Girls fucking love drama. Whether it’s talking shit about their roommate eating their cookie dough or breaking down and #44 crying at the bar because a bro just told her that Casey Martin has better legs than she does, they fucking live for that shit. It really is no more evident than in the TV shows they watch. Girls love shit like Law and Order because it allows them to pretend they are smart by playing “detective.” They also love sending out eVites for “wine night” so they can all huddle around the TV to drench the couch watching McSteamy, McDreamy, and McHomo on Grey’s Anatomy. Bros don’t fuck with drama. The only drama in any true bros life should be figuring out how he’s going to convince his slam piece to get an abortion. This also applies to their television shows. Normally the biggest dramatic television sequence revolves around whether Vince is going to get along with his new director on #47 Entourage. While bros primarily stick to funny shit on TV, there is one dramatic series that bros everywhere collectively agree is the best show on television. Unless you have Autism, you have probably already figured it out by the title – I’m talking about The Wire.
It truly is amazing that even though most bros grew up in rich suburban neighborhoods, playing lacrosse, and driving a Lexus, they know just how realistic that The Wire is. I’ve personally been to Baltimore so I have first hand knowledge of how hard the streets are. It was a little strange that we didn’t get offered “pandemic” at Camden Yards or ESPN Zone but regardless, there were a lot of Black people who I’m pretty sure had ties to Marlo, so I let all my bros know what was up. Bros have seen every episode and usually own all 5 seasons on DVD, even though you know they saw all that shit live on HBO. This is so they can put the DVDs on the mantle hoping someone will ask about whether it is a good show. Bros love to take this opportunity to ask them, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” or “Have you seriously never seen the Wire before, it is literally the greatest show ever made.” They then tell you, “You have to start from Season 1 or else you won’t appreciate it.” Being able to tell people you have seen every episode of The Wire when they have never seen it makes you not only a better person, but also more importantly, a better bro.
When you ask a bro what he likes best about the show, in addition to the fact that it is so realistic, he will respond, “the characters.” Slim Charles, Wee-Bey, Chris Partlow, Snoop, Michael and Omar (even though he is gay) are favorites. Bros agree that Season 2 was the fucking worst season so if someone tells you his favorite character was Ziggy or Nick Sobotka, beware – you are dealing with a bro hater. While all these characters are cool and all and killed a fuck load of people, there is only one character that bros agree may be the greatest in television history – Jimmy Fucking McNulty. McNulty is everything any bro should ever aspire to be. Even though he is a cop, he still #23 drinks and drives all the fucking time. He bangs slam pieces constantly, he’s #65 cheated at work and on his wife, and even got a BJ from a couple Russian sex slaves during a sting operation. Bro King!