Thursday, June 18, 2009

#35 Pregaming

It can be argued that bros contribute more to America than any other group in society, but there is truly no greater creation than pregaming. For those of you bro-posers out there, pregaming is the act of getting fucked up with all your bros before going out. By doing this bros are able to save money and avoid looking like a bro-hater by not being completely shitfaced the entire time at the bar or event. Often times bros have more fun at the pregame than at the “game” itself, mostly its because bros know how to fucking throw down. So what are the greatest things about a pregame? Why the fuck do you ask so many questions – I was gonna tell you anyways…

Figure Out Game Location – Bros hate commitment (e.g. marriage.) Therefore at no point does a bro want to make plans on where to go out until the last minute. Bras on the other hand will talk for weeks about their Friday plans with the girls, usually this involves a dinner date (because no self respecting bro would ever take them on one) and out for drinks to talk for hours about God knows what, most likely their periods and how pleasurable it is to give blowjobs. But anyways the point is the pregame party is the time to figure out where you will be meeting your next ex-slam piece. Bros usually come to a consensus when someone suggests a bar, most likely the same one you go to every week, and a few bros respond, “I could fuck with that.” Settled.

Getting Beyond Fucked Up – I think we’ve established over these past 30+ posts one thing: bros love getting fucked up. The pregame party may be getting fucked up’s best platform. This is especially true when the pregame is for an actual event such as a horse race, dance, or sporting event. Some of the absolute best bro-stories come from times where the pregame event got out of control. Bros realize just how much drinks are at events, and want no part of it. Making matters worse, no matter how much you paid for the drinks to pregame with they immediately become “free” once they are in your possession. Therefore, you’d be a fucking idiot not to get absolutely wasted before you go. “Why would we go pay $7 for a drink, when we can drink here for free,” is the common logic. There really is no better way to enjoy a formal dance than by puking all over the dinner table and then trying to fight anyone that tries to clean it up. Admittedly, this applies to bras, too. In College, pretty much every Sorority formal I went to, at least two girls went to the hospital for alcohol poisoning, meanwhile their bro dates ditched them and went to the dance to grind on their sisters.

Hookup Breeding Ground – So, you thought this was supposed to be a Bros-only night, but your douchebag friend invited his slam piece and a couple of her co-workers over. His slam piece is fucking busted, but he insists she has a good body, so you don’t give him that much shit. That’s when they walk in and her coworkers are hot as shit. This pregame just got interesting. It’s time to lay the foundation. The pregame party provides the perfect battleground to set up your night. Bros love to play drinking games and this gives you the best opportunity to single her out. By constantly insulting a bra’s abilities at the games you have the best chance at knocking boots with her later. You’re the asshole now, and trust me -- girls love assholes. She'll act like she's mad, but she's really just wondering why this guy doesn't want her. You stand out. It's now her mission for the night to make sure she proves to herself she can get you. None of which would be possible without the incredible creation of pregaming by American bros.

Bros fucking love pregaming.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

my personal favorite is when the pregame is so out of control that the game never even happens, or when you have a pregame with no actual plans for a game.

BENNY BOY said...

NYB-
The best is the estimated time of departures that we as bros come up with. They can be time referenced or drink referenced. Comments like these are common "Bro let's fucking smash this case and then hit the bar" or "Bro let's leave at Midnight and that will give us a couple of solid hours to grind on some bras at the bar". Of course Bros hate commitment so naturally we never follow these estimations. Bros are the shit.

Ned's Younger Brother said...

You definitely make a good point - when someone asks you how long you were at a bar it is acceptable for a bro to say, "Oh, just like four beers." Any true bro will know exactly how long this was.

Anonymous said...

Pregames are even better when you wake up and don't even realize you went to the bar until one of your bros asks you if you hooked up with that slam piece you were grinding on all night

Anonymous said...

You guys are the biggest tools ever. I feel bad that you try so hard. This website is embarrassing as shit. Whoever writes this are probably the hollister wearing dbags with pookah shells and a backwards hurley hat. Keep it real....bros. Jesus Christ.

Anonymous said...

^bro-hater

Ned's Younger Brother said...

seriously - I hope you get Parkinson's and die alone

frank said...

Ned ease up, "we dont wish death upon nobody", even serious bro haters who are too fixated on appletini's and $7 Stella's

Anonymous said...

He's probably a hipster douchebag. Go home and buy another taliban scarf and tweed vest bro hater.

Bro Montana said...

Hey give that bro-hater a break, he has probably had a long day of drinking wine spritzers and watching Jonas Brother DVDs with his girlfriend.

Josh said...

what a dumbass, bros dont even wear hollister

Anonymous said...

Lousy bro-hater. He's probably a virgin.

The best is when you're "pre-gaming" and you just took down beerbong #12, when some dbag (aka bro-hater) says something stupid like "yo man, you better slow down or you won't it out tonight." as a bro you just give him that look as to say "who's this pussy talkin too?" he instantly knows the look at retreats to loser-sectio of said pregame.

4 hours later he sees u at the bar grinding on some bra and tells u how he can't believe u made it. That's when you tell him that u and bros pregame harder then he parties. Bro-haters are chimps.

Anonymous said...

Pregames are the shit.. My bro and I had the pregame apartment where we had like 14 bros slamming 30 packs of busch and handles of Captain Morgans five nights a week... one Tues night, all 14 bros blacked out.. nobody knows what time we left or what time we came home.. all we knew is that slam pigs ended up in our apartment and my bro's shoes were in my bedroom.. my bro went to get his shoes the next day after I kicked out said slam pig and there was the condom I used.. in my bro's shoe!! I know using condoms is against bro code but if you have to use them, best place for a used one is in your bro's shoe!! Bros are the shit!!!

Anonymous said...

Bros are the shit! All you Bro-Haters, keep doig your job, it gives us true Bros a reason to keep doing what comes naturally.

Anonymous said...

no pregame is better than shower beers, thats a fact. or naked pong. thats cool too.

Anonymous said...

yea, man vs. man

Ned's Younger Brother said...

My bro mentioned to me that the comments section might be getting better than the website itself. He's right. Bros are the shit.

Anonymous said...

bro haters can read this blog while they listen to enya and try to discourage us bros. but as always bros stick together and tear apart bro haters all over the world.

bros are the absolute shit.

Anonymous said...

obviously ned's younger brother is not a bro. simply by spelling out the word 'brother'. fucking douche.

BROhemian Rhapsody said...

dude ned's younger brother can say anything he wants and spell it however the fuck he wants lol - NYB = Bro King

olio said...

I remember this one time me and my bros were predrinking for some fucked up dance party that started at 8:30 and doors closed at 9:00 or some shit, anyway we started pregaming at around 8pm, thinking we could make it. By the time we left the apartment it was midnight so we just went around the city puking on shit and making girls cry.

GatorBro said...

Neds Younger Brother.....

Don't forget how much bros love bartending at the pregame.


Any good bro knows to keep an arbitrary collection of cheap liquor lying around so he can make random 50-50 shots to pacify any slampiece that might stumble into his humble abrode before the bars. "Oh, gin, blue gatorade, and margarita mix, this should do the trick." Bros love bartending at the pregame because it kills 4 birds with one stone. Not only is he getting "the hot girl who always plays raquetball at the gym" (or whoever else it might be) drunk, the bartending bro is also scoring bro points by displaying his far superior ability to mix cheap liquor with things that hide the taste of cheap liquor. And of course, by toasting every round (and possibly starting a chant in the process) he is garnering the attention of the whole room. All while getting fucked up. Bros mother fucking LOVE killing four birds with one stone. Even better if it's a Keystone. Also, bonus bropoints can be scored if a bro has new shots other bros and bras haven't heard of(of course the bras haven't heard of the shot, they're dumb as shit). But come up with a shot no bro in the room has heard of, bonus bro points for sure. The crazier the name, the better. "Oh, this? Come on bro! You haven't heard of the the fucking Subatomic Deneuralizer!? They get you so fucked up." An additional bropoints multiplier is available too, simply by yelling the word "Shots!" A bro in top form will attract other bros with whom he can share his "mother fucking PhD in fucking mixology".

Bros fucking love bartending at the pregame.

Danny BROvito said...

BRO's love weed and prescription drugs. The quadrangle is the shit and only for non brosers. Instead of weed, try salvia once or twice and you'll be the Bro King for 10 solid minutes, no matter what. Fuck you anonymous. I'd rather wear an Ed Hardy shirt with a trucker hat than listen to your bullshit. Bro's rule

Anonymous said...

yo brosefs, i'm a girl and i fucking love this site. keep it up.

Anonymous said...

hahahaha i'm with her ^^^

Anonymous said...

2010- the year the pregame became more important than the game itself. Get fucked up

Anonymous said...

American bro's? pre-gaming? In canda our pre games are what american bros call a fucking kegger at andy's house on saturday night. I personally invite any of you bro's to come get plastered up here sometime in Canada. We need more of us up here.

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