Though there are many divides between bros and bras, there is one difference that stands out. Much like they spend their entire life trying to conceal their nipples from others, bras constantly try to convince everyone that they don’t take dumps. Honestly, you would never know that bras drop deuces if you didn’t read about it in Bio class growing up. The fact that they have to sit down to pee also works strongly in their favor, as they are able to hide their activity. Bros on the other hand are quite different. Taking a dump is a sense of accomplishment. Not only does he want others to know what he has done, but he also wants them to know the vivid details. Here are some of the most important things that a bro makes sure others know about:
Just How Bad He Has To Shit - If you’ve ever been on a road trip with a bro, you’ll know if someone has to take a dump. They seriously won’t stop talking about it. “I am going to fucking blow up this bathroom at the next gas station,” or “I’m about to explode all over this back seat” are common bro explanations. Lots of grunting and moaning are also common amongst bros. If the bathroom is occupied, you are likely to see the bro banging down the door screaming he is going to shit his pants if they don’t hurry.
Doing the Damage – Bros love the act of taking shits. It’s a fact. When in the comfort of their own home, bros might spend up to a half hour in the bathroom doing the dirty. To occupy them they often bring their laptop so they can check facebook while they dump. If they are at work, bros will either print out ESPN articles or, if it is an emergency, just read old text messages/ send text messages to their fellow bros informing them that they are indeed “taking a big shit at work.” Bros are also extremely proud of what they produce. Sometimes, if the bro has done all his work with no breaks whatsoever, he might be inclined to take a picture of the masterpiece with his cell phone and send it to other bros so he can show off. Also, if the shit is so big it comes out of the water, the bro will send the text picture with the caption “I found the Loch Ness Monster!”
The Aftermath – Once the damage has been done, bros have an overwhelming sense of relief and accomplishment. They brag to all their fellow bros about how he “just took the biggest fucking deuce” or how he shit his brains out. Bros take much pride when someone goes into the bathroom after them and coughs hysterically and claims they can’t breathe. Dump pride often comes after a long night of drinking so it can really double as #1 Talking about how wasted you got on the weekend. The more dumps you take after a night of drinking, the more bro-points you get. Saying things like, “Bro, I’ve taken like four dumps today,” let’s people know that you got really fucked up last night.