We all remember it. The moment we thought anything was possible. We thought, “If this fat fuck can pull this off, why can’t we?” Obviously I’m talking about Chris Moneymaker’s 2003 victory at the World Series of Poker. I was a Junior in College at the time and immediately after watching that episode my bros and I raced to Walmart to buy poker chips and started playing. We were pretty shitty to start out with but the more poker we watched on TV and the more we played, the better we’d get and one thing was established: Bros fucking love poker.
Granted, Poker is not as popular as it was just 2-3 years ago, but amongst the bro community it’s still hot as shit. At one point in every bro’s life he was beyond obsessed with poker. He would practice chip tricks while sitting around the house, read books and poker blogs obsessively, watch “Rounders” every day, and constantly talk about how Ted Forrest is the most underrated player or how Phil Hellmuth is such a great tournament player. Bros love watching poker on TV and do not care if the episode is a repeat – this just gives them the opportunity to pick up on Phil Ivey’s tells for when they face off once the bro makes it to the “Big Game” at the Bellagio. But how do bros perfect their game to the point where they can play on the big stage?
Home Games – This just refers to bros playing with their bros. Stakes are usually pretty low in these games but that does not mean that bros don’t take this shit seriously. Bro-pride is at stake and in some respects this might be even more important than money. Being the best poker player amongst your bros is extremely important and a shitload of bro-cred comes along with it. Bros will often have poker leagues and keep weekly standings to see who truly is the best. You do not want to be the worst player in your bro-league. Bros who are the worst will get shit on every week with insults. Much like in #6 Beer Pong, your ability as a poker player is directly proportional to the respect you are given as a person. Even if you win a hand, bros will still criticize your play and tell you that you are an awful player. In order to ensure they play their best, bros will often wear sunglasses, hats and/or hoodies to the table. You do NOT want any of your bros getting a good read on your tells, and this ensures it won’t happen.
Online Games – This is obviously referring to all those poker sites you see commercials for on TV. Bros always have a favorite poker site, but usually they have money in at least three of them. Bros love to talk about the reason they like one site over another, but honestly, there really is no big difference between all of them. I used to play non-stop online right after college. In typical bro fashion, I was unemployed, living in my parents’ basement and playing poker online from noon – 5 am every day. God I used to be cool as shit. Anyways, I have been trying to get money back into the accounts, which is tricky since it’s illegal and all, so I ask fellow bros about it. Unfortunately, since bros are good as shit at poker, they inevitably respond, “Are you fucking kidding, I haven’t put money in that account for years, I only withdraw.”
Atlantic City/ Vegas Games – You have been fucking dominating your home game. All your bros are giving you mad props. You’ve played online and done pretty well in some tournaments. Now it’s time to move to the big stage. The $1/2 games at the casino. Bros will often take this trip to test their ability against the finest crop of players (and people) America has to offer. Honestly, those low limit poker tables would be a great place for Chris Hanson and the Dateline crew to hang out because there are some serious candidates for “To Catch a Predator” playing daily. Often times bros will lose their bankroll at these tables, but its ok, it was just due to the fact that the other players were way too shitty. Everyone knows you can’t play poker against shitty players.