Monday, June 22, 2009

#36 Peeing Places That Aren't The Toilet

There are many differences between bros and bras. For example, bras have feelings, want to get married and have children and most notably, suffer from monthly bouts with hemophilia. But perhaps what separates bros from bras and puts them higher on the evolutionary food chain is the ability to pee standing up. This gives bros a wide range of options in the urination department and bros, never one to waste their talents, explore these fully.

The Sink Piss - There's only one kind of line a bro likes, and that typically goes up said bro's nose. Therefore, when there is a wait to take a piss at the bar, a bro will do whatever necessary to not wait. This includes more than anything, pissing in the bathroom sink. To be honest, I prefer to piss in the sink, because, like any true bro, I think washing my hands after pissing is a waste of time. After all, your package is the cleanest thing on your body. So, by pissing in the sink, you can just claim that you don't want to wash your hands near your piss. This ensures that any lurking bro haters in the men's room won't go spreading rumors to potential slam pieces that you don't wash your hands. Other fun non-toilet pissing bathroom activities include pissing all over the toilet paper so that it is drenched and unusable or if you are at a urinal next to your bro, pissing on his foot. This is funny as shit. If your bro gets mad at you, tell him to fuck himself because he is being a bro hater.

The Outdoor Piss - Bros fucking love being outside. Sometimes they love it so much the last thing they want to do is walk indoors to use the bathroom. Thanks to their God given ability to stand and pee, bros simply go to the corner of the yard to relieve themselves. But what happens if you are comfortable where you are, or even worse there is no corner of the yard to go piss in? That's when you show just how much of a bro you are. It's at this time which I would like to reference an event from a legendary trip to Fordham University my Senior year of College. It was Homecoming, so all the alumni were back. I was staying with my bros who were on the track team so they knew all the older guys. These guys were bros, one in particular. This bro had a high powered job in NYC, he was about 27, had a serious girlfriend, which obviously took away from his bro cred, but believe me he earned it back that fateful Saturday. As we approached the tailgate at the parking lot we saw most of the alumni dressed up in their bro attire, i.e. ankle socks. But, there was one guy who seemed a little out of place. He was wearing a collared shirt and bathing suit. Now it was mid October in New York so it wasn't that warm out. My bros openly questioned what he was doing. Thats when he showed us. Without saying a word a stream began to appear down his leg forming a glorious puddle of warmth and broness. Apparently, instead of having to wait in the long line of 2 people at the port-o-johns he decided to just let loose in his bathing suit. As the day went on he would walk up to a group of girls and start making conversation, only to have the conversation come to abrupt end because of their screams of terror as he unleashed another stream. This still ranks up there with one of the best bro moves I have ever seen.

The Bedroom Piss - Honestly, if you are out there reading this and saying, "Who pees in their own bedroom?" You are not a bro. Every bro I have ever had has peed in his room at one point or another. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I have had bro haters confront me after one of my many room pissing experiences to say, "Don't you think you should take it easy on the drinking?" Give me a fucking break. Pissing your room is like masturbation - everyone does it so there is nothing to be ashamed of. As a long tenured room-wetter I would be remiss to not offer the three stages.
  1. Denial - No bro wants to believe that he is sleeping in his own piss or that he pissed on his buddy's suitcase on their #21 Bros Only Vacation. Bros also like to think that they are capable of controlling their bodily functions no matter how drunk they get. They are not. This obviously leads to blaming others for what you did. This is not a completely ridiculous claim, after all bros don't ever remember the actual peeing itself.

  2. Regret - Bros eventually realize there is no other explanation than the fact that they peed in their laundry basket. It's at this point where a bro is most vulnerable and as close to a bro hater as possible. He is incredibly hungover and possibly on the verge of vomiting and he now has to wash piss stained clothes. The thought runs through his mind, "It might be time to settle down." Luckily, this thought only lasts for roughly 30 seconds until the next and final stage takes its place.

  3. Pride - You just pissed your room. You cleaned it up, everything is back to normal, now what are you going to do? Fucking brag about it. Pissing your room gives you an incredible amount of bro cred. Not only did you get fucked up last night, but you got so fucked up you couldn't make it the 10 steps to your bathroom to relieve yourself. Everyone needs to fucking know about this. Additional bro points are awarded if you pissed on your slampiece or if she was so disgusted that she left during the middle of the night, thus eliminating any morning activities described in #31 One Night Stands.

104 comments:

BENNY BOY said...

NYB-
Going right along with the major characteristic of Bros loving to get fucked up, peeing can be used as a barometer to how fucked up you were the night before or the amount you drank. If you here an exchange such as this there is no need to verify, Yes you are amongst Bro's: "Bro how much did you drink last night?" "Bro it was like my 4th time pissing my couch. I no longer have a cushion to flip." And there would be no need for a follow-up question. The bro would already know that major damage was done to a bottle and/or a case was pounded.

Ryan said...

Me and a couple of bro's were getting way to f'd up in San Fran one night and decided to crash at my buddy's little sister house who was outta town, well after a ridiculous amount of jager bombs, nose candy and jack daniels lets just say I was on what I like to call autopilot. When we got to her house I passed out on her bed, apparently got up ten minutes later opened up her underwear drawer thinking it was the toilet and just let if fly all over my bro buddy's little sisters panties. I told him, he should have never let us stay there, it was his fault.

Anonymous said...

Personally I love to pee on famed monuments and historic sites. When I was on a bro trip to Italy me and my bros as usual got smashed. We were walking by the famed Duomo in Florence when it dawned on me that I had to piss and proceded to do so on the building. Just before finishing up I heard this loud splash of water behind me. A nun from above was yelling at me in Italian. I finished my business and then began yelling profane comments in Italian at her reguarding an asshole and her mouth.

Dr. Cock 'n' Balls said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dave said...

Great comment "Anonymous" and nice work letting the Duomo have what was coming to it. I also enjoy pissing on famed monuments and historic sites. So far, I have relieved myself on the Arch in St. Louis and St. Peter's Cathedral in Rome, and I've pissed off of the Rialto Bridge in Venice. I'm looking forward to adding more landmarks to my list, both domestic and international. Bros are the shit.

Josh said...

I fucking love to piss in public/outside/where ever. Unfortunately a fucking bro hater saw me pissing at a block party and decided to give me urinating in public. nothing like some community service to get it dropped. fuck him. bros are the shit.

Buck said...

My freshman year of college I pissed this girl i was banging's bed. I woke up and realized this but i was too drunk and tired to care so i went back to sleep. She continued to spoon with me in my own urine. A few hours later i woke up again and she was in her suite studying so i decided it was time to deal with the situation. I got online and was talking to my bros trying to figure out what the fuck to do. My fellow bro came up with a genius plan. I borrowed her card and bought a mountain dew from the vending machine(obviously i didnt have any funds left on mine it was like a month into the semester). I proceeded to "accidentally" spill mountain dew all over her bed, scoop up the sheets and wash them myself. Found out like 2 years later she knew the whole time. Fuck.

Anonymous said...

pissing your pants, whether on purpose or by accident, is always hilarious. one of the most bro-tastic moves I've ever seen was at a frat party in college, there was a solid line to get into the house. one of the bros didn't care for people drinking his frats beer, and decided that he was going to take matters into his own hands. he got on the roof and peed on the random people in line. party got pretty broken up after that, but the dude was able to just get wildly drunk with his bros without having to worry about non-bros and brahs bothering his pong games.

Anonymous said...

Got smashed beyond belief and relieved myself on my bro's family christmas tree. Bro hard, bro often!

Studweiser said...

This weekend I was at a bar in NYC. I had to pee so I left the bar and went outside to pissed all over a BMW parked nearby. Ha.

Ned's Younger Brother said...

I've never heard of trying to piss on monuments but I fucking love it. Luckily for me I have a shitload within walking distance of my bro pad. I'm thinking this week I go for the Vietnam War Memorial and maybe the Tomb of the Unknown Soldiers if I have time.

Also, Buck - what the fuck are you upset about? You get serious bro points, not only did you piss all over your slampiece but I'm guess you banged her again even after she knew about it.

Anonymous said...

Last weekend I went out with some bros and bras to a local spot and got hammered. My Friday night ended per usual by waking up hungover and confused on Saturday morning (wasn't I just at the bar being the life of the party?).

I had fallen asleep at my bros place on his micro suede chair and spilled all of last nights liquor all over myself and the chair...through my penis. Denial ensued followed quickly by Regret, but only Pride remains.

Ned's Younger Brother said...

Good News Anonymous, by sharing your weekend feat with this forum you have achieved the final step!

Remember, just like that nerd-alert orphan Will Hunting, "It's not your fault."

Miles Davis said...

Another solid bro move is pissing in the middle of a big crowd at an outdoor concert. No bro is ever going to stand in line for 30 minutes just to piss in a portopisser that covered that nasty sludge that portopissers get covered in. So just whip it out in the middle of the crowd and drain it on the ground. Extra bro points if other bro around you start a chant while your pissing.

Anonymous said...

extra points if it's at a DMB concert

The Puma said...

so me an my bros rolled deep to a grad party that i was "not allowed to come to." obvs we had a great fucking time playing pong, making fun of bro-haters and insulting the slampigs. We walked back to my bro's crib and i proceeded to think his basement was his bathroom. i flicked on an imaginary light switch and started pissing all over his table. one of my bros gave me a bucket to pee in and even cleaned it up for me, talk about a true bro. once i was done, i "flushed" and then laid on the ground and passed the fuck out. the best part, i dont remember anything about it

Anonymous said...

My standard move at the Preakness Infield was to place an empty 30 pack box around my junk and empty my snake out. Knocks em dead everytime.

Bro's are the shit.

Also, real shame what those Bro-haters did to that event.

Anonymous said...

You described the bedroom piss so damn accurately. Unfortunately, the regret stage is made worse if you're surrounded by bro haters. Now I don't even give a shit.

BROhemian Rhapsody said...

in college i had an older frat bro who was notorious for pissing his bed - he wasnt the best looking guy but had a smokin hot girlfriend, and every time he pissed the bed he used to blame HER haha classic bro, move dumb broad deserved to get pissed on...

also, at a tailgate for a football game a few years back, i was drunk as shit obviously, and decided to take a piss on the side of the nearest building - next thing i know i hear a quiet clapping and i acknowledge it with a quick wave while finishing my piss - then i begin to hear the applause get louder and louder and i turned around and to my surprise it was 3 cops standing there who started the slow clap!!

Anonymous said...

I had a bra piss my bed after a glorious 1 nighter in college - I felt like the anti-bro. It was halloween night and she was a slutty version (totally natural given how bra's are on halloween)of little red riding hood. After I killed it (4am) i had to proceed to the fridge for some delicious Cool Blue Gatorade - Come back to urine soaked slampiece laying in my bed. The bra wanted to be like a bro so bad that she took the liberty to out-do me. Bros rule i should have married her

BROdy said...

Got very intoxicated at school on a Saturday day/night. That evening I awoke from my room, preceding to walk past the bathroom into my roomates room, sat on his desk chair ass naked and continued to piss all over his backpack and accounting textbook. I believe I was sleeping walking, or too drunk to remember prior, but the last thing i remember was awakening to my roomate saying, "What the fuck are you doing?" while i continued to urinate and told him I would leave once he closed the window. I awoke the next day skipping the 1st 2 steps of denial and regret, and only had pride. No denial because who else would have pissed, no regret because it was a fucking backpack and bro's dont do school work, bras do it for them, and much pride remains today

Hans Brolo said...

In my town there is this fat annoying bra who nobody wants around. one day she was cunting it up hard and crying outside, my bro was crushing beers on the top porch and relieved himself over the side. he was startled by a yelp from tubs and looked down to see he had marked her up preatty good. I fucking love my bros

Brocho Cinco said...

i got real fucked up one night and met some sluts at a foam party. getting tail is so easy when you don't have a shirt on. so after i insulted a ton of sluts and got the boot (my frat was co-hosting the party and i still somehow got kicked out), i went with the slam back to her place. we boned and then i guess i wasn't feeling like spending the night or ever talking to her again because i just stood up and pissed on her floor. she tried to stop me, but that weak slut didn't know how to stop a bro from pissing on her floor. (I think i got her purse too) last thing i remember was walking down the stairs of her apartment. i woke up in my bed in the morning luckily. I lost my keys when finding my way home though and couldn't get into my car for like a week. so worth it

Anonymous said...

I have to say some bras out there don't know shit about the sactaty of the piss after chugging pitchers of natty. At the fucking bar this weekend the line was out the door what would anyself respecting bro do? I fucking went to piss in the sink. Some fag decides to come up to me and tap me on the shoulder and look at my dick in the mirror. And remind its the sink. I finish my piss on his foot and remind him that the sink is fairgame, but only to bros.

Anonymous said...

Have a bro who once got out of his bed, stood up, turned around and started unloading on his mattress with the girl still sleeping there. He was so drunk that he then collapsed on the bed face first and passed out in his own urine puddle.

pilsbury BROugh-boy said...

Got fuckin shitty as hell the night before i had to wake up at 630am to register for classes cus thats what bros fucking do. I crushed so many beers at the drinkup at the bar i could barely walk back to my room. I stumbled back to my room and passed out, and as my bro tells me cus i blacked the fuck out i awoke from being passed out and made an attempt to get out of my dorm and walk to the bathroom down the hallway but fuck that after two steps i decided pissing on my bro's nintendo wii was the better option so thats just what i did. suffered through denial and regret because it was my first time pissing in my room--probably my proudest--and i blacked the night before. woke up with piss on my leg cus i got some on me and a little yak in my bed accompanied with being up three hours after registration started but fuck that shit no way i was going to those classes anyway...the pride is glorious

Heywood JaBrome said...

I think we are missing two very important piss places here. First, is the bar piss. Nothing beats being in a crowded bar and showing all the bro-haters and bras what the deal is by standing at the bar, ordering/drinking a beer and pissing on the bar, only to have it stink because bros don't drink water, they drink beer and jameson. Then you zip up, walk away, watch some other bro-hater stand in it and tell the bouncer - who is in your fraternity - that the kid was just pissing on the bar, and to throw him out.

bonus bro points if you punch the kid on his way out.

ALSO, one can't forget giving the slampiece that you brought home from the bar a golden shower. This is self-explanatory.

Anonymous said...

So we were having an inane kegget at our frat house (obviously) and we stored the "guest" kegs downstairs so all the freshman bro-haters were crammed in our rank basement while me and my bros were upstairs in the "VIP room" just my bedroom that we called VIP so bras would feel special being invited upstairs and would immediately get down on their knees. Anyway I digress I went downstairs to check on the bro-haters and check on our pledges working the keg. I wasn't feeling all the bro-haters so I made my pledges fill each solo cup with half beer and half pee. Bros are the mother fucking shit!

Anonymous said...

I was at a lax party after we won state so naturally I was surrounded by bros. Let's just say a toliet was not used once. One kid decided a corner pocket of a pool table was the opportune place to relieve himself. Another bro was so hammered that in mid convorsation he turned around and began pissing on a passed out kid(amateur bro) without realizing he was even pissing on the kid. That same kid is notorious for pissing in odd spots: closets, trash cans, etc.

One time when me and my bros were kicked out of a party by some brohatin cunt my bro proceded to piss on all of the brohatin partygoers shoes to leave his mark. Ultimate bropoints.

Lax is life

Anonymous said...

Got so fucked up one night that I woke up in the morning and went to get a pair of ankle socks out of the top drawer of my dresser. As I reached in, I realized that all my ankle socks were soaked. I smelled them and it was pretty evident that I peed inside my sock drawer. 2 weeks later I opened up my drawer and the same thing had happened. I bragged for fucking weeks about this to my bros and each time it was just as funny

Lvl 80 Brocrusher said...

Was visiting my bro at University of Puget Sound, decided to take a piss at this frat that was being total bro haters. They had a downstairs kitchen and were partying in the room right next to it. Took a piss on the fridge. These slampigs called me out so i tore my jacket off and gave my bro my hat. Never got caught. Brostat.

Anonymous said...

A bro of mine one night decided to piss on his couch. Now this might not sound like a great story until we all found out that his slam piece for the night decided to sleep on said couch. As the story goes it was all over her face/hair...

StockBROker said...

So one of my bros went into his own bedroom after a hard night of drinking, walked up to his closed laptop (aka toilet), opened the screen (aka lifted the lid), then proceeded to unzip and piss all over his keyboard. At this point, his roommate was like 'bro what the fuck are you doing, you're pissing on your laptop!' and he responded by calling him gay for looking at his dick. So he pissed on his own computer while owning his bro for being gay, i think that's as legit as a bro gets.

baker1549 said...

One time last year I got shithammered (a term coined by Kenny Powers - Bro fucking King) and blacked the fuck out. When I woke up in the middle of the night in my slampiece's room, piss was coming out of my dick and soaking all of her friend's underwear drawer and the open wardrobe full of dresses and makeup above the door. Slampiece says "What the fuck are you doing?!!" I tried to play it off with the brilliant response of "What do you mean?" Needless to say neither women were happy. Fortunately since I'm a bro I made my slampiece wash her friend's shit. Another time last year a bunch of my fraternity brothers and I had a contest of sorts and we were drinking mixed drinks. Although I blacked out rather early because I'm a bro and I was pounding that shit harder than anyone, I made it though the whole night...so I was told. I woke up on the floor, face down, butt naked with a mattress on top of me. My clothes were soaked in piss and I was told I threw my phone on the floor and pissed all over it too - it was ruined. So I had to walk back home on a Monday morning when people were going to class in nothing but my snakeskin boots, cowboy hat, and a sheet wrapped around my waist as I held it together.

Brobby Hill said...

i fucking love peeing on things that arent supposed to be pissed on/ peeing myself. freshman year in college girls gone wild was at one of the bars and it sucked so i peed on the side of the girls gone wild bus. then when i was 18 i was blackout drunk at outdoor concert and in the crowd i peed on some bra sitting on her blanket and she told the bro-hater cops who gave me a ticket. another concert i pissed myself twice in one night, clearly didnt change my shorts just kept getting fucked up. my all time favorite freshman year in college and my bro got blacked out and brought a girl back to dp(because bros love eiffel towerings girls) and we realized she was the ultimate duff so my bro peed on her so she left.

Albert PulBROs said...

beligerant. fucked this dime slam piece. pissed her bed. woke up half way thru. got up. opened up the toilet seat (aka bra's laptop on bra's desk). finished all over it. back to sleep. left the next morning. guess she took care of it. bitch still jocks my nuts to this day.

Mustachio Brodeo said...

Alright that shit is fucking legendary wearing some bro-trunks so you can piss yourself at a tailgate setting. I got a bro who can piss over people while their standing up and takes a lot of pride in this. On a float trip though, this bro walked around and not only tried to make out with as many slam pieces as possible while he spit his chaw spit in their mouths but would go up and hug girls and then start pissing himself. You think that acts like this would just get you bitched slapped, but besides the occasional bitch beat down this bro took more bitches to pound town than any other bro on that trip. He is a legend in the fratmosphere.

Baker1549 said...

I was at a Craig Morgan concert last year on High Street in Columbus. Obviously I was fucked up out of my mind because I had been pregaming and running the table at beer pong for several hours before the show. As we all have experienced while in large highly concentrated crowds, I had to piss extremely bad. It was standing room only and I would have missed like five fucking songs if I went to the bathroom like a bro-hater. I decided to take a step back from the slam piece in front of me, whip it out, and let 'er rip. Yeah I pissed all over this bitches legs and when she realized and looked at me I played it off like nothing was happening. When she turned back towards the front I pointed my dick down at the floor and the rest of the shit splattered onto her and she screamed, but I didn't give a shit. What the fuck was she going to do to me? I was congratulated with high fives and fist pounds from my fellow bros.

Savage said...

While spending a semester on the French Riviera, my bro and I decided it would be a good idea to drink a liter and a half of Absinth, each. I was so drunk that I went out onto our balcony, 5 stories up, to piss onto the street. I woke up a few hours later to realise I pissed all over the bed, so I stripped down naked, realised I had to piss again, so I went back out to the balcony naked and pissed onto the street again, except this time it was 8 in the morning. I threw the sheets in the washer, flipped the matress, grabbed a quick shower, and passed out on the couch until 5.

leBROn James said...

Last night I got super fucked up and pissed right outside my door in the dorm hallway. The next morning I went outside and the janitor was cleaning up my piss, fucking bro-hater

Daniel said...

Agree with Savage, Pissing off a balcony is the ultimate in your face to every bra and bro-hater there is

brosB4hoes said...

killed 3 40s of oe back in highschool on a tuesday...wake up to my dad calling me saying "do you know what the fuck you did last night" this immidiately scares me cause for some stupid fuckin reason it looks bad for a 17 year old to get hammered on a tuesday nite wen he has school in the morning..anyway i say no what happened?..he replies with you walked into our room last night and pissed on your mother while she was sleeping...

caught a bit of shit for that but its a fuckin great story and my mom still loves me neway

Anonymous said...

its all about the walking piss, its simple ur stream should be strong enough to walk forward and piss at the same time, its also fun to look back afterwards at the line of piss and see how much u stumbled

betachibro said...

Pissing the bed is as Bro as fuck, but True Bros piss the bed with a fuckin' slampiece in it and let the bitch roll around in it until she wakes up, and act like it's normal. If you are among this same breed of Bro, you also know about ass piss. That's right, ass piss. If you don't know what ass piss is, you've never had it. Ass Piss is a serious side effect of a long successful weekend that usually occurs on a Sunday after binge drinking and doing ant hills of brocaine off slampieces tits the night before. The feeling of fire suddenly touches the inner region of your dirtstar, then, it happens. A steady stream of fire piss shoots out of your ass causing the water beneath you to evaporate. The evaporating water causes severe frumunda cheese. True bros take that frumunda cheese and slap it on a piece of toast for the slampiece that won't fuckin leave. If she doesn't leave after then lock the bitch in the bathroom that you just destroyed for an hour, and hope she crawls out the window while you're ripping the bong with your bros, recovering, and watching football

Anonymous said...

So I figure that I need a little bro-cation one day at work so I go down to my college's homecoming. I think what the fuck is better than going down and fucking a nice 18 year old slam piece like old times. I show up blitzed as fuck bc i hadnt smoked in like 6 months ready to throw it down with my bros. I get shitty shitty bang banged the first night and pass out on a bros bed in the middle of the party. I hear the next morning that not only did i piss on every door upstairs but i also pissed all over his bed as well. got baked/fucked up the next night as well and woke up with spandex and no shirt on. come to find out i had my fuckin balls out the whole night trying to get bitches to suck on my nut sack. im a 22 year old with a career and a steady life but it goes out the window when im with my bros. P.S. I still piss outside in the morning when I have a perfectly fine toilet inside. FUCK BITCHES GET MONEY

Anonymous said...

I find that peeing out your window is the bro way to go. 1. you dont give a fuck who sees and you let everyone know you dont give a fuck. 2. no clean up.

-'nuff said

The Bronas Bros. said...

I was down at OCMD for Senior Week on a Brocation. Of course I was fuckin hammered, walkin around like a zombie, on the verge of blackout. Well me and my bro had like 50 street to go get some slampieces so we had to wait for the bus. Then what do ya know, we had to piss. You think we waited? No way. We pissed on the bench at the bus stop with many people just an armslength away. Fuck it, we had to piss.

Anonymous said...

had some out of town bros in for a night of killin kegs and smashing vag. after getting back to my dorm i found my way to my RA's room and unleashed a golden rain into his candy dish. was too drunk to remember and didn't know i did it until he woke me up from sleeping on his floor and explained to me what happened. classic.

BROwjobs4life said...

Rush week of college I get back to my room blackout and my roommate, whos a huge fag that doesnt even drink has all of his shit there from winter break. Thanks to my inner bro during my blackout I had the sense when to relieve myself all over his clothes while he gets to witness it first hand. Laughed at him the next day when he told me to wash it.

Anonymous said...

I'm such a fucking bro when it comes to peeing in non-toilets. One night over the summer we were gettin hammered around a bon fire. Later that night, after yacking in my bathroom, I proceeded to walk out and pee in my sisters room. brotastic.

Napoleon BROnaparte said...

Here's a good one NYB-

For those occasions in a public bathroom where every urinal is occupied and therefore bros and bro-haters alike must resort to pissing in the stalls. I once witnessed a bro using a stall, with a bro-hater using the stall next to him. My bro proceeded to piss on the bro-hater, but not on his foot like you suggest. Instead, he arched his stream up and over the plastic wall dividing the stalls, thus pissing on the bro-hater. The bro-hate of course had no complaints because this bro is the one in the group everybody within a 20-mile radius knows not to fuck with.

derek said...

I am a veteran of peeing on shit when im fucked up. usually its my floor, dirty clothes, school books, friends potted plants, sleeping bros. but one night at UDEL i topped all of my bros bro-pissing events. i found my girlfriends little brother and obviously had to show him how a true bro can drink. road the "beam train" fucking hard after having two 40's of old english. was in his kitchen with my bros taking more shots of good ole jim beam when i pulled my dick out and starting pissing on the floor lost balance landed on my back, continued to urinate straight into the air all over myself. it has been coined the "geyser"

Anonymous said...

favorite pissing locations: open car windows, standing on top of the car pissing into the open sun roof, dorm washing machines and dryers, closets of the homeowners of the party, bars of soap at the party (eliminates the washing of the hands all together), and best of all beer pong keg cups for the asshole bro hater that was cock-blocking all night

Anonymous said...

I fucking love pissing the bed when I am shit faced. I have pissed the bed/couch/chair/floor in Chicago, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City, Columbia, Minneapolis, and Los Angeles. If peeing your pants is cool consider me Miles Davis. Billy Madison is such a fucking bro. He is rich as fuck and gets hammered whenever he wants to.

USC said...

ME AND A COUPLE BROS HIT UP VEGAS FOR A WEEKEND AND ON OUR CAB RIDE BACK FROM THE REHAB PARTY AT THE HARD ROCK ONE OF MY BROS HAD TO PISS AND THE DUMBASS CAB DRIVER WOULDNT PULL OVER OR COULDNT UNDERSTAND US MY BRO PULLED OUT HIS COCK AND JUST PISSED IN THE BACK OF THIS BROHATERS CAB NEEDLESS TO STAY HE THEN STOPPED

Anonymous said...

My bro once tried to get up while shit-housed and pee...what we discovered shortly thereafter accompanied by screams of dismay was that in his drunken stupor, he peed all over his TV and then on his roommate and roommates girlfriends sleeping right next to him. Needless to say no one was pleased except the bros not involved, we almost peed ourselves with laughter.

Son of Brosef and Mary said...

one time me and all my bros were getting fucked up at my bros pad. my bro, who was more fucked up then the rest due to numerous beers and bong hits, proceeded to get up off the living room couch and stumble his way over to me with his eyes half closed. he then unzipped his fly and began pulling out his dick.. having realized the situation at hand, me and my bros directed him towards the bathroom. hella bro cred is given for pissing on other bros, if it can be pulled off

Anonymous said...

For all my bro's out there last year at Halloween we were at the frat all drinking and well its about 2am and the dumb asses only had one bathroom open to people and I gotta piss like its my job. Ive been putting down brews for hours and have a good 5 hours of piss to let out so I explore the house and find the frats weight room. I say fuck it and let it all go all over there bench press bench and all their work out equipment and than inform my bros who were waiting in line to just piss all over there shit too....we did...I went back for round 2 later that night. Happy Halloween to them.

Anonymous said...

True bros know about Preakness (before bro haters ruined it) and how much pissing in public goes on there. Me and my bros went with the pick up an empty 30 box and piss into it while standing technique. All the bros, even the ones we didn't know, loved it. Seeing the stream trickle down the corner of the box brings a tear to my eye. Once we pissed in all the 30's, we starting peeing in front of cops like any other bro would do. They clearly recognized us as bros and knew how important our fathers must be and did nothing but watch us piss everywhere.
Bros are the fucking best.

Anonymous said...

Ha one time was so drunk just slept walked and pissed all over my tv.

Anonymous said...

What about other bodily functions? one time after doing at least 10 boot races(a la beerfest) of course following the usual 10 shot 10 minute pregame. I proceeded to shit on the kitchen floor. Another epic weekend was a football weekend biggest game of the year and a noon game. The night before, I got fucked up with some bros is all I remember, at some point decided to drop acid stayed awake all night, literally 0 sleep. Broceeded to tailgate at 8am pounded jagerbombs, and ran the fuck out of the beer pong table. Ended up leaving the game after the 1st quarter went back to the dorm still completely blacked out. passed out in a bros computer chair around 6pm im told. Around 8pm (also dont remember) i got up and pissed in my freezer before passing out for an hour and then waking up to do it all again.

Anonymous said...

bro, one of the best/truest broisms that has been posted. I've had many experiences like this, and they are some of my favorite memories and non-memories. The guy with the swimsuit at the tailgate is by far the bro-est thing I have heard for awhile. I used to be a swimmer back in high school and my buddies and I would just piss in our suits behind the blocks before a race rather than making the unbroly walk to the restroom that was over 20 feet away (we needed that energy for swimming and slamming) with all the bras from ages 11-18 standing around as well as parents. We didn't give a fuck because we knew the bras screaming our names later would thank us as well as preach to the whole pool of slam pieces out there that we obviously came up with best idea since the invention of speedos. To all you bro-haters out there, speedos are fucking awesome. You get to show off your package in public to everyone who needs to see it because swim meets have everyone who needs a teaser--current potential slam pieces, slam pieces that are too young but you need to leave your mark for because in 10 years they will be prime slam estate, moms aka cougars, and other dudes so you can let them know you bear the cross of carrying around more weight downstairs more making them automatically your bitch.

Anonymous said...

bro on

Anonymous said...

fuckin great post nyb,i got kicked out of rumrunners in alaska for pissing in the sink,some fuckin bro hater snitched on me,nest believe me and my bros fucked his shit up wen he got out of the bar, pissing in places that arent a toilet are the shit

Big Pro Broseph said...

One of my good bros had a big party at his parents house during junior year of high school. I drank the better part of a bottle of some amazing shit i found in his parents liquor cabinet, then i hopped in the hot tub with a couple slam pieces just to make sure that shit put me over the edge. by the end of the night i had pissed all over the inside of my bros refrigerator and inside the pool house on his kid sisters pool noodles.

Anonymous said...

tight site bro, one time i blacked out so hard i opened my roommates backpack pissed in it and then zipped it back up. dont worry though he was a straight bro hater

Anonymous said...

I recently was forced to acquire a new phone after pissing on my old one. How did this happen you may wonder? Well, apparently after a long night of enjoying myself far too much, I decided that I would not be able to make it to the bathroom. Instead, my clothes next to my bed seemed to be an acceptable form of a urinal at the time. Unfortunately for me my phone was also in said clothes. When I brought the phone into the store, obviously hoping to deny the fact that the phone was water damaged and thus get a new one for free, the guy said, "Good Lord, I have never seen a phone with more water damage than this one. The charger port is completely rusted and corroded. What did you pee on it or something?" I responded with a resounding and prideful, "Yes, actually I did."

Furthermore, my recently acquired new phone started acting up the other day. So I asked the friend of a girl I was about to hook up with if she could help me fix it as she had the same phone. She then asked me how long I had had the phone. I explained to her that I had just gotten it a couple of weeks ago and she then asked what happened to my old one. Again, with great pride, i recounted this story to her as well. The look of utter and absolute admiration on her face told me immediately that I had made the right decision in telling her this story. Bros rule.

Anonymous said...

It can also be a pretty bro move to pee in a bathroom but make sure none of your urine actually reaches the toilet. This is best done at fast foot places as a punishment for fucking up your order. Bonus points if you piss on more than 2 walls of the room as part of the same piss.

Brolando said...

I got so fucked up at a bar one time, when i came back to my room i was too hammered to know what was going on and eventually passed out. So I woke up the next afternoon with a hangover and realized that i pissed all over my food i had stashed in my room, and apparently i got out of my bed, pissed onto my bed, then got back into my piss covered bed and slept in it. Fucking disgusting but definitely bro cred+++

Anonymous said...

After a night of throwing down real hard, my bro comes back to the room as pisses all over my computer. Not to ever be out-broed, in the coming nights he hits my computer two more times, our trash can once, our door once, and my bed with me in it once. Bro points to my cunt roommate

KAF said...

I love this site. As I too, love to pee anywhere & everywhere that is NOT a toilet. I pee outside, in sinks, off of stuff, into stuff, etc. I love to go outside and make a giant arch of pee just to see how high & lont I can shoot the stream. I have peed outside ever since I was 12.

Anonymous said...

I go to UPenn and we have a statue of Ben Franklin sitting on a bench that all the Asian tourists like to get their pictures taken with. I pissed all over that thing one night, and now a sick sense of accomplishment comes across every time I see someone hanging all over it.

Anonymous said...

I piss out of my bedroom window all the time. It's especially satisfying if you relieve yourself out the window while someone is walking by. Peeing in the pool also gets you major bro points. Rock on, bros

Anonymous said...

I pissed in a trashcan in front of several girls at a sororities formal. One of those little waste-baskets too, no liner, filled with toilet paper and shit that got really gross after i filled it with an inch of piss. Funny shit, but the funniest part is I did it when I wasnt even blackout. I was pretty drunk obviously, but I just fucking felt like pissing there at that moment.

Mike said...

Woke up one morning with a note from my roommate telling me how I pissed in our freezer the night before. Never in my entire life had I been so proud.

Anonymous said...

last year on SB to PCB, me and my bros roll up to the weezy concert on the beach with a couple cases and bottles of tequila at 9 am even though the concert started at 1. naturally, we had to relieve ourselves throughout the day. after plowing through the brosers who got there late to get to the ocean 5 times, i just started pissing in the empty tequila bottles, but sometimes they overflow and i would just aim for the back of the knees of the bra infront of me. she turned around to see what was going on. of course she was impressed by my level of broness and started making out with me before i could zip it back up. bros are the shit

Brohio University said...

I was at Palmerfest '09 and got trapped by the riots in a house of a girl that I vaguely knew from high school. I was trying to hook up with a different slampiece but had drank way too many 40s in a short period of time in the hours leading up to the following event. Allegedly in the middle of the night I got up from my bed, which consisted of a wool blanket and the slampiece in the hallway on the floor next to the bathroom, and pissed all over the bathroom, perhaps not even landing a single drop in the toilet.

Within minutes the boyfriend of the owner of the house, who happened to be black and swole (not that I couldn't beat the fuck out of him) came out and started bro-hatin really hard. While he was yelling at me, calling me an animal and suggesting to kick me to the curb, I was texting my bro that I was visiting with that this dude was flippin his lid. The black guy couldn't handle that and demanded answers. I denied everything, claiming that because my feet were dry, there was no way it could be me, and if he wanted to feel my ankles that he could. Eventually I wore him out with semi-valid logic and he want and railed his slampiece and I just passed back out on the floor.

When I woke up in the morning, I realized I was a guest, and to be quite honest, I may have pissed everywhere. I did a half-assed job cleaning up the area around the toilet. Then I really took it to a level I didn't have to. I ripped off a piece of a pizza box, found a sharpie marker, and left a message half-heartedly saying shit like "I'm sorry" and "I was really drunk." Then I topped it off with "but regardless, your boyfriend can gobble my..." and drew a picture of the biggest, veiniest dick ever and propped it up on their bedroom door. That showed that bro-hater.

The worst part is that I left a cigarette carton with about 4 sticks of the devil's lettuce in it and never was able to retrieve it.

Anonymous said...

Senior in Highschool. Last night got fucking hammered. Remember leaving for home, and Woke up this morning in my bed to find my dad yelling "Did you piss on the Tv???" Denied it, woke up few hours later to find that my dad had cleaned that shit up and told me to watch how much i drink. True fucking bro right there haha.

Anonymous said...

Senior (aka last) year of college was supposed to go to a free concert to meet up w/ a slam piece and then naturally slam. pregame took too long (relatively of course as pregames could last forever technically) and that weak ass venue got sold out. decided fuck it, im gonna got get hammered. got black out drunk and was chilin on the couch in my room, yea i had a couch in my bedroom aka im a fuckin gangster, blazin a fatty b and had to take a piss. now the pisser was on the other side so usually i pissed out the side door next to my room. those four steps were too far away though due to 15 beers and said fatty b, hence i stood up while still chiefing and let loose all over my laundry, brofuckingtastic

KAF said...

These stories are great. I love to find different places or things to pee into on onto. I like to pee is strange places all the time. I have a job that I do not like & so when I get off work, I like to drink beer and pee in strange places.

Broel Osteen said...

A couple of weeks ago I was yelling at my bro on the phone to come take me to the bar and browbeat the waitress into giving us free drinks when I decided to relieve myself off my balcony onto the grass five stories below. However, I didn't realize that I was too far away and actually was peeing all over the girls on the balcony below us. They came up screaming at me, but like a true bro king I talked my way out of it and had them apologizing to me at the end. To make the situation even sweeter, as if that is even possible, I peed in the elevator on the way downstairs, and pissed my bed later that night. When a my roommate brought home a slampiece Id never met before the next morning, take one guess what the first thing I shouted at her was.

broseph goebbels said...

bro, open bar last night. after about 20 jim beams i finally had to let loose, and headed for the line to the bathroom. waited all the way through the line and decided to instead piss all over the door handle so nobody else could open it. fucking other peoples nights up is Pretty Bro.

Anonymous said...

All this is funny as shit. But one thing a bro should never do is pee on a garage of a bro's house and not admit it. That pisses me off.

NYB you are the shit.

Alex said...

Initiation night, pound back shots of Yager then start shotgunning beast. Manage to stumble back to my apartment where a slammin piece is waiting for me in bed. I rail her then pass out on my couch cause she tried to cuddle. Middle of the night I wake up, walk over to my bed, and piss all over her. The next morning I wake up to find out she stayed up all night washing my sheets and clothes. I proceeded to kick her out.

Bronas Selk, curer of brolio said...

My best piss story was when we were at this prep theme party that Sam Adams was playing. I was drunk as shit and had to take a piss so I just whipped it out in the middle of the party and peed on the ground, with people dancing all around me. Some bro-hater security guard saw me and started walking over. I thought he was gonna kick me out but then I guess he saw I was a bro so he just asked me politely not to do it again. I informed him (less politely) how much money my father makes in a week and he just walked back to his minimum wage job without a word. Bros are the shit.

Anonymous said...

Got a couple of these...

Once in a slampigs dorm at Wagner College I stood up and pissed on the floor. She told me the next day it woke her up and she screamed at me but I couldnt stop. Promised to have her rug cleaned professionally but I stopped answering her calls the next day.

Once on the way home from a mets game and the 5 bars after, I pissed right in the cab cuz guy refused to stop. My friend asked me what I done after we got home. Apparently I offered the driver 100 bucks and refused to pay it when the time came. Another car was waiting for me so while they yelled it out I jumped in the cab and headed to a bar.

Another time, I was home for a family party. We bribed the mexican with 50 bucks to get us liquor because it was a beer and wine thing only. I blacked out and went to look for the card/gift I brought which my sister already gave to the honored guest. I didnt believe it and called the owners daughter a thief and a whore for stealing it. I then went home and at some point went into the bathroom and pissed in the garbage can. The toilet was 6 inches away. I always hated that pink can.

Anonymous said...

Pissing from elevated places is always best. Especially when there is bro-hating foot traffic below.

Anonymous said...

Bro's, my bro needs much deserved bro cred. He got so fucked up he shit the bed and woke up before the slampiece, cleaned himself up, and then wiped some of the shit on said slampieces ass so she would think she shit the bed, and left. Spring Break one night stand. Much bro cred!

Anonymous said...

I've recently discovered the joys of just pissing at the bar itself. Lean up on it, flop your man log out and just let it flow right there. It's a beautiful thing.

Bro-din, ruler of Bra-sgard said...

These are classic. My best bro-wesome non-toilet pissing stories:

1) Freshman year of college, my neighbor was walking back to campus from a party and starts pissing in the outdoor parking lot across the street from our dorm. A cop catches him and is getting ready to haul him to the drunk tank, but this future bro-lawyer convinces the cop that what he saw is a matter of interpretation and that it's only the cop's "opinion" that he was peeing in public. The cop gave up and let him go.

2) Same year, my bro was walking down the hall to his dorm room and decided the bathroom was too far away for a piss, so he'll just go in his room sink. Halfway through his piss, he hears a girl screaming hysterically behind him. Turns out he was so fucked up he walked into his (female) Resident Advisor's room by mistake and was pissing in HER sink. But he didn't give a shit, finished up, and went back to his room to pass out.

3) My two bros (roomates in the dorms) lived at the end of a very long hallway, exact opposite end from the floor's bathroom, so most of the time they would piss into empty water or soda bottles and leave them under the sink area. Slam pieces who came over to their room were constantly asking them why they had so many "Mountain Dews" on the floor, to which they would laugh hysterically and offer one as a drink.

Bro-din, ruler of Bra-sgard said...

4) Sophomore year of college, I'm visiting my bro at UCSB, staying at his house on Del Playa. After a night of hard partying, I crash on his couch and his bra comes over to crash with him in his bed. The next morning I hear her yell "what the fuck?!?!" followed by both of them laughing hysterically. The middle of their bed was covered in piss. The best part - They were both so blacked out, they couldn't figure out which one of them had actually done the bed-pissing since they were spooning when they woke up.

5) I studied abroad for a year in Rome, Italy. Out one night drinking at some bars in the historic center (where all the old Roman monuments are) and I gotta take a piss. There's only two guys in line for the bathroom, but bros don't wait in fucking bathroom lines so I go outside, walk a half block down the street and piss on the side of the Pantheon instead. Few things feel as bro-wesome as using a 2000-year-old Roman temple as your own personal urinal cake. I'm sure Bacchus (Roman god of wine and Original Bro) was watching from Mount Brolympus and toasting my epic bro-ness that night.

6) My bra took me to a concert and I blacked out on a shitload of Red Bull and Vodkas. Went back to my place and passed out. Woke up at 4AM and started pissing on the desk in my room, to which my bra started screaming "what the fuck are you doing?!?". I just looked at her, shrugged, finished up, and went back to bed to pass out again.

Bro hard and bro often.

TopBro said...

probably the most bro shit i've ever done was when i was partying at my boys house and got smashed. we were playing a game of beer pong down on his pool table and i had been going all night. yet to be dethroned from my table i was hammered. well as told to me the next morning i apparently had to go pretty bad and just whipped my dick out and peed on his pool table in the middle of the game this was in front of about 15 other people as well. i then went and sat down and never put my dick away. yeah i made somebody do it for me.

BROtonio banderas said...

to all my fellow bros

I was stumbling home from a party I had just rashed and was wasted as shit. I had to piss but didn't feel like stopping so I pissed walking backwards. Further more I ended up pissing on a frog along the way. And I got to know, does pissing on small animals earn me some bro-cred?

Anonymous said...

This weekend, I made frequent trips out of my bro's house during our weekly game of baseball to relieve myself of the accumulating brews in my system. The las time I walked out, I tripped on a root and twisted my ankle and now I can't walk for a week. But I'm a bro, so fuck walking. I'm a motherfuckin' champ.

sierra said...

im a bra and i always piss in sinks and shit

Anonymous said...

sophomore year at brohio university i lived in Bromley (most bro dorm on campus, obviously). one night after pregaming down the hall and not wanting to wait in line for the bathroom (duh) i got up on my bro's desk in front of an open desk-to-ceiling window with no screen and whipped it out while hanging on for dear life five stories up. bro high fives were passed around. also that year my roommate was in his top bunk with his slampiece and my other roommate was with his slam piece on the bottom bunk. top bunk bro pissed himself and managed to get it to leak down to the bottom bunk. he pissed on three other people in one piss. major bro cred.

Anonymous said...

This epic bro story combines a few of the posts, but I suppose this is probably where it fits in best. Anyway, I was traveling in Europe doing the hostel thing in Dublin, got completely hammered, stumbled back to the hostel blackout obviously. First thing I remember is some fucking homeless dude who had scrounged together 9 euros to escape the cold for the night just screaming at me while I finished taking a piss literally on him in his bed below mine. Needless to say I got kicked out of the hostel at 3am still hammered, but wouldn't have done it any differently.

broheezy said...

So I'm visiting my bro down south and a night at the bars I end up slaying some slam peice and during the middle of the night I get up and start pissing in her roommates dresser. There room also happened to be directly across from the bathroom. The next morning I get up to leave without saying bye to this slut and her roommate stood me and is tellin me to clean up my Poss and I was like Fuck that and bolted out of there never to see either of them again

Roy Munson said...

one of my bros got kicked out of the yankee game last night for pissing on the seats in the bleachers. great night.

Anonymous said...

Just this weekend I was broin out pretty hard with a fellow bro and a few slam pieces that were visiting for the a few days. We decided to all crash at this bra's place, and continued to get majorly fucked up on shots. Next thing I know, it's 11am, and I am waking up naked on this babe's bedroom floor. I stand up with pride and proceed to make my way to the bathroom where I find my all of my clothes, which were definitely covered in piss. My shorts were even inside the toilet. The makings of a successful bro night? I'd say so.

Anonymous said...

Me and a fellow bro were black out drunk at a bar in ft Collins,co and I needed to piss so I whipped it out while waiting for my drink at the bar and pissed on some bro hater with crutches. He was pissed and trying to start shit so my bro walked up behind him and pissed on him again. Bro life

broseph said...

ONE TIME AT A PARTY I NEEDED TO PISS.. AND I KNEW THE LINE WAS GOING TO STAY THAT WAY FOR QUITE SOMETIME FOR MY BRO HAD TOOK A SLAM PIECE IN THERE . AS I PROCEED OUTSIDE I REALIZE A SLAMPIECE I HAD BEEN EYEING FOLLOWS ME OUT ASKS WHERE IM GOING I EXPLAIN HOW MUCH WATER WE CURRENTLY WASTE . AND THEN BOOM FUCKEN PANTIES INSTANTLY COME OFF .. HOW MUCH WATER DO WE WASTE WHO KNOWS !!! HAHA

Anonymous said...

Actually, some woman have conquered this. Look up stand up to pee for girls. Also, for woman that hike and camp a lot they use the go girl or p-style.
My girlfriend pees standing up. At first I thought it was weird, but now I like it. She never yells at me for leaving the toilet seat up, she does it too.

Anonymous said...

I'm a bra and I piss different places as a rule. I love seeing how many non-toilet places I can pee in or on, and I don't use a device. I just load my bladder and try to find a unique spot to let loose. I also love seeing guys drain a full cock in public.

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