It can be argued that bros contribute more to America than any other group in society, but there is truly no greater creation than pregaming. For those of you bro-posers out there, pregaming is the act of getting fucked up with all your bros before going out. By doing this bros are able to save money and avoid looking like a bro-hater by not being completely shitfaced the entire time at the bar or event. Often times bros have more fun at the pregame than at the “game” itself, mostly its because bros know how to fucking throw down. So what are the greatest things about a pregame? Why the fuck do you ask so many questions – I was gonna tell you anyways…
Figure Out Game Location – Bros hate commitment (e.g. marriage.) Therefore at no point does a bro want to make plans on where to go out until the last minute. Bras on the other hand will talk for weeks about their Friday plans with the girls, usually this involves a dinner date (because no self respecting bro would ever take them on one) and out for drinks to talk for hours about God knows what, most likely their periods and how pleasurable it is to give blowjobs. But anyways the point is the pregame party is the time to figure out where you will be meeting your next ex-slam piece. Bros usually come to a consensus when someone suggests a bar, most likely the same one you go to every week, and a few bros respond, “I could fuck with that.” Settled.
Getting Beyond Fucked Up – I think we’ve established over these past 30+ posts one thing: bros love getting fucked up. The pregame party may be getting fucked up’s best platform. This is especially true when the pregame is for an actual event such as a horse race, dance, or sporting event. Some of the absolute best bro-stories come from times where the pregame event got out of control. Bros realize just how much drinks are at events, and want no part of it. Making matters worse, no matter how much you paid for the drinks to pregame with they immediately become “free” once they are in your possession. Therefore, you’d be a fucking idiot not to get absolutely wasted before you go. “Why would we go pay $7 for a drink, when we can drink here for free,” is the common logic. There really is no better way to enjoy a formal dance than by puking all over the dinner table and then trying to fight anyone that tries to clean it up. Admittedly, this applies to bras, too. In College, pretty much every Sorority formal I went to, at least two girls went to the hospital for alcohol poisoning, meanwhile their bro dates ditched them and went to the dance to grind on their sisters.
Hookup Breeding Ground – So, you thought this was supposed to be a Bros-only night, but your douchebag friend invited his slam piece and a couple of her co-workers over. His slam piece is fucking busted, but he insists she has a good body, so you don’t give him that much shit. That’s when they walk in and her coworkers are hot as shit. This pregame just got interesting. It’s time to lay the foundation. The pregame party provides the perfect battleground to set up your night. Bros love to play drinking games and this gives you the best opportunity to single her out. By constantly insulting a bra’s abilities at the games you have the best chance at knocking boots with her later. You’re the asshole now, and trust me -- girls love assholes. She'll act like she's mad, but she's really just wondering why this guy doesn't want her. You stand out. It's now her mission for the night to make sure she proves to herself she can get you. None of which would be possible without the incredible creation of pregaming by American bros.
Bros fucking love pregaming.