and always will be, no matter how many obscure albums and ironic t-shirts they buy.

Bros always fucking win.

Hipsters are people who were nerds in high school ...

2010-12-12T20:59:20.395-05:00

Hipsters are people who were nerds in high school and think they can become cool as adults by re-labeling themselves. This is, of course, pathetic wishful thinking. Just as being a Bro is something you're born into for life, these dorks were, are, and always will be at the absolute bottom of the social food chain, no matter how pretentious or "cool" they try to act. It's our job as Bros to remind them of this.

I had an opportunity to perform such a public service my first year of college. I was at a party on a fraturday crushing some Nattys with my bros when I overheard the nasally drone of some hipster douchebag explaining his love of indie bands and exotic South American teas to a chick a few feet away from us (she was only a nickle-piece, nothing special).

The voice sounded awfully familiar, and when I looked at him, It hit me like a ton of bricks: This hipster went to my high school. His name was Danny Benton, and was the scrawniest, nerdiest, chess-playing, four-eyed, dateless loser in our entire class. I had given this dork so much shit during high school that some of the teachers were worried he was gonna go Columbine on me. I never took this seriously because this pussy wouldn't have the courage to even walk into a gun store, let alone shoot anything.

Apparently this poindexter saw going away to college as a chance to re-invent himself as a snobby "cultured guy", to escape his previous existence of receiving wedgies in the locker room and jerking off to pictures of hot girls in the school yearbook on Friday nights.

Boy, was he fucking mistaken.

The post that suggested that hipsters don't sl...

2010-11-13T07:22:52.544-05:00

The post that suggested that hipsters don't slam beer at parties is hilarious. I don't claim any set but I've spent a lot of nights partying with art majors and environmental activists, and it was weed, beer, liquor, loud rap music and errrrbody hooking up, until about 8 am when shit started to wind down. Just nobody was eating meat or cheese and a lot of the haircuts were asymmetrical.

I slam pieces, drink PBR, and listen to death meta...

2010-10-12T18:40:18.001-04:00

I slam pieces, drink PBR, and listen to death metal so I don't really give a fuck. This sight is fucking hilarious. I've met a lot of dumbass hipsters and smart bro's and indie loving metalheads. No reason someone can't enjoy a wide variety of things. This bro vs hipster war is the funniest damn thing I've seen in a while.