Thursday, September 17, 2009

#73 The Wire

Girls fucking love drama. Whether it’s talking shit about their roommate eating their cookie dough or breaking down and #44 crying at the bar because a bro just told her that Casey Martin has better legs than she does, they fucking live for that shit. It really is no more evident than in the TV shows they watch. Girls love shit like Law and Order because it allows them to pretend they are smart by playing “detective.” They also love sending out eVites for “wine night” so they can all huddle around the TV to drench the couch watching McSteamy, McDreamy, and McHomo on Grey’s Anatomy. Bros don’t fuck with drama. The only drama in any true bros life should be figuring out how he’s going to convince his slam piece to get an abortion. This also applies to their television shows. Normally the biggest dramatic television sequence revolves around whether Vince is going to get along with his new director on #47 Entourage. While bros primarily stick to funny shit on TV, there is one dramatic series that bros everywhere collectively agree is the best show on television. Unless you have Autism, you have probably already figured it out by the title – I’m talking about The Wire.

It truly is amazing that even though most bros grew up in rich suburban neighborhoods, playing lacrosse, and driving a Lexus, they know just how realistic that The Wire is. I’ve personally been to Baltimore so I have first hand knowledge of how hard the streets are. It was a little strange that we didn’t get offered “pandemic” at Camden Yards or ESPN Zone but regardless, there were a lot of Black people who I’m pretty sure had ties to Marlo, so I let all my bros know what was up. Bros have seen every episode and usually own all 5 seasons on DVD, even though you know they saw all that shit live on HBO. This is so they can put the DVDs on the mantle hoping someone will ask about whether it is a good show. Bros love to take this opportunity to ask them, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” or “Have you seriously never seen the Wire before, it is literally the greatest show ever made.” They then tell you, “You have to start from Season 1 or else you won’t appreciate it.” Being able to tell people you have seen every episode of The Wire when they have never seen it makes you not only a better person, but also more importantly, a better bro.

When you ask a bro what he likes best about the show, in addition to the fact that it is so realistic, he will respond, “the characters.” Slim Charles, Wee-Bey, Chris Partlow, Snoop, Michael and Omar (even though he is gay) are favorites. Bros agree that Season 2 was the fucking worst season so if someone tells you his favorite character was Ziggy or Nick Sobotka, beware – you are dealing with a bro hater. While all these characters are cool and all and killed a fuck load of people, there is only one character that bros agree may be the greatest in television history – Jimmy Fucking McNulty. McNulty is everything any bro should ever aspire to be. Even though he is a cop, he still #23 drinks and drives all the fucking time. He bangs slam pieces constantly, he’s #65 cheated at work and on his wife, and even got a BJ from a couple Russian sex slaves during a sting operation. Bro King!

54 comments:

Brobie Trice said...

No. This is not a bro post.

Kimbro Slice said...

Holy fuck the wire is my favorite show but I never thought I'd see it on this site. Didn't think it was popular enough...guess it is. Thanks nyb

Bro-si Umenyiora said...

Literally the only show I've ever watched religiously (besides sportscenter obviously). We'd watch complete seasons on dvd in one sitting with the frat bros after a night of binge drinking, blowing xanie bars, and fucking slam pieces in the basement of the frat house. Now i'm a fucking slave to the man in corporate america...but at least i fuck my boss's secretary on the regular so while it's not the same as living in heaven at the frat house, it's not all bad.

-in phi

atian said...

Where the fuck is Stringer fucking Bell on the namedrop list

USA Bro Emperor said...

Big stretch here, bro.

Bro, I'm real happy for you, and I'mma let you finish said...

yeah this is gonna be a controversial one, bro's don't usually come out in the open about how much we love hood life. Black guys are the ultimate bros though. Fantastic show, great post.

shaquille Bro'neal said...

eh..sub par

USA Bro Emperor said...

To follow up on my previous post...

Bros love Sportscenter, watching all sports, and watching professional wreslting- WWE and TNA both. I went to 4 WEE events this summer (1 pay per view event) and 1 TNA event. Great time, lots of bros just drinking and being bros.

Bron Paul said...

USA Bro Emperor, you are a Fag. WWE, TNA, Really? I bet you live in your Grandma's basement.

The Wire is Questionable...

Always Sunny premieres tonight!

Kimbro Slice said...

To all you fucks calling this a weak post, go watch a couple seasons of the wire and you'll be loving bodymore in no time.

USA Bro Emperor said...

Bron Paul- Wrong. You are the FAG. In all caps too, because you are a super fag.

WWE and TNA rules. If you don't think this, you're a fuckin loser. You probably do and you're just messing with me, but who knows. You could be a total bro hater who pretends to be a bro.

shaquille bro'neal said...

USE Bra Emperess,

WWE and TNA are about as bro as a woman's field hockey game. The fucking people that go to that shit are fat lazy red necks or queers that wear anime and flame pattern button downs.

The only sports that should be watched are ones covered by sportscenter. Unfortunately, even sportscenter sometimes(rarely) shows womans sports and I turn it off then.

ihsv

USA Bro Emperor said...

shaquille bra-neal...

FIRST- You have a terrible name. Shaq sucks and the NBA sucks. No bros like the NBA. By choosing a name of an NBA player, you just proved you are not a bro.

SECOND- Professional wrestling is a sport and the wrestlers are more of an athlete than you could ever imagine being. I'm a huge fuckin bro, and so are my bros, and we love the WWE and TNA. Plus, tons of the slam pieces we know (and slam all the time) love it as well. They watch the events with us and get all slutty & shit during the events. So enjoy watching your gayass soap operas while I watch a real man's sport- professional wrestling... you homo.

THIRD- I am better than you and probably banged your ugly-ass fat girlfriend.

I am better than you.

Bro Moreland said...

God The Wire is the fucking shit.

Anonymous said...

The Sopranos > The Wire

Broaltimore said...

The Wire is the shit. I'm from baltimore, born and raised.

Bro Dimaggio said...

USA Bro-Emperor,
Seriously, do us all a favor and shut the fuck up. We all know that the only people who truly like WWE or TNA are fucking rednecks, not bro's. Go watch guys on steroids hump each other while wearing the tightest fuckin grape smugglers there are. Fuckin Bro-Hater.

Andrew said...

The only thing weak about this post is NYB hating on season two. Season two was quality. And I am disappointed that you did not mention Snitchin Bubs... Solid post.


'My name is my name.'

USA Bro Emperor said...

Bro Dimaggio,

You're not a bro. Face reality. You suck.

shaquille bro'neal said...

This one is probably going to kill you and hurt more than when you were 8 and found out that santa claus wasn't real or when you were 13 and found out you like cock, but... Wrestling is fake. I know I let the big secret out of the bag. Those guys are acting. Any "EVENT" that is fake or involves acting is not a sport.

"They(slampieces) watch the events with us and get all slutty & shit during the events." - nice sentence, wouldn't believe it if I saw it with my own eyes.

there's an overwhelming amount of irony in you calling me a homo when you enjoy watching roided out dudes in spandex play grab ass.

get off this site and go write about your gay fantasies on some wwe blog with the other 4 people in the country that think its cool.

Kenny Powers said...

Bro Emperor is a troll.... first, his name fucking sucks, and trolls always pick some idiot name like "Bros Are Awesome". Second, no one would seriously think the WWF is worth a shit. Bros watch UFC if it happens to be on, but only ignorant rednecks and nerds playing Warcraft all day give a shit about WWF. Damn trolls man, they are fucking everywhere on this site lately. The anime and WWF forums must be down.

The Real Brobie Trice said...

kid, seriously stop posting under my name. the wire is a sick series, spent many nights ripped out of my mind watching that shit.

The REAL Bro-Bo Cop (fuck off poser) said...

the kids that keep posting under other bro names is rediculious. Not a Bro move.

WWF is for fags.

BROdie Croyle said...

Someone should kill Bra Emperor like Avon had Omar's redheaded gay slampiece done in season one.

USA Bro Emperor said...

Shaquille Bra-neal: go fuck yourself. You don't know shit about anything. Have fun playing World of Warcraft, faggot.

Kenny Powers: I love your show but fuck you. Your name sucks- real original... "Hey everyone, I'm a shithead that can't make up a name, so I will steal a character's name..."

Bro-Bo Cop: The WWF hasn't been around for years, genius.

I bet all 3 of you have circle jerks together. Homo bro haters. You all don't know shit about being a bro.

Zack Brorris said...

Wrestling was bro when you were like 12 and wanted to see The Rock (from The U), it is decidedly bro-hater to still watch.

As for bro shows, the ultimate bro show is by far Rescue Me. Main characters are all firefighters (the job bros wanted when they were growing up), and bang slam pieces left and right. However, the thing that gives the show Bro Status is the main character, Tommy Gavin.

Tommy is a raging alcoholic, narcissist, and straight bro. He fucks his ex-wife, dead cousins's widow, and at least 1 other slam piece on the regular each season. He #33 lights shit on fire every episode, including burning himself with a fucking blowtorch this season because he got so wasted, and most importantly, got 4 family members to quit AA and start drinking again. So maybe one of them died #23 drinking and driving, but who really gives a fuck?

Did I mention he also owns an illegal underground bar with his bros? No need to get a liquor license, bros are above thr law.

Tommy Gavin = Bro King. Rescue Me = Bro Shoe.

Brolysses S. Grant said...

Pro Wrestling is lame and anyone that watches it past 12 years of age was most likely born in a wife beater with a barbwire tattoo around their arm. I'm surprised you figured out how to post on this blog if you still watch that garbage. Watch the UFC if you want that entertainment. In fact, go to a bar for a PPV event and try to instigate a fight. You will undoubtedly succeed.

Bro shows include but are not limited all of the following.

Sportscenter and PTI. If you watch these back to back while working at the gym, extra points.

It's Always Sunny, The Wire, Sopranos, Entourage are solid. Dexter is also unquestionably good.

True Blood? Tits all over the place, blood, and
constant drinking?

Bro-Bo Cop (THE original one- you fuckin posers) said...

the kids that keep posting under other bro names is rediculious. Not a Bro move.

WWF is for fags.

Ben BROethlisberger said...

Zack Brorris….excellent comment regarding Rescue Me. That show is the shit.

I’ve been reading this site for quite some time, and I’m beginning to question NYB’s bro status. He strikes me as a poser more and more.

Bragging about being from a rich neighborhood does not make you a bro. It makes you a wasp douche bag.

Lacrosse is an ok sport, but it’s mainly for pussies who couldn’t cut it in football or hockey. Proclaiming it as an almighty sport is what a douchy wasp would do.

And the last post about Erin Andrews….the last sentence…..Dude, chanting is awesome, but it shouldn’t cause you to go home alone instead of with a hot slam piece. I hope circle jerking to LAX magazines was more fun that slamming a chick that night.

Enzo Brorlami said...

Anybody that says this is a weak post or doesn't know about The Wire - you truly are a bro hater, a dicksucker, and probably one of Omar's personal slam pieces.

I've preached this show for years now. Every single person who I have got to sit down and watch it from episode 1 through the end has said the same thing - best show ever.

In fact it's not even close -lost, sopranos, etc, these are great fucking shows......but they are kindegarten compared to the wire.

McNulty is in the conversation for Bro King of Bro Kings.

Enzo Brorlami said...

to follow up -

USA Bro-Emporer, I think you're actually just trying to own everyone on here by pretending you like wrestling. but if not, and you really do enjoy it - suicide might be the answer to all of your problems.

seriously, you're sitting here saying things like, "I am better than you"

???

if by saying "I am better than you" you actually mean "I am a dicksucker who enjoys watching men prance around in leotards as they attempt molesting one another in front of thousands of acid-tripping, no-job-having, trailer-park-inhabiting, keystone-light-drinking, no-shower-taking, mullet-sporting, dentally-challenged, Camaro-and-Mustang-driving, simpletons".........then yes, you are truly better than everyone on here.

Go brush your teeth, and stop passing off your whore mother as a "slampiece" that you hang out with.

Then again, you do like wrestling, so its probably likely that you do slam your mother.

Likes Wrestling = Likes Incest.

Wrestling is not a sport. While the men do possess athletic ability, they lose all credibility because its FUCKING wrestling.

Killyourself.com

Douche

Lebro James said...

You know whats really un-bro? to argue about what is bro on the comments section.

The wire is bro as shit

Zack Brorris said...

Sorry Lebro James, that's incorrect. Some of these posts (#23drinking and driving, #43energy drinks, #35pregaming, #63Loving America, #62Fantasy Football, #57Not Caring About the Environment, #4Chanting, etc) are without a doubt Bro in nature and therefore should not be argued.

However, shit like television shows (Sunny and The Wire, not Entourage because that show is Bro as fuck) are the pure opinion of NYB. Also, stupid posts like #14Talking About How Important Their Father Is and some of the other dumb shit he's put up are most certainly not Bro and therefore should be debated.

Lastly, and probably most importantly, what everyone needs to understand is that not all Bros are created equal. This site doesn't say what all Bros "have to be." It's a fucking guideline of things most bros should agree on. The main criteria on being a fucking Bro is knowing you're better than everyone anyways, so you shouldn't give a shit what some blogger says is Bro or isn't Bro. Bottom line, it's just funny as fuck.

Bros are the shit.

Rocky BalBROa said...

the wire = epic

BROck Landers said...

Professional Wrestling is not a sport and no bro in his right mind would ever fucking like it as a grown ass bro man. I can understand liking the Hulkster as a young bro, but grow up. That shit is fake and geared towards poor rednecks that can't afford premium cable.

Bro Vaughn said...

Great show, great ghetto city. I go to school in B-more and its a shithole but fuckin awesome at the same time.

Brochocinco said...

fuck yea bro

Anonymous said...

I always use the word "bro" to make fun of complete tools, I didn't know you guys really embraced the word and think its something sweet. Bro's are fucking retards, they all dress the same, talk the same, wear fitted hats, think theyr "gangster" for no apparent reason (you are fucking white and live in the suburbs), pop their collars, usually have rich parents that will pay for everything their entire life, argue about nothing (i.e. whether or not WWE is cool and/or a real sport), listen to lil wayne (garbage), and anyone who isnt a "bro" hates you. a lot. and not because they are "jealous," but because they realize what shitty people you really are and how big of a joke each and every "bro" really is. BRO.

Anonymous said...

Bros...the ultimate Bro is obviously Bro Mouzone.

GreenDiesel said...

NYB,

Excellent post.

First of all, I'd like to say The Wire is by far the best show on television.

However, I have to disagree with you on Season 2 being the worst. While Nicky and Ziggy Sobotka are by no means Bro; Season 2 has plenty Bro-Tastic moments.

The total Bro-King Jimmy McNulty slams more Jameson in Season 2 than all other seasons combined! Additionally, The Bunk had some pretty clutch moments of #88 Getting Wasted At Inappropriate Times (not too many Bro-Haters come into work still shwasted from the night before).

After an episode of #23 Drinking and Driving and smashing the side of his Bro-Mobile, Jimmy stumbles into a diner.

The barely coherent McNulty, before even ordering then takes the marginal waitress slampiece to pound-town like only a true, solid Bro-King could!

Xabi BROlonso said...

holy shit the wire is totally BRO

Anonymous said...

jump the 5 bro

Jake said...

not only my father is important, he has bought all 5 seasons of the wire, (unaware of its bro-status), so therefore he is a bro and he doesnt even realize it! plus back in the day he worked for the producer of the wire, and got fired for fucking on the job. i am proud to be his son

Anonymous said...

i love the show and im a bro i never expected it to be on this site but whoever made way to go true bro. oh yea season 2 sucked dick i heard someone say that frank was the best and i punched him in the face
everyone should name their top 5 favorite characters
1. omar
2. slim charles
3. bodie
4. mike
5. wee bay

Joe said...

ned's younger brother if you honestly think going to the ESPN Zone and Camden Yards qualifies you as having "been to Baltimore" ou're a bigger fucking clown than you make yourself out to be... go to Patterson Park or Edmondson Avenue and you'll see what real Baltimore is actually like

Eloc said...

The wire is the greatest show ever created. Mad props for putting this up because I would have never expected this on this site

Alexander BROvechkin said...

I think we can all agree that USA Bro Emporer is a total bro hater and a complete douche. Professional wrestling is as gay as aids.

That said, The Wire is the shit, and props to this post for recognition of that fact. Any bro realizes this and accordingly loves the show for its amazingly bro characters. Jimmy McNulty is the king bro of the show, but a few have gone unnoticed by this post. Chris Partlow, Cheese, Bodie, and Clay Davis are the top bros on the show. And, yes, season 2 sucked.

Bro Love

Anonymous said...

I agree that the Wire is extremely bro. However, one underratedly awesome bro show is Friday Night Lights. Tim Riggins has all the qualities of a bro king. Awesome at sports, gets good grades without doing anything, bangs unlimited slampieces, and most of all, plays every single game and practice either drunk or hungover.

Anonymous said...

yeah baltimore. the wire is sick and its all true. as a resident of baltimore, i still love the show, even though it makes baltimore seem like a total shithole. still gotta rep the 410. 4-1-bro

Anonymous said...

The Bunk Moreland is truly the worlds greatest token black bro.

University of Broizona said...

Apologies bros but I haven't heard of this show, because I've been too busy getting fucked up and not watching the tube.. But I would like to put in my sense feel free to agree/disagree definitely want your opinion, but what I'd not like to see is people going out and buying the wire because they saw NYB liking it, broiginal points definitely come into play here

Anonymous said...

Nothing substitutes the wire. Positively the best show ever made.

“what do you do for a living Mr. Omar?
“I rip and run”
“Excuse me?
“I robs drugs dealers”

dirk browitzki said...

if any bro says this show is not bro is a fucking bro-hater. watching boardwalk empire right now and steve buscemi is a huge fucking bro in this show.

MarlBro Stanfield said...

"I'm just a humble muthafucka with a big ass dick." - The Bunk

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