Wednesday, June 3, 2009

#26 Blindly Hating Opposing Fans

Everyone knows bros love sports. Bros also have that one team that they live and die with. For me and my bros, it’s the Redskins. Sure, its been a tough 15 odd years to be a fan, what with our favorite players getting murdered and all, but we still stick by them. Throughout the years the team turns over so frequently that you really end up just rooting for the colors of the team more than anything. Through all the changes, one thing remains constant: You absolutely hate the rival teams. When asked about why bros hate the teams, often it will have little to do with the players themselves, it’s the fans. Personally I can not stand Eagles fans, and to be honest, I lose a huge amount of respect for anyone that tells me they are fans of the Birds. But it’s not just the arch-rivals that bros hate. On game day, it doesn’t matter who you are playing, if you show up in the opposing team’s jersey chances are bros are going to hate you. Here are a few ways that bros will let you know about your team:

Alcohol – Bros fucking love to drink at games. Bros love to talk about how early they are going to get to the parking lot to start tailgating before the game. Perhaps the only time where it is acceptable to not go out on a Friday/Saturday night is when there is a tailgate early in the morning and you need to rest up. Bros love being able to say they waited at the gate a half hour before game time just to get into start drinking. All this tailgating leads up to your added sense of invincibility. By putting on your home team jersey, you have the automatic right to try to start a fight with anyone wearing the opposing team jersey because everyone in the stadium has your back. Drinking gives you the courage to talk shit to the opposing fan in the throwback Bernie Kosar jersey. Sure she’s in a wheel chair and 70 years old, but thanks to booze this doesn’t stop you. This is actually a gold mine, because not only can you make fun of her team, you can also make fun of her disability. Extra ammo is always key.

The Opposing City – no matter where their team is from, bros always believe that the opposing city is a shithole. “Go back to your fucking cesspool,” “Get the fuck out of my city,” and “Why don’t you go back to your trailer” are all clutch insults and they definitely let others know that they are not welcome. This works great when cities have suffered disasters. For example, at last season’s opener for the Skins they played the Saints. I had a few too many frat sodas in me and as the 25th bandwagon Reggie Bush fan walked by our tailgate, I politely informed him that I wished he had died in Katrina. He did not like this, but he knew he couldn’t start anything because there were like 30K other guys in Santana Moss jerseys that he would have to deal with to get to me. Bros are the shit.

Reminding them their players are thugs – This is used in pretty much any sport. The great thing about this is that the players don’t even have to have committed any crime to be accused of being a criminal. Pretty much as long as they have cornrows or tattoos they are thugs and you better believe the opposing fans are going to hear about it. However, when the players actually are convicted of crimes, its pretty much a fucking jackpot. Even though the Giants killed the Skins last year, that didn’t mean we couldn’t scream at every Giants fan at the stadium asking where Antonio Pierce hid Cheddar Bob’s handgun.

Age Doesn’t Matter – Sure you already yelled at the old cripple wearing the Bernie Kosar jersey, but that was too easy. Bros like to push the envelope. That’s right I’m talking about kids. Honestly, what type of parent would bring their kid to the opposing field wearing the opposing jersey? Does he really think people aren’t going to give them shit just because he’s got a kid with them? Bad idea. A few years ago, the Skins played Christmas Eve against the Giants in a big game. My bro was taking it easy because he had to drive 3 hours after the game for dinner with the fam, so he was only a 1/5 of Vodka deep. That’s when he spotted the Giants fans, a father and son, probably 6 years old wearing matching Tiki Barber jerseys. As the Giants made a first down, they cheered and my bro walked up to the kid to kindly and seriously let him know that “Santa Claus doesn’t come to Giants fans.” Hopefully he ruined his Christmas.

So, I’m sure there are bro-haters out there who are going to say, “You are why Redskins fans are awful,” or “This is what is wrong with the NFL” but please, if you don’t want to get harassed, don’t fucking wear the opposing team’s jersey in their stadium.

56 comments:

Anonymous said...

gotta love how you put the rebuttal buffer at the end of all your posts! At least if Giants players get popped in the leg they dont rollover and...well you know where im going with this

Ned's Younger Brother said...

Really? Making fun of Sean Taylor? Too soon man, too soon...

Anonymous said...

It's his own fault for bringing a knife to a gunfight. I wasn't wearing a jersey last December, but was yelling "Your dead safety should have made that play on Boss" at you all game.

Anonymous said...

at least cheddar bob didn't bring a knife to a gun fight

Anonymous said...

At Redskins games, does everybody party with the "DCT"? I saw on an HBO special that they do funnels....out of a roooaddd cone. That's hardcore.
I would also like to note that when we all went to the Giants @ Skins game last season, we got there so early that the parking lot wasn't even open yet (that's weak). And T woke up at a random bus stop, with lip stuck all over his business. We're such bros.

Ned's Younger Brother said...

DTC (Dead Tree Crew) are definitely hardcore bros. Tailgated with them one game, they fucking know how to throw down.

BroKingNJ said...

You will be hearing from me shortly on many of your subjects. I hearby declare my ultimate BroNess against you. I've just realized that you could post on your site. Please be prepared. By the way those last couple Anonymous posts were from my ass, and Dewey Beach blows. Bring on your pathetic attempts to slam NJ. I will not be impressed.

Brodacious said...

The Giants probably are pretty tough, im pretty sure Eli Manning gets shot in the face on a daily basis and still shows up every Sunday...Sprekken Z Dick BroKing

Anonymous said...

Eli doesnt get shot, he gets shot at. however, his superbowl ring is bullet proof so that protects him. aw snap

Anonymous said...

Too bad there's no 'gaiting at the Redskins games like there used to be when they were at RFK. You don't know how to tailgate if you only experience is that traffic jam known as Fed-Ex field.

And seriously...the best time to get wasted is before an early tailgate...Just drink on to the morning...

Anonymous said...

Redskins fans are mullet-wearing fags and Giants fans are spiked-hair douchebags....are you seriously trying to out-Bro one another?

Go Eagles!

Anonymous said...

I have fantastic flow and I am a Giants fan. Go back to your cesspool!

Anonymous said...

the entire NFC east are a bunch of d-bags GO PATS.

im fuckin with you....great website bro, looking forward to the next post.

Anonymous said...

ellis hobbs... HA

Anonymous said...

ouch

Anonymous said...

The Redskins are the greatest franchise in NFL history. The Eagles haven't won shit. I went to Giants stadium decked out in Skins gear with my bros and ran my mouth the entire game. Not one Giants fan said a word to any of us, besides they were all like 80 years old. Bunch of faggots, but still not as bad as Cowboys fans, who enjoy fucking animals in the ass on a daily basis.

HAIL SKINS
R.I.P. ST21

Anonymous said...

P.S.

Dewey Beach - A way of life.

We shit on the fucking jersey shore and the hamptons. This is a site for bros, don't bring that guido shit here.

Anonymous said...

i just know we all can agree the cowboys blow and are choke artists like the mets.. go phils and birds..

ps.. south jersey shore is good.. stay away from north jersey strong islanders..

adam said...

Best tailgate hazing I saw was at the cleveland browns muni lot. Some 75 year old lady walked by with a fucking Steelers blanket, some bro ripped it off her back and lit the fucker on fire.
I think he got arrested for that but that was the shit. I think that lady shit her depends.

Michael said...

Dude, you're flawed. You allude to the loss of Sean Taylor, but belittle Bernie Kosar. I'll admit that Sean Taylor's opinion will remain forever shrouded due to the heinous acts of some callous humans, however you're praising and vilifying the U at the same time. Dare I say, pick a side. You're either with us or against us. UMiami is how they both rolled, for both lovers and haters. And, BTW, I'm about to drive the fuck home blasted outta my mind so I can sleep in my own bed before a 5 hour workday tomorrow. AAAAAAAND I'm a MOTHAFUKIN IGGLES FAN!!!! Eat a decue sack son. Just how we roll these days.

Anonymous said...

most bro moment giants game two years ago against the cowboys fat girl walks up stands with cowboys jersey, drunk bro pelts her in the face with his cup of beer. Bro

bro sakic said...

Yo skins are bad, not as bad as new york and plax, GO PATS

Anonymous said...

IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO NOT GO OUT AND DRINK THE NIGHT BEFORE A TAILGATE TRUE BROS WOULD BE A BRO AND STILL BE THERE 30 MINS IN ADVANCE

Jordan said...

E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!!

Actually I don't even like the eagles. Eagles fans are dicks. go phils

-not a bandwagon fan (i own an abreu jersey).

Anonymous said...

i know there is a lot of talk about NFL fans... but i'm going to jump to the NHL really quick and say i hate with a passion detroit "dead" wing fans...they are like a disease, they are everywhere...I remember before a Blues game a buddy of mine brought a long a Red Wing jersey, he lit it on fire and i pissed on the remains

brad said...

Really Jordan? An Abreu jersey... Look up the definition of bandwagon fan and it will show a picture of a douche bag in #53 jersey.

Anonymous said...

Eagles are an excellent example of how to:

a) Heckle
b) Tailgate
c) Blindly hate opposing fans

F*** The Cowboys!!!!!!

Matt said...

one time a 6 or so year old was sporting a packer's favre jersey to the bears opener. the whole crowd was yelling at this kid and i was taking apart of this. i was yelling at this kid too and i was about 12. so i can't say i was a bro because i didn't indulge in the alcohol part but i was def. a bro in the making. i like to consider myself a full on bro now. thank you for this site filled with such wisdom and insight to being a bro

Anonymous said...

FUCK YOU AND THE SKINS!!!! GO SAINTS AND MOST OF ALL....GEAUX TIGERS!!!!

Anonymous said...

Me and some of my bros made a road trip to Atlanta to watch our Saints play. All day long we heard about Katrina. Never mind that we all had important fathers, and mostly lived in big houses far away from the ninth ward. I actually don't think that was bro like; not much creativity

Anonymous said...

Fuck the Redskins. Im a breaux from New Orleans, and I pack heat to every fucking game.

Anonymous said...

True bros roll deep into the opponent's stadium wearing nothing but their home team's jerseys. Why? Because nothing is better than saying fuck you to all the wanna be bros from cities that clearly have uglier bitches, higher poverty raters, and definitely do not party as hard as you do.

Anonymous said...

NYB, they don't call us the City of BROtherly Love for nothing. We gave the world some of its greatest bros in DeSean, Wilt, and Dr. J

Eaglesfan said...

If you think coming to a redskins game is bad why dont you come up to the city of brotherly love in your santana jersey...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2isksLw0jW8&feature=related

Thats what happens to opposing fans at the Linc!

Anonymous said...

ITS ALLLLLLLL ABOUT THE RED AND GOLD GO NINERS BABY

Brode Miller said...

we bro'd hard at Shea and hit some fairy yankee fans in Giambi jerseys with mustard covered hot dogs and brew, and when security rolled in, kicked them out of the stadium. even shea security were bros that day. Who the fuck likes Giambi anyway?

Anonymous said...

There is no such thing as too many frat sodas

Anonymous said...

Bitch please, there's no way you skins fans could get rowdy with a Texans fan. We'll rope a hoe up and fuck you in the ass homie. This shit is fucking real bro, don't come to Texas talking your bullshit, 8-8 every season can make a dude crazy

Anonymous said...

hey all you skins fans come up to the upper deck in baltimore and see how you feel after some time there

BROvetchkin said...

First of all breaux? breaux is some french hipster bullshit. grow up!! its fucking BRO.
secondly the Redskins are God's team and don't any of you pussy bitch fagots ever forget it! they are the most valuable team in the history of sports! Forbes magazine (yes i read Forbes and keep it on my coffee table so bras know im rich as fuck) says its the cowboys but everyone knows that is bullshit because they are fucking thugs down there and Frobes didn't take into account bail expenditures for that classless BROless team quarter backed by a guy whos name rhymes with homo and cant win a game past december. fuck the cowboys, fuck the birds, fuck the giants, and fuck you if youre not a skins fan!

Anonymous said...

Pats - colts 11/4/2007. 5 of my Pats buddies and I all made our way out to the game in bumfuck Indiana. After tailgating harder than all those backwards farmers and maintaining our Colts hate all day long, we make our way into the game, amazed to find ourselves sitting with about 25 other Pats fans. The entire game we are talking shit with colts fans talking back. The highlight of the game comes from when the Pats go up with 3 minutes left, leaving it up to faggot manning. The entire RCA dome goes dead quiet except for us 30 massholes up top screaming horrible things about manning and the colts. Everybody can hear us, even bitch ass manning who fumbles, Pats win.

Anonymous said...

BEAR DOWN. GREEN BAY IS A PIECE OF SHIT.

I hate fans from your city who likes the rival team too. (my case, packer fans in Chicago, especially when they are bulls, hawks, and white sox fans too)

Patches Bro'houlihan said...

Skins are the most bro team in professional sports. We get away with having a racist fucking mascot and our cheerleaders are consistently voted #1 hottest slampieces by SI and ESPN.

The Ravens are a bunch of white-trash, bro-hating, shit-teethed cock smokers. The Beast is where it's at but fuck Tony Homo and the rest of those Cowturds.

PS. Great fucking site.

Anonymous said...

An article from Forbes Magazine, dated September 2, 2009, lists the Cowboys as the highest valued sports franchise in the history of the United States, and second in the world (behind the United Kingdom's Manchester United), with an estimated value of approximately $1.65 billion, above the Washington Redskins ($1.5 billion) and the New England Patriots ($1.361 billion).[5] They are also the wealthiest team in the NFL, generating almost $269 million in annual revenue.[6]

fuck all you bro hater hipsters hating on the cowboys we are the most successful team ever in the nfl if you dont believe that shit read wikipedia. we def have the hottest cheerleaders and we also have fuckin pole dancers in our new stadium that puts Fedex Field to shame, and it also proves how rich as shit we are.

Anonymous said...

My Chi town Bearskis were beating down the New Orleans Saints.. Some d-bag Saints fan was in front of me talking shit earlier, so i started singing "Rock you like a Hurricane." That's fucking bro.

Anonymous said...

there is only one thing better then running your own city and thats running another city. i remember driving the the phillies opener in d.c. with about 200 phillies fans all drunk and having more phillies fans than nationals fans. we let ppl know we are bros who truly love our team and our city owns

Ali G as BROrat... Sexytime said...

Me and 7 bros decided to head down to Toronto from Ottawa to watch the Sens/Leafs game. Being the bro I am, I convinced my current slam to drive us there and back in one day in her moms mini van so we could drink. She was desperate to get me to pop the dreaded question (will you change our facebook statuses to in a relationship) so she complied. Back seat was missing so 3 of us parked our asses on the floor in the back with a case of Blue, "fuck no im not sitting in the front with u skank". In 4 hours and about 10 pissed in bottles later, we started crankin back drinks in the lot, cursing out any Leafs fan who walked past. Ended up getting into a shoving match with a dude twice my age and had to have my bros hold me back while i told him his wife was gorgeous in leather (would have gladly ended his life but cops were everywhere and unfortuneatly the drunk tank is a very misleading name seeing as they don't serve booze). Bottom line is Sens won, Toronto wanted us dead, bitch drove us back to Ottawa, letting me drive on 401 so she could nap (chea i was blacked out), got home, fucked her brains out in the van infront of her parents house, then drove to my boys place to keep drinking... icing on the cake? texting slam piece at 4am to tell her we should see other ppl so i could rail randos (exact words, but spelled incorrectly). Oh ya didn't contribute a cent for gas. Great success.

Anonymous said...

regardless of how awesome this site is I would have absolutly fucked your world up if you would have told me you wish I would have died in katrina, even if it would have meant getting jumped by pussy ass bro-haters who think its cool to jump bros. On a side note I would trade reggie for a new set of cleats.

Anonymous said...

i love it when you get fat girls going to your stadium and rooting for the other team. it's always clutch to yell at them and ask them questions like, "how calories are burning by watching the game??"

Anonymous said...

Eli Manning is a bro (don't believe me? look it up. Sigma Nu at Ole Miss, can't get more bro than that)

since Eli is a bro the Giants > the Skins.

the only NFC East bro challenge is Tony Bromo (Sigma Pi) vs. Eli Manning (Sigma Nu). It's a fierce rivalry of beer, bras, and brohavior

Anonymous said...

Atlanta is full of a bunch of bro-haters, all the hometown people cheer for all the opposing teams, so me and my bros have to teach them a lesson by heckling them the whole game and starting chants like "bandwagon bitches" really loud

Anonymous said...

fuck the redskins and that washed up piece of shit santana moss dont come to new orleans in that shitty jersey saints bros roll deep

Anonymous said...

Fuck that shit. Why wouldnt I be decked in out Yankees gear in Fenway Pahk? How else can you openly ridicule that piece of shit ballpark, pussy masshole fans, and history of losing. Yankee fans get drunker, roudier and louder than anyone else. If you dont believe it come to the stadium and look at their greatness...if you can afford it.
Plus Derek Jeter is the BROking of BROkings. Look at the endless list of 10s hes slayed, his 30000 sq ft homes and obvious athletic skills.

Anonymous said...

Americans "Blindly hating opposing clubs". Give me a fucking a break. No I'm not a gay ass liberal whinny from Norway, I am from Britain and I kicked Hajis assess in Afghanistan. U c here in Europem u don't take ur gf or ur family when 2 rival teams play. Here in Europe u take ur lads if u want to stay alive. I'm a West Ham fan and I know damn well what it "hatting an opposing team".

Bro Satriani said...

^The fuck? Get off this site you fucking European. No one gives a shit about your stupid chavy soccer traditions. I also highly doubt you are of the British persuasion seeing as how you utterly fail to write a single coherent thought in English. Foreigners are not and will never be bros.

Self Bromotor said...

Once at Arrowhead Stadium when the Chiefs were having a good year, the Bills came to town with Drew Bledsoe and we were beating the fuck out of them like 38-3 and this guy had his kid there with Bills jackets on. One of my bros dumped a beer all over them after another Chiefs TD, as if to say, "What the fuck are two Bills fans doing in the cheap seats in Kansas City?" The dad was pissed, but what the fuck was he gonna do? It was bro as a motherfucker.

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