Monday, June 15, 2009

#33 Playing With Fire

It lives. It breathes. It destroys. It burns. No, I’m not talking about the sensation you get every time you pee ever since you hooked up with that girl in Dewey Beach on Memorial Day. That feeling is totally normal and it will definitely go away, plus everyone knows doctors are for bro-haters. And, I’m pretty sure she "never brings random guys home from bars." I mean that’s what she told me. She wouldn’t lie. It’s definitely best just to ignore it. Anyways, what I‘m going for here is fire. Ever since they were old enough to walk, bros have been overwhelmed by it. Making matters worse, bro hater parents always told bros not to play with fire. Much like their warnings about drugs, alcohol, and safe sex, bros do the opposite. But contrary to popular belief, not all bros are arsonists. Just bros who have been drinking.

First let’s take a look at the bros who play with fire in a controlled atmosphere. This can take place in a number of places. The campfire for example is a place where a bro can earn some serious bro cred. Bros love to take bras on camping trips so they can show off their fire making skills, impressing them enough that they offer their bodies as a reward. Bros always send the girl off to pick out kindling for the fire. When she comes back, no matter what she brings a bro will always ask her, "Are you serious, you actually think this shit will burn?" Bros need to ensure that they are in charge, and even though the bra may have brought back good kindling, you must keep her off guard, constantly questioning her ability to start a fire on her own. Once you have the kindling its time to make the fire - true bros should have no problem starting it, but if you do make sure you blame the kindling. Bros love huge fucking fires. The bigger the fire you make, the more likely you are going to get laid. Once your fucking bonfire is going, it’s advisable to talk about other giant fires you’ve made in the past. This impresses the shit out of girls. Please note, any mention of learning how to build fires from Boy Scouts will not only take away any bro-cred you’ve established, but guarantee you will be shut out.

I know some Anonymous is just chomping at the bit right now to comment that "that isn’t playing with fire!!! You are a bro fraud!!!" Don’t you worry, I know full well just how much fun it can be to play with fire. Bros love power. And what is more powerful than burning the shit out of something? Destruction is the shit. Bros love getting fucking hammered and just picking up random shit around their bro pad and lighting that shit on fire. Such a rush. For example, just a couple weeks ago, me and my bros were sitting around the Brotel when we spotted an empty Gatorade bottle. You better believe that got burned in the living room. This past Friday night, we decided to step up our game. We burned our bro’s shorts while he was wearing them. Our lighter was running out of fluid which totally sucked, so instead we used the flames from our gas stove. You should have witnessed those fucking shorts going up in flames, it was the coolest shit I’ve ever seen. He eventually put it out before it burned up his thighs (bro-hater) but it was awesome while it lasted.

Anyways, the point of these stories is that bros love fire. Not only does it get them laid, but it’s free entertainment. You know why they call it "playing with fire" - uhh, that’s right, because it’s fun as shit. If it wasn’t fun, it would be called "working with fire" or even worse "going to church with fire." If any of you bros have good burn stories, you better believe I want to hear about them.

70 comments:

DC Bro said...

On numerous occassions, after a successful night downtown at the bars - me and my fellow bros would come back to the Brostel and have a running of the 'torch'. This is where the loser of chugging would have to run around the apartment complex with a lit 'torch' (typically a peice of our own furniture or somebody's shit that got left at our place). While a few bros have tripped during this run, because they were so fucked up, it only provided that much more entertainment. The run eventually ended at the dumpster right outside our place where the run ended with the lighting of the 'Games'. Fellow bro would come inside and we would all finish our beers and cheer as the fire department would have to come put out the fire.

- DCBro

Ned's Younger Brother said...

Anytime the Fire Department is called to a bro's place instead of saving someone who really needs help you have done your job. Nicely done DC Bro.

Anonymous said...

When I was in college, I was up in Chapel Hill for New Year's Eve. Some bro who was already blackout decided he wanted a bonfire in the backyard of the house our other bro was renting. He went and found an ax, and I shit you not, chopped down a 30ft fir tree and set it on fire. Then this other bro, whose dad played in the NFL, tried to show off to the gathered slam pieces by jumping over the fire several times. On his last jump, he fell and tore his ACL. When his dad found out he told them that he was a dissapointment, because not only was he bad at football, but he clearly had his mom's weak sauce body and reminded him that he always cheated on his mom.

Ned's Younger Brother said...

That kid's dad is such a bro. His mom deserves to be cheated on for her shitty genes.

BENNY BOY said...

Back at "the Chuck" we had a contest to see who could burn the most panties. After hooking up with a bra, you would put her undergarments where she couldn't find them. Inevitably she would give up looking and go home. We would then head out into the backyard and drench the panties in either lighter fluid or roach spray (our bro pad was disgusting) and then up in flames went the thongs, boy shorts, cottons, silks and whatever else these fucking bras would be wearing. Bros are the shit.

Kevin from da Chi said...

Seriously Bro, this site is the shit. You gotta keep coming with more posts and you are totally right. Bros love setting shit on fire when we are wasted. My bros and I used to BBQ over summer break in his dad's backyard and get fucking wasted. Then we would pour lighter fluid on a softball, light it and toss it around the backyard. It was the fucking key. After a month of this, the backyard grass was totally fucking black. We immediately were banned.

Anonymous said...

once, me and my bros, when camping, found a metal bat. we put it in the fire, and waited. it started to make poping noises. Then a park ranger came into our campsite. He was a bro-hater, and told us to take the bat out, even though it was white hot. One brave bro got a burn when he took it out with his bare hands. Half of the bat had melted, leaving a jagged edge at the edge of the handle. We put the hot bat in a cup of water, and the water got so hot we made cup of noodles with it.

Anonymous said...

Bros are truly bros when they are moving out of their bro pad and burn all their possessions. Why go through the hassel of moving it to the new bropad or selling it on craigs list when you can just burn your couch. This past year, when me and my bros were moving out of our house, lit desks, couches, mattressess, dressers, everything on fire. You name it, we burnt it. Bros dont resell couches, they burn them. So bro

Anonymous said...

My bros and I got wasted and had a bonfire at his dad's house. Half way through the night we decided that the fire was kinda lame and we weren't satisfied. My bro suggested instead that we burn down his dad's old shed so we set up a perimeter and fired a moltav at it and stood around until it reduced to ashes.

blackbroo said...

during pledging, me and my pledge bro would get bored/be very wasted in the basement so what better way to spend our time by burning shit. one time we were pretty drunk and there were alot of keystone lights and red cups down there. we find a tube spray that shit with hair spray (some reason was down there) and torched that shit. then i burned alot of red solo cups and one had a huge flame and i try to put in out with the spray can it melted on to it and i pretty much threw it near some gas pipes (my pledge bro was screamin and nearly out of the basement when this was happenin) but luckily me being such a bro i stopped that shit out and almost lost my foot. Bros are awesome

Anonymous said...

me and my bros were hangen around outside of my friends apartment smokin stoggies. then for no apparent reason, one of my bros decides he is gunna light his hair on fire. shit burned up all the way to the scalp.

i vote bro-life said...

If shit isnt burning, it isnt a party.

bro often and bro hard

Anonymous said...

i like lighting bro-haters on fire.

Anonymous said...

Whenever a pong ball becomes a casualty in the course of playing pong with you bros, the only way to properly pay tribute to it is to put it on the center of the table and light it on fire to appease the pong gods.

Bro-From-DC said...

first of all, i just wanted to say thank you for this website. i've literally done EVERYTHING you've talked about and this site proves to everyone, bros have the best time.

anyway...
i was once with my bros at one of their slam piece's house (unfortunately this one was ugly. let's call her "Kate"). she was having a pool party, so obviously we pregamed before hand for about 6 hours and got there just in time to see some dry-dicks helping the girls move a keg, we obviously offered no help. I don't recall most of the night, but apparently I slayed some hot chick that nite and got excited because I busted in her eyes, so I was told that I ran trying to find my bros and tell them of my accomplishment. Just then "Kate" supposedly started chewing me out for being mean to her friend (the girl whose eyes I skeeted on). So I went outside and set her backyard table on fire with grill lighter fluid. The cops were called but my bros grabbed me, through me in the car, and I woke up the next morning in my bro's basement with the most incredible hangover. And as for your statement about how bros are immune to law enforcement, I would like to agree with you. That bitch didn't do shit.

BROhemian Rhapsody said...

Back in college i was friendly with this crazy motherfucker who was a total bro - one night he decided he was going to pour out a cap full of everclear and take a blow tube and sniff the everclear!! it went up his nose and immediately out hsi mouth as he began coughing and throwing it up - absolutely hysterical - anyways, after he regained his composure, he poured out some everclear onto his wooden coffee table and just lit that shit on fire right in the apartment - we eventually put it out but that shit was great - fire rules - bros rule

Anonymous said...

a favorite pastime during fraturday is to sit around in the brotel, wearing throwback nba jerseys, drink, and sit with a box of matches and flick them at each other, so they light midair. To make things interesting, we wad up newspaper and throw it around the floor. first person to start a bonfire in the living room wins.

Anonymous said...

Real bros throw burning mattresses and sofas off their fraternity house roof

Anonymous said...

Examples of some of the bro-style burning that takes place monthly at our frat:
1. Box of spray paint in a fireplace (after the explosion, car alarms went off, paint flew everywhere, fire dept. showed up, and bros leaped in rejoice)
2. Trees in the courtyard (two stolen 15 ft trees in rubber trashcans, Old x-mas trees, and a decorative plastic palm tree (still counts))
3. Household appliances (a working laundry machine)
4. Wood (with full beer cans underneath that actually exploded the concrete underneath, hurling fireballs of concrete at bystanding bros)
Fire is fun as fuck.

MarylandBRO said...

Fireworks are a must for bros. No small shit, I'm talking huge mortars that can take down a small child. One time I was lighting off fireworks drunk with fellow bros and we set several trees on fire. We found out the fire department are total bro-haters. Bros for life.

Anonymous said...

at work we'll soak tennis balls in nail polish remover then light them on fire and play tennis with them. That shit burns forever and leaves little flaming circles on the ground where it bounces.

napalm said...

as freshman, our pledge class was required to go around town and collect styrofoam out of dumpsters. eventually we used it to make enough napalm to fill a 55 gallon trash can (napalm = styrofoam + gasoline, for those of you non-bros who don't know how to make that shit). we then went to this frat down the street, spread it all over this huge rock in their front yard that had their greeks on it, and watched that shit go up in flames.

Geovany BROto said...

Two events. We had a shit ton of debris wood from knocking out shit, because what bro wouldn't love that, at our new house and lit it at our bro's river, his neighbor threatened to get a neighborhood citation (What the fuck is that shit? Fucking bro haters) Of course, he didn't do shit, because we were way too bro for our own good. Another time, we were crushing some frat pops at my friends house on the Fourth and we set off a 1/2 stick in a garbage can at his neighborhood park. You better believe that shit was loud as dick. Unfortunately, we had a bike cop follow us back to my buddys. Too bad no one got anything serious. Bro hater cops are so fucking weak, they wish they would stop us.
Bro hard or bro home.

Anonymous said...

coming back from a night at earls on the ave, a place in seattle that any bro would love (long islands pint tall and all alcohol) we were totally on the verge of black out and we were obviously coming back to slam some stupid as Bras. One of our Bros was being a lame ass bitch and didn't come out that night so upon arrival our Bro instincts where to make him regret his pussy ass decision. Every Bro knows the price for staying home with a sorority hook instead of an epic night out with team awesome. So we found as much furniture of his as possible and began breaking it with rad jump kicks. He came down to yell at us but he knew ther was no point and that he was an idiot. After he went back to weep in his room we built a rediculous fire in the back yard and burned all of his furniture while crushing beers and throwing the cans at his window. Big fires make sorority hooks so wet.

Anonymous said...

My fellow bros came in from college so we decided to celebrate by throwing a massive bonfire and of course adding alcohol to the gathering. One of my bros managed to get quite a few slam pieces to come so we were prepared to impress them before they arrived. About ten minutes after the fire was started the fire department arrived and actually bragged about how large the fire was,(panty dropper). The fire was so large they had to get a bobcat in to drag the burning logs from the woods. Needless too say, we all got some action from the slam pieces for proving our dominance as bros.

Brozart said...

Don't forget the classic bro trick of taking a shot of everclear, holding a lighter up to your face, and pretending you're a fucking dragon. One of my bros got shitfaced at a party, went out to the backyard, and singed his eyebrows off. You better believe he kept drinking - bros rule

RamBRO said...

A few years back me and few bros got the idea to play flaming lacrosse.. No you fags, not gay lacrosse. We soaked a nerf football in gas then lit that shit up. Every time we threw the ball the fire got bigger. If you would miss the ball when it would land it would catch the grass on fire, but us bros didnt give two shits. then some bro-hater called the pigs on us, but i just did the classic bro move and use your dads name to get out of trouble. Bros and Bro-fires are the shit.

Zachary said...

One time back in high school, me and two of my bros were playing with gasoline because we were bored and we ended lighting a can of spray paint on fire to make that mushroom cloud effect in the middle of the woods. Sure enough, the can exploded and i caught a piece in the hand, and walked to the hospital (a two mile walk) and we saw two fire trucks roaring past us. Needless to say, i got some pussy from the stitches and my parents didnt ask questions.

Toledo Mosquibro said...

Just a few weeks back and a couple of my bro's were drinking at 3 am on our frat's back porch when our other bro came back with a chair he had stolen from another frat. After we threw it off the roof of the house we decided to have a pledge douse it lighter fluid as we threw flaming notebooks at it. So bro.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Bro said...

MarylandBRO, fire departments are definitely not bro-haters. In fact, they employ some of the highest concentration of bros. I happen to be a fire fighter and obvious bro who operates under the guise of being a "public safety officer" only to light more shit on fire and flash my badge to hook up with fly slam pieces. A bro with a badge is nearly irresistible to all slams. Nothing better than getting paid to torch shit!

Anonymous said...

All bros love lighting shit on fire. It says only drunk bros do it, but as we all know true bros are always fucking drunk. If you are not always drunk you are obviously not bro.

Anonymous said...

Any of you who are real Bros have played ASS FIRE!!!! You haven't lived till you played ASS FIRE. Drinking and Playin with fire at the same time fuckin rocks!! and your guaranteed to get a slampiece to bump uglies with. Fold a paper towel in half gently tuck it in between your ass cheecks, get a full beer and get READY TO LIVE!!! Light that shit on fire, then grab your beer. You can't put out the fire untill the beer is completely done!!! After your done, grab the neariest slampice and fuck the shit out of her. Her pants will already be at her ankles after she witness' this BRO-Ness!!! She will not say no!! And if she does, wtf is she doin at your party anyways???

Anonymous said...

my bro was blacked out on a camping trip and threw two unopened nattys into a fire that had lasted all night, needless o say, he brews exploded and set the tents and ground on fire. We are banned from that site for the rest of our lives. so bro

Nick Brover said...

I was present to watch a burning couch get pushed out a 25 story highrise, most amazing night of my life, massholes fuckin' rock!

Anonymous said...

myself and my bro, BroDonough, spent several hours taking little green army mena dn setting up a battle scene on our kitchen counter in the bropad, which was above our college bar. We than began torching those fuckers left and right. Nearly lit the fucking carpet on fire, carpets are fucking bro-haters because they burn so easily. Than BroDonough decided to be a bitch and go to sleep, so i fucking set his door on fire.

Indiana Brones said...

Me and my bros have fires all the time... we get drunk and someone always ends up out back with a raging fire on the concrete...

straight bro'ing it.

Ben said...

During Rush earlier this year I stopped by this frat for some late night beer pong. After a couple games i stepped out into the backyard where one Brother was creating yet another fire. I talked to some of the other Brothers, he does this a couple times a week. Ten minutes later this fire was probably 8 feet high, the man was a genius in the art of arson. Brothers then began to attempt jumping over/through the raging fire. Some went through with it and others bitched out .

As the fire started dying down one Brother threw a TV out of one of the second floor windows. This was one of those old thick TV's and the sound it made when it hit the concrete was unreal. They then proceeded to use some of the broken tv pieces to throw in the fire in hopes of keeping it going.

Anonymous said...

one night me and my bros had a party in my house, damn it was huge, no we didnt have kegs, we did have 50 30 packs of beer, i dont care what the kegs post said, that is a lot of beer. no too mention the liquor cabinet which is always stocked with at least 3 bottles of each. well, my bro (brother, who is indeed my bro) passed out a little earlier than the rest of us, we started setting off fireowrks in his room(fireworks deserves a post of its own) one of them lit the carpet on fire! it was fucking epic. the best thing being to put it out my bro dove on the fire and rolled around to put it out.

ChaBro-said-it-best said...

earlier i made a post in the drinking at inapropriate places about my bro who drank at chruch. this same bro was extremly inebriated by his case of natty that he decided to start a fire to show all the bras how its done. he had fire going in the air about 3 feet high and yes this bro managed to fall into the fire leaving scars on his hands. but its okay because he also smoked the mary j just before because its illegal and its what bros do and you better believe he got some from his slam peice anyways because bros get it fucking done.

Anonymous said...

yo so sometime in september me and my bros are outside doin tricks and shit off a shitty couch we found in our community dumpster outside our townhouses, it started off with bike and skateboard tricks and escalated to "lets see if this bitch burns". we dragged it out into the street and set it ablaze, around 8 oclock we put that shit out and go inside to munge some food, 30 minutes later we got a knock on our door from the biggest bro haters of them all, the fucking cops. they pull us outside and interrogate us, they say well fuck you pal, and put me and my bro in the back of the squad car where we stayed the night in jail for arson charges. the next day were let out and fuckin hella fatty court appearances later we wind up only having to pay a citation. fuckin cops bro hating as shit

Anonymous said...

Ya so last fall we came home from the bar obviously fucking hammered. One of my bros decided to ride in the trunk of a pledges car and when we got home and opened the trunk we found about 100 candles. It started with one on one fights, escalated to team battles in the parking lot and finally we decided that all the by standers were being pussys just watching so we all unloaded about the last 15-20 on them. One of the greatest nights ever.

Anonymous said...

Blew up 5 chimeneas this summer and burned a hole in my neighbors roof this summer with the ole beer can in the fire trick. Best part is the delayed explosion that noone expects except a few heads up bros who love roasting shit. Pretty costly replacing all those chimeneas but cant put a price on watching a flaming can and ceramic frags scatter about enciting chaos and witnessing a bunch of needledicks with fire allergies actually utilize the stop drop and roll technique. ENFUEGO

-Lloyd Banks

Anonymous said...

Just found this site(which is fucking awesome), and figured I had a story to possibly top them all. Every year my college has a spring event with a bunch of lame ass structured events, but all the bros basically get wasted all day every day of that weekend. Anyways, this saturday started with a keg race at 9am. We showed up 15 minutes late because we were so got so plowed the night before. We still got 3rd place and proceded to slam the keg into the ground to show everyone else what pussys they were. We came home and then got a call around 1pm from one of our bros that stayed behind and continued to chug. He said that the party was out of control and continued getting bigger. Im assuming a lot of these calls went out because when we got there at 130pm, there was maybe 200 people in this back lot, and by 10pm... damn near 1000 (so the police reports say...) Anyways, this party continued getting bigger and bigger and eventually poured into the streets. It was fucking awesome, but me and some fellow bros realized it needed something. We figured a big ass bonfire would suffice. Lucky for us, there were empty cases of beer everywhere that served as our kindling. The second people saw this fire, they went fucking nuts. They threw everything on it. Full cans of garbage, a large sombrero hat, and peices of wood from a broken fence to just name a few.

My night culminated when everyone was around this specticle that we created, and about 1000 people were screaming the lyrics of the billy joel song.

"We didn't start the fire.
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
. We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it!!"

Fucking epic.

George Browell said...

Fuck that last one sounds epic.

Mines not as intense, it was just fuckin hilarious.

Random Tuesday night, nothin to do so we got fucked up. We saw the lighter fluid that one of my bros left in my room, and decided to see what would burn best, an empty handle of shitty vodka (and is, therefore, plastic) or my bros eyebrows. Needless to say the eyebrows burnt better. That's when he noticed (through his non burnt eye) the shitty ass microwave on top of the fridge. We decided that tonight was the night that this microwave would die. After shoving CDs, marshmallows and and metal forks in, we hit the 5 and sat down, beer in hand, to watch the show. It was beautiful. Marshamllows grew to 3 times their size, CDs let out sparks of colors only matched by the shiny flashes of the metal works. Amazing. Then it caught on fire. And I mean it fucking caught, on fuckin fire. Flames are shooting out of this thing like a motherfucker burning the shit out of my ceiling. We grabbed the thing and tossed it out in the hallway. The window on the microwave shattered in a 1000 fuckin pieces. What I forgot to tell u is that we put lighter fluid on the window to heighten the effects of the show. All 1000 pieces spread all across the floor all ablaze, fire alarm screaming it's ass off. A quick call to the pledges and everything went back to normal.
Apparently bras fuckin love fire cause me and my roomate ended up bangin out that night, on a random fuckin Tuesday.

I love being a bro

Anonymous said...

p was hanging wit my frat bros after a long night of gettin just fuckin shitfaced, and we thought it would be a good idea to blow fire wit some leftover everclear we had. i went after the other bros had some succeddful attempts--and proceeded to set my entire face and neck on fire. i didnt go to the doctor(cause they are bro-haters) and just chilled with my bros for the weekend. this happened bout october or so. its march and i still have some fuckin badass scars on my neck. LOVE BROS!!!!!!!!!

drewskee said...

me and my bro-cuz made a flame-thrower using a jumbo super-soaker, and gasoline. fuckin right. not to mention this was going into the 9th grade.. primetime bro-training.. fireballs+gun=autopussy. oorah

Broski22 said...

Me and some bros were having a white trash themed party last summer..coincidentally next to a house filled with white trash..so immediatly we had someone to make fun of. After finishing of a fuck load of frat sodas and few bottles of jager we thought it would be sweet to light some fellow bros shirts on fire with tiki torches. needless to say after having our shirts torched..we still wore them all night even though they were charred as shit..because we are such bros..I fuckin love being a bro

Tycho Brohe said...

the one thing possibly more fun then burning shit is blowing shit up my bros and i would go to bass pro shops buy some black powder and some gatorade all-stars. the gatorade all stars are key because the bottles are strong as shit. so you drink the gatorade, dry out the bottle and fill it up with the black powder. on occasion we would use sparklers for when we taped our shenanigans but since were bro as shit we normally just dropped a match in. all of the black powder lights at once and has no place for the gas to escape except through the hole thats about as wide as a fat girls twat (not very wide) that shit will blow up damn near anything. for extra bro cred poke a hole in the cap and put some sort of fuse in there to turn it into a grenade

NON-guido NJ bro said...

Weekend after new years, was walkin home from a bar with bros. Came across a nice dry christmas tree sitting on the side of the road waiting for the garbage-bro. Lit that shit on fire! So funny, and in the crossfire it lit a plastic garbage pail on fire. Still a stain there today. Hilarious.

Mean Bro Green said...

This past weekend me and a bunch of my bros were down in Maryland at a graduation pig roast when a couple of my drunk bros wandered across the street into a high school graduation party. Well when they asked who we were we said we came from said bro's graduation party. These bro-haters proceeded to scream "FUCK (said bro)". Everyone knows not to fuck with a bro. So we stole their mailbox and you better believe we threw that shit in a bonfire, later to be tossed in the river. Fuck high school bro-haters.

Bro G said...

a couple weekends ago i was hammered and lit and started a huge ass bonfire, huge ass= 40 feet. it was the greatest fire ever though some people disapproved of it (fuckin bro haters)..
Bros are fuckin awesome

Anonymous said...

This is to the bros who threw the bonfire in FTL where the police, fire department, and ambulance came to break up our bonfire which consisted of 15 pallets and 3 kegs. Too bad those fucking pigs had to come and try to break up the shitshow of a party and ended up getting stuck in the mud because everyone thought it'd be sick to take the backroads. Fuck cops, more brohaters than fucking doctors...oh well everyone knows a cop is easier fool than a fucking doctor.

Broakridge said...

A Bro of mine was in Dominican Republic gettin trashed and gettin his game on with a bitty when Bro-hater God decided to throw in a power outage,, Then the super Bro-hater of a bartender got out the Zambuqie or whatever the fuck that gay shit is, and started pouring it all over the bar where my bro was posted up. well being the bro-hater he is, he sets the bar on fire and my bros arm goes up in flames, game over for the rest of his trip and this was his first night.

Fratlanta Bro said...

Back when I was just a fratling (7th grade) a buddy of mine and I lit a porto potty on fire. I haven't talked to him in years, but given his actions that day, I'd say he's a huge bro now.

Anonymous said...

During our annual 'cleaning and repairing' of our fraternity party house at the end of the academic year, our pyrotechnics advance beyond that of the above average bro. It a futile attempt to regain the safety deposit on our house (so we could have a 10 keg weekend) we burn all the replaced drywall that was destroyed during fights, because bro's love fighting. The Bro Singh (named after a fucking bro-tastic palace in India) usually has about 5 couches, all of which are always drenched in beer and piss, and can't be passed down to future generations. What would a bro do in this scenario? Burn the fucking shit out of them. This past year we had the fucking brilliant idea to stack three couches on top of eachother and drench them in gasoline. We, the average bro's, were obviously intoxicated and thought that this was a good idea. Not having noticed that we were dangerously close to a dead pine tree, we started the roaring fucking fire. Soon that tree caught on fire too. It was a lone tree, so calling the fire department wasn't a logical option. We let the fucker burn. Needless to say, that party resulted in the talk of the campus or the rest of finals week. The house was repaired, but our landlord kept a security deposit because a fucking dead tree was missing. Such a fucking bro-hater.

Anonymous said...

NYB you'll love this shit. I go to UW and this past year there was a power outage. That was gay as shit. It did lead to something fucking awesome though. Everyone in the greek system went out into the median and just started to party. The playing with fire started out small with some lame ass fireworks, but eventually some bros decided to make a bonfire in the median. this was cool and all but shit really got going when the couches showed up. there were probably 5 couches burned, three mattresses (and frames, and even a few traffic cones thrown in that shit. that fire was fucking huge. you couldnt get inside of 40 feet of it without your eyebrows coming off. then the fucking bro hater riot squad came and broke that shit up. so gay on their part. but needless to say when a riot quad and two firetrucks are required to stop that shit, some bros have truly been playing with fire.

-University of Broshington Bro

Anonymous said...

Made a fire on campus 2 years ago, we sure got banned from there. BROS FOR LIFE hahahaha

- Dancetiger

Anonymous said...

So our fraternity got a shipment of free samples of AXE cause they figure if the bros in our house wear that shit everyone will want to... too bad it smells like shit. Axebombs were fun until the weekend where shit started going down. We all get shitty and decide to light this shit on fire. Instead of being 14 and holding a lighter to the spray and giggling we take it a step further. Step 1, light a paper plate on fire and put it on the ground. Step 2, put axe can on paper plate. Step 3, shoot that shit with a pellet gun. HOLY SHIT that creates a fucking mushroom cloud of fire. Clearly we toasted an entire case of axe this way. Bras were impressed as shit and many conceded to be slayed that night.

Anonymous said...

ice decided to have a party last night, so naturally me and the rest of my br0z burned two of his 3-bro couches. epic flamez, huge, so hot... ladiez got wet

BrOdysseus said...

I almost burned down a church one time playing with charcoal - true story

Anonymous said...

One time me and my bro where drunk and we decided to make a fuckin fire of fires. Of course we dont use kindling. We use gas. so we filled an empty beer bottle with gas. We lite the fire with gas then chucked the bottle of gas at the fire. The woods caught on fire n the fire dept. had to come and put that shit out.

fuckinbro said...

one time me and my bros decided to start a fire with white petroleum. too bad there was still a spark on the kindling which would not light, so when the wp hit the spark a flame traveled into the bottle, which this fat ass bro hater decided to throw away from him. It went into a tent, burnt the tent down and then some dudes socks caught on fire. he was also a bro hater and it would not have happened to him if he wouldnt wear those faggot knee high socks.

Anonymous said...

this past jmu springfest block party, during the riot me and my bros light a dumoster full of trash and 30 boxes on fire. soo sick

Browen said...

I wont lie to you, I was a boy scout. Not only a boyscout, but I was an eagle scout(top rank). But you better believe that shit was to get college scholarships. Obviously I didnt need the fucking scholarships cause bros are fucking rich, but it was just that much more money towards buying brew. Not gonna lie, I didnt learn shit for fire from boyscouts. But while we were camping one night, we lit this fuckers tent on fire while he was asleep in it. Nobody knew it was us. He got out before getting crisped. But it was still fucking funny.

Anonymous said...

Bors fucking love cig burns

Browen Wilson said...

My bro always has an epic party the weekend before St. Patty's day in Savannah. He inherited this party from his father, who's still broing his face off. Multiple kegs, low country boil (that's shrimp and stuff, yankees) and, always, the Xmas tree bonfire. This guys collects trees right after Xmas and hoards them until this party. We burn em in the backyard near his dock, so we can jump in the river if that shit get's all Smokey the Bear on us. Needless to say, these fuckers can be seen from space once we drown em in gas and touch the torch. This year we had around 12 of them. This shit's so hot you have to be about 25 yards away, if you like eyebrows that is.

Best part- the fire department showed up because some bro-hater thought the house was burning down. After laughing at the pissed off fire marshall (who didn't get out a citation, cos we're bros) my bro's father says, "Anyone can get the cops called to their place. When the fire marshall shows up, THAT's a party!...this happened last year too..."

Anonymous said...

To anonymous bro from Jan 13: I live nearby and remember that shit. Riot cops came. Bros were on youtube slinging teargas back at the cops. Forest Hills was the brocenter of the universe that day. The county DA might be the most brocist cunt in existence. JMU is bro as shit.

Anonymous said...

Me and like 6 bros were screwing around on a camping trip, when our big guy got the idea to start a fire. We were in the middle of a fucking field, so we just threw our shitty tents in the fire. A couple of the bros brought some hobags and they had to sleep outside with us. It rained that night and we still slept out there. That morning, we burnt the bras clothes to start a breakfast fire, lent them xl shirts, and dropped them five blocks from their place, then followed them on their walk of shame for two blocks yelling SLUTS!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

One time in high school me and my bros started a campfire in front of the school doors, another time we started one all along one wall of the school.

Anonymous said...

I had a bro who was on a dry streak. He finally found a slump buster to break the streak with. Instead of letting him slay the dragon in peace, we started lighting fireworks under his door. Ended up lighting the bed on fire, and the fire department was called by our bro hating neighbor because she said the house was going to go up in flames.

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