Every generation in American history has that one moment where people can tell you exactly where they were. Our grandparents quickly recall the pride they felt to be an American the day soldiers stormed the beach at Normandy. Our parents remember huddling around their black and white TV set in order to watch Neil Armstrong walk on the moon. Bros have also experienced this overwhelming sense of pride to be an American. July 4, 2007. A day that will live in infamy. Obviously, I’m referring to the day Joey Chestnut ate 66 hot dogs to finally take down Kobayashi and return the Mustard Belt to where it belongs – the USA.
Bros everywhere remember exactly where they were when this went down. I was sitting on my couch at the Brotel with all my bros. There was something special in the air that day. Some say it was the lingering smell of the vomit on our couch from the night before, but I contend that it was our newfound patriotism. In perhaps the greatest victory over Japan since we nuked the shit out of them and that whole internment camp thing, American bros everywhere united. As the clock counted down and Chestnut’s unbelievable Cinderella story came to life, there was a steady chant all throughout my neighborhood – “U-S-A! U-S-A!” By the end of the magical run, bros were out on the street high-fiving one another. All my bros made a dog pile in our living room – we had done it! When we went out that night to get our fucked up on, we were hugging strangers and leading cheers of “Jo-ey Chest-nut!!” As our resident big guy puts it – “I don’t throw around the word hero too often, but there really is no other term to describe Joey Chestnut.”
This weekend, as Joey “Jaws” Chestnut shoves those hot dogs into his cheeks in his patented chipmunk eating style, I invite bros across the country to come together and recognize exactly what we are celebrating this 233rd anniversary of our Independence – true American Heroes. I really can’t stress how important this potential three-peat is not only in competitive eating circles, but also in the stabilization of our economy and maintenance of the freedom and liberty we Americans enjoy. And I don’t want to hear any of you bro-haters out there saying that the soldiers overseas are the real heroes – I doubt they could even eat 10 hot dogs much less 66!
God Bless you Joey Chestnut. You truly are a bro among men.