Monday, July 13, 2009

#47 Entourage

It’s Sunday night. You and 3 of your bros are sitting around your Bro Pad talking about how fucking hammered you got last night and what slam pieces you crushed. That’s when you remember – “fuck me, I have to go to work tomorrow.” Sunday nights suck because it represents the longest possible time before you can get fucked up and bang a stranger again. This is as close to depression that bros ever get. Never fear though, for the next few months bros can put away their straight razors. Why is that you ask? Because now Sunday Night means Entourage.

Bros fucking love Entourage. Bros have seen every episode and have all the seasons on DVD. If you have never seen Entourage – you are not a bro. Bros love complaining about how the show has gone so far downhill since the first season. Bros love that all the characters do is talk about getting fucked up and banging slampieces. Bros love the fact that they all completely shit on girls. Except for E, he’s an annoying little bitch. Bros have no idea how he ever pulls any tail. Bros think Vince is the worst character on the show and that Adrien Grenier is a horrible actor. Bros fucking love Ari – mostly because he curses and makes fun of gays and women all the time. This makes bros feel better about themselves, as they should. Johnny Drama is another favorite character of bros because he says funny shit all the time. If you are fat, never get any ass, and smoke weed chances are Turtle is your favorite character. And one thing is for sure – bros fucking hate Dom.

Overall, what it really breaks down to is that bros want to be the Entourage crew. Bros love the show because it really is one of the only shows on TV that portrays bros being bros. Sure every season is basically the exact same thing except for the movie Vince is working on. Sure there is no fucking way Martin Scorcese would ever cast Vince as a lead in his movie. Sure the episodes are 21 minutes long. Sure E is 5’3’’ tops and no one would ever take him seriously, much less sleep with him. But as bros we look past all this and embrace the show for promoting the two most important qualities of being a bro – getting fucked up and banging slampieces.

46 comments:

Anonymous said...

in the famous words of Johnny Drama, i proclaim this post a VICTORY!

Anonymous said...

All of this is true.

Anonymous said...

Hung is also a fucking great show. It also helps to take the mind off the "I fucking hate work and wish I'd win the Powerball so I would never have to return to that shitty place" Sunday blues.

Broran Van Der Sloot said...

I'm pretty sure Brony was not talking about how fucked up he got or the slam pieces that he crushed last night seeing as how he turned in his bro card the second he decided to move in with his girlfriend

Anonymous said...

Dom fucking sucks and the ONLY cool thing E has ever done was have a three-some with Sloane and that hot ass blond slampiece.. VINNIE'S BACK

Anonymous said...

I cannot agree more about E. Ari, on the other hand, is my idol.

Anonymous said...

Bros don't hate Dom, because the actor who plays Dom was on The Wire before he was ever on Entourage. That evens it out.

Anonymous said...

E did also hook up with that perfect 10 model.....Ari is a brogod amongst bros

Bro in Chicago said...

Sunday nights should not just be for Entourage- they should also be for going out to the bars and getting drunk. I've been going out every Sunday for the past year or so now and it's been great. When you get drunk on Sunday you don't care about the terrible work week ahead of you. Also, looking forward to getting drunk takes away that shitty feeling of Sunday.

Anonymous said...

I'm a short bro, but i got a big head. "The bigger the head, the bigger the star"

Anonymous said...

the things bros like doing best is comparing them and their three friends to the entourage, and then there's always the friend that is ari too. this makes watching entourage that much better because it's almost like you and your bros are in hollywood bangin slam pieces like vinny, E, drama and turtle.

Anonymous said...

yeah this is true. and whats funny is that bros will always compare other bros to characters in the show

Anonymous said...

"back in the game?.....I AM THE FUCKIN GAME PAL!!!"

Heywood JaBrome said...

Bros,

This is one of my favorite posts. One night my senior year in college me and my bros were watching entourage towards the end of the semester. My bros and I were talking about what were going to do with our lives, and it dawned on me. I want to be Ari Gold. He is the man. He shits on lloyd and makes him send it to other faggot agents.

Anyway, I'm doing just that. I told some slampiece that I liked her so I could stay at her place when I moved to NYC, and then found a place, a job at a agency, and kicked that slampiece to the curb. I will be the ultimate bro, Ari Gold.

p.s. E is a turd burglar for dumping Sloan. That bra's the only bra worthy of a real bro.

Anonymous said...

ari brold is probably the bro most bros aspire to be

brosB4hoes said...

DRAMA is the broest of theM all for the sole fact he is the only one who uses the word BRO

Anonymous said...

Fact, Drama is a bro-king. Using words such as chief and boss to talk to common people in the street is bro at its finest.

Brose Reyes said...

Drama is the biggest bro. "no,no,no...mean is when i made jess mancini ride her bike home after i ass fucked her."

SoBRO n Lime said...

E-Turtle could u get laid without vince? That's the question.
Turtle-Do I give a fuck? Thats the answer.

Bros fucking love entourage.

Jake Truchel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BROck Samson said...

Jeremy Piven is the man but not because he is a PIKE... Him being a PIKE detracts bro-points as PIKES do not haze and have like 200 fucking members making them a sorority and therefore gay. To get into PIKE all you have to do is sign up online. Least at VT that is how it is.

Bro Namath said...

Ari acts like a bro to the fullest, but he is married, un-bro like. Also, people hating on E for his height and personality are bro haters. He is an ultimate bro for always having Vince's back, a fellow bro. Not to mention, E gets with as many hot slam pieces as he wants to, and Sloane is a 10 on the slam-piece scale, so let him pound that shit.

Anonymous said...

bro, this is the greatest thing i have ever read. ever.

Matthew Brofford said...

Entourage is for Bros who don't know how to party on their own. The only person worth a shit on that show is Ari. I could give a fuck less about Eric or Turtle's relationships. If you watch this show you are not a Bro, you are a faggot.

Anonymous said...

entourage takes places in california which is pretty much a foreign country full of liberals and jbros who wear tight jeans and blazers with t shirts. anything in california is not bro.

UMN Bro said...

Every Sunday night me and my bros straight chill after a long weekend of being fucked up. We always smoke the dankest weed and then watch Entourage. It is the best way to relax and recover from being drunk for 60 straight hours.

Edgar Allen Bro said...

"I'll chase puss with you bro" great johnny drama quote that applies to all bros

President of the United States of Bromerica said...

i would just like to say that Jeremy Piven who plays Ari is the ultimate bro and a member of my fraternity Pi Kappa Alpha baby!!!

Anonymous said...

The best slam pieces are Sloan and the blonde british slut that Vince bangs while E sits at the pool whining to the other british slut about how he just ran into Sloan and he wants to finger his butt hole over it.

Anonymous said...

Ari is the modern day jesus...enough said.

Anonymous said...

WTF?
California is where real bro's live.

Anonymous said...

Ari may be married which is un-bro, however since he cheats on his wife and gets pussy all the time it makes up for it and gives him even more bro points.

Ari is the fuckin man

Anonymous said...

who is this bro-hater saying california is anti-bro? that's about as gay and anti bro a statement as "i love you" and meaning it. California, among other states, is a mecco for bros so please don't post such stupid shit on here, its embarrassing.

G said...

fuckin the guy who plays E was dating niki hilton. how the fuck did he pull that one off.

Inglorious BRO-sterds said...

Anonymous - How the fuck can you hate California? Bro hater.

Its the fucking richest state, weed is practically legal, perfect weather, and the hottest slam pieces in the world.

-Inglorious BRO-sterds

Anonymous said...

agreed cali with

WTF?
California is where real bro's live.

norcal bro said...

cali is the broest of all the states. well besides san francisco but that place is like afghanistan for bros. california has the best weed in the country, it has the hottest slampieces, no guidos at all, and a fucking bro governor (arnold=bro). we also have the lakers who are consistently the best team in the league for the bst 20 years and have brobe bryant and phil jackson whose a bro because he talks shit to everyone and probably nails hella slampieces even though hes like 60

Anonymous said...

I have seen that many have ripped Ari for being married, I would like to quickly point out that Ari married a hot and rich slampiece/actress who bought him a Ferrari. Any true bro should at some time grow up and begin to take advantage of people, make a lot of money, and marry a hot and rich slampiece.

Also, Artie Lange is the best guest on this show, and is the ultimate bro- "How about a blowjob if I make this shot from half-court?"

aBROham Licoln said...

Ari is the grandfather of Brodom, he runs shit, and serves a great role model for Bros all over the world. And by world, I mean America, the only nation worth shit.

Anonymous said...

I would actually like to say that there is one show more bro than Entourage and that show is SPARTACUS ..... if you haven't seen Spartacus than your a fucking pussy! I mean seriously how much more bro can you get than dudes slaughtering one another with there bare hands and then having all the slampieces in the world lining up in their spare time outside of the arena.

Muggsy BROgues said...

Sloan is the ultimate slampiece...the one woman that every bro would love to get deep with

Chad Brochocinco said...

entourage is simply the chillest fuckin show ever btw Hung sucks asshole

Ari BROld said...

everybody STOP. I didn't go to the laker game, because they were playing the fucking bobcats.
And I came here today because I thought this was a session for my wife to learn how to communicate. how to answer a question, with out a question. basic humanity 101. which, I thought, given your wall of fucking diplomas, you could easily fix. or if you couldn't, you could either give her a pill to either fix it, or make her a mute.
but now... to turn around and gang up on me? I have work to do, I have hundreds of clients to deal with, and just so we're clear, I don't care about any of them! they're alllllll just a number. like wife number one, and therapist number seven. GOOD DAY.


-biggest bro ever, Ari BROld

The Man With Bro Name said...

To the anon poster above who was hating on California:

You are clearly devoid of any bro-cred or bro-knowledge, because every true bro knows that California is probably the most bro place in the world. The whole goddamn state is filled with primo weed, hot-ass slampieces with fake tits, awesome party colleges, warm weather conducive to constant day drinking, and lots of other bro shit. The state governor is a bodybuilding, weed-smoking, millionaire action movie star who bangs slampieces like it's his fuckin' job. Even the politicians here are 100% bro.

You're an idiot for even suggesting that CA is not-bro. This place is the fucking Eden of bro-ness.

Air Brodan said...

I don't know about the new entourage vince is failing in love with a porn star none bro and she has a butter face but hopefully he will come back

Anonymous said...

another total bro show that deserves to be recognized is blue mountain state where all they do is party and bang slampieces

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