Tuesday, June 21, 2011

#171 Lacrosse

Every race has that Sport that defines them. Indians have Cricket, the Chinese have Ping Pong, and Mexicans have Lawn Mowing. So it comes as no surprise that Bros also have their trademark activity. Over the past few years, our Sport has received criticism, but there’s no reason a few bad apples have to ruin our fucking heritage. It’s time to honor the game that has produced some of history’s greatest Bro Kings. It’s time to celebrate our pastime. It’s time to honor Lacrosse.

Now, the common misconception amongst the brommunity is that the only “true bros” are Lacrosse players. While being a bro involves so much more than just growing up with a long stick in your hand, it doesn’t fucking hurt. According to facts, Lacrosse teams have the highest percentage of bros out of any Sport in the fucking World. Now I know some football players are out there claiming they fucking throw down harder than anyone, which I definitely believe, but that’s a big fucking team, and while I guarantee there are a handful of Bro Kings on every Football team, there’s no way you can tell me that your roster top to bottom matches up with any Lacrosse team in the country. So why are Lacrosse players such bros?

Lacrosse, much like being a bro, is an elitist activity. It’s fucking expensive to play, so it keeps all the fucking loser #38 poor people out. Lax bros all have their own pads, sticks, and helmets, unlike Football where it’s all just dirty fucking hand-me-down equipment like you’re living in some sort of Russian orphanage. Having the best Lax stick not only makes all your teammates jealous, but it also makes slam pieces wet as shit. “But what about other elitist Sports like Golf?” Yeah fucking right, for every #113 Tiger Woods out there, there’s like 10 Zach Johnsons who are fucking religious and shit and probably don’t even cheat on their wives.

Lax bros get laid all the fucking time. Girls fucking love chasing jerseys, so it’s no surprise they try to get railed by as many Lacrosse players as possible. First of all, they’re pretty much guaranteed to be bros, which is reason enough to bang them, but then, the fucking icing on the cake is that they’re athletes too! And it’s not like the other athletes such as Basketball, Football, or Hockey players who might have fucked up body characteristics like being 7 feet tall, 330 pounds, or Sidney Crosby. Lacrosse players are just your normal, run of the mill Bro Kings that love to get fucked up and slay some fucking strange.

The greatest injustice in the history of Sports (and perhaps in the history of time) is the recent decommissioning of many Lacrosse programs in D-1 athletics to make way for #143 Women’s “Sports.” Are you fucking kidding me? If this isn’t a clear case of Brocism, I don’t know what the fuck is. Is there any way we can bring this shit to the Supreme Court? It would no doubt go down as the most groundbreaking Bro-Rights case since Wade made that bitch Roe get an #24 abortion. And don’t tell me that Lacrosse doesn’t bring in any money. Lax players parents’ are fucking #135 loaded and do you know where they love giving their money? That’s right, their fucking kid’s schools. Who the fuck is ever gonna donate money just so some fat girl can miss a fucking layup?

While the rest of society sleeps soundly at night knowing their favorite Sport will never be taken away, Bros once again suffer from society’s iron fist of hatred. As allegations continue to pour in against us, our Sport and the bros tilting their helmets for us every day on the field of battle are coming under attack. We must come together to preserve our Sport of Bro Kings. Save Lacrosse. End Brocism.

70 comments:

Corps Bro said...

NYB how can you forget the ultimate bro-wear in the lax pinnie as a draw for the sport? A many-years old camp pinnie is like a class ring for bros

Nate said...

Amazing post.
"Lacrosse, much like being a bro, is an elitist activity. It’s fucking expensive to play, so it keeps all the fucking loser #38 poor people out"

Fucking gold, I love it!

Brosus Shuttlesworth said...

As a golfer I do agree. For every two or three bros I've met on the course There was always the one who would bitch out as we pounded brews, slammed shots, smoked pot, and bang the slam piece beer cart girls.

blksquirrel said...

Lax gave men the ability to rip top shelf, which single-handedly inspired women to start giving blow jobs.

Anonymous said...

Lacrosse is bro as shit on the east coast, on the west coast its a bunch of pussies who got cut from every other sport they tried

no disrespect to true lax bros.

cf5044e8-9c48-11e0-9494-000bcdca4d7a said...

i have been waiting for a lax post for months, good choice NYB

Alpha and Bromega said...

Nothing more bro than laxing. Well done.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant but one mistake, Sidney Crosby is a massive bro. Slampieces cant help but be drawn to the guy

Anonymous said...

Sidney Crosby calls his mom before every game. Ovechkin fucks a slampiece. Crosby-not bro. Also he is Canadian. There is a reason we chant U-S-A!

Chris said...

great post NYB

at my school, lax bros are the top of the class. they fuck the most bitches, party the hardest, and of course cheat their way to the top. I played football and i agree, we partied, but there r a couple sayings at my school. "lax hard, party harder", and "party like a lax bro"

Anonymous said...

love all of your other posts and I am a lax fan but this shit sounded like brobible. laxers can be cool dudes and huge bros but this site usually talks about what it really means to be a bro, not just wearing pastels and wearing pinnies

Anonymous said...

First off dipshit, Canada's bro/population ratio is by far higher than the US, so being Canadian does not disqualify one from being bro; it only raises the likelihood. Second, Ovechkin is Russian, so you chanting U-S-A has nothing to do with anything, you stupid fuck.

Bro Pelini said...

At first I was going to say you're doing an injustice to football as possibly just as bro of a sport, but touche on the top to bottom argument in terms of quality bros. There were definitely scrubs/losers/pussies on the scout team who we'd pound their shit to the ground. Lax just isn't that big of a thing out here in the Midwest and South, slampieces in this neck of the woods get wetter for football bros than lax bros. Us few bro Kings on the football team were always wading knee-deep in pussy juice. No reason there can't be multiple bro sports, but based on your argument I can agree it is probably the purest bro sport.

Anonymous said...

sidney crosby is one of the biggest pussies in professional sports http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0LyOm4oxeo&feature=related

Anonymous said...

Rugby is a very bro sport too. Those guys are jacked and the slam pieces love them. It's also tradition to bring a yard o ale to the game and party with the other team after every game to see who can crush more brews

Anonymous said...

So I'm from Iowa, I know not bro (Zach Johnson for example). Not too much lax out here. But what I can't figure out is why slampieces get wet for wrestlers here. Two guys wearing tight ass singlets and rubbing scrotums does not seem bro to me but the ladies love it. Somebody please explain this to me.

Anonymous said...

I agree that LAX has the highest percentage of Bros in a sport but where I went to high school in the Midwest we didn't even have LAX at our high school (which was the #135 richest school in the city), we had hockey which was the sport all the Bros played. I will even admit that the entire midwest in general is the least bro area in the USA (besides Chicago, which I've only visited) but for the most part the Midwest doesn't have much upper class, girls don't put out unless they are in a relationship, drinking/drugs are highly looked down upon and I can go on for days. "How the fuck am I such an expert on what areas of the U.S. are bro?" well I'm originally from the east coast and now live on the west coast in addition to having family all over the states. Keep posting NYB. Maybe one day the un-bro areas of this country will breed a new generation of bros.

Anonymous said...

hockey is the opposite of golf. in golf, there are 10 fags for every 1 bro. in hockey there are 10 bros for every 1 cindy crysby

Anonymous said...

La Crosse is bro, yeah the city. Yes its the same college that has 3 girls for every bro and more bars per capita than any other city in the USA

Brodega said...

Lacrosse is for people who got cut from the baseball team.

Anonymous said...

Canadian anonymous bro
Keep up the good fight of rippin on dumbfucks who dont know shit about being bro/canadian
Also lacrosse is canada's national sport... try and find something un-bro about canada

zdenbro chara said...

as hard as lax bros party, no other team gets more fucked up than hockey bros

Anonymous said...

I play for my high school golf team, and NYB you are dead on about most golfers being complete fags. We have a few bros on the team tho one of said bros showed up to every practice high as fuck and even packed a double horseshoe during one match and was crushing brew in a water bottle during another

stowe bro said...

Let's be honest all Lax Bros play hockey in the winter. They are one in the same

Anonymous said...

Now canada's national sport is lacrosse because its bro as shit. But, in canada the best bro sport is hockey. This is in canada though, not usa. I've played both my whole life, and initiation when I was 16 for my hockey team was to finish 2 bottles of tequila and pick up a slam piece while wearing panties on your head with pictures of all the other girls on them and make an addition to it. If you couldn't you didn't join the team.I feel in canada its much more bro to be a hockey player than a lax player. Its also far more expensive, so it also roots out poor losers.

BROshon Moreno said...

Unbro things about Canada: Celine Dion, Howie Mandel, the word "Eh," mounties, Canadian accents, the Canadian Football League, socialized health care, Labatt Blue.

Canada sucks.

Anonymous said...

All true broshon moreno, with the exception of canadian accents(where every country has a retard area with a retard accent, canada mostly has a normal accent like west coast of the states). Also, although your comment may be true, unbro things can be said of every country in a list. that doesn't mean that said country sucks. Like 2 unbro things of usa: your strippers are awful and the country is way too religious. Also, Brocism needs to stop everywhere not just usa.

@VincentVanFlow said...

I go to college in the midwest and play hockey there, were tight as fuck with the lax team and we always rage together. Its tough to say which is more bro, hockey or lax. I agree, crosby is a pussy. But you forgot about guys like george parros, who are bro as shit. Puck and Lax is where the bros shred and the slam pieces get shredded.

Anonymous said...

I appreciate the shit out of any bro, but let's be real. If there is one team that could rail harder and drink faster than a lax team, its a fucking rugby team. We do it big. All that aside, great post.
Also, BROshon Moreno is dead on. Canada is for pussies. They graced us with Keanu Reeves, Shania Twain, Avril Lavigne, the douchers from Sum 41, that liberal pussy Neil Young, and Bryan Adams. For every Pamela Anderson you give us, we will give you thirty more slutties with big fake tits. Keep it bro. Keep chanting U-S-A.

Anonymous said...

baseball is the sport of bros. that and golf... it can't be lax, lax pros make like $12,000 a year

Anonymous said...

as a d1 lacrosse player, i totally agree with this post. and as for the people who say we can't be real bros because the pros don't make enough money, check the ranks of any business on wall street and check out all the lacrosse players working there.

Anonymous said...

Hockey's far more bro than lax. the percentage of beauties on any given hockey team crushes any lax team. step into any college hockey locker room and you'd be able to point out at most 3 kids who are losers. Guaranteed more on lax teams. America, thank you for giving us fucking heart disease, the wnba and the bible belt. cocksuckers.

Anonymous said...

awesome post...as a football player i was pissed my sport was not included until you gave the shout out to football players and bro kings. go bro or go home.

Anonymous said...

I cannot fully respect a sport whose professional league is over 50% Canadian. Also, in response to the post above: Canada, thank you for fucking curling, the fucking French language on North American soil, and having a fucking army the population of my NYC commuter town. Also, you have yourselves to thank for always knowing in the back of your head that you had to wait until 1982 for complete independence from England, when we took that shit on our own over 200 years before you.

Anonymous said...

Hockey is definitley more bro than lacrosse.

Anonymous said...

NYB- do not forget to mention 'FLOW'... if you do not know what it is, you do not have it!

Anonymous said...

Your country is 14 trillion dollars in debt... I dont care how rich you think your dad i doubt he's going to pay that shit off
Enjoy your country while it lasts
Canada

Anonymous said...

I hate curling too and im from canada it's total bullshit. population the size of state, probably because we have way less dirty poor immigrants and whales walking around. And thanking Canada for shitty bands? really? american idol. creed. lady gaga....We don't need an army cause everyone likes us. Why get our bros killed anyways?

Anonymous said...

10% skill, 90% flow... bitches love it

Anonymous said...

why did this guy start ripping on canada in the first place? you have no idea what canada has done for you. and i know what you are going to say, "nothing" well pull your head out of your ass and embrace globalization, canada is your largest trading partner among other things.

Chris Bronger said...

Hockey is much more bro than lax. Why you might ask? For starters, it's about ten times as expensive to play. Further proof? It's far more violent than lacrosse, and there's a real professional league for it, not some bullshit excuse for one that's played on indoor soccer fields.

As Dirk Diggler would say, "yeah, that's right."

Yin said...

I think baseball players are sexier. Just coming from a girls opinion

Brohann Sebastian Bach said...

Bros, Bros Bros!

This US/Canada debate is tearing us apart!

Don't you get it, this is what the Bro haters want! We must stop these bro on bro crimes and unite to end Brocisim in North America.

Canadian or American, we're all still Bro's at heart. Cut from the same cloth we are. Both Countries have the same amount of Bro haters, so with Canada Day and the 4th of July coming up, let's all focus on Bro-ing out hard as fuck.

Bros in Solidarity!

Anonymous said...

Bro i love the post! i am personally a laxer and i have been waiting a long time for this post.
you should definitely have a post about longboarding though, a lot of bro kings out there are definitely longboarders.

M.S. Broni said...

cricket is the most bro sport hands down.

Anonymous said...

lol cricket...

Devin said...

Baseball is for the failures that couldn't make lacrosse. America's pastime my dick, lax has been here since squanto and shit

Anonymous said...

Dude I second what that early anon bro said... Will somebody explain to me why wrestlers get mad pussy at my school too!!

Anonymous said...

about time

Anonymous said...

So many jealous Canadians hot damn!!

BuffsLax said...

longboarding is gay as fuck. I can't stand you queers zipping around campus and running into everyone/everything.

I get no greater satisfaction than watching a longboarder eat shit or trucking some kid who decided to longboard to close to me.

Anonymous said...

any of you other bros out there laughing ur ass off during your boring ass internship? Christ everyone around me is so fucking lame. Anyways, lax is so bro because the season is way more chil than other sports like football. My highschool BROphyPrep won state in everything, we'd practice next to the football players and see them throwing up and shit while the coaches screamed at them like fucking Major Payne. My fellow lax bros just shake their heads, didnt these kids learn the only sport you can play hungover as fuck is lax?

Anonymous said...

Water polo is bro as fuck.

Anonymous said...

At my school the varsity lax bros can't walk down the hallway without some slampiece trying to hop up on our dicks right there on the lockers. Well Said NYB

BROver Cleveland said...

GOD BLESS LAX! Also, God Bless Virginia Lax, the most pimp fucking lax school in the nation. Some bros on the UVA team got suspended the game before the National Championship and still put the Terrapins in their place - like a fucking GDI bitch... on their backs.

Anonymous said...

Hockey is a bro sport if I have ever seen one. They are tough as shit, bang hot chicks and get fucked up on the regular. If you don't think Patrick Kane is a bro, you need to reconsider. That guy gets blacked out and bangs sluts on the reg, plus he won the Stanley Cup. If anyone knows what the championship trophy is called for pro lacrosse, please let me know.

Anonymous said...

Patty Kane is a definite bro. his mullet/flow in last years playoffs was the best hockey has seen since the Jagr days of the early 90's (and he's european so it doesnt count anyways), and on top of that he made 6 and a half million last year and still kicked the shit out of a cab drive over $1.20 that the driver didn't have in change. obviously just wanted to show the poor indian doctor who was driving his cab who's boss in America. Patty Kane is bro as shit

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QBBZ2N6hFY Enough said.

SouthernRushChair said...

This userbase has gone way down hill...

Arguing over hockey and lacrosse? Please... You northerners make me sick. Probably a bunch of vneck wearing guidos...

Here in America, and by America I mean the states below the Mason Dixon line, football is king of HS sports... Once you get to college sports are for sparkling wiggles. A true bro goes Greek and spends his time tailgaiting games like it is his job.

Anonymous said...

Actually SouthernRushChair, I'm pretty sure your great-great grandparents were the ones who didn't want to be part of this thing called "America" anymore.

Anonymous said...

This is fucking dumb. Last time I checked, my dad closes deals on the golf course, not while playing lax... Lacrosse is certainly elitist, but golf will always be the sport of elitists.
Your bullshit analogy of tiger and zach can suck my dick. You can't look at pro's to determine what the sport is like. 90% of professional baseball players are mexican, but the last time I checked it is still America's past time.

SouthernRushChair said...

CSA = Confederate States of America.

Nice try though geed.

Anonymous said...

I would say longboarding is very bro. If you go to school in California or Arizona alot of Bro Kings can be seen riding longboards. It's probably the browset form of transportation next to my Audi

Anonymous said...

pretty sure EVERYONE plays baseball until they realize they throw like a girl and have worse hand eye coordination than my glaucoma ridden grandmother. They then turn to LAX.

Anonymous said...

"Sidney Crosby calls his mom before every game. Ovechkin fucks a slampiece. Crosby-not bro. "

Sorry anonymous bro, but check your facts. Ovechkin LIVES with his mom.

NYB - fuck yeah.

Anonymous said...

Ryan Miller is the biggest bro in hockey.

Fuck Crosby, fuck that communist Ovechkin.

Ryan Miller is a fucking patriot.

Anonymous said...

Although your points are very valid Crew is the second broest sport out there. The guys who do crew have sluts built into their boats (coxswains). They are just little hot as fuck spinners just waiting for you to get wasted so they can suck your dick. Its pretty bro.

Anonymous said...

Yachting is pretty bro...I played lacrosse for mad long, basically out of the womb. But it is a proven fact that bitches love the boats. Especially big ones...

Anonymous said...

@BROver Cleveland in case you didn't know man, a decent amount of the players on UVA's team happened to be from many states other than Virginia such as their senior defender Bray Malphrus from Maryland or Colin Briggs from RI. uva beat md, sure but they arent the "most pimp fucking lax school." as far as im concerned virginia hardly produces as many decent players as maryland or the new england area does.

Anonymous said...

True fellow bro.

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