You're standing at the bar waiting to get a drink. This bartender fucking sucks and it seems like you have been there forever. You are a bro and this shit doesn't fly. Thats when the fat bitch ducks in front of you trying to get service. Bad fucking move. At first you are polite and simply tell her to "take her fat heffer ass outback to eat some fucking grass." She snaps her head back to let you know that you are an asshole. Finally - two way communication. You reach for you big guns because you know she is close.
"How proud were your parents," you ask her.
"Proud about what you fucking douchebag?"
"Proud that their daughter won first prize for fattest pig at the fair?"
Boom - here come the waterworks. You have done your job as a bro. She is now crying uncontrollably. If there is one thing we have learned over these past few months its that bros don't take shit from anyone - especially girls. Bros love putting girls in their place as we saw in #3 Calling Girls Sluts and #28 Giving Girls Nicknames, but those two are mostly done behind girls backs. By making girls cry, you are doing the honorable thing by completely devastating them to their face.
My bros are amazing at this. All bro-haters reading this who plan on writing comments about how big of assholes me and my bros are, please leave right now, because you are not going to like what you are about to hear. There's your warning. This particular story happened at my bro's parents beach house prior to Junior year. We were all there 15 bros and a couple random slam pieces packed into a small condo just getting absolutely destroyed all week. This was also the first time I met Barry Bonds, my bros' bro from Fordham. He does not respect women. Anyways, we met a couple slam pieces who were staying in the same condo but they hadn't one major character flaw - they wouldn't put out. Barry Bonds did not like this one bit. He had already gotten into verbal altercations with one of them (Beach Slut) but this wasn't working - she hadn't started crying. So he had to step up his game. Now, we are bros so we are really smart and like to play games. One of the games we were playing that week was "Try to overflow the toilet with shit and piss." We were getting close to winning. This is when Barry Bonds called me and Ginger Bro into the bathroom. He then proceeded to fill up half a solo cup with "shitty pissy water." I really had no idea what he was thinking, but I knew it was going to be good. He then filled up the rest with beer and stopped everyone to make an announcement to the two slampieces - "I just want to bury the hatchet! I'm sorry for treating you so terribly, here I poured you a fresh beer!" As we all took pictures with her cheersing our cups and laughing hysterically she drank up. About a half hour went by until she and Barry got into another fight, at this point he decided he needed to see tears. "You remember that shitty pissy water from the toilet?? Yeah that was in your fucking beer!" Jackpot. In all my days of offending women, I have never seen the look of sheer hatred on a person's face. She rushed after Barry who retreated to a bedroom. She made a pit stop at the kitchen, bawling crying and got a knife. She was going to try to kill him. After trying to get into the bedroom unsuccessfully she went outside and broke the window. Still trying to stab him to death. Thankfully for bros everywhere, she was unsuccessful. She called the cops on us, but we're bros so we're immune to law enforcement. Also, you would think that if something like that happend to you, you would never want to be seen by the people who did it again, right? No - she fucked our Big Guy the next day. God that was an amazing trip.