You're standing at the bar waiting to get a drink. This bartender fucking sucks and it seems like you have been there forever. You are a bro and this shit doesn't fly. Thats when the fat bitch ducks in front of you trying to get service. Bad fucking move. At first you are polite and simply tell her to "take her fat heffer ass outback to eat some fucking grass." She snaps her head back to let you know that you are an asshole. Finally - two way communication. You reach for you big guns because you know she is close.
"How proud were your parents," you ask her.
"Proud about what you fucking douchebag?"
"Proud that their daughter won first prize for fattest pig at the fair?"
Boom - here come the waterworks. You have done your job as a bro. She is now crying uncontrollably. If there is one thing we have learned over these past few months its that bros don't take shit from anyone - especially girls. Bros love putting girls in their place as we saw in #3 Calling Girls Sluts and #28 Giving Girls Nicknames, but those two are mostly done behind girls backs. By making girls cry, you are doing the honorable thing by completely devastating them to their face.
My bros are amazing at this. All bro-haters reading this who plan on writing comments about how big of assholes me and my bros are, please leave right now, because you are not going to like what you are about to hear. There's your warning. This particular story happened at my bro's parents beach house prior to Junior year. We were all there 15 bros and a couple random slam pieces packed into a small condo just getting absolutely destroyed all week. This was also the first time I met Barry Bonds, my bros' bro from Fordham. He does not respect women. Anyways, we met a couple slam pieces who were staying in the same condo but they hadn't one major character flaw - they wouldn't put out. Barry Bonds did not like this one bit. He had already gotten into verbal altercations with one of them (Beach Slut) but this wasn't working - she hadn't started crying. So he had to step up his game. Now, we are bros so we are really smart and like to play games. One of the games we were playing that week was "Try to overflow the toilet with shit and piss." We were getting close to winning. This is when Barry Bonds called me and Ginger Bro into the bathroom. He then proceeded to fill up half a solo cup with "shitty pissy water." I really had no idea what he was thinking, but I knew it was going to be good. He then filled up the rest with beer and stopped everyone to make an announcement to the two slampieces - "I just want to bury the hatchet! I'm sorry for treating you so terribly, here I poured you a fresh beer!" As we all took pictures with her cheersing our cups and laughing hysterically she drank up. About a half hour went by until she and Barry got into another fight, at this point he decided he needed to see tears. "You remember that shitty pissy water from the toilet?? Yeah that was in your fucking beer!" Jackpot. In all my days of offending women, I have never seen the look of sheer hatred on a person's face. She rushed after Barry who retreated to a bedroom. She made a pit stop at the kitchen, bawling crying and got a knife. She was going to try to kill him. After trying to get into the bedroom unsuccessfully she went outside and broke the window. Still trying to stab him to death. Thankfully for bros everywhere, she was unsuccessful. She called the cops on us, but we're bros so we're immune to law enforcement. Also, you would think that if something like that happend to you, you would never want to be seen by the people who did it again, right? No - she fucked our Big Guy the next day. God that was an amazing trip.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
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42 comments:
talk about a case of lame dash o. jbro.
truley a bro, and I mean that in the most respectful way possible, these displays of brodiem are the cornerstone of the bro-foundation. I have been sharing the site for bro's who have yet to find it for themselves, i feel like Broses, parting the sea and showing people the light and shit.
Hell, in this day and age is there really anyone left who thinks you're an asshole just for making some dumb fatty cry?
I was at a bar in Virginia a week or two ago and accidentally made a chick cry. I merely pointed out that her bulimia was fucking failing, but she got all, "My sister had that, had to be hospitalized," blah blah, I wasn't listening. But she had to go up to the bartender and try to get me kicked out. Bartender was a bro, and kicked her fatass out instead, cause nobody needs to see that.
I mean, I am an asshole, but not cause I occasionally made Fatty McThunderstomache cry like a beached whale.
i like making girls cry
Hey, NYB were you too hung-over from the holiday weekend to make a post on Monday?
You are too funny! All these great bro strories reminds me of frat life for sure! Bro on bro! Hate on haters we hear ya and wont stop!
NYB-
Wow. I was waiting for something along these lines and my only addittion to this post was going to be that in order to become a Bro-King you must not only make a girl cry but also make her try to physically harm you, Barry Bonds did both. He is truly a Bro-King. I am also happy to see you did not write a post this weekend. I didn't know the internet existed I was so fucked up, let alone how to use a computer. Bros are the shit.
bitches rub em'... bros are the shit
Another Herbacious Story:
You say that you met a couple "slam pieces who were staying in the same condo". False, these were probably the girls you brought down there with you. Who cares if they put out or not, the fact is that you broke a major rule by bringing and hanging with a miserable group of girls on your trip.
Step your game up, any non-herb would have found some better girls to spend his time with. You made a JV move for sure.
The other part? Making a girl drink feces water? Sounds like a real bangin time! Maybe those chicks didn't wanna hook up with any of you because you were too busy soaking your croakies in the toilet before dipping them in your smirnoff ices.
Making girls cry? Maybe this was your junior year of high school. For me, hanging out with miserable girls while drinking poop water at the beach just doesnt sound like fun.
Stop Being Herbs,
Go Gators,
--The Herb Hater
I think we should deal with the herb hater fraternally...motion to ban him from ever posting on this site again? any seconds? all in favor?
I....motion to close!
I found the herb haters response very funny. i say we let him post whenever he wants because if it makes me laugh at work this sight has done its job.
one person i think we SHOULD ban in BENNY BOY. Get on your knees for NYB already!
love the site, keep it up
Yeah... No. Whatever works for you guys I guess, but that most certainly does not sound "fun". At all.
Okay, whats with all the non-bros posting? First of all, what the hell is a herb-hater? Are we still calling people herbs? I thought that ended in the sixth grade. But whatever man, you're obviously the lonely sports guy who wakes up early to call into Mike&Mike and babble about how you jerk off to Tim Tebow. And Tommy Cheeseballs? Did you seriously post as that guido loser because what, you admire his attempts at love or his ability to dominate a cheeseball stand in sleazeside? Get back in your freakin dumptruck and pick up my trash loser.
Screw these bro haters, bros are the shit.
Agree with Tommy Cheese, Benny obviously wants neds younger bro's nut. And to the anonymous above- relax, i believe you are taking this too much to heart because i am praying that this website is only just a very very funny joke
Faggot. Get a fucking life
no your a faggot!
biggest Bro group assembled: Brodeo on facebook, join and post bro pics
This post is sooo fuckin' disrespectful I'd no sooner turn into Kenneth Pinyan and die from blood loss through with colon.
I hope a horse named Bullzeye fucks you to death!
ive made a few girls cry in my day, but one time stands out in particular...
i was in college and had been smashing this dumb little sicilian broad for like a week or two - i soon got tired of her and did the only bro thing i could think of - stop calling her all together. anyways, i avoided her for another week or two (she actually saw me driving one night and decided to follow me home but was a few car lengths too slow and got the front door slammed in her face) but then unfortunately ran into her at a bro's pregame keg - well nedless to say, like any true bro, i was blacked out - BAD - and she came in, saw me, started talkin all kinds of shit in my face and even threw a few punches at me
well i fueled the fire by consistently taunting and degrading her in front of a good 15-20 people drinking this keg - after a few minutes of ducking, dodging and parrying her fists away, i remembered i was absolutely shit faced and eventually my defenses wore down - long story short, she basically kicked my ass ( i know, not a bro move) but i redeemed myself because the following weekend i saw her again, brought her back to my friends place, smashed the shit out of her on HIS bed, and in the middle of the whole fuck fest, a few of my fellow bros snuck into the unlocked room we were in and took the blanket off of us while we were doin the dirty - i was on top and didnt even so much as think about stopping, she was petrified, horrified, and completely embarassed to say the least - and then the icing on the cake, after i fucked her, she went to the bathroom, i went through her jeans pockets, stole her gram of weed and then took off without even saying a word!!! that'll teach that bitch to swing at a bro!!
oh yeah, grabbed her orange thong too, forgot to mention that - stealing is awesome
There was this one time where myself and fellow bros rolled deep to this party. When we arrived we saw the party full of dumb slam pieces and mass amounts of bro-haters. Me and my big guy signed up for Beer pong after we completely refused to pitch money to these bro-haters for beer. After about our 6th game we lost to the epitome of bro-hating douchey-ness. In our fury of bro rage in losing to Ham Doctor, we proceeded to go out to the balcony to piss, when the idea came up to pee in a beer can and leave it around for bro-haters to drink. We walked back in to the party and the bro-hater we lost to asked if i could grab him a beer for one last cup, to which I poured my pee beer into his cup. He didn't have to drink it to the last cup of the game because he lost, sure enough he downed it. Hilarity ensued and we left the party.
Making chicks cry right after sex is a true bro-call. Once had a buddy who got domed up by a girl, nutted in her mouth, then pulled some tic-tacs out of his pocket and threw her them and bounced. She holed up in his room crying while we were outside taking keg stands. She was forever known as tic-tac. love it
Making girls cry gives me a serious chub...espeacially when its in front of an entire party. I was once getting ready to break this bro-haters face when out of NO where his slut girlfriend stepped in a smacked me in the head. I then turned my attention to her proceeding to tell her to smack me one more time and i was going to "strip her naked, tie her to a light post out side and beat the shit out of her with a stick" I understand that was a bit dramatic but like the bro I am I was blackout drunk and she cried and ran out of the room, so essentially I complety a majority of my bro-tasks for the night in just those few moments... Her boyfriend then appologized to me and got me a beer from 1 of the kegs...bros are epic
I lol'd at the piss water
was partying at my bro's lake house and we all brought our own tail over. i got in a fight with this slut bag because she was trying to be smart. i told that dyke she was poor and flipped out and left with half the other girls. my slut stayed and i banged on a boat later that night
sick story telling skillz brocho!
How I managed never to hear of this site before, I have no idea.
This is fuckin' bro gold!
being a true bro.. made plenty of bra's cry and feel self concious all through highschool. if shes not gonna give me a bro-job im gonna put her in her place...
pouring beer in a girls face in a bar works, too. i made it rain on a bitch this weekend when she tried to act out.
I envy you bro!
Ok first off, if you think that making some walrus looking peice cry is a bad thing, you truly are not a bro. Of anything its the exact opposite by making a fat girl cry your giving back to the bro community. Last week me and my bros were slammin a few brews at this bar and right when i went up to do the bro thing and order another round for my bros some beached whale decided to get in my way and try ordering some bitchass margarita or some shit first. First thing i did was i gave her a look like bitch ive gota frizbee and am not afraid to use it, she didnt respond, of course i was not havin that so i looked straight in that bitches eyes and said "bitch i guess you beat annorexia huh?" bitch started crying and shit tried to have me thrown out and shit, luckily the owner was a bro and tossed that ugly peices ass out, no bro deserves to have to look at that while kickin it with his bros
I fucking hate alligators, and I fucking hate bro-haters a.k.a. that gershittytitsface herb non-bro. I do, however, love making whales cry. That's what this post is about.
herb-hater- how dare you fucking disgrace this ultamite bro-sesh. you are not a fucking bro. you are a fucking faggot. first off, you did not use the word bro in your posting ONCE. NOT ONCE. second, you like dick in your butthole. third, NYB's story sounds like a fucking awsome time and if i were there i would repeat it to every person i met for the rest of my life, bro, bra, and even fags like you. there is nothing srong with chilling with bras on a trip because you can either a) slay several slam-pieces or b) do amazingly funny shit like Barry Bonds did (who, by the way, sounds like a fucking awsome bro. bros are the shit). just because you're a virgin doesn't mean that you need to come up in here and make such a fool out of yourself.
herb-hater never comment anything bro ever again in your life. you probably are the slam-piece from this story.
on a better note, making bras brawl is a personal favorite. usually im a prety polite bro, but sometimes the fatties can't take a hint. I once reduced a girl to a blubbering heap on the floor by saying "hey, tubbs, I'm trying to breathe here!".
Herb-hater is not the shit. making girls cry is the shit. bros are the shit.
fuck bitches get money... thats all there is to it.
made me gag, but thats how i knew it was fucking bro....cause its smart as shit
One night some bros and I were out on the town in Austin. I saw an old slampiece who hates me these days. Like any bro would, I ignored her until she came up to me and started bitching me out for some shit... I wasn't listening. I gave her a good look up and down and asked "Did you gain weight"? She stormed off to the bathroom crying.
I was in Iraq this past year and I called a bro that was still back in the states. He asked if I remembered this slampiece I had before I left. Now, I couldn't recall since I was trying to pull as much ass as possible before going on a year long dry spell. So he started describing her to me. I was like, "ohh, the mexican dead lay". I asked him what about her and he said he just got done bangin her and all she did before that was hate on me. I said, "imagine that, some chick I fucked thinks I'm an asshole". Funny thing is is he had me on speaker phone so she was hearing all of this and started bawling her head off and my bro about died laughing!
Fuck yeah, I love making bitches cry. You better believe it when I go out, I have to make one girl cry or atleast bitch to the other bras that I'm a dick. I'll still get slam from them too
Last night a Bro and I went out to this bar. We walked in and, of course, we were the best looking dudes there. 90% of the bras there would usually be the ones you settle for at the end of the night. 9% of what was left were so bad I wouldn't even consider as an option.
As my bro and I picked a spot to stand and do the chat-n-scan for bras I see one. Great tits this girl had. And that's when this old hideous marmadoof comes up to my bro and says that that hot chick with great tits thought he was hot. It turns out the hideous boogawoof with the monster mullet is this girl's mom. I automatically did what any bro would do to help his buddy get some dick dungeon.... keep the protective mom busy and out of the bros way.
During this time she was pissing me off by making comments on who the fuck knows what, but they would directed towards me and my bro. I told her she didnt want me to get started on a battle of wits and banter because I would have her wanting to kill herself within 10 minutes. I had to walk away in fear of ruining my bros efforts to make this bra a slampiece.
The mother comes up to me again and says "you better keep these 2 guys away from me or I'll kick your ass". I had had enough. I replied... "Listen bitch, that shits not my fuckin responsibility! You need to handle your own fuckin business! And it's not even possible that this guy want's your fat ass in the first place"! She lost her shit and started bawling and took her daughter to the bathroom for moral support I guess.
"Me never believe in marriage that much...marriage is a trap to control me; woman is a coward. Man strong"
- Bob Marley
fuck hoes.. its a great day to be a bro
This is fucking ridiculous Bro...im actually disgusted that there are people like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU BROS living on this earth. Wow, you made someone cry awesome because your an asshole-cool? I hope that you actually grow the fuck up,and can have some sort of epiphany on what kind of life you have been living (let me tell you, youll realize its super super super insignificant one at this point)! But probably since all you do is getting fucking wasted and make girls cry (by using your feces-super bro dude (asshole)) your brain is going to stagnate at being this immature little bro.Which will totally suck cause youll end up with no life, or just be that creepy middle age guy trying to hit drunk younger women way out of your nasty league, but hey im sure that be also fucking awesome for you bros. I hope when your older and (hopefully) matured past your frat boy days you realize how much of an asshole you are. Just because your too stupid, ugly, or have no personality doesnt make it ok to physically make some cry and doubt there image. Just because women dont want you doesnt mean you need to treat them like shit, but im sure your used to being turned down. If you dont like how someone looks then just ignore them, cause im sure thats what everyone has to do when they are around asshole like you. To all you bros out there, you need to fucking shape up, because the only woman your ever going to get, most likely cause their wasted, will give you a lovely STD, because any real woman would dump your ass and hopefully make your stupid dumb douchey asshole cry.
peace bros
you know whats fun? scaring girls and making them cry because they dont get your crazy shit.
find a bra who looks a bit shy.. find out her name with out her knowing, write it on a condom, then throw it at her and say "this condom has your name written all over it"
faces are priceless. good fucking times.
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