It lives. It breathes. It destroys. It burns. No, I’m not talking about the sensation you get every time you pee ever since you hooked up with that girl in Dewey Beach on Memorial Day. That feeling is totally normal and it will definitely go away, plus everyone knows doctors are for bro-haters. And, I’m pretty sure she "never brings random guys home from bars." I mean that’s what she told me. She wouldn’t lie. It’s definitely best just to ignore it. Anyways, what I‘m going for here is fire. Ever since they were old enough to walk, bros have been overwhelmed by it. Making matters worse, bro hater parents always told bros not to play with fire. Much like their warnings about drugs, alcohol, and safe sex, bros do the opposite. But contrary to popular belief, not all bros are arsonists. Just bros who have been drinking.
First let’s take a look at the bros who play with fire in a controlled atmosphere. This can take place in a number of places. The campfire for example is a place where a bro can earn some serious bro cred. Bros love to take bras on camping trips so they can show off their fire making skills, impressing them enough that they offer their bodies as a reward. Bros always send the girl off to pick out kindling for the fire. When she comes back, no matter what she brings a bro will always ask her, "Are you serious, you actually think this shit will burn?" Bros need to ensure that they are in charge, and even though the bra may have brought back good kindling, you must keep her off guard, constantly questioning her ability to start a fire on her own. Once you have the kindling its time to make the fire - true bros should have no problem starting it, but if you do make sure you blame the kindling. Bros love huge fucking fires. The bigger the fire you make, the more likely you are going to get laid. Once your fucking bonfire is going, it’s advisable to talk about other giant fires you’ve made in the past. This impresses the shit out of girls. Please note, any mention of learning how to build fires from Boy Scouts will not only take away any bro-cred you’ve established, but guarantee you will be shut out.
I know some Anonymous is just chomping at the bit right now to comment that "that isn’t playing with fire!!! You are a bro fraud!!!" Don’t you worry, I know full well just how much fun it can be to play with fire. Bros love power. And what is more powerful than burning the shit out of something? Destruction is the shit. Bros love getting fucking hammered and just picking up random shit around their bro pad and lighting that shit on fire. Such a rush. For example, just a couple weeks ago, me and my bros were sitting around the Brotel when we spotted an empty Gatorade bottle. You better believe that got burned in the living room. This past Friday night, we decided to step up our game. We burned our bro’s shorts while he was wearing them. Our lighter was running out of fluid which totally sucked, so instead we used the flames from our gas stove. You should have witnessed those fucking shorts going up in flames, it was the coolest shit I’ve ever seen. He eventually put it out before it burned up his thighs (bro-hater) but it was awesome while it lasted.
Anyways, the point of these stories is that bros love fire. Not only does it get them laid, but it’s free entertainment. You know why they call it "playing with fire" - uhh, that’s right, because it’s fun as shit. If it wasn’t fun, it would be called "working with fire" or even worse "going to church with fire." If any of you bros have good burn stories, you better believe I want to hear about them.