Bros participate in all kinds of activities at the bar, most of which deal with getting drunk or trying to get laid. However, people often forget what really gets bros excited – chanting shit. You’ve all been in the bar when out of nowhere a group of bros starts chanting at the top of their lungs “U-S-A! U-S-A!” Honestly, whenever this happens it’s so touching that I nearly weep, but then I remember I’m not a homo so I try to pick a fight instead. Why do bros chant, you ask? Well I would like to ask you why you are a bro-hater, but first I’ll tell you.
- Bonding – Nothing says bromance like a group of bros getting together and chanting something that they all believe in. Girls hug each other to show their affection while bros stare each other in the eye and scream “EAGLES SUCK” repeatedly. Sometimes bros will make an impromptu mosh pit and start beating the shit out of each other while chanting. This is by far the best way for bros to bond, especially if one of the bros gets hurt. Getting hurt is the shit. If you get up from the ground with a bloody lip and possibly a missing tooth and continue with the chant, you hands down deserve to hang out with Brody Jenner.
- Showing Where You Stand– Even though you have your flat-brimmed Black Red Sox hat and your authentic #58 Papelbon jersey on, you still want people to know where you stand. I mean come on, you’ve been a Sox fan since before they won the World Series, all the way back in 2003. That’s like 6 fucking years man. If there’s one thing you’ve learned in that time, its this: You hate the fucking Yankees. Why should this be bottled up inside you when you hate everything they stand for. Everyone needs to know about this. There’s no better way to show this hatred than chanting. “A-Rod Sucks” is a solid choice to get your motor running, but then what happens when he’s done sucking? Boom – hit them with a “Jeter Swallows!” This really works for pretty much every member of the team, and don’t forget “Yankees Suck” or “Fuck the Yankees” as they are always clutch.
- Attention – If there is one thing bros fucking love, its attention. What better way to get this than by chanting shit? Not only are you loud, but everyone looks at you at first trying to figure out what you are chanting, but then, once they figure out how awesome your chant is, they start chanting along with you! By the time you realize it, the entire bar is chanting. After the chant has died down, whoever started the chant better believe they are going to get mad props. Everyone immediately sees how awesome you are and gives you fist pounds and high fives. Guys buy you drinks and the band gives you a shout out. And most importantly 9 times out of 10, you will get laid because of your chant and that is a fact.