The Sink Piss - There's only one kind of line a bro likes, and that typically goes up said bro's nose. Therefore, when there is a wait to take a piss at the bar, a bro will do whatever necessary to not wait. This includes more than anything, pissing in the bathroom sink. To be honest, I prefer to piss in the sink, because, like any true bro, I think washing my hands after pissing is a waste of time. After all, your package is the cleanest thing on your body. So, by pissing in the sink, you can just claim that you don't want to wash your hands near your piss. This ensures that any lurking bro haters in the men's room won't go spreading rumors to potential slam pieces that you don't wash your hands. Other fun non-toilet pissing bathroom activities include pissing all over the toilet paper so that it is drenched and unusable or if you are at a urinal next to your bro, pissing on his foot. This is funny as shit. If your bro gets mad at you, tell him to fuck himself because he is being a bro hater.
The Outdoor Piss - Bros fucking love being outside. Sometimes they love it so much the last thing they want to do is walk indoors to use the bathroom. Thanks to their God given ability to stand and pee, bros simply go to the corner of the yard to relieve themselves. But what happens if you are comfortable where you are, or even worse there is no corner of the yard to go piss in? That's when you show just how much of a bro you are. It's at this time which I would like to reference an event from a legendary trip to Fordham University my Senior year of College. It was Homecoming, so all the alumni were back. I was staying with my bros who were on the track team so they knew all the older guys. These guys were bros, one in particular. This bro had a high powered job in NYC, he was about 27, had a serious girlfriend, which obviously took away from his bro cred, but believe me he earned it back that fateful Saturday. As we approached the tailgate at the parking lot we saw most of the alumni dressed up in their bro attire, i.e. ankle socks. But, there was one guy who seemed a little out of place. He was wearing a collared shirt and bathing suit. Now it was mid October in New York so it wasn't that warm out. My bros openly questioned what he was doing. Thats when he showed us. Without saying a word a stream began to appear down his leg forming a glorious puddle of warmth and broness. Apparently, instead of having to wait in the long line of 2 people at the port-o-johns he decided to just let loose in his bathing suit. As the day went on he would walk up to a group of girls and start making conversation, only to have the conversation come to abrupt end because of their screams of terror as he unleashed another stream. This still ranks up there with one of the best bro moves I have ever seen.
The Bedroom Piss - Honestly, if you are out there reading this and saying, "Who pees in their own bedroom?" You are not a bro. Every bro I have ever had has peed in his room at one point or another. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I have had bro haters confront me after one of my many room pissing experiences to say, "Don't you think you should take it easy on the drinking?" Give me a fucking break. Pissing your room is like masturbation - everyone does it so there is nothing to be ashamed of. As a long tenured room-wetter I would be remiss to not offer the three stages.
- Denial - No bro wants to believe that he is sleeping in his own piss or that he pissed on his buddy's suitcase on their #21 Bros Only Vacation. Bros also like to think that they are capable of controlling their bodily functions no matter how drunk they get. They are not. This obviously leads to blaming others for what you did. This is not a completely ridiculous claim, after all bros don't ever remember the actual peeing itself.
- Regret - Bros eventually realize there is no other explanation than the fact that they peed in their laundry basket. It's at this point where a bro is most vulnerable and as close to a bro hater as possible. He is incredibly hungover and possibly on the verge of vomiting and he now has to wash piss stained clothes. The thought runs through his mind, "It might be time to settle down." Luckily, this thought only lasts for roughly 30 seconds until the next and final stage takes its place.
- Pride - You just pissed your room. You cleaned it up, everything is back to normal, now what are you going to do? Fucking brag about it. Pissing your room gives you an incredible amount of bro cred. Not only did you get fucked up last night, but you got so fucked up you couldn't make it the 10 steps to your bathroom to relieve yourself. Everyone needs to fucking know about this. Additional bro points are awarded if you pissed on your slampiece or if she was so disgusted that she left during the middle of the night, thus eliminating any morning activities described in #31 One Night Stands.