Thursday, June 4, 2009

#27 Eastbound & Down

Bros love HBO. Although, often times as bros sift through the awful movies and constant replaying of romantic comedy classics such as “27 Dresses” and “Lucky You” they wonder exactly why the fuck do they pay extra for this crap. That’s when they remember that fateful night in February when they were introduced to their new favorite character: Kenny Fucking Powers.

Bros aren’t always receptive to trying new things, but the promise of a show produced by Frank the Tank himself involving a washed up baseball player intrigued them. After the first episode, bros were hooked. Kenny Powers represents everything bros hold sacred. He says fuck like every other word, he’s disrespectful to women, has a mullet, and he loves to get fucked up.

Bros love quoting Kenny Powers, they also get a rush by letting other bros know about the show. If Bros find out someone has never seen the show, they first get really fucking pissed off. But then they realize, “Hey, this is my chance to not only display my bro-cred for having seen all six episodes, but also earn some bro-points for directing a fellow bro to the show.” Time to capitalize: “Bro, you have to fucking watch this, you will literally die laughing, I will fucking buy the DVD for you when it comes out, it’s that fucking good.” Recognizing hilarious things and sharing them with other bros is a must for any aspiring bro-king. This applies not only to TV shows, but also Youtube clips and websites. Although you weren’t directly responsible for the hilarity, you will forever get credit for sharing it.

30 comments:

BroKingNJ said...

You are absolutely right, if you haven’t seen this show, you are a total loser. I actually purchased the Kenny Powers 55 Atlanta Jersey midway through the season. I feel like such a bro when I get to show that baby off at a bar, or pretty much anytime I dress like a Jack-ass. I also got kicked out of the bar for shouting "You're Fucking Out, I'm Fucking In" in some old guy’s ear. Little did I know it was the owner and he responded with “no, you’re out” and then the bouncers escorted me out the door because the owner realized he would have gotten a 101 MPH left hook to the eye.

Anonymous said...

so your a lefty? or do you only punch lefty to preserve your right hand?

Anonymous said...

No bunting!

Guadala-Stamford Bro said...

GOD DAMN AMAZING!!!!

Anonymous said...

Bros on the reg

Anonymous said...

check out "The Foot-Fist Way." Any bro that likes eastbound will appreciate the movie that got danny mcbride (and the guy who plays Cleg) his start.

Anonymous said...

"Hey I'm your dad! No, I'm just kidding your dad's dead."

BROhemian Rhapsody said...

foot fist way = GOLD

Anonymous said...

Don't forget Jody Hill (the principle writer for Foot Fist, East Bound, and Observe and Report). These three bros are fucking gold, and I can't wait to see what they come out with next.

Anonymous said...

gold will get you jonas brothers tickets. black will get all three of them sucking your dick.

Thorne said...

Kenny Powers Shot: Bomb sized glass w/ miller highlife, jager and goldshlager.

Take it then throw the glass/cup against the wall and yell I throw fast as fuck.

Patrick From BOSTON said...

I fucking love Eastbound and down. That very night a couple of my bros and myself were gathered around the television packing a few bombs of cope when we were enthralled with the Renaissance man known as kenny powers. By the way, you are officially a bro if yo are like me and spent that entire season waiting to get a look at April's huge fuckin tits.

Anonymous said...

You say, 'you fucking mess with me, I throw a brick in you're face!'" -Stevie Janowski-

BRObert E. Lee said...

Kenny fuckin Powers is the fuckin man. I would venture so say he is the bro-king of all bro-kings.

Brosus said...

Wow this show is incredibly good. It's fucking hilarious and I have gotten many fellow bros hooked on the show. I quote it all the time and people eat it up with a spoon. God Bless Kenny Powers. Also, when is the next fucking season going to be on? I thought it was 10 Jan, but much to my dismay that shit wasn't on and we were pissed.

Broski said...

one phrase will sum up all broing and bro-related events. whether you just lost an intramural softball game, are pregaming and ready to fucking party, or are bailing from some bar to go fuck a slam piece. all you will have to say is "I'M GOING TO SHA-BOOMS" and all bros in the general vacinity will know what the fuck is going down

Anonymous said...

"fundamentals are crutches for the talentless" kenny fucking powers

Bro Montana said...

i loved eastbound and down from the very first introduction when danny mcbro drills that fuckin tool right in the face. not only did i buy the kenny powers 55 atlanta jersey, i also bought the shirt with kenny powers in the stretch that says "youre fucking out". unfortunately, society is one large bro-hater and that shit was censored, so every time i wear the shirt, i tape paper over the #$% bullshit and write "youre fucking out"

BROsef Gurbells said...

for all you bros wonderin about the 2nd season, I heard it takes place in mexico and starts in september..I too was blown it didnt come on this past semester..

Ashley Schafer said...

The outtakes on the dvd are funny as shit.

Mighty Bro Young said...

Fuckin Tampa!

Anonymous said...

Another reason that bros love HBO, besides that it has Eastbound and Down and Entourage is that it's exclusive in the way that only the upper middle class and rich people can afford it. And like everything else about bros it is elite and way better than what lesser people have.

Anonymous said...

The new season comes out on like September 27th I think...
"My high school coach tried to get me started on some weights program; I was like, "You and your weights can go fuck off somewhere. I ain't liftin that shit! It's heavy!"

The Man With Bro Name said...

"I knew the game was mine to win. Just like in life, all my successes depend on me. I'm the man who has the ball, I'm the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone."


^Kenny Powers is a goddamn bro legend.

Bro-din, ruler of Bra-sgard said...

I watch Eastbound and Down on my big-ass plasma TV, which is hooked up to my laptop. I watch EBAD on pirate streaming sites, not HBO.

Of course, I can easily afford HBO (I'm a Bro, and Bros are rich as shit), but I choose not to pay for it. The only good shows in HBO are Entourage and Eastbound and Down. The rest of their programming is romantic comedies and other bro-hating bullshit. Why should I pay for something I can easily steal? Stealing is Bro as fuck.

BROger Federer said...

By far the pest Powers quote:

"Terrence Cutler: There's something you need to know about Kenny, you're not the only athlete here at Chip Davis. I happen to be training for a triathlon. Doing a lot of running, cycling, swimming, but you know all about that.

Kenny Powers: No actually I don't. I play real sports, not tryin' to be the best at exercising!"


Damn right, just cause your strong doesn't mean you dont suck at sports. You gotta be both. I'm kenny fucking powers.

Anonymous said...

to the bro hater with the comment about being lefty..no, if youre a righty, you throw left hooks. left hand jabs and throws hooks, right hand throws crosses and uppercuts. every legit bro fighter understands that.

Anonymous said...

just bought a Charles Barkley suns jersey at the thrift....... most badass thing I've ever worn naked at a basketball game....not counting my mid calfs on wiht my high top nikes

Meg Larrabee said...

I'm a bra and I have the ultimate bro show out there...Sparticus: Blood and Sand. There is little to no plot and its mainly just blood, guts, and sex...with gladiators....yea it's the shit

Anonymous said...

kenny powers toilet seats, you open them up...and take a shit inside!!!!!! bro to the max!!!!!!!!!!!!

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