Tuesday, June 30, 2009

#41 Joey Chestnut

Every generation in American history has that one moment where people can tell you exactly where they were. Our grandparents quickly recall the pride they felt to be an American the day soldiers stormed the beach at Normandy. Our parents remember huddling around their black and white TV set in order to watch Neil Armstrong walk on the moon. Bros have also experienced this overwhelming sense of pride to be an American. July 4, 2007. A day that will live in infamy. Obviously, I’m referring to the day Joey Chestnut ate 66 hot dogs to finally take down Kobayashi and return the Mustard Belt to where it belongs – the USA.

Bros everywhere remember exactly where they were when this went down. I was sitting on my couch at the Brotel with all my bros. There was something special in the air that day. Some say it was the lingering smell of the vomit on our couch from the night before, but I contend that it was our newfound patriotism. In perhaps the greatest victory over Japan since we nuked the shit out of them and that whole internment camp thing, American bros everywhere united. As the clock counted down and Chestnut’s unbelievable Cinderella story came to life, there was a steady chant all throughout my neighborhood – “U-S-A! U-S-A!” By the end of the magical run, bros were out on the street high-fiving one another. All my bros made a dog pile in our living room – we had done it! When we went out that night to get our fucked up on, we were hugging strangers and leading cheers of “Jo-ey Chest-nut!!” As our resident big guy puts it – “I don’t throw around the word hero too often, but there really is no other term to describe Joey Chestnut.”

This weekend, as Joey “Jaws” Chestnut shoves those hot dogs into his cheeks in his patented chipmunk eating style, I invite bros across the country to come together and recognize exactly what we are celebrating this 233rd anniversary of our Independence – true American Heroes. I really can’t stress how important this potential three-peat is not only in competitive eating circles, but also in the stabilization of our economy and maintenance of the freedom and liberty we Americans enjoy. And I don’t want to hear any of you bro-haters out there saying that the soldiers overseas are the real heroes – I doubt they could even eat 10 hot dogs much less 66!

God Bless you Joey Chestnut. You truly are a bro among men.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Weak Bro. You are stretching too far on this one. You better bring it tomorrow, you got some redeeming to do.

Ned's Younger Brother said...

I better bring it tomorrow or what? You'll stop reading this shit for free? You should have been a third trimester abortion.

Luke the Duke said...

Joey Chestnut is a legend. He is a one man Dream Team.

Anonymous said...

great post neds younger brother, bro-haters just dont go get it

Cross said...

My fellow bros, true American heros like this only come along once in a lifetime. I put Joey right up there with the firefighters who died in the Twin Towers on 911. They made the ultimate sacrifice in name of American patriotism. In their case, their lives, in Joey's case, his stomach. We are blessed to have bros like these that once in a lifetime remind us of the American Dream and why our founding fathers left those British bro-haters with their gay tea-time, bad teeth, and stupid red coats in the first place.

Josh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Josh said...

"this is the greatest moment in the history of american sports" -espn

Anonymous said...

NYB, you are not a bro.

Anonymous said...

Cross, you are clearly not from NY. hope that was a joke

Anonymous said...

I once ate 79 16oz. steaks in 15 minutes. I'm completely serious. It was awesome.

Cross said...

Nope, not from NY, I am from America's Armpit; Cleveland.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous #1- You obviously have never had any brole models because you can not appreciate the sanctity of a true legend. Stop being a bro hater

Dr. Quinn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Quinn said...

Bro's who lay pipe to their main smash piece doggy style while eating food off the small of their back shall be named Bro-King.

Anonymous said...

NYB - you need to look up the meaning of the word "infamy."

Broseidon Lord of the Brocean said...

Ok Bros and bro-haters alike listen up. There can be multiple types of heroes. Joey chestnut is not a hero in the way that 911 firefighters or marines in Iraq are heroes, he is a legendary hero, like Aron Ralston (if you don't know who he is you're not a bro, look him up on wikipedia). I hope that clears that up.

Next, anyone who cant take a joke is not a bro, nothing is sacred. Also, retarded exaggerations are not funny (79 lbs of steak? please go play in traffic)

Finally, NYB you are a true bro, but the word you're looking for is brofamy not infamy.

jorge brosada said...

all you anonymous faggots, shut the fuck up you bro haters, if you havent noticed this site wasnt made for people with wide vaginas. show some respect for a bro king

The Bra-ssassin said...

Clearly we digress from the point anonymous users. Joey Chestnut is a bro-king.

bogus said...

Chestnut should be considered a god damn founding father. when he broke his record this year me and my bros hopped in the car and drunk drove to get some dogs in his honor.

kurt BRObain said...

joey chestnut is obviously a bro king. there is no question about that, but fuck u Cross the firefighters and yes even cops who died in the twins towers are on a completely different level than his BROliness joey chestnut.

Anonymous said...

Pat Bertoletti is 1000 times more awesome. DEEP DISH!

Anonymous said...

Today I drank with Joey Chestnut. I was promised a hot dog eating contest, but he was such a bro that he didn't join the contest just because he was throwin back pitchers of beer. He got hammered and fucked a local slut that goes to my school. Bros are the shit.

Anonymous said...

I remember exactly where I was... at Coney Island watching history in the live. Bros love Nathan's Hotdogs and American Heroes

Danny said...

I was just watching ESPN with Colin Heard on it, and they had the bro-king Joey Chestnut. The female host asks him if chicks dig this after he was done munching a few dogs. Chestnut replies: "Chicks dig winners."

A few moments later Colin asks him "Why do you do this, wet hot dog buns are terrible"
Chestnut replies: "I do it for America."

USA, USA, USA!

Browen said...

I was sitting on my basement couch with all my bros. We obviously were showing our patriotism by boiling our own hotdogs and eating them as we watched Joey bring the title home. Great day in the history of the USA.

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