There are many things that make bros better than bras. Driving, having rational thoughts, and being able to drink alcohol without crying immediately come to mind. But perhaps one of the greatest differences between the sexes and what adds a lot of support to the natural law that men are the superior gender is the way bros and bras celebrate their birthdays.
Let's take a look at your typical celebration for a girl. First of all, you better fucking know the date of the birthday or you're some sort of asshole. Well excuse me your majesty, but remembering shit like the day of your birth is pointless and takes up way too much space in my brain. I need that space for much more important things - like the starting lineup for the '91 Orioles. Needy bitch. So, once you've figured out the actual date, that's not enough. Girls don't have happy hours to celebrate their birth where everyone gathers and maybe just signs a card. No - girls demand a fucking production, and if they don't get one, expect to see the waterworks. Bras don't have birthdays. They have birth months. Everyone and their fucking mother better write "Happy Birthday!!!" on their facebook wall, and if they don't they will most likely be de-friended. By having the most wallposts on your birthday, it means that you are much less likely to die alone/have to settle for some guy you met on Match.com who cries himself to sleep after sex. So, what makes a bro birthday so much better?
Getting Laid - If you can't get laid on your birthday, either you clearly aren't trying or haven't hit puberty yet. The best thing about the birthday slaying is that it doesn't even have to be your birthday to pull off the line. Just tell the sluts at the bar any day of the year that it's your birthday. Then if they say they don't believe you and want to see your ID, just show it to them. Since they are girls, there's like a 50% chance they can't even read anyways. Not to mention the fact that driver's licenses typically don't contain the words "disinfectant" or "Pine Sol" aka typical girl reading material.
Only One Matters - With every passing year, a girl's birthday aka menopause countdown must be treated as a bigger deal than the one prior. For bros, there is only one year that has any sort of meaning whatsoever. "NYB, you must be referring to the age of 30 when all bros must settle down, right?" Fuck no dipshit, why would you settle down when your future wife is only 8 years old? Fucking sicko. I'm fucking talking about one of the greatest events in any bro's life. His 21st birthday. Just say those words to any bro and his head will immediately tilt back as his eyes roll up and he exclaims, "Bro, I got SOOOO fucked up on my 21st." Every bro has a story about just how fucked up he got. This always revolves around how many drinks he pounded. Bros always have at least 21 drinks on their 21st and if you don't, then you're a fucking bitch. The more drinks over 21, the more fucking bro points you earn. Your 21st birthday is also the only time it is socially acceptable amongst the bro community to get your stomach pumped. Imagine being able to claim you drank so much on your 21st that you were declared legally dead for a couple minutes? How fucking awesome would you be? Fucking Bro King!