Friday, August 7, 2009

#59 Sororities

Bras want to be bros. It’s a fucking fact. If that shit’s not on Wikipedia it fucking should be. You know how I know this? It’s called historical evidence, bitch. For example - back in the day only bros were allowed to vote, but bras got envious. So, rather than listen to them bitch and moan and make funny jokes all day about how they were “equal,” bros finally caved and gave them the vote. This proved to be a terrible idea as it almost got the biggest bro hater of them all (Hillary Clinton) elected president. Prior to this atrocity of a decision came the greatest act of jealousy in bra history. Seventy-five years after the first fraternity was created at the greatest school in the world, a group of bras got together and you can only imagine what their conversation entailed:

“How do we let all these bros know that we are slam pieces?”
“I know – we can create some phony wannabe Greek society! That way they have to bang us! It will also give us the opportunity to pretend we love each other, then say the nastiest things we can think of behind each others backs!”
And so it began.

Sororities are a staple of any bro’s life. Nearly every college has them, and if yours doesn’t, why the fuck did you decide to spend the best four years of your life at the University of Phoenix? Anyways, sororities try hard to be exactly like fraternities, for example they have rush just like frats. But, instead of getting fucked up with your potential future bros, bras talk sober, catching up on fun things like where you are from, what your major is, and what dorm you live in, the whole time judging you to see if you are hot enough to take your sorority out of the campus reputation as the “ugly house” and into “I wouldn’t have to be blackout to bang them” territory. As much as bros give little respect to sororities, they still definitely like them, and here are couple reasons why:

Slam Points – If you’ve never slayed a sorority girl, you are obviously a virgin/not a fucking bro. I’m pretty sure part of the initiation in a sorority is taking an oath swearing you will give it up on the first night. Sure, it’s easy to slam sorority girls, but bros love challenges. Now, I don’t care what college you are at, every school has the incredibly hot sorority where it seems every single girl is a 10 (outside of the one fat girl with all the sorority spirit of course.) At the other end of the spectrum, every college also has the sorority where the only criteria for admission is that you once performed in “Shamu and Friends” at Sea World. Now, unfortunately banging Namu does qualify as banging a sorority girl. So, in order to differentiate between a hot slam piece and "Animal Planet Safari Week," points must be given. Say there are 20 sororities. Most likely, bros have already ranked them from hottest to “most likely to make you puke,” so just go with those rankings. Slamming a member of the hottest sorority gets 10 points all the way down the line to –10 for a feeding session with Porky Pig’s offspring. At the end of the semester total your points up and you will find that semester’s Bro King.

Date Parties/Formals – Sorority date parties and formals truly are the Sadie Hawkins dances for whores. It gives slam pieces the chance to get fucking hammered with some guy they want to bang. If any sorority girl ever asks you out to a date party or formal because, she "just wants to bring someone fun," she is lying. She wants you to nail her. Honestly, it doesn’t get much better than sorority date parties for bros. You know at the beginning of the night you will be pulling ass, not to mention having all the alcohol you could ever want poured down your throat for free, but sometimes thats not enough for bros. They get bored. Bros love to push the limits and see how far they can go and still get ass. Take for example me and my bros when we all got invited to a bowling alley date party junior year. Things were going well. We were fucking hammered, but after awhile we got kind of tired of conventional bowling. We decided to invent some new games. We made up some good ones such as “How many balls can we throw down one lane at one time?” and “How many lanes down the alley can we throw our ball?” Once again – we got bored. That’s when we came up with the greatest bro bowling game of all time: “Who can throw the ball the highest?” As it turned out, we all could throw the ball pretty fucking high, but no one could throw it as high as one of my bros. He’s really strong so he was able to hurl his 15 pound bowling ball to the ceiling and smash a giant light fixture right above our alley, which came crashing down onto 3 lanes. This got the bowling alley manager’s attention. After we informed him that we had more money in our trust fund than he would ever make in his entire life, he decided to be a bro hater and call the cops. Obviously, we are bros so we got away without the cops even talking to us, but we were all banned from ever coming back to that sorority’s date parties and they were banned from the bowling alley for a year. Anytime you cause an entire sorority to devote a major portion of their weekly meeting to talking about your behavior on the weekend you have done your job as a bro. Oh, and by the way – we still got ass that night.

86 comments:

Bro Jackson said...

I had a bro that was such a bro... he joined a sorority. He was awesome.

Bron Paul said...

I Prefer ditching my date and Hoopsnaking some other hot Sorostitute Slampiece from some fag Bro-Hater that lives in the all guys dorm.

N'SYNC is full of bros! said...

Bro Jackson-

Your bro sounds like a major bro.

He gets major bro points for being in a sorority.

Sounds cool as shit!

Sororities are super good!

paul bro'neill said...

Super good? Are you fucking kidding me. Biggest Bro-poser I've ever seen.

Brothello said...

For one of the sorority formals they had a dance at the San Diego zoo after hours. Needless to say my bros and I were excited. We were slamming energy drinks and booze beforehand and a few of my bros were too fucked up to even go to the dance. Once we got there we decided we would have to sneak out of the dance area and go cause some mischief.

In the end, we ditched our dates, my bro puked in the penguin exhibit, we got caught by security, and our dates had to get a taxi home with us. Still managed to throw down on that slam piece later.

Did any other bros notice the brohater ad below this post? Godamn

Nice, Friendly Bro said...

Super good post... u bros!

Bros 4 Life

Luv u guys!

XOXO to all bros

Anonymous said...

GOD i love this site

Broriginal Bro Jackson said...

hey BJ, check the comments on the previous posts. last time i checked, i didn't have a fucking twin with the same name. be bro-riginal and come up with your own fucking shit. you're breaking brotocol and brocedure by jacking the name.

Anonymous said...

what is up with all these fag bro haters putting up fucking gay ass backwards posts like look at the butterflies. get the hell off this site.

Anonymous said...

Went to this date party one night with this girl. We had to take a bus to the semi formal so when we got lost we had to stop at a gas station for directions. In true bro fashion I made eye contact with another girl on the bus to meet me in the back room in the gas station. I ended up bending the slam piece over a stack of pepsis in the back room for some good fun. Then went to the date party with my date and ended up slamming that slam piece at the end of the night as well. Date parties = slam parties.

Ivan DragBro said...

Good post, as always, NYB.

I have to say, though, Brothello brought up a good point. Google ads are total bro haters. Scroll back real quick and you'll see adds about not drinking, helping the poor, saving energy, and bra bachelorette parties. I know they take some key words from the post and create an ad but damn, can't we get some Hooter's or Maxim ads here?

Screw the ultimate bro hater (society), bros are the shit.

Anonymous said...

I once was to a sorority date party- it was the best night ever.

The girls were really pretty & nice. I had a chance to talk to some of them, you know... make new friends. We are still friends. Unfortunately, my date and I did not go on anymore dates. That was sad, but all is good now. Sorority girls are really sweet and classy. I don't know why everyone thinks they are sluts. I think you all make these stories up.

But you got it right, sororities rule! Great girls!

Have a wonderful weekend, fellow bros!!!

Bro Who? Bro Mama! said...

In college, I single-handedly ruined and ended an sorority's date party, and then banged the slam piece who brought me, despite her shame of being my date.

It was actually this sorority's first social event in 18 months because of probation for being slutty bitches. So, of course they were all super duper pumped! And so was I. This slam piece was a BO (Blackout) 8, Sober 7. Her friends really wanted me to slam her, so they got me wasted at their stupid apartment. I had just Bro'd the LSAT that day, so I was looking to get extra shitty.
The party obviously was a drunken fuck fest, but I couldn't contain my Brotocal of fucking something up. I was getting a little antsy and decided that I would steal alcohol. So, I went right up to this open bar, which was free anyway, but didn't want to wait for my drink because a bro should never be without a drink in hand. So, I waited until the old bitch bartenders were not looking for a split second, and snatched a bottle of Smirnoff from behind the bar. Bras were in shock and Bros were high-fiving the shit out of me. I brought the bottle back to my table and hit on 30 other slam pieces while pouring them drinks from my "stolen vodka." They loved it.

But then, my theft prompted management to call the cops, who of course showed up and killed the party. When confronted, I denied everything and they let me go. And yes, the entire sorority tried to make me pay for some sort of damages, and spent a week having meetings about it, but I just displayed my middle finger, and ended up fucking a handful more of them over the semester and never paid a fucking cent.

Bros are the shit.

The Bro King of the USA said...

What's up buddies? I am a huge bro, so it's nice to meet all of you. I enjoy being a bro, like all of you are. Here are my broliefs...

Real bros do the following:

Never move out of their parents' home

DATE girls & get married

Have pet cats

Clean their often, so it's spotless

Have kids or want to soon

Drive a compact convertible

Volunteer for charities

Are vegetarians

Don't drink

Save their virginity for their wife

Treat women with respect

Send women flowers on a regular basis

Write poetry

Close their eyes during nude scenes of movies

Open the car door for girls

BROS R THE SHIT!

Anonymous said...

i had sex once

Anonymous said...

frats and sororities are for fags

Bro-bby Budnick said...

I went to a stupidass sorority date party once. I got wasted, grinded on sluts all night, then got some ass. In between that, I did something awesome.

So, after the party... I get back at my slutty date's apartment and we start messing around. I realize I have to shit and bad enough that I just cant hold it. I tell her I need to "get ready" in the bathroom, so she excuses me...

When I enter the bathroom, I see the toilet. Obviously this would be most people's choice, but not mine. I also see a bath tub, with the shower curtain pulled shut. I open the curtain, sit on the side of the tub, and shit all over it. I'm so fucking pumped at this point and laughing my ass off that I can hardly keep quiet. When I finish, I close the curtain, wipe my ass, and head out to her room to fuck the shit out of her.

The next morning she sees it, I hear her, and I immediately start thinking, "oh shit". Little did I know, when we came back and were having loud animal sex, her roommate was already passed out in the next bedroom. I guess she was so wasted that night (she wasnt at the date party), that she didnt remember what she did. So she apologized for shitting in the tub. So fucking funny.

My last night ever at school, I banged this girl again. Right before I blew it on her face, I asked if she remembered when her roommate shit in the tub. She replied "Yea, why?" and then I told her it was me as I blew on her face. I just put my pants on & left.

Dumb slut. With a shitty tub.

Bro in Chicago said...

Holy fuck Bro-bby Budnick, that is hilarious. I have a bro who did something similar. He was so fucking wasted that he shat all over the bed with the slam piece still passed out next to him. He went to the bathroom and cleaned himself up, and then wiped the shit all over the broad's ass so it looked like she shat the bed and walked out the door. Bros are the shit.

What the fuck happened to our bro Benny Boy?

Brover Cleveland said...

Long time reader, first time commenter. One question: Where the fuck is Dave?? As a bro, I find it very offensive that the Godfather himself, Dave Matthews is absent from this list. I realize that it's a given but honestly how can you call yourself a bro without acknowledging Dave as the master of the bros. I'm upset and I think that all of my fellow broskis are as well.

Anonymous said...

Dave is the godfather? Cmon dude.. I don't wanna hate but fuck u. dave meets the bro-teria to be considered a bro but even that is shaky.

Bromance said...

Hey I totally agree with my boy Brover Cleveland, where the fuck is Dave Matthews on this list? He is the Brogod among bros...seriously lets get a post about him going on.

Anonymous said...

Dave Matthews? Are you kidding me?

That music is for bro-haters. It sucks. Bros hate Dave Matthews.

If you listen to Dave Matthews, you are not a bro.

NYB- If you make a Dave Matthews post, this site loses its bro-cred. Dave Matthews is not a bro at all.

Anonymous said...

is there anything better than sororstitues on halloween, hallowween should be renamed "excuse to dress like sluts and get slammed" night for bras
ihsv

Anonymous said...

one favorite tradition when I was in college was to bang a girl in every sorority before you graduated. Us bros had so much game that we accomplished this feat by the end of pledge. We would also steal of one the sorority shirts of the girl we slammed and hang them up on the wall to keep track of which sorority's sorostitutes we slammed. The tough part was the "ugly house" because no bro wants to slam a whale so we basically had slim pickens amongst the 2-3 girls that only required being blacked out to look boneable.

Abroham Lincoln said...

Eddie Van Halen is a bro, Gene Simmons is a bro, TED NUGENT is the BRO KING. Dave Mathews and Jack Johnson and all those other fags that play acoustic guitar about caring for women and the environment are not bros, they are musical fuel for bro haters.

Anonymous said...

Brochella

I was at a formal with a slam piece (10 points) and was fuckin hammered. Shit was boring, so i start to look around for something to amuse me and then i spot it. A big fucking glob of butter on the dinner plate. I look for the most annoying girl and hurl back and throw a missle for a touchdown! Direct hit in the hair! Literally a good 60 foot throw from the dinner table to the dance floor. The highlights made ESPN's top 10 causing all sorts of drama and chaos amongst bras while all the bros are high fiving! And i still fucked my slampiece that night. So how many points is that?

IHSV

shaquille Bro'neil said...

Last formal I went to, I took two different slam pieces to pound town in one evening. The second one knew I already banged the first one, but thats what happens to bras when you let them get dressed up, they get moist.

in all seriousness, real bro's don't need a special event to get laid. It's what we do best.

oh, and... liking dave matthews is as straight as an eight.

80's tunes is bro music. play that noise on the reg.

-ihsv

Anonymous said...

anyone that writes a post on how sick ankle socks are would probably swallow for dave matthews.

Brocho Cinco said...

Dave Matthews is pantie dropping music, what slut would ever bang to ted nugent?

In fact playing Dave or Phil Collins is like cheating and should only be used when you want to quickly bang and leave the ho to go back out and party

Just Happy Hanging With The Bros, Bro said...

I got mad love for you Bros

Geovany BROto said...

I'm really glad all these bro-haters have nothing better to do then come on here, hate and not get any pussy. I get the feeling you were wronged by some bro at some point and this is your only recourse. Congratufuckinglations, I hope you feel better because the sorority girl you liked freshman year in your dorm that you were 'meant for' never talked to you and would go out and get slammed by bro after their exchange while you jerked off to anime porn.
You writing your lame-ass posts just makes bros want to fucking make your life even worse. Go read Drudge report and hit up Starbucks and pawn off some of their ideas as your own, fucking a.
Which begs my question: what is worse, a bra who knows her place, and or bro-hater who has nothing better to do than come on here and try to put bros in their place.
Oh, right, the answers is they both are retarded as the brother from Something about Mary.

Bro hard or bro home.

Brovado said...

I heard Dave Matthews got pistol whipped by a trannie midget in 711 and just stood there crying like a little bitch. pussy.

Anonymous said...

this website is the bro-ficial shit! whoever invented this is bad-fucking ass.

Anonymous said...

How can we find out who the bra is on the left of the header for this website. The one that has'bro' across her ass. I wanna be the bro across her ass. Anyone that can help?

Anonymous said...

I caused so much commotion at a formal the sorority they could never have a bus trip again. and i still fucked half of them

ATM BROSKI said...

REAL BROS SNAKE SOROSTITUES FROM BRO HATER DOUBLE POPPED COLLAR FRATERNITY POSERS ADMINISTERS ATM FINISHES IN HER MOUTH TAKES A PHOTO OF THE GARGALING SLUT AND DISTRIBUTES COPIES AT HER BOYFRIENDS NEXT FRATERNITY PARTY!!!!!

2 cups 1 bro said...

Sup Bros,

AT CMU the hot sorority was the Delta Zeta's, and yes they were all hot slam piece whores. One drunken Monday night I decided to go steal their stupid fucking mascot turtle costume and run down main street playing chicken with oncoming cars. One of these cars happened to be a car full of DZ pieces. Needless to say they weren't all that mad and the vice president said no one had every been slammed by a guy in the turtle suit. Yes, I have pictures....

Bros are the shit

BJMDuper said...

We rented out a bar and it was just my fraternity and another sorority. I found this hot ass slam piece and we both got drunk as fuck. We started hooking up in the bar and doing everything but fucking (that came later don't worry) but apparently I had her bent over the bar kissing her tits. The next chapter her sorority had her president called her out in front of the whole chapter and got in trouble for it. Major bro points for that.

IHSV brothers

Bro Cheese said...

I got banned from from future engagements with a sorority at my school. I got blackout drunk and starting yelling racial slurs and when my slampiece told me to shut up I switched gears to informing all of her bras of every depraved sexual act I had ever performed on her.

Anonymous said...

Excuse me im looking for a certain individual


First Name - Bro
Last Name - Caine

Heard of him, cuz BRo's love him

Wayne Brotzky

Broce Campbell said...

Damn that's good fuckin shit. I remember ditching the sea world party, and still got some slampiece from there. She was the only 8 there. But too dumb to realize she needed to walk another few blocks!

Broizona State said...

As a Bra I proudly took a double fuck in one night after a social. Needless to say every Bro in the house has been calling me since...

Anonymous said...

went to a sorority date party in carolina a couple years back. took the party bus which does not provide ample BROpportunity to get your nic fix. so i went in the bus's bathroom and lit one. bus driver and sorostitutes alike got pissed after the bus's fire alarm went off. they kick down the door, ask if i had been smoking, i say fuck no i havent, it was like that when i came in. beautiful thing was all the bros on the bus had my back and said the same story. brohaters werent buying it though and tried to tell me that what i did was a federal crime and the cops were coming. i said fuck that, stole a fifth from some broad and got off that brohating bus and waited for my bros to pick me up drive me back to clemson u.

was getting off the bus a bitch move? looking back on it, maybe. but getting that sorority to lose its $1000 security deposit, having to turn around and drive back 100 miles to clemson, and getting banned from the bus, totally worth it.

broz = tha $hit

Anonymous said...

SORORITY GIRLS = SOROSTITUTES. Take this shit from my personal tragic experience. I was a misguided bro who dated a sorostitute at wvu... Sorostitutes are meant for one thing and one thing only, FUCKING

Rocky Broboa said...

Agree with anonymous

BROck Samson said...

So fucking true, me and my Frat bros love sorority sluts...

Easy pickins...

During Paddy Murphy as a pledge was bar tending in the basement of our frat castle... Needless to say the bitches fucking loved me giving them their alcohol fix. I noticed one of these sluts at the beginning of the night as a prime target. Her drinks were obviously made to bro level and not a normal bra level, making things that much easier. I too had been pounding drink after bourbon drink and was sufficiently buzzed by the time she came over and asked if I would do her the honor of #29 Grind on her twat. After grinding and finger banging the shit out of this bra for 5 minutes I took her upstairs and #52 banged her out in the upstairs bathroom of our disgusting frat house, because as all bros know the pledges never get the castle THAT clean. ANYWAY banged this chic for just about an hour and by this time the whole frat knows about it because the window is A. open and B. she is screaming her fucking tits off. Not to mention one of my bros walked in on the action. Upon busting on her face I walk out of the bathroom greeted by cheers and high fives from my fellow bros. (she obviously never got a call and has been on my nuts ever since). Epic.

bro-ham said...

I was hooking up with this sorority slam piece who had some fuckin bro hating bf. long story short i took the bitches virginity and she broke up with her bf. since im a bro i dont want to deal any fuckin virgins, so i told the slam piece to give me my fuckin lax shorts back and now she dropped out of school

Alpha BROmeo said...

In my house we used to have Composite Sluts.

You bros know what the composites are, but for the uninitiated, those big pictures with all the members of a frat are called composites. The dudes who make them send you a bunch of mini versions that the bros get.

We used to take the extra mini ones and write some slam pieces name on it, then color in the dudes who fucked her. You got extra Bropoints if your face was colored in 'special' colors like brown or yellow etc.

One year some house pissed us off, so we made copies of all the chicks in the house and sent them to all the other frats and sororities to let everyone know who the whores were.

Don't fuck with bros.

Brovado said...

"those big pictures with all the members of a frat" They're called brothers you poser fuck. obviously you were never one and from that stupid story it sounds like the only letters you'll ever get are HIV, queer.

John Mcenbro said...

I'm tired of all of the bro-haters on this shit. Stop posting because you want to be us.

nathan broford forrest said...

Sorostitute slam pieces at university of south carolina are fucking awesome

Anonymous said...

man i love being a douchebag and bringing down the human race as a whole.

BroS 4eVeR

Anonymous said...

to the person above your adopted and your parents don't love you.

bros,

on the post; sororities are the greatest minus those invected by fat cow run pan-hell alliances, those are the sorirtutes you give pledge names to.

however im here to comment on the anti-bro banter i see rambling down against one of the greatest bros of all time: Dave.

If you are not POSEbRo you know DMBro is the greatest for:

1. nothing seals the deal with hot freshman slampieces like lets take this upstairs for a drink in my room and listen to dave.
2. he has not been sober since 1990
3. Dave tailgates are bro conventions, with lax pinnies, nattylight, grilling and sloppy blond preppy slampieces as far as the eye can see.
4. he jams with the three greatest (RIP leroi) token black bros of all time
5. He is white and pulled off a NAACP image award.

long live NYB,
Genghis Bro

Anonymous said...

You're right about sorority formals/parties being all about fucking. In college I went to a slampile's sorority formal cuz she was Asian and I'd never had one. She ended up getting arrested (underage drinking), her friend bailed her out, at which point she came to my fraternity (where I was chasing other slampiles) cuz she still wanted some meat. It's true Asians are tight as hell.

Last of the BROhicans said...

Too bad you can't just skip the boring going to the date party part of the date parties and get straight to the slaying..

Bro Ryan said...

Last year some sorority chick from my dorm floor asked me to go "as a friend" to a formal with her fellow sorostitute bra. Apparently she needed a date because her boyfriend couldn't make it into town. My roommate/bro, who knew the chick, said she was at least a 7 so I agreed. A day before the formal the chick brought her to my room so the bra could "meet me" before the event, and i confirmed my bro's evaluation of her hotness/slutiness.
The next night she showed up at my dorm looking slutty as I expected and brought a bottle of smirnoff, so I helped myself by slamming shot after shot.
I got a nice buzz and could tell she was pretty shitty and by the time we were got to the hotel we had already had a heavy makeout session on the bus. On the dance floor we did pretty much everything but fuck, which prompted a fellow sorostitute to ask if you could "get an STD from dancing like that". I could tell she was ready to get 'er goin, so we took the early bus back to her place.
I had her screaming so loud that the girls next door had to come over to make sure everything was alright. You bet damn right it was. I nailed that slam piece so hard than not only did she ask me to come back for round two the next night, but also broke up with her bro-hating boyfriend.
Long live the bros!

Brobby Browden said...

Sorority philanthropies are similar to fraternity philanthropies except the bras come to the fratcastles to get the bros drunk before some BS sport like croquet. Have you ever gotten a Beej before playing drunk croquet? Win on all counts.

Anonymous said...

Lemme guess - you were a PiKa boy?

By the way, the Intro to computer science class is an ACTUAL class now at the College - brohaters gave out a whole textbook on fucking binary code.

Anonymous said...

im a girl and this is true. guys have it easier like i wanna be you.. not like physically but omg.

Anonymous said...

You know what's extremely bro is bein in a frat and working at the sorority down the street nothin is more bro than that for sure i mean you get to be around these bras 24/7

U.S. BROpen said...

My bro and I were at a sorority formal. He had been getting sucked off by this V (virgin) for a good 2 months. During the dinner of the formal he took her to the men's room and stole her purity in a bathroom stall...So someone decided to get a picture of the event. Once we got back to the Frat Cave we posted that shit up and down the walls!

Anonymous said...

Just thought I would shine a light of reality with everyone. "Bros" are seen as a joke on campus. Most girls (like myself) agree with this. Bros are an easy "slam" and really annoying at social events. The only girls that actually like these guys don't have the brain cells to understand what they're about. Good luck boys for finding someone worth while in the long run.

peace

fuck mondays said...

google ads=beer money. Does the fact that hilary made the map available to bros make her a bro hater?

Broheesy said...

First of all, who is this anonymous fuck slut trying to write that shit? Obviously she is the DOFF and no one's jumped on that grenade. Tough life you jelly rolled fat virgin, get a battery powered boyfriend, he'll be good for you in the long run. Stupid cunt get the fuck out of here.
Anyways, sorostitutes are a fucking gold mine. They are in fact not only wanting to suck, swallow, bang and buy bros shit, they even want to be like us. NYB, point made and well said. Frats were around long before women came and tried being equal and shit so obviously we're making moves. Best part about these hoes, is they are the best for fall back ass. 3 am retarded drunk, you can still bring a slampiece back if she's got letters and you don't even have to try. Almost too easy. The fun is fucking girls that are best friends in the house cause you know they talk about that shit too. Best sorostitute experience thus far, hit the big 5. Top ranked 5 houses on campus, had to smash at least 3 girls from each one. Best part about being a bro, you know they always come back

Anonymous said...

So my junior year I show up to a sorority formal planing to see my date and I find out that she is nowhere around. Rather than gettin upset and letting it ruin my night i decide to get shit faced before the formal, get in trouble with sorostitute standards skank and still get to go to the formal with the president of the sorority. Then after the formal, i ditch the girl that i ended up with and went and fucked a girl from the rival sorority. What a great night

keybro said...

So me and a couple bros were going to this sorostitute cristmas date party. before we even got to the official pregame and crushed 2 handles of taaka vodka in 20 minutes. as soon as we got to the function we ditched our dates to go to another bar. after getting too drunk to walk we went back to the function and to pick up our dates. i had to be carried back by my slam piece but still managed to rail that sorostitute that night. sorostitute functions are the greatest idea that bras have ever come up with

kenny bromero a cali bro said...

god you bros nailed this one on the head...i just found this site and i consider it scripture...keep up the good work bros

Brody Bromett said...

I too have experience the, "I just wanted to bring someone fun" slam piece comment. Never heard such bullshit.

Hail to the bros

Anonymous said...

hahaha no fuckin way

"Anytime you cause an entire sorority to devote a major portion of their weekly meeting to talking about your behavior on the weekend you have done your job as a bro."

fuckin right

Bro Paterno said...

this site is nice

Anonymous said...

Hilary Clinton in office would have been a bro-acolypse

Broseph Goebbels said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bras

The MaddHater said...

I'm so BRO, I got kicked out of a sorority formal, the "sober sis" tried to put me in a cab, and I said "fuck no, slam piece". I pulled out my phone and aimed a picture of her giant rack directly at her face and said "you do not talk to me like that". I then got kicked out EIGHT TIMES for various reasons and kept sneaking in. I ended the night with the memory of coming out of the bus bathroom with my Lil' guy out of my pants trying to slap my bro in the face. I woke up with this bra wearing my shirt and lacrosse shorts and I was spooning with her.

Knock on my door, something hits me in the back...ICED. Ouch.

BROpe Benedict said...

Great site bros, glad to know the internet has an outlet everytime I have a BROverload that needs to be rectified

Trevor said...

Soririty slam pieces will use any excuse to get nailed.

Matthew Bakke said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-HHsuylJRg
That's how to get sorority girls the classy way.

Brony Montana said...

Sorority formals have "open bars" that take 15 minutes to get some shitty mix drink. You gotta fucking bring a couple of fifths if you wanna get fucked up.

What I like to do is bang my date in the bathroom or in a closet or wherever I can find then ditch her and steal some other dudes date (preferably a guido's).

The Man With Bro Name said...

Sorostitutes are the shit. These ho's actually make sucking bro pole a cornerstone of their "sisterhood".

It's also entertaining to watch the sorority hierarchies establish themselves at each school. During my Sophomore year, Kappa Alpha Theta started a chapter at my campus, which quickly became the designated slumpbuster sorority because the only girls who joined were the 5 and 6 pieces who weren't hot enough to get into the real sororities like DG or Chi O.

They totally knew they were the ugly girl sorority too - so in an effort to attract more bros to their events, they would plan them and send out the invites months in advance, before the better sororities had a chance to invite people to their parties. Bros of course are too smart to fall for such pathetic bra bullshit, so they would accept invites as a placeholder, but cancel immediately if something better at a hot girl sorority popped up on the calendar.

One of the Theta slumpieces named Clarissa had a thing for me and would always invite me to Theta events to score some D. She was decent enough to bang if you were 5 or 6 beers deep, so I would usually tentatively accept her date invites for Theta formals. Of course the second a DG or CO slampiece invited me to something better, I'd instantly make up some bullshit (having to work, family event, etc) and cancel.

No matter how many times I cancelled on this bra, she would keep inviting me to her sorostitute events. She was good to keep on the back burner though, and I hit it a couple times when other bra-prospects proved fruitless. My bros even came up with a nickname for her: "The Understudy". Hahahaha


Damn it feels good to be a bro.

Brosef said...

I was broking once because I brought this slam-pig out on a tasteful and tactful dinner and didn't sleep with her that night. We didn't drink so I woke up around 9:30 am filed my taxes then called her up. We cuddled and watched the Notebook. What a swell time!

Anonymous said...

I made this video as a satire about sorority girls and I feel like some bros might dig it

http://www.youtube.com/user/omgbekah?feature=mhum#p/a/u/0/be3JM-fg4uE

Anonymous said...

Bro's are the pathetic kids on campus. You pay for your friends and willingly let them bitch you for 6 months so you can claim to have some "friends." The real alpha males on campus don't need anyone but themselves to pull ass and keep steady bitches on rotation. In case you haven't realized bro's are (and always have been) jokes to the real alpha males. Amen

The Man With Bro Name said...

We have a tradition at our house where a Bro steals a greek shirt from the wardrobe of every sorostitute he bangs. We have all of them hung up from the rafters of our beer pong room like championship pennants. Ho's take one look at our collection of sorostitute trophies and know that we are the fucking lords of Pound Town. Makes a bitch put in extra effort to earn the privilege of being one of our slampieces for the night.

Bromar Qadaffi said...

Went to a sorority dance at fox sports grill. Idiots had wine bottles lining the walls. Of course we stole many a bottle. Didn't have any openers tho so we had to plunger them with our keys. Got kicked out cause the fag waiter saw one of my bro's shirts covered in red wine and accused us of stealing wine. We were outraged.

Anonymous said...

what if a slampiece thinks sororities are stupid as fuck and the girls are fake annoying jealous whores so they dont rush or join, then what.

Bro Paterno said...

Fucking great bro's. My bra is in a sorority, and it is full of cock hungry sluts. One of which is a fine bra with huge fuckin tithes with a tight fuckin body. So I'm out one night after slamming my bra and I go get a drink on flip night (i drank free all night, bro's know how to flip when it comes down to drinking for free) so this stacked sorority bra eye fucks my shit hard. The best part is this whorority slut met me weeks ago for my bra's 21st birthday. Like a fuckin bro nameth that I am I go up to her and talk to her. I just look right at those massive tits and pop a huge broner. I'm wearing addidas sweats cause its a tuesday night, and a bro doesn't give a fuck what he wears. When she saw my massive broner, she started to move it around like she was a nascar driver. We went into the empty kitchen and slammed brony soprano style with her titties hanging out. Got out, went back with my bra, and slammed that later. God fucking damn it I love being a bro.

security products said...

Ya I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her or something. I don't know I wasn't really paying attention.

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