You've been in one of the worst slumps of your life. The last three girls you went home with seriously could have been cast members of the Addams Family. Your bros have had a fucking field day busting your balls and you're determined to put an end to it. You decided, “From here on out, quality – not quantity.” Only problem was, there has been no quality to be found. That is of course until tonight. You met her out at the bar and before last call you were back at her place pounding steel like John Fucking Henry. Not only is she easy as shit – but she is pretty fucking hot. Sure she might be a little too skinny and didn’t really have that big of a rack, but you know who else is like that? Every fucking model out there. You basically just fucked a model, so you are feeling pretty proud walking home and can't wait to go brag to your bros. You swing the door open set to receive high fives from everybody only to find half your bros pointing and laughing at you.
“So what was it like banging Haley Joel Osment?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Bro – that bitch looked like a little boy – has she even hit puberty yet?”
“Dude, shut the fuck up – she was fucking hot!”
“Honestly, did she even need to wear a bra or was it just there to support the wadded up toilet paper?
You stick to your guns and a few of your bros even agree with you that she was hot, but after about 2 hours of this type of back and forth, you come to the crippling realization that your cold streak is still alive.
While bras are busy wasting time by talking about things such as how much longer they have until menopause, bros are devoting their time to much more important matters: determining once and for all whether a girl is hot. Bros love to do this for slam pieces they or their bros have hooked up with. As you would expect, the bro who hooks up with the slam piece will more than likely cling to the fact that she was hot. At the same time all his bros will rip her to fucking shreds, because now, since he’s banged her, anything you say about her is a direct rip on your bro.
Bros aren't always cruel. Often times, they will give some constructive criticism on how the slam piece in question can become hot. For example, say her nose is on the larger size, a bro might suggest she “take a chisel to that fucking beak.” Or maybe she could stand to lose a couple pounds – bros might suggest she “experiment with the anorexia diet for a few weeks.” While bros love ganging up on girls behind their backs, if a girl is truly hot as shit, bros will defend her honor to the grave.
Every college campus has them. Drop dead knockouts that could seriously be in Playboy. While most colleges probably have thousands of girls that fit this description, my College was far more concerned with admitting girls who looked as though they had spent time living under a bridge collecting tolls than hot ones. Regardless, we still had a few girls that every bro agreed were hot as shit. When bros see the hot girl, they will comment on the terrible things they would do to her or just yell out “God Damn, she is fucking hot as shit!" But every once in awhile some fucking bro hater might say some shit like, “I've seen her without makeup on - she’s not even that hot.” Bad fucking move. If you ever make a statement like this, you damn well better be prepared to answer some hard-hitting questions such as “Seriously, are you gay?” “How could you be so fucking blind?” “At what point did your parents realize you are autistic?” or "Why don't you go lick some more windows on your short bus you fucking retard?" Bros will get so enraged by this that they will nearly come to blows until the fucking bro hater admits that the girl is hot as shit. Seriously, rag on a bro’s mother as much as you want, but whatever you do – don’t ever call a smoking hot girl busted.