Bros have tough decisions to make before they hit the town. “What type of brew should I pick up for the pregame? Who will I drunk dial tonight for a booty call? What bar should we go get tanked at tonight? How many slutties am I going to hit on at the bar?” But before any of this can be determined, he must make his most important call: “What the fuck am I going to wear?” Sure, if you want to blend in with all the rest of the bros you could go with your classic pink Lacoste shirt you bought for like $80 last summer (totally worth it by the way), but tonight you want to show the ladies you are more than just a piece of meat, you are also funny as shit. That’s when you pick out your favorite thrift store t-shirt.
Most bros have at least 2 t-shirts they picked up at the thrift store. Bros love wearing these out because it shows that you are hilarious and it’s also a great conversation starter meaning you will get laid wearing it. For all you bro-wanna-be’s out there he’s a quick run down of exactly what you should be looking for at the thrift store:
- Sexual T-Shirts - These are very hard to find in any thrift store, because frankly not many of these are made. Some of the classic go-to’s which you are likely to find include anything involving the year 1969. The fact of the matter is bros love the number 69. Even when someone mentions something innocent like, “I got a 68 on that Calc test” someone inevitably interjects, “I bet you wish you got a 69!!!” A bunch of “OHHH’s” and then a dog-pile of bros and a final group chant with fist pumps of “Six-ty Nine! Six-ty Nine!” usually follows. So, if you are lucky enough to find a shirt that has a 69 on it, you had better god damn snatch that up.
- Racial T-Shirts – These types of shirts are much easier to find, and will definitely get the point across that you are an hilarious bro and more importantly get you laid. Say your thumbing through the t-shirt rack and come across a shirt saying “Johnson Family BBQ” sure its nice, but then you see the payoff – there is a picture of the ENTIRE family and get this – they are all Black! Jackpot. You quickly buy it and wear it out the first chance you get. The reactions to this shirt often go like this. Someone will pass by you, take a glance at that shirt then look away immediately. Then they will realize instantly “Now just wait a minute, he’s not Black” as they look back and begin laughing hysterically. Then the slow clap begins as you sir, must be recognized as a t-shirt genius. Then you get laid, probably at the bar.