Friday, June 5, 2009

#28 Giving Girls Nicknames

It was a Friday night about six months ago. We were all in my bros’ basement pounding brews, playing beer pong and listening to some Pearl Jam, typical bro behavior. That’s when my bro’s girlfriend walked in with one of her friends. As she made her way around the circle of bros, I decided to size her up for a prospective pounding. Just as I do when I meet any young lady of the night, I began judging her from the bottom up. Legs were a definite check, as was the ass. Rack was very nice as well. That’s when I saw it. Her face. It looked as though her face had been hanging out with those refugee kids playing with landmines in Pakistan from “Charlie Wilson’s War,” no actually that’s too kind--imagine taking a buzz saw to Snuffulopugus’s trunk and leaving just a stump. Immediately, all bros met eyes and nodded knowing, “She needs a nickname.” Within 10 minutes we had narrowed it down to two names: Duckbilled Platypus and Snorkel. After much debate right in front of her we decided to go with Snorkel, possibly because its easier to say, I don’t know, but we went with it. After that no one bothered to learn her name, we just referred to her as Snorkel. You see, that’s the beauty of having nicknames for girls, they have no fucking idea you are talking about them, no matter how much you rip on them. Obviously, nicknames for girls are extremely useful and a staple for bros, let’s take a closer look at exactly how girls can get their nicknames.

The Hot Girl You Don’t Know – I can tell all the bras out there are fuming right now, especially all that know me personally, panicking trying to figure out what their nickname might be. Relax – not all girls get nicknames – if you are cool and are invited to hang out with bros regularly, chances are you don’t have a nickname. Also, nicknames aren’t always negative. Say you are in an Ethics class in college and this tall blond with a rack the size of the fucking Andes sittin in the first row. Well these days you could easily find out her name on facebook and stalk her that way, but back in the day we had to just go with “Ethics girl” or “Ethics slut” depending on what she would wear to class because we didn’t know her name. This also works at the workplace. Say there’s a hottie working on the 3rd Floor or in HR, you can just refer by her place of work like “HR girl” and everyone will know what you are talking about.

Sexual Nicknames – This is where things start to get degrading for the ladies. Bros are not gentlemen. Not only do they kiss and tell, they fuck and tell. Bros love telling other bros about the crazy shit that happens in the bedroom and they ultimately identify old slam pieces with moves they may have pulled off. Say a girl is not into “finishing the job” she might be known as “The Camel” in reference to their spitting ability. Or perhaps the lady tends to squirt – she might be known as the “Super Soaker.” Whatever it may be, the great thing about this is that bras would never guess that bros would tell their friends about their “abilities” and they would never ever guess they would come up with a nickname for them. Therefore, bros break these nicknames out all the time in their presence.

Nicknames Reflecting Physical Characteristics – Bros have perfect bodies. Everyone fucking knows that. It’s this fact that allows bros to judge all girls out there and if they aren’t a 10 in our book, you better fucking believe they are going to get a nickname. There is a wide spectrum of girls who earn nicknames from bros. For example, one of my bros used to hook up with a ridiculously hot girl, however unfortunately for her and very fortunate for us, she had a blond mustache. You couldn’t see it at all, but my bro could feel it during a makeout sesh. Obviously he told us about it and she was known as “The Walrus” going forward. I really can’t believe she didn’t catch on when everyone would get drunk and start yelling, “I am the Eggman!” and “Coo Coo Ka Chew” when she was around. I would argue the best nicknames come from physical characteristics the girl can’t control whatsoever. For example, in College there was this freak 6’2’’ “woman” who I swear had balls at one point in “her” life. Instead of letting her live her life peacefully we had to come up with a nickname: “Manbeast.” Everytime she would enter the Caf we would yell out – “Hide your women and children!! Manbeast is here!!” We also did impressions of things she definitely said in the privacy of her own home, such as “I am Manbeast!! I will club you and eat your bones!!!” This was mostly done with her sitting at the table next to us, which provided for the best comedic effect. I know what all you bras are saying- “You are such an asshole” well fuck you bitch, if she didn’t want to be made fun of, she shouldn’t have decided to be a fucking mammoth beast.

So, I’ve provided just a few of the many nicknames we’ve given to girls over the years – I would love to hear any solid demeaning names you bros have given to bras in the past.

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470 comments:

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Anonymous said...

There is this one bra i went to high school with who came around the fraternity i was rushing last semester. she is fat as shit and will fuck anything that walks. we named her rolly polly

Anonymous said...

Girls actually do this about guys too.

Anonymous said...

This one girl has fire burns/scars on half her legs. Sad but we all know who "side burns" is now.

San Luis ObisBRO said...

Chicks with gross bushes....
1. Bush Gardens
2. Bush cassidy ( and the sundance kids)
3. Anheiser Bush
4. Reggie Bush

Example: Dude that gross bitch reggie bush has the angriest vagina ever

Tim "The Man" "Coors Lite" Bronski said...

This is one of the "hot girl no one knows" stories- Me and my bros used to check out this one bra every day in the Caf, and of course she had the sweetest legs and ass- not sure the long process that led up to it, but to this day (years later and my bros have of course turned her into a regular slampiece by now) we still refer to her as Sweet Ass Party

Anonymous said...

we had two real gross girls that me and my bros gave them awesome nicknames. lets start with the first one her name was lilly and she looked like a hippo hence lillypotamus. This other bra came to our party and was fat and gross eating all the cake and spreading it around her chest hence the new name bestowed upon her was fatty cakes.

Anonymous said...

Went to college with a girl my bros and I nicknamed Ben Wallace. Her "region" had a strange resemblance to Wallace's hairstyle.

Another girl was called SMC (smelly meat cave). Self-explanatory.

The Uneve-Beave. This nickname was used for the girl and her (or any) asymmetric vagina.

Anonymous said...

slut in this one sorority was so disgusting... nothing could fit... except for "burnt tree stump"

tim THE BRO MAN taylor said...

freshman year my bro-mate was hooking up with what i would not call a slam piece rather a piece of meat who he thought was "sexy"

After partying all night we packed a few bowls and relaxed. After that he invited the skank over. We were just chilln, i being the woman-degrading bro that i am... i told her to show me them titties..she did. I could not be more disappointed in God for making such a female with funbags that looked like that... and the next morning she was called Peter Griffin Tits... No one remembers her real name.. not that names matter anyway

WonderBro said...

So at this concert my bro pounded a few to many brews and ended up with beer goggles so bad he hooked up with some nappy headed asain, today she is only known as Troy Polamalu

Anonymous said...

We had some great ones in our house for chicks.
A)Mach 3- for the girl who came around who had scars from cutting herself.
B) Wheels- for a girl in a wheelchair
c) T-Rex for a girl who walked about with a limp and crooked arm
d) assworms

Anonymous said...

This one nasty skeeze used to come around to our frat parties. One night she went to paris with two bros with the same last name (unrelated).

Henceforth bra was known as the "carlson connection".

Daisy Dukes said...

at our house, we call the chicks with great bodies and ugly faces "butterfaces." The girls think it's a compliment 'cause "butterface" sounds like such a nice word, when in reality it means you like everything "but-her-face" and thus we have a few butterfaces that hang around.

Anonymous said...

We've got the tall girls "Dikembe" and the short girls "Spud Webb". We had a Ray Finkle cause she went insane screaming how "she wanted to kill herself" after she hooked up with my friend. Shovelface, Blockhead. The Blairadactyl was this girl named Blair that would blow two guys at once and scream CAH CAH going from one dick to the other.

Anonymous said...

I had this slampiece about a year ago. She was in the army. She was built very well in all areas, but she still went and got some fakies. Her tits were so big my bros and I nicknamed her T-4-D, meaning Tits for Days.
She had no idea. And to this day none of us can remember her real name.

HP BRO said...

at this one party there was about 5 guys lined up in a row and this girl sucked all of there bro dicks one after another so she got the name "lieutenant" because it was basically a line up.

another girl we called bruno because it was just the manliest name we could think of, shes a tank

Anonymous said...

lol this is too good.. i was at this party and these two girls from a different school walk in and think they're hot shit..right. so everyones like uhm yeah youre not cool go home and they have a few beers, barely drunk..pretended theyre wasted to get attention and everyone starts calling them "one nighters" thinking they would bang 'em and peace. of course the girls laugh along
because they dont know its about them and the only pretend to get it so they arent left out. STUPID FUCKING SLUTS GO HOME NO ONE INVITED YOU GIVE ME MY ALCOHOL BITCH. kay im a girl but i love this website bye.

Anonymous said...

This girl that went to school with us got slammed by my two bros on springbreak. We called her "dopplebock" from then on out, which is means 'two rams' in German. She never had a clue what it meant.

Anonymous said...

They called her "horse teeth". Not very original but very fitting. She was cute and probably today with all the chicks with their big fake veneers she wouldn´t have gotten the nickname. But back in the day there was a lot of whinnying going around whenever she sat down at our table, especially after she blew me in front of my roommate. Yes, we had been drinking and yes it was a bit painful.

John Rambro said...

There is a slam piece in one of my classes. Me and the bros think that she has the most beautiful breathtaking ass in the world. We call her Steak of Angus because of the beautiful chunk of meat which protrudes off her body. Yeah. I fucked it.

Anonymous said...

In college, an amazing piece of ass (easily the hottest person on campus, everyone would agree) in one of the sororities got completely bombed and a frat party and fell asleep in a friend's bed, where she shit herself. My buddy opened up the back of her underwear to confirm his suspicion that the terrible smell coming from her. He said it looked like her pants were filled with meat sauce. She was known as "Meat Sauce" from there on out. Pretty sure it ruined her last few years at school.

Anonymous said...

I was at a house party with me and some of my bro's. A girl we all really didn't know at the time decided to show us what she was really up for. She proceeded to suck off 5 of the guys at the party. From now on me and the bro's refer to her as 5 Guys burgers and fries.

Anonymous said...

PBS = Paper Bag Syndrome. This was meant to communicate to other bros that the girl's face is busted. Used in context, "Bro, that chick has PBS."

That and ATS = All The Same. This goes by the belief that all girls, regardless of how much they want to say they are "good girls" or not like other girls, love cock. They are all the same. They need to be within one arm's length of a cock at all times. They are all the same.....slutty, cock hungry mongrals. Used in context, "Bro, I hooked up with another ATS last night." This can be shorted to just simply a "same".

Anonymous said...

Some great nicknames but I can't believe no one has busted out the obvious Cum Dumpster nickname for the uber slut

Anonymous said...

this chick we know has a square jaw line, we call her the woodsman

C said...

I dont know how I havent read "thunder thighs" in this post but maybe its just a favorite amongst my group of bros cause I dated a girl before she gained the freshman 40 so we LOVED calling her that.

Anonymous said...

This slampiece had a thing for my bro and me. We decided to get another bro up on that b to make it funnier. From then on she was known as "air tight"

Anonymous said...

Cum Dumpster....

Hear Bro, See Bro, Speak Bro Evil said...

While we were slaying our way through the cheerleaders in college, we decided to give them nicknames as we took them down. We came up with:

Poodle
Hey Hey You You
Mexican't
Kidneys

I think we must have all railed these girls several times. Whoever got to them first got to christen them with the nickname, though.

Anonymous said...

2 great names:

Sweetheart- I smashed her and she got locked out of my dorm room. I didn't wake up to her banging on my dorm like the rest of the hall did. Some gay guy on the floor called her sweetheart and said u can't pick ur walk of shame. My entire class knows her as sweetheart.

The monkey- I was coping dome on the top of a bunk bed, my roommate got 8 bros to come in cause I swore she was getting roped in the face. She heard them laughing and looked under the bed upside and all the bros agreed she looked like a monkey hanging upside down

Sylven Landesbro said...

Yo NYB, another great post. There’s nothing better than absolutely demoralizing a slampiece by giving her a nickname that puts the truth in such a negative light.
The other night, I was #29 grinding and making out with this slam at a party, and I knew that a blowjob was imminent. Was she hot? Not really, but she had a mouth and no self-esteem. I convinced her to leave her friends, and we left the party for my place.
After making out for a bit, she started sucking my dick. I had to finish myself (yes, the blowjob was that bad), and afterwards she wanted to keep making out. No chance I was going to make out with a chick that had just sucked my dick and had cum in her mouth. She then asked me what I was thinking. What the fuck! This slam was treating this like a fucking relationship. Honestly, I was just thinking how the hell I was going to get through the night without her sleeping over. But I just #105 lied to the slam and told her that I wasn’t thinking about anything.
I had to get this #3 slut out of my place. I told her straight up how it was gonna be: she was not spending the night. The dumb bitch tried to make excuses to stay over, but she finally admitted defeat and accepted the fact that there were no more options. She would not be sleeping over. Bros 1, Slams 0.
Finally she was ready to go, and I told her that I’d walk her back. We made it halfway there, through awkward conversation, when I complained that she lived really far away. She told me that I didn’t have to walk with her anymore and that she could walk the remaining trip alone. The slam probably expected me to actually continue to walk with her, but I’m a bro, so I didn’t think twice about my options. I got the fuck out of there. Bros 2, Slams 0.
I got back home and immediately deleted her number from my phone. This girl was going to be a John Wall: one and done.

Lindsay Brohan said...

we got a bra politician in these parts with the last name cockburn... bras in government might be reckless, but its a necessary evil so I can collect some serious signage

Lindsay Brohan said...

fuck that was a real unbro move to make a posting mistake, but if i own up to it, its not that bro either, so im blaming that shit on some slampiece touching my computer when she should've been putting back on her clothes and getting out of my crib.

Anonymous said...

this one chick who was super fucking hairy won the nickname the Yeti. she shaves her arms now as well as everything else.

DeManBro said...

One time me and my bro back in highschool were hooking uping up with these two slam pieces. At first we were in the same room but as the bro I am took my slam piece into the bed room to get down to business. Things were going good till she put her hand down my pants and grabbed my dick and some balls in my hand. She grabbed them so hard that I couldn't help but rip her hand away and ask for a minute to recover. Needless to say her name ever since has been Gorrilla Grip.

LTron Hubbard said...

The bros and I have some clutch ones we figured we'd offer to the altar of the bro-cabulary.

1.) Snaggletooth - These chick had the nastiest mouth-pussy I've ever seen, bro.
2.) Alf the Friendly Alien - Chick looked like E.T., so we dubbed her a far less memorable alien.
3.) The Pink Panther - This slampiece claimed two bros, and a lez that hangs with the bros using a classic move. Waiting for the injured fawn to move away from the solidarity and protection of the pack. She's got pink died hair.
4.) Captain Blackbeard - We accused this chick of giving a bro Syph, then we assumed that only 14th Century Spanish explorers had syph. So we assumed she had scurrrrrvy. Then Captain Blackbeard came out of that. Evolution.
5.) Cumslinger - Her last name rhymes with it.
6.) Kitchen Katie - Chick cleaned our kitchen in the house. Instant.
7.) Old Bleedy Pants - This hole sat on my bro's lap, made out with him, stood up left. Left a nice little period trail on his lap. We hung the shorts in the courtyard at noon. A month to the day later, another bro earned his red wings.
8.) Old Mop Handle - This nasty hole at the bar I used to bounce out once put a mop handle in the cooter dude. Fell out of a chair, and then started deep throating it.
9.) Sascrotch/The Deadliest Snatch - Sneak attack hole that would snipe bros when they were blacked out. She apparently has the stankest hole in the world man. So bad this bro fingerblasted her, ran back to the bar, and was like 'smell this shit, I can't fuck this'. Terrifying.

Anonymous said...

This bra back in high school agreed to shoot a porno with some bros but the bro that was supposed to fuck her back out and she decided to fuck the tripod for the video. After that she was known as tripod by the whole school. She even referred to herself as tripod.

This girl was not over fat but she was fucking huge like muscular we used to call her the Amazonian Warrior because she had to be related to a tribe of huge bras that live in the jungle

LTron Hubbard said...

A couple classic I forgot.

10.) Old Scowly Face - My bros' dating this slam. Swear to God, I have never seen her smile. She's always scowling.
11.) Quad-Delta - We had this one chick in Tri-Delt, she was a big un. Since then she's trimmed up, but we dubbed her the Quad-delt.

Darth Brosidious said...

This one chick we knew we called DSL cause she had the best dick sucking ever.

Anonymous said...

We've taken nicknames to a whole new level;

Gums- thats an easy one, because of her 10:1 gum to tooth ratio
Donkey Kong- a relatively thin girl with arms like tree trunks
Whale- another easy one
Elephant- not only does she have huge ears, shes also fat as fuck
Woolly mammoth- she was hairy too
Linebacker- she was 6'3, 180
Cat in the hat- first girl i've met who had whiskers
Snail- this nickname doesn't make much sense but its fucking great
Saber tooth tiger- horrific overbite
iguana- bra with a lazy eye


the list only goes on...

Burnt Ya said...

Man you forgot all about Swamp Donkey aka the Bull Frog. And my personal favorite, the ever so blatant Chin (Depending on how you look at her and the time of the day, her chin count can range from 0 to 6.)

Code Blue said...

slam piece my bro nailed one night had the biggest bush hed ever seen, so the next night when i was drunk i called her jungle jane and did the tarzan yell, now dirty looks from broads everywhere i go haha

I slayed Manchele said...

Oh wait, i get it now. The reason you didn't include the infamous Swamp Think aka The Swamp Donkey aka The Bull frog was because both you and your little red headed misfit of a roommate both took her to the boneyard.

While we're at it, lets throw Manchele(manly features), Voldamort, and the most plain and boring girl ever created(Borreene)

theodore Broselvelt said...

awesome fucking post, the only thing bros love more than giving fucking losers nicknames, is giving fucking sluts nicknames. I would like to take this time to bow my head and pray to the bro god who invented the term DSL....fucking brilliant bro

Anonymous said...

Dog fight-looks like vicks dogs got at her face

Ace of cakes- makeup face to the extreme.

the pear- her body was the shape of a fuckin pear.

mini digits- small ass fingers

Anonymous said...

My cousin told me about this girl he knew in his hometown that everyone called "Struggles" because she was so ugly. He sends me a camera phone pic of her, and damn right, she was ugly. As soon as I look away from my screen though, I see another girl who was even uglier. If my cousin's girl was "Struggles", this girl was "gave up."

Anonymous said...

fucked up teeth= fraggle tooth
nasty pussy= roast beef
slut named heather= header
another fucked up smile= yuck mouth

Anonymous said...

I fucked a slut who had a little mole to the right of one of her flaps and it looked like a spider and she was coincidentally called Debbie so what did this earn her? WEBBIE DEBBIE! :P Or just Webbie i was scared she was gonna eat my bro ass after we fucked xD

Dude Man Bro said...

This is one of my favorites. My bros and I love to give skanks nicknames.

Her last name is Angsten so we call he Skanksten. We also call her:
Tits McGee, Big Boobs McGee, Dr. Big Boobs McGee, Pizza Da Hut

Plan B: my bro hooked up with a chick and didn't where a rubber or pull out so he went out and bought Plan B the next day. We've called her Plan B ever since. Plus, her name is Eileen so the joke "Cum On Eileen" comes up alot -- skank.

DJ Mini-Mouth from tha South: name for this bitch whom me and some of my bros have fucked. she has huge tits with a tiny ass and mouth. and she always comes over and changes our music to gay shit.

Weezy F Baby: this chick we know looks like Lil Wayne in her ID picture.

Stretch-Mark: her last name is Stretch, pretty obvious.

Tupac: her last name is Tupek, again pretty obvious.

Jenn'd: this skank we know named Jenn is notorious for making out with a bro then putting up the Heisman and leaving. that's what getting Jenn'd is.

Stonewall Jackson & The Virgin Mary: teasing slut who was a virgin until I banged her freshman year of college.

Crazy Katie: self-explanatory
Megan Fox: she looks like Megan Fox
Megan with the perfect ass: ask any of my bros about her and they will automatically know who you're talking about.

Anonymous said...

this one chick sucks off mad guys, but thinks it's ok to use teeth. she earned the nickname: "the pencil sharpener"

Anonymous said...

yeah, theres this whore in chemistry that me and the bros call flipi. she does flips on the poms team and looks slightly philipino. shes the kind of slam piece you would just have angry sex with. any self respecting bro would pound the shit out of this bitch.

Anonymous said...

Me and my bros triple-teamed this slut passing back and forth a can of pringles, so we call her pringles.

Anonymous said...

Where Im from theres a bowling alley named Don Carter Lanes. This one short fat bitch in college had the privilege of getting nicknamed "the don" bc of her resemblance to a bowling ball.

Anonymous said...

Used to call this girl Windows95 because she was slow.

Anonymous said...

My and my bro's called this one girl the denominator cuz she had no tits, and the hugest ass. Epic

Anonymous said...

A bro of mine named this one chick "the goat" because she bit him on the nipple for texting some other chick while she was giving him head.

Anonymous said...

me and my bros know this annoying slut that we call "R Word". she's a total skank and never stops talking. If one of our bros says her actual first or last name, he gets punched in the arm. bro-cred is awarded to the bros that say "R Word" in front of her friends. extra bro-cred if you say it in front of her. Bros rule

SicilianStyle said...

With all the Jens, Heathers, and Michelles... nicknames are the way to go. Here are a couple of all time favorites:
HORSEFACE KILLER - when the girl smiled she exposed 3 inches of gums and chompers.
HUMMER LINE UP - I had so many Heathers I had to nickname them H1, H2, and H3.
J HOOK- my friend's girlfriend would alway walk into the house without saying hello to anyone. She would walk into the house and make a quick right hook into the room make her route like a J HOOK.
CRAZY APES - APE FACE, this girl looked like the girl monkey in Planet of the Apes with Mark Walberg. Her tall friend was KIM KONG.
STRAW - this girl admitted to drinking semen out of a cup with a straw.
FENCE - my friend was dating a chick and was always complaining about how he could not afford to build a fence around his house for his dog. One drunken night we calculated that if he did not hang out with her for a month and half that he could afford the fence.

Anonymous said...

There was one chick with huge tits that my bro once fucked and then she vomited all over his bed. and so Vomtits was born

Anonymous said...

one girl we named "Shovelface" - pretty self-explanatory.
"butterface", meaning everything about her is good "but her face", aka "butterface".
"tiff" short for titty fuck or T.F.

MU said...

Trashley - on spring break she bit me multiple times that left bruises all week.
Burn victim - ugly face
SARS - I think because nobody wanter her around but she was always at the house anyways

Anonymous said...

1. Chompers-used too much teeth giving head
2. PB-short for psycho bitch
3. Lagoon Creature-self explanatory
4. The Hangover Truck-always looked hungover and her stride was a little wide
5. Shrek-self explanatory
6. Bloody Mary-fire crotch with a bush on the rag
7. Gila Monster-bra passed out while giving handie...bitch never let go...like a Gila Monster

Anonymous said...

The Vacuum: best BJ according to multiple sources

Good from far - far from good: One drunken night in first year university all my bro's were in the hallway and I brought this slut back. They all cheered at first but as she approached they got much quieter. I figured out in the morning.

Anonymous said...

there was this one chick in high school who had the nicest ass, so we called her tempurpedic, cuz you could just lay your head in it and it would form shape and you would fall asleep

Anonymous said...

Some quality nicknames my friends and I have had.

Ting-Tong (Asian that domed up me and pretty much all of my friends)

Cum Dumpster (Girl that my buddy used to take to "the field", which was just that, a field, then go to town.)

The UNIT (She was more than just a girl)

Hot dog down a hallway.... enough said

brohemian rhapsody said...

i was in a pizza parlor down town, wasted one time rockin my lax pinnie, broin' out, and this cunt starts to call me out on it. fuckin bro-hater. anyway, i proceeded to offer her the rest of my pizza and told her she looked like she wanted it more than she wanted me, and then went with the ole faithful chubakka nickname which i immediately followed with a chubakka call for everyone to hear. her jaw dropped.

Anonymous said...

we used to call this bra grimace because she looked like the mcd's mascot, she never caught up to it even when we brought her a happy meal (that she downed in like 2 secs)with a grimace toy

Anonymous said...

this one time i was chillin with some bros and we invited girls over, enough for everyone to have one. anyway night went on and at some point it smelt like shit. so we bros looked at each other and figured out that it was non of us so we looked to the fuckin girls. we were only speculating but we were pretty sure it was this one chick so we gave her the name shit stain because by the smell of it she must have left a huge stain in her pants

Anonymous said...

This black girl in high school was 6'+, 300+ pounds, and had a body like a boulder.

Soon every bro in our graduating class was calling her "Tonka"

GetFamiliar said...

CPie (obviously creampie), she thought it was for cutie pie, wrong, Dumpster (cuz all of my closest bros would dump in her, she is ugly and she deserves it) ps girls don't tell a bro your on the pill and not expect to get dumped in with ropes of creamy loads. BK or Burger King, she was fat and you could "have it your way" with her, her initials were BK, one bro didn't even kiss her during the sesh. Troll, murder scene (bloodied a bros sheets up like a murder scene). Wet Crush (wettest girl ever). Roast Beef, although im gonna start callin this bra "Big Montana" cuz of a genius post about the arby's sandwich. Shovel face, snaggle tooth, casper, smelly dick (not sure, but can't be good) Eiffel Tower, Snookie (self explanatory) Head Doctor or Doc (gives dome to everyone, makes house calls) Year book (wishes she could go back to high school cuz she can't get play anymore, she is fat). Syracuse or just Q's, there mascot is the orangemen (she uses that shit on her skin that makes her orange and she looks like a man), Baby face (took loads to the face, hasn't caught on, she thinks its a sweet name, dumb bra). torpedo or Submarine (tit shape, and she likes to go down on bros) Cousin It, clown (wears too much makeup) GAP (worked at the store, huge slutty vag) Meaty, Taurus (she drove one and had a huge Clitoris hence Clit-Taurus) Hulk Hogan (blond mustache like the hulk) SR-71 (like the band, her initials) Grand Salami (large nipples) Mona Lisa (Moaner her name is Lisa) Backdoor (a girl you don't want your friends to see/takes it in the pooper) Whoopi Goldberg/Sister Act (if you hit both sisters in the same family or if you slay a D-bags sister), Manikin (she didn't move much during the sesh) have many more but I need to get a few drinks in me to jog my memory.

Anonymous said...

This one girl who hung out (and banged everyone) in our dorm was fucking this guy and said "do you want me to squirt now?"
From this moment on she was Squirtle, which I know sounds nerdy but it led to some of the most hilarious insults ever. We would see her walking and yell "I choose you!" from across campus.

Also, this started a trend of pokemon related nicknames. A bro fucked a girl, but he was so drunk that all he remembered was that she gave really slobbery brain. That girl became Psyduck, cause she used amnesia AND water gun.

Oh, and Squirtle has a boyfriend now. We call him Ash Ketchum.

Anonymous said...

Senior year of high school there was this bra who gave awful head (teeth everywhere)and one of my bros even had the luxury of receiving an actual bite mark on his dick. After a few of us had experienced this the nickname of "Jaws" was born.

Everytime we saw her in the hallway we would do the Jaws theme song.

Anonymous said...

One of my buddies ended up sleeping with this awful beast that followed him home up in Montreal. Upon waking up the next morning and seeing this broad without his beer goggles on, she was then named "Snaggletooth"

IrishBro said...

Bros

I have a fun nickname system that some might like to starting using. Firstly to name this slam pieces I use the day in which the slut rides the express train to pound town. So lets say I fuck this slut tuesday night in the library while studying for that bro-hater shit called class. her first part of her nickname becomes tuesday. Then the second part of the nickname comes from the ranking of hottness this slut is. If tuesday girl was a mega-slut bag she becomes tuesday slut. if its a super fine biddie it could be friday night fine biddie. or if I make a brostake on a blackout saturday it becomes Saturday bestiality night slut.

I hope I've cast a little more light on the nicknaming..

happy hunting and fucking brothers,

-Bro out!

Anonymous said...

this one chick that was visiting my school was fat as fuck but she apparently gave sick dome to 2 or 3 of my bros that night, earning her the nickname "the DOMEmanator"

Anonymous said...

hilarious, in high school we called this chick that went to a nearby school "bird" because she had the biggest fucking nose any of us had ever seen. turns out she got a nose job.

Anonymous said...

This chick i went to high school with was at a party (while still in high school). She went outside to fuck one of my bros in his truck but didn't want to lose her virginity so she had him ass-fuck her (thus loosing her anal virginity). She walks back into the party, and without realizing it, shits all over herself and down on the floor from just having her asshole blown out. She was from then on known as "shitpants" to the entire school

Grilly said...

Nice! I used to bang this girl in college that was unbelievable. Perfect in almost every way. The only thing is she had this weird ass birth mark on her left arm. It wasn't a mole looking thing, or one of those fucking burn looking marks that most bras have. No, this chick's birth mark looked like something bit her on the arm and took a chuck out of that shit.

Me and all the bros called her sharkbite. Unfortunately for her, she was smart enough to figure out what we were talking about.

Anonymous said...

I met this bra through one of my bros. It was his girlfriends roomate. So on new year's eve this bra is diggin me because we all know a bro on new year's eve is not only the man but on point with his game. I take her back to her place and while im taking her to pound town I notice a tatoo that says "heartbreaker" on her ass. I talk to my bro later about the slut stamp and he had no idea. This bra had to spend the rest of her days partying with us listening to all my bros chant heartbreaker as she entered the party.

Anonymous said...

Cute girl with an unbelievable rack - "Fun Bags"

Slut with an unbelievable rack - "Meat Balloons"

Anonymous said...

this one chick has a slammin body, but her nose is gargantuan. hence, she was nicknamed bert and her sidekick who is slammin in every way became know as ernie.

Drewski said...

me and my bros gave this girl the nickname of "starfish" for being lazy and lifeless in bed

hahaha

Anonymous said...

Spyro, Casper, Wolverine, Jenny from the block

Brohammed Ali said...

The story of "Spices" is dear to me and my bros. This broad i once knew introduced me to a few slam pieces one night and I snagged one of their digits from her. The following week I go over to the chicks house to do the deed. Stupidly, I forgot a dome and didn't want to catch anything that dirty slam piece was carrying so I didn't pound the vag. Needless to say I'm glad because when I was done diddlin' her twat I smelt my fingers, as most bros do, and the stench was literally like someone had stuffed thyme, sage, rosemary, curry, and corriannder up in that snatch and let it bake for years. Ever since, that slam piece has been known within my group of bros as the one, the only, Spices.

Anonymous said...

Sideways Head Girl - Her head was at a permanent 45 degree angle to her neck. quite unfortunate
Face Starts Too Low Girl - too big of a forehead
Old Pteradactal Face - you guessed it, she looks like she came from jurassic park
Furburger - one of the bedroom nicknames our bro came up with due to personal hygeine choices

Rick said...

Other ones my friends and I knew some chicks in high school with included :

cadaver-breath - for a bitch who apparently never brushed her teeth....ever.

Minotaur - hideous face and large ears

Shamu and Jabba the hut - for a couple of fat broads

Negative-10 a chick so hideous, the good ol' 1-10 rating doesn't go low enough

Ego: rare reference...after an old marvel card about a character that was actually a planet and flew around space and shit...this chick was fat and would wear tie-dye t-shirts every day, dark and outer space looking

cum dumpster

hoover - self explanatory....sucked like a vacuum cleaner

vacuum-ass: this chick's ass was so flat, it looked like it got sucked in from deep within her guts.

Ten-cent: cheap skank

Anonymous said...

Girl nicknames are absolutely a key. My friend and I stared this as a way to talk about chicks without others knowing who we were referring to. Using initials, physical traits all were great, but then we finally realized the key. Just use the first word that comes to your mind to describe a chick. Worthless happens to be my favorite, along with Fat and Cunt.....this has truly revolutionized nicknaming, Just make sure you be honest and call the girl her nickname to her face - its what any true bro would do.

Phil said...

princess fiona

Anonymous said...

Douchebags! I have some fuckin' nicknames for all you bros:

this one guy who's tall awkward and douchey: the gangle meister

this kid who thinks he's the man but is actually kind of short and scruffy: the goat herder

this red-headed druggie: the coke ginger

absolute broiest: sir twattertons

this kid who DEF had a few std's: the fireman (red cock)

so SEE it's not just you lame ass bro's. fuckin' hot chicks can do it too and make fun of your sweaty balls and tiny cocks that you can't even get up half the time because you're too hungover. go fuckin suck each other

bronymous said...

Fetus... At syracuse we have this one girl that always seems to be where we are. and she looks like she was born about 4 months two early. thus since she was a fetus when she came out.

Anonymous said...

Me and my bros had this super hot chick that we all wanted to bang. We got her drunk one night and I did the honors of seeing her vagina first. She had the biggest bush on the entire planet hair everywhere. She was still unbelievably hot so I had to make her happy. I obviously told my bros about what I found when i went down on her.
Turned out we came up with a brilliant nickname for her.
Reggie.
Yes as in the Reggie Bush who plays in the NFL. Everywhere we went we called her Reggie.
All of us bros sat around one Sunday in my apartment and this girl and a couple of her friends came to. We watched the Saints play the Vikings in the playoffs.
As Reggie Bush's name kept being brought up, this is when she realized what we called her Reggie for. Reggie.. and her BUSH.
Two weeks later I went down on her again...Ive never seen a nicer vagina

Anonymous said...

This just in...migit hottie=slam troll.

alsbai_17 said...

MCNG-Mole Connected to Nose Girl

The Flaming Wedge said...

i dated a bra named "the snow leopard" because she's a dime, pale, and elusive.

Anonymous said...

this one girl is named ally johnson and so after four or five of my bros banged her, her nickname became "Ally Loves Johnson"

Anonymous said...

i used to call this girl "the nose" because of her fucking weird nose.

Anonymous said...

Some girl in high school with braces, we called her the "cheese grater" because she was fuckin dangerous when getting dome

Anonymous said...

My favorite nickname was there was this girl we called blowjob girl for 2 straight years constantly until she found out because the first bro in our fraternity would always describe the blowjobs she gave and whenever he went out with her or hooked up with her he'd say he's seein blowjob girl that night. Plus she's blow about a quarter of our frat (15-20 bros). not bad for a sophmore. Sometimes BJG for short

Anonymous said...

Ok well we used have this one girl we would call the Shebear. Basically because she looked like a shebear. Whenever she came around we would pretend to be on animal planet with the Austrailian accent and everything. Here we are observing the shebear in its natural environment. priceless

Anonymous said...

After polishing back a 24 of bud and a 60 of Vitamin Gibsons at a bros bropad (its time to turn on autopilot) i hear chirps from the trees, now a bro doesnt like to be insulted because,well bros are the fuckin aryan species, what the fuck do bro haters have to possibly chirp about. so after a long battle with whatever the fuck i was yellin at in the forest a tree got sick of it (fuckin bro hater that it is) and smashed me, bloods pourin down my face. After arguin with fuckin slam peices for an hour (could have been gettin more fucked up)about how i should go to the hospital and get stitches i have cave and settle with alright ill let you clean me up with a coat of polish (fuckin sloppy slut)we were waitin to get in the bathroom when her boyfriend (who is a bro hatin hippy) catches us play tonsil puck and takes her home so im sitting there banmgin on the door to get in the bathroom and out walks this fuckin huge shnozzed big eared dumbo lookin bitch and i mean this bitch was fuckin massive like could have built fuckin yankee stadium on her left cheek massive needless to say i got slayn, its sad day when a bros broness is put into jepordy that badly, henceforth this megaton mammoth was called chickbearpig

Anonymous said...

i was bangin this slam peice 1 time and she strips down to nothing the moment she sees me but what i see made me upchuck my firewater, her vag was a bottomless pit that u could get lost in. from that day forward bros called her grand clamion

Anonymous said...

for obvious reasons anytime your bro goes to pound town on a slam piece who has a bush her new is G.W.

Scott Brolen said...

met a slampiece at the shedd aquarium on a lax trip to chicago last weekend. lets just say my entire team now knows her as "Chicago Slut 2," as she appears in my phone...

My Dads a fucking Senator said...

My bro used to fuck this slut with a slammin body but fucking huge legs. We called that bitch tree-trunks and she never noticed. She also had three friends that blew. I never learned any of their names. To this day I know them as Homegirl 1 2 & 3.

Michael said...

one of my bros had this slam piece over at my bro pad last week and she was possibly the dumbest bitch i've ever met. we called her Terri as in Terri Schiavo cause she was that ridiculously retarded.

Anonymous said...

my bromie and i, in an effort to spread brodeology to different continents and nail some exotic slampieces, are in south america right now (even though it is not nearly as fucking cool as the US). we went to sensation, a 15,000 person rave, and met some chicks. one chick, who my friend finger blasted in the middle of the rave, kept sucking on his fingers periodically throughout the banging, so now we call her "finger lickin' good."

Count Chockula said...

There's a chick who's got a massive nose - in the morning after our rager we're eating cereal. She's now "Toucan Sam"

Anthony said...

met this girl who was probably the most boring and unexciting person i've ever met. So we called her "the plain bagel" because she was as interesting as a plain bagel.

Anonymous said...

Met a girl who had some sort of bites sorta like stings but with scabby shit all up her legs so we named her "The Bilge" cause we reakon she must have been smuggled into the country in the bilge of a boat that was half full of water, waist deep at least

Anonymous said...

Going along with the Super Soaker comment, we had a girl who liked to squirt as well...we called her Squirtle.

Anonymous said...

back when i was a young bro in middle school, there was this chick who used to ice skate, the girl had massive thighs, thus, we called her thunder thighs. sadly, some of the less stupid girls caught on, and we had to retire the nickname to be used only in private. good times

Anonymous said...

My bro said he had done this girl who asked him to stick his todger only half way in. She then proceeded to pull him in the rest of the way using her pelvic muscles somehow. He couldn't believe it, said it was weird but awesome and gave her the title snaping pussy

Anonymous said...

Called this one bitch "bare-bones" because the first night of college a buddy banged her raw dog and busted a fat nut inside of her.

Mean Bro Green said...

At my school there are plenty of bras that we've decided to name based on appearances/dumb shit they've done in the past.

Puke Dick - This girl puked all over my bro's fucking house and proceeded to blow my friend.

Dead Girl - This bitch got so wasted at a mixer that he passed out and we had to carry her back to campus only for a house of bras to repeatedly abuse her and take pics. Not to mention she looks like a fucking half dead SJP.

Gollum - Ever seen Lord of the Rings? Well this bitch wants the dick like Gollum wants his "precious" and weighs about 91 lbs.

Team Skank - What do you call a group of sluts that are DTF (Down To Fuck, for all you bro-haters)? You call them fucking Team Skank.

ya buaay said...

saw a bra , first thing that came to mind was dobby ( the houseelf from harry potter and the chamber of secrets).

Anonymous said...

biggie smallz- by no means does this refer to the incredible bro boss notorious....but the fact that the slampiece you pounded had one abnormally larger boob than the other

Anonymous said...

God some of these are fucking hilarious!
1. Bicycle club - these 3 girls that every Bro has ridden at aleast once.
2."The Fellowship" is a group name we gave to any Bro who does/has fuck/ed this one girl with the last name Fellows.
Some how I've come to be a Fellow and a bicycle rider.

Anonymous said...

There is this sorostitute who hangs out with a lot of my bros who we call "Photoshop". When we first met her she was a cool chick but had the biggest fucking gap in her two from teeth.. the kind you're scared to get head from ya know? But when she went home and added us all on FB we saw that all of her profile pictures she photoshopped so she didn't have a gap! She still has no idea and now pretty much everyone calls her it when we go out to bars and shit. Classic.

l said...

In college this slam piece I was nailing for a few months had a friend who was always hanging around that had the most jacked-up looking face I've ever seen. We called her Pear-Shaped Face or PSF for short, regardless of whether or not she was around.

LeBROn James said...

There was a slam piece I banged for a few months in college who always had her beat-ass friend around hoping some bro would throw her some D. Of course no respectable bro did, because her face was as jacked up as they get, but we did have some good laughs at her expense. We called her either Pear Shaped Face or PSF for short, regardless of whether she was around. Believe it or not, some dumpster-diving Homo Erectus faggot actually married that bitch and now wakes up every day whether he's in the fucking produce section of the supermarket or with his wife.

I once ran into this other dumb-ass piece at the gas station as she was freaking the fuck out. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she had put diesel into her car instead of unleaded. Of course being the bro that I am I had no choice but to crack up in the stupid whore's face. After that she should've just legally changed her name to Vin Diesel because that's all anyone ever called her.

Finally, I was railing this crazy slut for a year or so who had a few screws loose and was always having panic attacks and seizures and shit. Since she had an amazing rack and was always DTF (down to fuck), I kept the bitch around way longer than I should have. My bros all called her Shaky Shivers whereas I usually just referred to her as Crazy Bitch, Psycho Bitch, or Norman Bates.

Fuck these sluts though. They should be grateful that us bros even recognize they exist.

BROka said...

We had a girl named melonie who was fat as fuck so we called her "Watermelony". Then there was some girl with a huge forehead so we called her DS for "down syndrome"

Anonymous said...

know this girl named bermdawg (reference to south park's episode the snook with hildog) and her little sister in her sorority was known as spermpuppy because...do i really need to explain?

Anonymous said...

Over the years there have been some pretty epic nicknames in our house:

Mary-go-down

Mary-go-round

Seabiscuit (bad teeth)

One eyed Dirty Pirate hooker

Anonymous said...

this one chick was a huge slut on our floor last year in the dorms and fucked everyone, but the catch is that she had the most hairy vagina ever so everyone referred to her as chubaka from star wars, and the most fun part was when she was in the room and didn't know we were referring to her. hahahahahahaha

Brotaganist said...

OK, bros im gonna spread some love with these names im about to drop from what me and my bros had come up with

Shamu: self explanitory

Peeenface: casue her nose was like a penis

Jaws: cause she had a mouth that could swallow 4 dicks at once

and my favorite of all time

Gimli: cause this girl was so hary, she looked like Gimli from lord of the rings, so when she walked in we'd all go "The ring must be destroyed!" or "and my axe!"

Anonymous said...

we call this girl "the Clap" because its rumored she did this guy and got Gonhorrea... most times when we see her we dont say anything we just clap

The BROverlord said...

We used to have a chick with a hunch back, so we called her Quazzi as in quazzimodo!

Anonymous said...

We have this bra at our college with the worlds biggest Forehead so quite simply we call her "The Forehead". She fucking embraces it these days, wearing anything she can to make her forehead look as big as possible. Told her it gets us off.

Anonymous said...

back when i was a bro-in-training in high school, me and my fellow high school bros took a freshman art class. easy fucking shit. well anyways there was no end to the amount of fucking awesome nicknames we came up with, such as ratface, space shark, and the fucking goblin girl

Anonymous said...

There is an ASA bra who looks so much like a male that other girls talk about her being "Hot" to my bros and I. Obviously we had to incorporate her Greek Affiliation in her nickname. It was quite simple and you placed the tag "Alpha Male" on this bra.

Anonymous said...

Some bros and I were at a strip club in a small town and there was a Large girl on the stage dancing who we named BOA (Blown Out Asshole). BOA loved to show off her huge asshole...

Years later my bro and I were on a long road trip when we stopped at a McDonalds at around 5am. we ordered our food and pulled around to the pickup window where we were met with a dumpy looking unfuckable hag with an unreasonably large gap between her front teeth. She was dubbed Gappy the gap tooth troll monster. She'll live in infamy in our minds for eternity.

Anonymous said...

To be completely honest, if a bitch is 6'2" that shit is scary. Run for the nearest exit and jump in the truck right? Other names I've heard for lames are Swamp Monster, Closet Monster, Flapjacks, IT, Red Assed Babboon... the list goes on. Every single name fit perfectly. Every time me and my girls see this one bitch we scream "THROW SHAMU BACK INTO THE OCEAN!!" because she is big, fat, and looks like she could eat everything in the sea. :)). oh and by the way. every damn Bro reading this right now, check yourself for man boobs. If you have man boobs dont come back until they are gone "Per-fect Bo-dy"

Anonymous said...

there was this one bra i went to high school with, we used to call her "t-mac" and "iggy the iguana" due to the fact that she had this super lazy eye and when she was in a conversation you didnt know if she was looking/talking to you or the dude on your left. also we would call her "snaggles" cuz her teeth were all jacked up

Anonymous said...

There was this girl at my school called "pants" because her lower body was so disgusting she should never be without a pair of pants.

Anonymous said...

The best nickname me and my bros came up with this year was when we saw a girl, if you painted her blue, she had the face of an Avatar, so we had to name her Avatar

Anonymous said...

this one chick in high school me and my boys would call "man bear pig" just cause she was fuckin gross and was hookin up with one of our bros and in college this slampiece i was hookin up with had a DUFF that we all called "swamp monster" right to my slampieces face cause she was just a fat piece of shit that had nothing going for her

Anonymous said...

my friends nickname is swallows, total slampiece

Anonymous said...

me and my bro's gave this one slam piece the nickname " staples" ... because "that was easy". also, we call any girl that is a dopey bitch "debbie" and they never fucking know were even talking about them or what is up. basically because theyre DB's

BRO_MONTANA said...

we used to call this bitch "cyborg" "transformer" and "the terminator" back in high school because she had cancer in its shoulder and it had the bone replaced with metal and it looked super fucked up B-RUN

Anonymous said...

Nice job bros. We have a few nicknames of our own. The most notable of which are skeletor and beastman. They root from a CKY video called Skeletor vs Beastman. Skeletor looks like she is fresh out of the holocaust, and Beastman requires no explanation.

Beastman has spread her Beastman aids to every good girl and boy today. Watch this for more info. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZ1u2_PopPk

Anonymous said...

When I was rushing in freshman year, we had a big party and after many a shot and brew an extremely fat chick walked into the bar area. This girl is short, blond and her most notable feature- obese. One of the new bro's turns to a group of fellow broheims and declared "Look! a wild snorlax appears..." the name has stuck for the last 3 years and despite our various poster's banning the snorlax from all functions, she still manages to enter our parties. Some judas-mother-fucker must be trying to ruin us all and so we openly talk about the elusive snorlax in her midst even though I think she caught on to her nickname a few months ago... fuck it.

Anonymous said...

WE CALL THIS BRA BT-DUBS OR DOUBLE D BECAUSE SHE HAS A MASSIVE RACK! ITS GREAT! MOST BROS DONT EVEN KNOW HER 1ST NAME CUS HER NICKNAME.

Anonymous said...

alright so we had this fucking manthing that used to come creaturing around our frathouse (obviously i'm in a frat duh) and her last name was paus... she quickly became bearpaws due to her bear like figure, sucks to be ugly...

Seanderman said...

Haha bro one time I got so fucked up I made out with a girl at a party. Now I was blacked out at this point, but the next morning some of my bros pointed her out to me. Now she wasn't fat, but she was a couple pounds overweight. But that didn't matter, we started calling her Moby Dick (Moby for short). Now more people know her by Moby than by her real name. Bro power.

RSE Tiger said...

At the bar we'd hang out in college, there was one girl in a certain sorority who, while having no personality or sense of humor to speak of, always had a knack of interrupting conversations of my bros and I just as we were about to get somewhere with her sisters. "I'm tired! I think we should go!" Since she was instant death to a conversation, her name was 'the grenade'. However, some brave bro's would occasionally take it upon themselves to try to form a conversation with this girl to free up the other bros at the bar, and therefore 'fall on the grenade'.

broski said...

butterface. we see a bra and she's all 10's till you get close to her and see her face (but-her-face)

Bro-i-Bro-er said...

In middle school, my best friend and i called this one ugly bitch the "BK" which was abbreviation for boner killer. she was so fucking disgusting and blobby and just... eugh, that anytime she appeared anywhere in your eyesite you'd lose any wood you had and your dick would go to runners dick size out of fear and disgust.

Anonymous said...

I'm very proud of all bros for exhibiting such admirable brohavior. A bra must have a nickname especially if she is being pounded on a daily basis.Butterface, Debbie, Owl Face, Nutty Bar, all these are very respectable nicknames and meet your brospectations.
Motivating other bros is very bro.

jinkleheimerschmit said...

MANSON.

my bro and i were dogshit hammered, drinking gin and tonics all night. i left the bar with some slam piece early, to handle slammin before the after party arrived. i didnt want to miss dominating the after scene.

after smashing out for an hour, me and the hottie went to go sit on the couch to wait for the party to show. my bro shows up with the ugliest bitch in striped stockings, and a pattened leather skirt, with goth make up. i then asked her, "arent you the drummer in that band we just saw?", not knowing shit about the chick. she responded, "no".

i then said, "yea, yea you are. marilyn manson, right?"

it didnt matter, me and my buddy, laughed in her face. he brought her back to his room and pounded. of course this ho had a 30 minute curfew, so she left directly after the pound town occured.

Mike said...

Theres this one chick me and my bros always rip on. She has a fucking wide mouth with braces and is ugly as shit. She looks like a fucking golden retriever so we call her "Tennis Ball Mouth"

Anonymous said...

Don't think I saw this one yet. We used to call this bitch field goal back in high school cause of her insanely big gap in her teeth. When she smiled we didn't know whether to smile back or kick a field goal. When she used to party with us we would get drunk and randomly yell "its up, and its GOOOD!"

Ethan said...

I nicknamed a fat girl with freckles who kept trying to fuck me "porky the pig". I also named a girl "freshman forty" for obvious reasons, it's a shame, such a waste. I also named a chick "Voldemort" because she was not to be named because she was so ugly and I have beer goggles. I named another girl "Chlamydia girl" because I thought she gave me chlamydia and I told her about it one night while stoned. That was the end of that hookup. My personal favorite though, is the girl I named "Emo Slutbag" Because she's a hoe and got drunk and tried to kill herself once.

Anonymous said...

Know this really scary looking asian girl who looks exactly like the doll from the movie SAW...every time we see her me and my bros yell out, "Do you want to play a game?" The sad part is she has no idea

Standing BROvation said...

Back in the days at BROhio University, there was this bra that was missing her ring finger on one hand. We affectionately referred to her as "Silk" (a.k.a - the shocker).

heh said...

My bros and I call this one girl Gillette, as in the the shaving products, because she's flat like a razor on both sides of her body.

Anonymous said...

As a bra I LOVE this post. Of course us ladies give you guys nicknames to but now I just have inspiration. But I totally agree that there should be a post about that one bra that hangs with all you bros, thats definitely me and I want to see an article about me.

My favorite nick names for bros....
2shot, any guy that takes alcohol to hookup with.
Double bagger.... explains itself.
The shepherd.... Shepherd was his last name but it was because he would herd his women in.
GQ because he was borderline gay and looked like he came out of the magazine GQ.
Ants in pants, he always scratched his balls like there were some ants down there.
Popeye, because as soon as he finished he would get out of bed eat a snack and be back minutes later for another round, like popeye and his spinach.

Cali-Bro said...

there was this hot slampiece that sucked a lot of dick so inevitably her nickname became Meat-Mouth.

Ultimate Frisbro said...

I actually save bras' numbers in my phone as their nickname. When they call I always get a good laugh.

John said...

we used to bang a chick with a scarred up pimple face and then would tell her that she looked like her parents spoon fed her with a SLINGSHOT

Anonymous said...

fuck this slump buster last night and rammed her head into the wall multiple times thus deeming her thumper.

Anonymous said...

me and my bros called this one girl ding-dong-ditch-bitch, it was used for about a year until somebody pocketdialed her as we talked shit about her

Anonymous said...

We had this one slutbag from freshman year we called "Moped" because she was fun to ride, but you didn't want to tell your friends about it.

The Man With Bro Name said...

Some of my favorite slampiece nicknames my bros and I have come up with over the years.

"Aflac": Chick had lips like a duck's bill.

"One-Time": Exclusively a one-time slampiece. Girl had never been banged by the same bro a second time, ever, in her entire life.

"Scent of a Wookie": Bitch smelled like Chewbacca and was almost as hairy.

"Jingles, the Crack Whore": Wasn't actually a crackhead, but was a whore who would follow bros around, like a crackhead begging a dealer for a free rock.

"Cumshot Christine": Always took bro-loads to the face.

"K.Y. Jess": One of the sluttiest slampieces around, but for some reason could never get wet with any guy she banged so she used to roll to parties with a bottle of lube in her purse.

"Jenna Jameson": Her name was actually Megan, but there was a webcam clip of her giving a BJ that spread all over the campus file networks our sophomore year.

"Cuntface McGee": An obnoxious slampig who would show up to our parties and annoy the hell out of the bros with her diarrhea mouth. Hot enough to bang (two bros in my house hit it), but we all openly hated her and called her her nickname to her face.

Anonymous said...

I remember I had to wingman it with one of my bros, but then I get word that the bitch I'm supposed to be hitting up is fucking 6'2! You better fucking believe I hassled 'shrek' all fucking night long.

The Man With Bro Name said...

Bravo, bros - bra-fucking-vo. These are hilarious.

My contributions:

1) "Golf Clap": A real slutty slampiece that all the bros in our crew tagged at various points in our college careers. She was a butterface, so bros would usually rail her from behind, which is how she earned her nickname: She had some serious junk in the trunk, and if you slammed her fast enough while rawdogging, her ass cheeks would clap together like spectators on the 18th hole at Augusta. *clapclapclapclapclapclap*

2) "Smash and Grab": A piece who lived two floors above me and my bros in the dorms. We started a little mini-tradition that eventually earned her the nickname: after one of us was done banging her in her room ("smash"), we'd steal something small like a DVD or photo of her and her friends as a trophy ("grab"). People were still calling her "Smash and Grab" by the time graduation rolled around. Classic.

3) "Brown-Eye Girl": She loved anal. That's all. Her eyes weren't even brown, they were green.

4) "Slingshot": One of my bros who banged her was taking the condom off afterwards. He was pulling it by the tip and it was stretching out, when it suddenly snapped and hit her in the face, leaving a red welt on her cheek and getting jizz in her eye.

5) "Floor Mop": She sucked dick pretty well but would never swallow. Rather than spitting a bro's load into a cup or tissue or something, she would just spit the jizz onto the floor of her own room. Whenever she would walk into a party, bros would start yelling out "CLEANUP ON AISLE FOUR!!!!!"

6) "Golden Retriever": From more than 5 to 10 feet away this chick was actually pretty hot, but she had mad facial hair that you could only see up close. It was very thin and very blonde, but it covered like her whole fucking face. (Seriously, ho - get that shit waxed or something).


Degrading nicknames are the shit.

Anonymous said...

My bro Mike was dating this busted-ass slamwhore named Lindsay last year. Her face was real fucked up - she had always-swollen cheeks, bug eyes, a snarled upper lip, and some serious snaggletooth. She perpetually looked like someone had just beaten the shit out of her the day before. So naturally, her nickname became "Rhianna".

Paco said...

When I used to live in residence, there was this slam piece with amazing legs and a nice big (yet tight) ass, however, she was blessed with the chest of a skipping stone and the face of an 11 year old pubescent boy. So me and a bunch of bros had to take calculus 1st year, and they talk about dividing numbers like 0 over 10 (0/10) which is called hopital's rule. So, what other perfect way to refer to this girl's body was there...

Anonymous said...

My bro hooked up with a pretty hot slampiece in college. Only problem with her is that her nose was f**king massive. Naturally we started referring to her as "the aardvarq" and making comments such as can you help with the ant investation.

Anonymous said...

Silent nick name. In class one day, a Bro waved at a girl he dated from high school. Pretty hot, nothing visibly nickname worthy of her. But he waved only four fingers at her, with his thumb tucked under his palm. He explained that every guy on the football team had done her in high school and they all had tried to out do each other when fingering her. He had gotten four fingers in her, so they all waved at her with four fingers.

Anonymous said...

Me and my bros decided that instead of actually calling the slampieces we regularly hang out with by their names we could just give them numbers on how slutty they are. That way we can just call them slut 1, slut 2 slut 3 etc.

Anonymous said...

Me and some of my bros gave this one slut the nickname of crazy eyes because her eyes look like that guy in all the adam sandler movies with the lazy eye.

Anonymous said...

Knew this fine bra back in the 918. She had huge fun bags, so fittingly we called her "Tigo" which for the sheltered is short for Tigobittys which for the slow is slang for Big O' Tittys.

Anonymous said...

Oh man...haha this brings back some memories...so, I'm probably one of the few true Bras to admit to my nicknames, but whatever I think it's pretty hilarious and I've always wore my names with pride.

In HS is was deemed 'Chewy' by my Bro friends because I am an ADD spazz and make random mumbling and retarded noises. They would toss Chewy granola wrappers at me during lunch willst making chewbacca sound effects.

In college, I was deemed 'Pink Butt' because I used to wear those pink velour sweatpants to the dining hall and I have a mighty curvacious back side. But with this one it got better...'Pink Butt' morphed into 'PB' and then 'Peebs', and some asshole thought one day it would be funny to call me 'Pubes'and then 'Pubert'. FAIL. But still hilarious.

Anonymous said...

We called a bra "The Clog:"

All bros enjoy mocking the disfigured and less fortunate, so naturally the tv show "The Oblongs" always made us laugh. One character on that show is this squat little WAD of a girl "Helga Fugly"(who ends up clogging a city sewer pipe with her fatness)... and this bra named Alison Muir (Toronto) reminded us of the character. Thus, the nickname.

Anonymous said...

my bros and i are real tight. we have a group of bras that hang around with us and they're pretty much bros because we see them as one of us. one st. pattys day about 3 years ago one bro had a rager and another bro and i felt it was time to bring skoal into the subject because every bro knows throwing in a lip makes every thing better. so as we were throwing in lips our bra with the biggest tits you could ever imagine comes over and shes sloppy drunk so we tell her to pack a lip in her cleavage. and because she was such a mess the bra did it. and to this day every time we see her, her name is now Skoal Tits

napolean bronaparte said...

It is awesome to know that me and my bros aren't the only ones who nickname girls. While all my bros partake in this practice, one of my best bros, is the fucking nickname king. It has come to the point where any nickname any of the rest of my bros come up with is immediately trumped by my bro who is the king of nicknames. He is especially adept at animals. The first girl we ever nicknamed was in our sophomore year of highschool. we weren't very adept yet, but his potential immediately showed when he pinned this one bra as "the horse" which was a perfect description of her snout. we would then go up to her in the hall way with our hand out as if to give her a sugar cube. fucking hilarious. she would just give us a high five and all the bros would crack up. we called her boyfriend "the jockey," he was a doosch. eventually she became barbaro.

better though was when we tried to call this one girl "the pig" but that wasnt that accurate. of course my nicknaming bro comes by and calls her "the beaver" which of course was fucking perfect cuz she was a fucking slut who slept with college bros.

as his talents progressed the animals got more obscure--and more perfectly tailored to the girls. for instance, a long necked girl was no longer "giraffe" but "ostrich" which was even more perfect cuz she was an idiot with her head in the sand.

he has a gift i wish i had.

Anonymous said...

my roommate was fucking this girl from his calculas class. what did we call her? Calcul-Ass of course.

Anonymous said...

1. DK (clearly donkey kong, also donkey for short) this broad has the flabbiest arms and almost had the train run on her. also was part of the epic 6way bro train bang along with 2.manchelle and 3.boreen

2. manchelle (slightly hot) sadly shoulders and face built like a man

3. boreen (exactly what you think, one of the most boring girls you have ever met in bed or not but gets points for the 6 way bang

4. bullfrog (took 1 bro's v-card) the most hideous of all chawty's used to be called swamp donkey

5. cheesegrater (the toothiest blowjobs!!!!)

6. wooley mammoth (straight Hideous!!!!!!!)

Anonymous said...

FB, stood for fat bitch, obviously the DOFF, this one nasty slut we knew got the nickname clap and when she came around all the bros would start a nice slow clap and break into chant.

Broseph Goebbels said...

NYB - to go along with this excellent string of posts, I thought I would contribute. Recently a dumb freshman slut shows up at the frat and starts makin' out with a broquaintence of mine named Frenchy. This bitch is French Canadian so the two are naturally all over each other. As I asked Frenchy the next day about his exploits from the night before he let me know that the bitch apparently had quite the moustache. To make matters worse, this slut had gone into the bathroom in the basement of the frat and proceeded to sit on the toilette, piss herself, puke on herself, and passout. I couldn't help but assign to her the nickname "Inspector Clouseau".

BROmetheus said...

my buddy used to bang this really awkward lookin bitch who was severally facially disfigured. we used to call that bitch stubs. short, sweet, to the point, stubs.

Anonymous said...

I was at this party and met an asian girl, but I just couldn't understand her name. So after she said it like three times, I told her I was just going to call her Mulan.

Anonymous said...

We had a slutty bra with the last name of Frayne who gave herself the nickname of Frayne Train, for obvious reasons

Anonymous said...

My bras and I have names for a few of the guys we've dated...

the ginger- he had brown hair but a happy surprise downstairs
le petit garcon- because he was a foot shorter than the bra and was in her french class (but couldn't speak french).......and he had a tiny dink.
tom-ish- because the bra could not remember his name, but thought it was Tom. (pure class)

Anonymous said...

as much as i am laughing at all of this, i gotta tell you guys that we do the same thing. lemme fill you in.

Jackrabbit: a guy that i was having carnal relations with for a while decided to go really fast every time we had sex and he went so fast i hardly had time to make any noise at all let alone be pleased.

Crusty/Crust Crust: a guy who had this nasty ass eczema on his hands...i need soft hands not crusty ones

Sasquatch: this guy was a great guy but when he dropped his pants it looked like he had don king in a leglock...shave your balls dude

and then there was my friends boyfriend who accidently shit himself while they were having sex, his nicknames included hershey highway, squirts, shitpants, loose caboose, captain diarrhea

haha i love being a bra

Anonymous said...

a couple years ago there was a girl named Aisling, who was a complete hoe we ended up calling her either Trashling or Snachling.

Anonymous said...

Im a girl and reading all of this is making me laugh extremely hard, lol. I live with my brother and my dad and all they do is make up nicknames for any fat girl or nasty looking slut, its quite amusing.

Anonymous said...

We knew this slut in college that got with so many dudes she carried condoms. We called her Matt Leinart, because she always carried the Trojans.

Anonymous said...

there was this slampiece I used to have, who everyone said looked a little bit like megan fox. but me and my bros felt otherwise. if a squirrel could be hot, that would be her. from then on, every time this girl would walk by, we'd stick our fingers up to our mouths, wiggle them and go "tggtgttgtggtgtgt" <- squirrel noise. it was chill

gimp said...

The ugly fuck(i guess its female) from my highschool has zero body fat, no kidding.and me and my friends call it skelator not because its so skinny, but because its face legitimently resembles skelator. and i think it picked up on her nickname because one day in class i heard her use the phrases "ill make a throne out of your hide." and "oh how you vex me".

Anonymous said...

this bro story is GREAT! my college roommate used to bang this chick on the reg who we referred to as "hockey puck" because she looked like she had a hockey puck in her mouth when she smiled!

Anonymous said...

There was a bra we used to go to school with that everyone called "Muff Girl" cause she used to bring boys to the back of the school and lift her skirt to show them her muff

Anonymous said...

This one bra hung around our house for over 2 years and was named "glitter clit".

Anonymous said...

We called a girl in high school "Foreign Lauren" on account that one day when the volleyball team walked into the locker room she had four of her fingers up her snatch.

Anonymous said...

ok, i think that you bros are overlooking the bras potential. my bras and i are much harder on men than it appears you are on us. just a few:

tokyo drift - for the douchebag that drives cars featured in fast and furious. you're a douche and your car looks like a shopping cart.

lightswitch - your penis is painfully small

_-BANG! - for guys that are actually hot insert first initial before bang

chrome cowboy hat - you wear ed hardy and look like a bedazzled fag

i could go on and on. step up bras.

Anonymous said...

1. This girl had some serious unibrow going on so we nicknamed her Un Diablo Seja (the devil's eyebrow.
2. There was a girl on my floor a few years back when I was a freshman who legitimately looked like someone took Pocahontas and ran over her face with a steamroller making it oddly wide and obscenely flat. She earned the nickname Steamrolled Pocahontas, which she somehow never picked up on despite how often I said it around her

Anonymous said...

We call one of my bros Batman cuz he hooked up with 2 bras.. The Penguin (huge nose) and The Joker (way to much make up and ugly)

Boss Meat said...

Fuck yeah, me and mo bros were at a bar this past weekend and this slam piece walked in that had to be 6"5', my bro Craig immediately calls out who let the avatar in and this slut fucking cried. Normally the bouncer would kick someone out for such behavior but he was our bro cause we fucking run that shit so he threw the bitch out. her friends stayed and we slayed all 4 of them after slamming down like 50 shots each.

Anonymous said...

there was this bitch in my highschool who had the biggest mole on here neck, we called her "moley". she got it removed, but it came back like jesus motherfuckin christ, we changed her name to "holy moley" it was chill.

Anonymous said...

the aliens.

enough said they go their name because they look like aliens

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