Wednesday, May 26, 2010

#120 Icing Bros

Today has fucking sucked. Not only are you hungover as shit from spanking Franzia bladders all night, but you didn’t even get laid last night. Apparently the girl you were going to bang didn’t really like it when you chugged half the box of wine and proceeded to #48 violently throw up all over her designer purse. You tried to convince her she could just shove her money down her cleavage like a stripper, but the fucking bitch just stormed off – probably to go buy some tampons or something. If that wasn’t bad enough, your Mom keeps calling you to make sure you are coming to your Grandmother’s wake tonight. You try to explain to her that after last night’s kamikaze-cockblock you are in no shape to be viewing any dead bodies. She reminds you that you’ll find out what type of inheritance you’re getting so you reluctantly agree to go.

After spending most of the service trying to figure out if this hot blond chick in the third row is your cousin, you spot a familiar face in the back. It’s your bro Rich. You whip out your iPhone and text him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Just paying my respects, bro,” he quickly replies.

You think nothing of it and get back to what you really came to do: eye-fuck girls that you might be related to. As the ceremony concludes and a line forms to view the body, you slowly make your way down the aisle. When it’s your turn, you kneel down and open your eyes, but Granny’s wrinkly old face has some company. Lying next to her head is a red-capped bottle full of white liquid and a note reading, “Ice In Peace, bitch.” Fucking Rich. You’ve just been iced.

Sure it’s your Grandmother’s wake but rules are rules – it’s time to take your fucking medicine. You grab the bottle, raise it in the air right in front of the coffin as your entire stunned family looks on. “This one’s for you Granny!” you scream as you drop to one knee. As Rich tears up the the aisle, laughing hysterically, all your bros who were hiding in the confessionals storm the casket #13 high fiving, chestbumping, and #4 chanting “You Got Iced!” At first you think everyone is in on it, but at second glance, Granny is definitely dead and your entire family is shaking their heads in slow disappointment. Fuck those bro-haters – if they didn’t want to see you chug a Smirnoff Ice on one knee in front of your dead Grandmother, then they shouldn’t have forced you to come. After all, you’re a bro – and you fucking love icing bros.

I don’t really know how this phenomenon came to sweep our country, but bros fucking love it. With the possible exception of ordering a drink just because “the girls were drinking it on Sex and the City,” Bros realize there is nothing less bro than drinking a Smirnoff Ice. Therefore, forcing your bro to drink an Ice is by far the ultimate insult. Adding to this insult is the fact that according to sacred bylaws, the Smirnoff Ice must be consumed while on a single knee aka “handicapped slam piece formation.” Bros can fight back though. By having an Ice on hand at all times, you can deflect the attack and force the Icer to become the motherfucking Icee.

Sure it’s fun as shit to force your bro to chug a drink normally used to provide teenage girls with the courage to give it up, but that’s not the point of Icing. Icing is fucking warfare. You need to hit your bros at the time they least suspect it in the place they least suspect it. Your bro about to take a final exam? Boom – Ice that bro. He in the middle off a Marathon? Ice his ass. Is he on his way to a court-ordered Alcohol class? You better fucking believe he’s getting Iced. Since bros are the smartest people on the planet, you fucking know they come up with some crazy ass places to Ice their bros.

Throughout the history of time, there have been certain social trends and ideals that when you hear of them, you laugh to yourself wondering how anyone could ever think they would work. Prime examples of this include Prohibition, monogamy, and that whole Women’s Rights Movement. But every once in awhile a cause comes along – a cause that gives people hope. I give you Icing - something that we can all finally believe in. Let’s Ice this fucking summer, bros.

71 comments:

Anonymous said...

Funny post dude. I have been calling out Smirnoff ices since day one.

Joshua 1:8 said...

alright dats my type of fucking summer activity and I want a piece of that immediately

Brodie Merrill said...

Great post but expected something about 120 for the 120th post

John Browright said...

Fucking classic. One of my buddies is #107 Studying Abroad in Europe, and last week we sent him an ice in the mail. Can't wait for that package to arrive.

BroHard,BroOften said...

Ever since the discover of this sport of kings me and bros have been on the hunt. The best was a few weeks ago i was helping my bro move, when i handed him a box and asked what was inside. His family looked on in shamed as i laughed hysterically

Effmanny, King of All Bros said...

It’s always a roll of the dice.
When a BRO doesn’t have an ICE.
As the only thing that will suffice.
Is to make him pound one twice.
And that never tastes nice.

Boom

Brobocop said...

Well done. One of your better efforts.

BROshon Moreno said...

Just learned about Icing about a week ago. Probably one of the greatest ideas bros have ever had. Definitely my new favorite pasttime.

JimBro Fisher said...

Fucking epic NYB.
Icing is the shit, and if this is anyone's introduction to the phenomenon, it's time to step up your broness. Join the craze, it's like playing SacTap in 8th grade; nobody wants to get hit in the nuts (Iced) but everyone is down to bring a fellow bro to his knees for the amusement of other bros.

The funny little Indian dude at the Chevron told me and some bros that he's been ordering Smirnoff Ice like crazy for the past couple months. Not only are we the smartest people in the world, we stimulate the fucking economy too. Bro hard, Bro often

Anonymous said...

Anyone else feel that Icing is starting to become way too mainstream? I've seen chicks do it. I've seen some serious bro posers do it. It's just way too easy. You want bro? Shotgun a goddamn Fosters. You won't see any fuckin sluts tryin that. We are the fucking elite. The shit that we do can't be done by others. Take the running of the urinals at the Preakness for example. You won't see some fuckin posers or some broads attempting that shit. In the end this is simply my opinion. I'm not ragging on bros, just commenting on the overuse of icing by non-bros.

Anonymous said...

This is where icing was first introduced to the masses on the internet:

http://www.brobible.com/story/130439

Brothanial Pierce said...

My Bro's got a court date coming up. Who's getting iced outside the courthouse? Damn right, he is.

Anonymous said...

some bro at hobart tried to ice the president of hobart during graduation. this kid's a fucking legend.

here is a link to the pics
http://www.brobible.com/story/13158041/exclusive-photos-bro-ices-hobart-president-mark-gearan-during-graduation

Menstinct said...

What's more bro than forcing a bro to do something non-bro in front of other bros? Answer:absbrolutely nothing.

Bromeo and Juliet (slampiece) said...

BLTS comes out with the story the same day as CNN money. I'd just like to say that "NYB in the most trusted name in Bros"

http://money.cnn.com/2010/05/26/news/companies/bros_icing_bros.fortune/index.htm

Also, there is a game for slampieces which involves a bro favorite

http://encyclopediabrotannica.blogspot.com/2010/05/hoes-weising-hoes.html

Tommy Pickles said...

This weekend I pulled off a successful ice block at a party. My bro had already iced me twice and thought he was gonna get a sick reaction from the crowd at the party by making everyone shut the fuck up and watch him ice me for the third time in ten minutes, but BOOM. ICE BLOCKED BITCH. Fist pounds left and right, not to mention slamps basically drowning in their own wetness.

Double Bro 7 said...

I first iced a bro at a golf tournament paid for by our parents. I gave the slampiece/cartgirl the ice and instructed her, which was hard because of her stupidity, on how to present it to him. He pounded the ice at 8:45 in front of his bro King dad who nodded in approval. He retaliated by mailing me an ice disguised in a frat package. Nothing like an 80 degree bottled cocktail.

Licensed to Bro

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't it be better to use Natty Ice or BEST Ice and make the Icee shotgun it instead?

This is an insanely stupid marketing scheme which attempts to force bros to purchase a woman's pms period drink. Participating in this pathetic marketing stunt not only makes one automatically inferior to any man, but should be “excommunicated” himself. Moreover, one's sheer stupidity and ignorance about all that is manly will be clearly illustrated. Anyone who has participated in this event is automatically Smirnoff’s bitch. They are laughing all the way to the bank, while wannabe bros consume their rebottled cat piss. Furthermore, Smirnoff’s defense to “excommunicate bros” reinforces the fact Smirnoff is for 40yeardold women who are going through menopause because any true bro would laugh, pull out a Natty Ice, and shotgun it. If youre going to make someone drink, do it the right way. Use 50cent Natty Ices instead of $4 prepubescent anal juice.

JeanBROnet Ramsey said...

Fuck off anonymous.

Bros drink that shit normally, would completely ruin the point.

Anonymous said...

I've known Hobart's president since I was about 2, and although he didn't pound that 40 ice on the stage, you'd better believe the caption speaks the truth when it suggests he chugged it after the ceremony.

Anonymous said...

Hey Anonymous^^,
obviously you're a fucking bro-hater hipster faggot. we shouldn't have to go over details as to how pathetic you are or how much we would ice the shit out of you on your death bed blah blah.

Let's analyze your statements.
-It's a marketing scheme??? Why don't we see how Smirnoff feels about that. http://money.cnn.com/2010/05/26/news/companies/bros_icing_bros.fortune/index.htm. Fucking queer. If it were a marketing scheme, people like you would die after like 2 icings and your bro-hater parents who gave u weak and useless genes would try to blame it on something else

-Rebottled cat piss? fucking bro move to make other bros drink that. Dont fucking argue if you're missing the point. Stick to your half can of paps blue ribbon binge and your LOL's when another hipster tells you to finish it

-"any true bro would laugh, pull out a natty ice, and shotgun it" Another misunderstanding from clearly a bro-hater point of view. How the fuck is it a punishment to do what 1) bros do every night 2) what bros love to do and 3) what You say is a punishment ???

-"use 50 cent natty ices instead of 4$ prepubescent anal juice".... aren't you one of those liberal faggots who thinks they know how to fix the economy? Here's some news, bros are rich as fuck. And what better for the economy than to share the wealth for an actual GOOD cause.

REMEMBER, it's a fucking bro's world and you're just living it it. Now excuse me while I watch the Celtics

Anonymous said...

Bros don't buy garbage like smirnoff, Bros steal it.

Broregon Duck AKA Legarrette BROunt said...

Anonymous above me, dude you obviously missed the whole point of the fucking game. Bros don't have to trick other bros into pounding beer because they're obviously already like ten beers deep at any given time, the point is that smirnoff ice fucking sucks to drink. Because you're an idiot you obviously cannot be a bro, so why don't you go ahead and head over to sexandthecity.come, which will probably be more your speed.

Anonymous said...

My bro was puking all night, against rule 47.

What'd we do?

Put an ice in the toilet. Fucked him up real good.

C-3PBro said...

NYB...great fucking post again. Bro icing is just about the greatest thing since the murder pill. Nothin' like icing a bro during an exam, just legendary.

Anonymous said...

Icing is making its way to Wall Street: http://dealbreaker.com/2010/05/goldman-sachs-not-only-wall-street-firm-to-get-in-on-icing-phenom/

BROnan the Barbarian said...

Smirnoff is is funny as shit, but its game over if you Bud Select 55 some bro.

BROnan the Barbarian said...

Bud Select 55 some bro and its game over.

Scott BROsius said...

Anonymous in the comment before me: thank you for the Introduction to Marketing class lesson about smirnoff, and for telling us what the bro thing to do is. shotgunning natty ice would not be a good "icing" game because it is usually what bros do on a given party night. smirnoff is a pretty gay drink, so why not shame your bros and have some fun with the game? whoever does not understand this game needs to stop thinking so far into it. the smirnoff is a joke and will not replace the kegs that grace our parties. also, any bro with money to drop will know you cannot put a price on a good laugh. who cares how much it costs because obviously you won't be doing it every single day anyway.

NYB, great post.

Anonymous said...

Me and my bros have been in an intense icing war for the last 4 months. As the school year closed out, everyone knew there was one remaining Ice hiding in the apartment. On the final day, as my bro was packing up his final things, and getting ready to drive home with his parents and grandparents, he took down the American flag hanging in our living room. And behind it hiding for well over a month, was the final Ice taped to the wall. Bro slammed that bitch in front of his family and then drove home. Fucking love this shit.

$Big-Easy$ said...

Great post NYB. Nothing better than making your bros drink shit normally reserved for prepubescents and slampieces in front of everyone! Beware the retaliation though. I got iced back yesterday hardcore. My bro left an ice on the dash of my black SUV. Needless to say it sat there all day til I left at 3 to get Waffle House. Dude it was 90 degrees outside that shit was disgusting. My recourse: Ice bomb in the toilet after a good beer shit.

Anonymous said...

Bummed I graduated...this would have made for years of fun.

Anonymous said...

epic post nyb, I am going to start icing the shit out of all my bros. At the bar I work at, when a bro is acting like a bitch (not raging and finding himself a 'gine box) we play a game I invented called chug the martini, and you better believe its the most sugar filled fruity drink on the planet.

Anonymous said...

Anyone who thinks this isnt bro should consider this fact. Non bros who take part in this are making it acceptable to be a bro in a normally bro-hating society. I saw a video of a cop, thats right, the biggest bro-hater of all, icing a bro. Outdoors in public no less.

We have a revolution on our hands bros

Anonymous said...

Important question about icing:

If the ice is left in an inconspicuous location, ie glovebox, fedex box, etc, and you have an ice on you ready to block it, how does that work since the bro who initially iced is not present. My bros and I have gotten in heated arguments about this and need more opinions.

Jim "BROnes" MacKay said...

My bro has his bachelor party (bro suicide, i know) in Atlantic City last night, after we got like 4 strippers to suck his dick, we sent in a 5th stripper with an Ice sandwiched between her tits. You better believe he got on one knee in front of the stripper pole and polished that bitch off.

Bros are the shit.

Greg BROstertag said...

went in the gas station to get some smokes the other night and came back with a 24 ouncer to ice my bro, made it twice as good.

dan kocen said...

formal this weekend, one of our alumni brought a 30pack of the cheer beer to ice bros and slampieces with, fucking epic when he iced the hotel owner, a cop and some random polish guy at our hotel all in one night. Bros are the shit

Anonymous said...

why no posts on the stanley cup finals? hockey players are the most bro of professional athletes and that is a fact

Kobe BROyant said...

It's my bro's birthday tonite. His father is a congressman. I'm going to show up to dinner tonite with a 40 of Smi Ice and punk his ass.

Paul BRO'Neil said...

NYB, another solid post, but you got to write a bro summer post. It's just got to happen

brostradamus said...

lol i just heard about this the other day before you made this post and yeah im starting it will my friends. agreed with paul BRO'neil also there need to be a post about the life changing phenomenon called facebook and how ever bro and bro king know how to dominate facechat plus theres nothing hear about slamming milfs all bro kings have taken a milf down

Anonymous said...

me and some bros had a cookout for memorial day. after slammin nattys all day we of course got into some foosball. cause we're bros and we love gambling, money was on the line. to end out a best of three series, two bros surrendered their blockers. losing team not only lost their money, but had to do the Ice as well.

BROshon Moreno said...

To the Anonymous who was bummed about graduating,

Keep your head up, Bro! Just as the punishment of icing gets worse as the Ice warms up, icing your buddies only gets better with age. Icing your recently graduated buddies in the office? Bro! Icing a middle aged buddy while he's out to dinner with his wife and kids? Even more bro! Icing your grandson while you're out fishing and supposed to be sharing life's wisdom with him? Probably the bro-est thing you can do. There's no age-limit on sharing a laugh. That just got deep.

leBROn james said...

I just came back from a long weekend out of town where I slayed two solid slam pieces and iced the shit out of some bros.

In a couple weeks an old bro of mine is getting married, and guess what's gonna be waiting for him when he gets to the altar? A fucking Ice, that's what. If he's gonna do a bro hater thing like getting married, you best believe he's gonna have to chug a bro hater drink in front of 200 people. The best part is it's a good test of the slam piece he's settling down with. I don't know her all that well so we'll see if she laughs about it or freaks the fuck out and yells at me for ruining her wedding. If it's the latter, then he'll probably thank me for stopping him from marrying such a bro hater. Bros are the shit.

Smack A Hoe Err Day said...

I iced my bro during his 5k two days ago. That shit was dank as hell too in my car for 3 hours. Got that bitch good. I found this blog on bros in the Midwest. I go to Mizzou so I can vouch that there's good shit out here. Here's the link. This fucker's no NYB but he's pretty funny.

http://brofieldguide.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Brosicingbros.com

BroKing Ernie Harwell said...

Fuck you Jim Joyce you Yosemite Sam-wannabe piece of shit.

-Detroit Tigers and baseball fans everywhere

The MaddHater said...

Lax Bros are the biggest sports bros of all time. Don't fuck with us.

Anonymous said...

Bros Icing Bros is a pandemic. I was iced while tying up a boat on a gas dock in the Lake of the Ozarks by a bunch of Bros from KU. Needless to say they werent very crafty but I did drop to a knee and chug.

Anonymous said...

walked into jewel today to buy a six pack to ice some bros before today. one sixpack of smirnoff ice mango remained. asked the guy at the liquor counter why and he said he has to order new shipments almost every day now. bros icing bros is taking the world by storm. bro on

alanarene said...

Welcome to the Ice Age, bitches.

Zacg said...

Bros Bros Bros, I have an urgent question. The other day my bros and I were doing some serious icing, with some double icing involved. However, this part gets tricky bear with me, my one bro Sal iced my other bro Ted, Ted then countericed with his own ice, Sal, being the smart bro that he is, knew that Ted would try to counterice him then re-countericed with a second ice that he was carrying. We insisted that my one bro Ted have to chug all three on one knee, but he pitched a bitch fit and refused, claiming no one knew if that was even possible, which we didnt. Does anyone know the rules for such an occurrence? We asked around and no one knew

Anonymous said...

Enough with these games and contests where bros get Iced if they lose, you have to hide that shit, bro. Pillows, Hot Tubs, some beat slampieces canal-like pussy that some bro is gna for sure settle for later in the evening. Point is get creative, and be fuckin sneaky. I stepped on the gas to drive home the other day, the pettle was jammed...With a smirnoff ICE. I don't recommend that one but you get the idea. Be a ninja with your Ices and think about who is going to be present when they find the well placed Ice. Fuckin' mail one to your bro, bro.

Anonymous said...

http://video.foxnews.com/v/4237840/dont-ice-me-bro?playlist_id=86856

Even Fox News has taken notice to Bro's Icing other Bro's.

Anonymous said...

At my school, we had Coolio during graduation week. We iced him on camera, good shit, check it out: www.brosicingbros.com (celebrity ices)

Anonymous said...

RIP BrosIcingBros.com

Bromerican said...

I can't think of a less-bro thing to do than icing. Hear me out on this. Imagine the scenario described above. A bro walks into a liquor store for the sole purpose of buying Smirnoff Ice rather than the appropriate Natty Lite? Adding to this alternate universe scenario, you're telling me this isn't just one braindead bro, but a whole community of bros doing this? Since when did we move from a time where bros dominated in all their glory of whiskey-drinking to a time where we got drunk of Smirnoff Ice's designed to get teenage girls drunk. Am I the only one here who thinks this is incredibly backward? Bros, stand up for what you know is right. Fuck icing and all its variations. Give me a beer and tell me I have to chug it, I'll gladly take a knee. But don't send me back to Middle School to drink that weak shit, because we're better than that. We're fucking bros.

Anonymous said...

Bros icing bros made it on nightline,
the guy who was interviewed was definitely not a bro

http://www.mediaite.com/online/now-nightline-profiles-bros-icing-bros-phenomenon-sets-icing-back-years/

Anonymous said...

icing sucks now. it had a good run for about 2 weeks, but now all i ever see are bro-wannabe nerds icing other nerds. it makes me sick.

Anonymous said...

So I was having sex with my gf until I led her hand under the pillow behind her and....BOOOOM! ICED!!!!

Anonymous said...

me and my bro went to my granny's house for christmas he opens his last present. fucking iced. thats right in front of grandma she got pissed and left. we slammed some beers then fucking drove to the club.

Bobby BroNilla said...

The other night me and my bros got the bartender to ice a bunch of Brosers. They looked at the ice and didnt know what to do. Fucking nancys.

Anonymous said...

i just mailed an ice and camera across international borders to ice my bro. hes not gonna know what hit him.

this post is an instant classic NYB.

KimBRO Slice said...

hahaha

im about to leave my bro a nice warm ice in his mailbox.

Broseph Goebbels said...

So my buddy Paul Bro-Neal was coming down from NY on the train to bro-out for a solid weekend. Needless to say the moment he opened the door to crawl in the car - Boom: ice coyly waiting for him in the cup holder. It was beautiful, Paul Bro-Neal assumed the position as the entire trainload of tourists and passengers flooded the platform. He took it down like a pro, then proceeded to highfive a random passenger that commented, "that was awesome Bro".

Anonymous said...

While playing FiFa10 high 2 bros enter room arguing over pizza box with a slice left so naturally I get in on the argument. The "slice" goes to me after much yelling from bro #2 who wants the "slice". upon recieving verbal confirmation the "slice" was mine, I grabbed the box and low and behold a grape ice...and down on one knee I went and chugged that shit.

Retaliation was mine the next night at a bar tab. Snuck ices into the bar and gave them to the bartender to get Bro #2 when he went to get a drink (worked beautifully) and one went to my chawty who cleverly stuck it in bro #1's hand when he stuck his out to meet her.

Brohann Sebastian Bach said...

So my bro started a new job today for the first time in almost 2 years. A big deal in the city where he had to be up at 5:30am, so how do I celebrate for him? Icing his ass at 5:40am.

He refuses to, says he can't and that he's out of the game now. Then he has the sheer balls to text me saying "I ruined icing, it's a sad day for partying".. Last I checked I wasn't the one who refused.. This is fucking WAR.

Guy had a job for 10 mins and turned into a bro-hater. Bro status: Brovoked.

brocode said...

lol so i was fukin makin hardcore on these two sluts and they were diggin me fuckin superhard i could feel their rays beeming of of them they needed a slay. so im at the bar (not bying drinks but my own) and the fukin bartender comes and says 'youve been iced' these sluts starts laughing while im pounding and i finish get up and start chatting again, no more than a fucking brominute later the bartender pokes me and says ' youve been iced' ... after this is had a total fuckin blackout after the 16 odd cold shots b4 the bar ... i woe up and we went to boston pizza and my buddy was bragging about how hes never been iced. so i snuck the fuck in and orderd him an ice ...were in the middle of the fucking restaurant jam packed on a sunday and he gets down on a knee a pounds it. these families, sluts, childrn are all watching in shock ... id say pretty bro-epic!

Anonymous said...

Had the perfect icing situation this weekend. The ideal mix of a surprise reveal and a completely inappropriate drinking situation.
We're at this party and the cops are busting it up, so me, my bros, and 10-20 other people end up in the tiny basement. We're all huddled together in the pitch black trying not to make any noise as the cops search the house. We're basically like the jews at the start of inglourious basterds.
As luck would have it, I'd had an ice in my back pocket for half the night waiting for the perfect opportunity. I tell my bro to hold it and because its pitch black he can't see what it is. I pull out my phone and shine its light down on that luke-warm sugary bitch brew already in his hand.
He drops to one knee and chugs it by the light of cell phones as we all whisper what a fag he is.

Bro said...

I have just seen the work of a bro-king...this guy ices Coolio on stage at a concert after he finishes rapping one of the all time most gangster songs ever made: Gangster's Paradise.

Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=1cErlHd-YyE

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