Tuesday, November 3, 2009

#87 Not Voting

It’s Tuesday morning. You and your bros stayed out until 2 AM celebrating your miracle come from behind #62 fantasy football victory on Monday night, so today you are hungover as shit. You just downed two sausage biscuits, a large coffee, and took a dump the size of that fat bitch on “The Facts of Life.” You’re feeling better, but there’s still not a chance in hell you’ll be doing any work today. As you go to hide in your cube for the next six hours, you get a knock at your panel. Oh god, it’s the guy who all of the sudden became a political junky last year just because Obama was running for President. He’s been sending you shit about volunteering for the Democratic party for like six months just because you said you remember Reggie Love playing at Duke. As he stares at you, you immediately realize what’s going on. He’s got like three stickers saying, “I Voted.” Fuck. It’s Election Day.

“Hey, I don’t see your sticker, did you get out to ‘Rock the Vote’ Today??”
“Do I look like the type of person who would be ‘Rocking the Vote?’”

As he drones on for 20 minutes about how its your “civic duty” and about all the people who died for your right to vote, all you can think about is if it is possible to take a nap on the toilet. You don’t give a fuck about what he’s saying. You’re a bro and you fucking hate to vote.

Bros are smart as shit, so they recognized from an early age that voting is nothing more than a fucking waste of time. Seriously, when has an election ever been decided by just one vote? Fucking never. So, what difference does your vote make? Try none. Bros only vote on things that matter – like who's the hottest porn star or SportsNation polls on ESPN.com. Have you ever seen the line to go vote? It’s fucking long as shit. I’m not standing in that – I have much more important shit to do. There’s only one type of line bros like. I’ll give you a hint: it’s long and white and you can find it on a fucking mirror.

Bros don’t give a shit about politics. That’s for fucking loser nerds who did Model UN in College and old people who have nothing better to do other than go to Church like five times a day. Besides, these fucking politicians don’t even support bro issues, so why the fuck should we support them? Honestly, not one candidate out there ever talks about pressing matters like the legalization of marijuana or gambling. I mean the least you can do is allow sports betting. Since bros know everything there is to know about sports, betting on it really shouldn’t even be considered gambling.

So this Election Day, when Captain fucking America comes around to give you shit for not voting, let him know that he’s the fucking loser for wasting his time. After he goes back to his desk to start his 100th email chain of the day about how voting is cool since Diddy does it, sit back, relax, and watch some more Youtube clips of people getting hurt. It’s what some of the greatest bros of all-time, our forefathers, would have wanted. God Bless America. God Bless Bros.

94 comments:

Anonymous said...

Reasons Why Bush is a Bro

-W has proven he can party with the best of them.
-Bush's wife doesn't look like Patrick Ewing.
-Bush lives on a badass ranch and drives an F250.
-Bush was President of his fraternity.
-Bush's fighter pilot instructor called him one of hte most instinctive pilots he had ever seen.
-Bush said badass stuff like "you are either w/ us or against us"
-When Bush threw out the first pitch he brought heat even as an old man.
-When some dirtball Iraqi threw a shoe at Bush he dodged it w the casual grace of a life long athlete.
-Bush owned a professional sports team.

Reasons Why Obama is NOT a bro

-Barry's slam piece looks like patrick ewing.
-BArry wore mom jeans to throw out the first pitch.
-and almost bounced it.
-Barry hangs out w/ America hating hippies like William Ayres. If there is one thing Bros hate its fucking hippies.
-BArry is trying to quit smoking when in fact abusing nicotine is the only cool thing he does.
-Barry went to islamic school. And there is a good chance Barry is an indonesian citizen. Everyone one knows muslims (w/ their burkas and ban on booze) are fucking bro haters.
-Barack Obama hates rich people, and since Bros are all at least upper middle class Obama Hates all of you.

Hulk Brogan said...

OOOOOOOOOOOO yessssss! Politics suck ass- so hard!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous' comment is great, because even if somebody hated Bush and liked Obama for political reasons, he still has completely valid points

Anonymous said...

that was the greatest comment ever....on point.

Anonymous said...

Voting in OHIO IS A BRO THING TO DO TODAY.

WHY? ISSUE FUCKING 3. legalization of gambling.

ur welcome

Rocky BalBroa said...

Good lookin out anonymous, legalizing gambling in Ohio is the first step to legalizing prostitution...Ohio can be the Vegas of the Midwest!!!

BROACHY said...

why would a bro waste time voting when he could be nailing a slam or pounding a beer? trick question HE WOULDNT cuz we dont give a fuck about stupid "issues"
all we wanna do is burry our dick in some slam who needs it despraitly because daddy didnt hug them enough

Bro Dirt said...

Reasons Why Bush is a Bro

-W has proven he can party with the best of them.

-W HAD DUI'S. REAL BROS DO NOT GET CAUGHT.

-Bush's wife doesn't look like Patrick Ewing.

W'S WIFE IS NOT ATTRACTIVE AT ALL. NEITHER IS OBAMA'S, BUT AT LEAST OBAMA'S ISN'T OLD AS SHIT. A REAL BRO WOULD TRADE EITHER OF THEM IN FOR A YOUNGER WOMAN.

-Bush lives on a badass ranch and drives an F250.

THAT'S HICK. WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO LIVE ON A RANCH?

-Bush was President of his fraternity.

HE WAS IN A BIG D-BAG FRAT.

-Bush's fighter pilot instructor called him one of hte most instinctive pilots he had ever seen.

BUSH SKIPPED DRUG TESTS WHEN HE WAS IN THE MILITARY.

-Bush said badass stuff like "you are either w/ us or against us"

W IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE WORST SPEAKERS OF ALL TIME AND IS THE WORST SPEAKING PRESIDENT EVER, EASILY.

-When Bush threw out the first pitch he brought heat even as an old man.

NO, HE DIDN'T. DID YOU SEE IT? OBAMA THREW OUT A PITCH AT THE ALL-STAR GAME- MAJOR BRO-CRED FOR THAT.

-When some dirtball Iraqi threw a shoe at Bush he dodged it w the casual grace of a life long athlete.

NO, YOU MUST NOT HAVE SEEN THE CLIP. HE DODGED IT LIKE A SCARED OLD MAN.

-Bush owned a professional sports team.

HE TRADED AWAY SAMMY SOSA FOR NOTHING, GOOD MOVE THERE. HE FAILED AT EVERY BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY HE WAS HANDED, AND THEN FAILED AT BEING THE PRESIDENT.

Reasons Why Obama is NOT a bro

-Barry's slam piece looks like patrick ewing.

LIKE I SAID EARLIER, AT LEAST SHE IS NOT OLD AS SHIT. BUT SHE ISN'T ATTRACTIVE EITHER.

-BArry wore mom jeans to throw out the first pitch.

TRUE.

-and almost bounced it.

TRUE. BUT IT WAS THE ALL-STAR GAME. W WASN'T BRO ENOUGH TO DO THAT.

-Barry hangs out w/ America hating hippies like William Ayres. If there is one thing Bros hate its fucking hippies.

YOU DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO FACTS.

-BArry is trying to quit smoking when in fact abusing nicotine is the only cool thing he does.

HE INVITED THAT PROF & COP TO HAVE A BEER. TOTAL BRO.

-Barry went to islamic school. And there is a good chance Barry is an indonesian citizen. Everyone one knows muslims (w/ their burkas and ban on booze) are fucking bro haters.

THERE'S NO GOOD CHANCE OF BEING A CITIZEN. THERE'S ONLY CITIZENS AND NON-CITIZENS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

-Barack Obama hates rich people, and since Bros are all at least upper middle class Obama Hates all of you.

BARACK IS RICH YOU MORON. HE EARNED HIS MONEY. UNLIKE, W, WHO INHERITED IT AND DID NOTHING TO EARN ANY OF IT.

.....

You have no idea what you are talking about. But in the end, politics as a whole, are not bro. But one thing is a fact, George W. Bush is sure as hell not a bro. He is the kind of bro-hater that bros make fun of!

Anonymous said...

you are probably wearing american eagle right now. you are a bro hater. pull your head out of you ass. thanks. and have an awful day.

Anonymous said...

Bush is a bro is a bro for sure but the biggest bro president was clinton he was a fucking bro king.

a-brod said...

Bra Dirt, you should re-read your post again.

Bush:

1. Bush was not only President of his frat, but also a member of the Skull & Bones. Considering that is the most powerful secret society in the world, I'm pretty sure it's bro as shit.

2. If Bush did skip drug tests in the military, then you are arguing against yourself right there. Not only was he: A - repping the greatest country on earth, but he was also B - getting fucked up as shit and C - operating above military law by not submitting to bro-hater drug tests.

3. "No, he didn't?" Bush threw out the first pitch in Game 3 of the 2001 World Series. In front of 57,000 screaming fans going ape-shit because America is the greatest country on earth. He went to the mound, gave the thumbs up, and fired a fucking bullet strike right down the middle. This was right after 9/11. Bush rose to the occasion. BRO. Obama? He couldn't even reach the plate in a fucking exhibition game.

4. Bush inherited his money you say? So he is rich as shit, and had no need to go to bro-hating schools like Harvard and work hard in life. He got wasted, did drugs, fucked slam pieces, and rode his dad's coattails to the White House. Not sure what's more bro than that.

5. Regardless of political opinions, in no way can it be argued that Obama is a bro. He wants to help people and "spread the wealth." I can't even think of a bigger bro-hater. Bush, on the other hand, just wanted to blow shit up.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Dan MarinBRO said...

W does whatever the fuck he wants while your bitch ass sits at home whining about it. total bro move.

Anonymous said...

Bro Dirt obviously voted and also obviously doesn't watch baseball. Obama's first pitch has a spot reserved in the inner most circle of hell for how mega gay it was. Get the fuck out.

Enzo Brorlami said...

Bro Dirt,

Go back to San Francisco or Beijing or Boulder or Havana or Caracas or your commune house nestled in the hills of Wyoming with the rest of the brain-dead, over-medicated, misinformed, hygiene challenged, freedom hating, propagandized, druggie-communists-hippie-facist-brosers.

You sir, are not a bro king.


Thanks.

-Enzo.

Anonymous said...

Well put Enzo. Also note,W is an all American - American. Born Raised and Proud. A legit bro, he belongs in the Hall bro' Fame. The end.

BROhn McCain said...

BRA Dirt-

Can't believe you are trying to give oBRAma bro points for having A beer w/ a cop and a professor. Bros don't drink A beer, and they certainly don't drink beer w/ cops and professors, 2 of the biggest bro hating demographics around.

Second, Laura Bush was probably a pretty hot slam piece back in the day if her hot slam piece daughters are any indication.

Third, oBRAma isn't rich. He's middle class at best. Paltry book advance and professors salary. If you think he is rich you must be real poor and thus not a bro.

brostradamus said...

I just want to take a moment to point out that there was a lost anonymous comment up there pointing out the bro-est of bro kings, Bill Clinton.

Seconded.

Manimal said...

Yeah that last comment is fucking retarded.
All the true bros are born in Wyoming.

Brorannosaurus Rex said...

agree with a-brod. W was bro as shit.

what's going in is non-bros (aka people who care about politics) are attacking W for political reasons. hard to argue with his bro-ness.

Dirk Browitzki said...

Brohn Mccain- Not supporting oBRAma but he is rich as shit his kids go to sidwell friends in dc which is one of the richest schools in the nation.. not a bro but he did call kanye west a jackass which was pretty awesome and broish

Mojojobro said...

Ok hands down Clinton is the biggest bro president ever besides maybe Washington himself.

But to defend Barry's athletic brobility in light of that shitty pitch, he is absolutely filth in basketball, and in several interviews has dropped trash talking broisms such as "No one, no one, can see me in the paint" and "If you can't shoot, don't. Not on my court. Pass it up."

In the Bush v Barry debate, Bush is clearly clearly clearly the bigger bro tho

double bro seven said...

bro dirt is a fucking bro hater. bush sweats frat and shits out bro cred.

Anonymous said...

Most Bro presidents of all time:

1. JFK
2. Clinton
3. Teddy Roosevelt
4. Jefferson
5. Reagan

BROtty Pippen said...

Dirk Bra-

oBRAma's kids can go to school wherever they want. He's the president of the united states. They go to school w/ rich kids but oBRAma is upper middle class at best.

One more point-
Bush wore $14,000 gold embossed custom cowboy boots to state dinners. How fucking BRO is that? The hell with convention--he rewrote the rules.

oBRAma's signature kicks are some nondescript nike basketball shoes. Not fucking tight. Come on man you are representing a nation of BROs. At least upgrade to a pair of Jordan Vs. Have some fucking dignity.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say W is a fucnkin bro. Obama is a Bra. Also, we should remember old Bush for the way he raped Iraq the first time and thought of a cool ass bro name for it: Operation Desert Storm. (operation iraqi freedom is fairly braISH) We shouldnt sugar coat it. Names for futrue wars: Operation "turn their eyes slanted to Wide eyed with the marine corp" (N Korea) or Operation "im sick of the middle east so here is a nuke you fucking rag heads" (Iran, Iraq, Gaza, etc)

Anonymous said...

If you are arguing about who is more of a Bro, Obama or Bush, then you are obviously NOT a bro. You poser bros keep siting your "facts" and "interesting tidbits." Fuck that, I'm gonna go toss in a huge bomber and chug some whiskey.

Anonymous said...

If you're really going to argue the most "bro" president, fuckin' Teddy BROsevelt definitely takes the cake. Dude left his job as Secretary of the Navy to shoot people in the Spanish-American war. And he was smart as shit.

George W. Bush is dumb as fuck, and he quit drinking. That's fucking dogshit.

BRO-bama said...

"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?...I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'" —speaking to a group of students about drug abuse
proof bush is a fag, notta bro
1) he sponsored this drug agenda bullshit with money i could be using for weed and alcohol that comes outta my paycheck
2)he claims he would nturn down drugs - which is a blatant lie..... and hes spoon feeding it to bro-hater (for the most part) 5th graders
he should tell him to light a fat l in front of cops to make their point of legalization
3) he did nothing for legalization, whatsoever
4)any bro would never say " i hope i say no to the gin and juice thatll be at this open house im goin to while im watchin the pats phins game"



--- obamas a black dude that can rep thus having bro cred right there
songs like my president is black and quotes of k-west "run the world like michelleeeee husssbanddd"
quotes of him "stay in school (all the dope parties are at colleges), i mean maybe youll be the next lil wayne (total shoutout) .."

wayne made a song georgia bush calling bush a pussy about katrina in no.
lupe fiasco in diamonds " i ant pushin agenda im pushin facts,,, fuck bushhhhhh"
g.w.bush's 2 % app rate was all from autism patients and muidwest conservative farmers that ebat it to the bible..... people got fucking cocked when obama was elected

Anonymous said...

Dirk Browitski

How is it Bro to have your slam piece look like patrick ewing and make more money than you do? With the way he threw, she is definitely the pitcher and he is the catcher.

Anonymous said...

While Clinton is totally Bro as far as presidents go hes second and a mile behind the biggest bro of all time, JFK. dude had a slam piece wife but was still banging one of the biggest slam pieces of all time on the side aka marlyn monroe. not to mention he had his bros over all the time for frat style parties at the white house with lots of bro-caine and booze involved.

so as far as brosidents go
1.JFK
2.Clinton
3.W

STL_CARDINALS said...

greatest bro baseball fans: st. louis cardinals' fans. we boo'd obama when he first stepped out of the dugout to throw out the first pitch. MAJOR BRO POINTS

the last of the BROhicans said...

bros-

to set the record straight on bro'ness of recent presidents, the rankings are as follows
1) Clinton (did drugs, stuck his dick in anything and everything, and shames the biggest bro hater of them all by constantly cheating on her)
2) W (noted fan of Entourage)
3) Obrama

Bro Patterno said...

Liberal or conservative, bros know that Bill Clinton is, by far, the biggest brolitician out there.

Anonymous said...

W lost all bro cred when he decided to be a cheerleader. Total bra

Anonymous said...

BRO-bama, have u not looked at the posts on here? the point of this is that we dont give a shit about politics, you pulled out way too many political facts that none of us here care about. fact is obama is NOT a bro. but anyways, best bro presidents---
1-John Adams (drank beer at breakfast)
2- clinton (got a bj during a phone call)
3- W (see earlier comments minus bro hater bro-bama)
4- JFK (banged slam pieces on the reg)

Anonymous said...

agreed, bros don't waste their time on politics. arguing about political figures is for bro haters. shut the fuck up about obama and bush, grab some bronsons and go slam some box.

Garth BROoks said...

W being a cheerleader is stealth bro;

grabbing and throwing around cheerpieces in college led to him getting all kinds of fucked up at parties with them and obviously slaying multiple slampieces in the back of his pickup truck while having a fuckin horseshoe dip in after he did fuckin drugs. bro.

Anonymous said...

This should settle any debate on the first pitch issue. Bros bring the heat, not the floater.

http://robsrantings.wordpress.com/2009/07/30/first-pitch-smackdown-obama-vs-bush/

BRO Namath said...

First off--- Bush is 100% bro. he played golf all the time, has dime piece daughters, and threw a mean 2 seam fastball. He also has a bad-ass accent and got rid of taxes for rich people, because as all bro's know... taxes are for bro-haters.

oBRAma is the anti-bro. first... he likes the white sox. if you're from chicago and a bro, you like the cubs. he also taxes rich people and wants to help poor people = bro-hater.

~ clinton only gets bro-cred for cheating on hilary- not to lose bro-cred myself, but clinton liked the environment, so he's lucky he publicly got domed up in the oval office

~McCain would have been a bro of a president. slam piece for a wife, was a POW, and doesn't take shit from anyone.

Anonymous said...

First off, let me say that first post is bro as shit. Second off, let me say I hate voting. My fucking parents nagged the shit out of me yesterday about getting my ass out of the gym and voting. FUCK THAT. I'm a bro, maybe you noticed my protein shake, nalgene bottle, Syracuse LAX pinney and fucken kick ass sweat pants with scrunchy ankles MOM!?!

Anyways, I'm bro as shit. And I fucken love America. I love America so much I wasted many vital months that I could have been slamming slam pieces kicking Iraqi ass instead. Iraqi's are scared as shit of me and my Marine bros. And not just the insurgents either, fuck no, they were ALL scared as shit of us. Talk about a bunch of bro haters...suicide bombers, car bombs, IED's, snipers and gun battles aside...they dont even drink! What the fuck is that shit? And they go to there loud as church shit like 12 times a day and fucken blast hodgie music. We put a stop to that shit real quick like, 40mm rounds to the towers...YAYYYOOOO.

Anyways, my point is. I'm a fucken veteran bros, and the next mother fucker that tries to tell me its my patriotic duty to vote is gonna get a serious case of PTSD on his ass. Fuck bros, I own a shit ton of guns and my Dad is rich as fuck! I do what I want.

Semper Bro,
Last of the Brohicans

(ps, i get super fucked up all the time trying to forget about all the awful shit i did, so i cannot remember if i made the "last of the brohicans" name up or stole it...im sure some1 will let me know)

Anonymous said...

BRO Namath and Semper Bro just summed it all up for us. Fuck the White Sox, thank Bush for his slam piece offspring, props to Clinton, and fuck voting.

Bros are the shit.

Brocho Cinco said...

bros James Buchanan is a bro king. The only president to never be married. Obama is not a bro because he loves poor people

That chick from sportsnation is a slam piece

RealBroHunter said...

chelsea clinton is way more of a slam piece than bush's daughters. see what chealsea looks like lately? she must have gotten plastic surgery or some shit, but she is hot... bush's daughters- not so much.

Broshon Moreno said...

This should put an end to any and all discussions relating to whether or not b. hussein oBRAma is a bro or not:

http://bikenewhaven.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/obama_rides_bicycle1.jpg

Bro-Cal said...

Let it also be noted that W didn't support fags, while Obrama tries to spread this "tolerance" shit i keep hearing about. Fuck that.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, everyone knows if you are tru bro....you are a republican.

Brony Kornheiser said...

You guys are all complete idiots. The most bro president of all time is with out a doubt Andrew Johnson. He was fucking drunk during his inauguration. He also forced the French out of Mexico by sending an army to the border and issuing an ultimatum. If it wasn't for him we would have the biggest bro hating country in the world right next to us. Now if that is not the most bro thing of all time I don't know what is

Jim Brora said...

oBRAma is def not a bro!

The Notorious B.R.O. said...

Bro-Cal...you are right on. oBRAma supports gay rights which is totally unbrocoming. W said no dice to that gay ass shit...a total bro move further proving he supports bros taking slam pieces to pound town.

Anonymous said...

Reagan was the biggest fucking bro ever. He was rich as shit, he show the commie bastards whats up but winning the cold war and under him w got to like 55 thousand nukes. Because of him america could blow up the world three times. Bro King

Tom BROkaw said...

Clinton let America get shit on by a bunch of camel-fucking ragheads. His brodentials pale in comparison to TR and Reagan, but give a bro credit for putting a cigar in his intern's pussy and then smoking it.

(former) last of the BROhicans said...

Semper Bro-

I hereby renounce my claim to the last of the brohicans name, it is yours now. it is obvious that you have earned it by fucking up the Iraqi bro-haters. true bros support the military

Seung-Hui Bro said...

Bill Clinton is definitely a bro. While having a wife is not bro, getting your dick sucked by your intern is most definitely bro.

Anonymous said...

So im going to tally up the "non-vote"

Presidents that are bro:
1. George Dub (with 1,000): likes killing Iraqies, getting wasted, punding "cheerpieces (nice word)"
2. Clinton (with 500 (he lost some for apologizing): dome, dome, and smoking weed
3. T, Kennedy (w/100): anytime you fuck with commies you get serius brocred
4.
5.
6.
.
.
.
And in last place with negative 1,000,000,000 bro cred is you guessed it oBRAma

Anonymous said...

Bush and Clinton were deff bros. Obama is fuckin riding the communist train and u might as well get ur hammer and sickle out comrad! we need presidents like bush who have a pair of balls and are rich as shit. Obama hates rich white people which all bros are.

Anonymous said...

Dont forget George Washington

Bro was once the largest distributer of whisky in america....

Semper Bro said...

Last of the Brohicans-

Haha fuck bro, i am bro-tarded. I knew I stole that shit from somebody, there is no way I am clever enough to come up with that. Mad LAX concussions and roadside bombs have totally rocked my brain. That and the insane amount of beers and jameson i crush nightly...

You are a bro-patriot for offering me the name, however I must decline for it is not truly mine.

It's true, real bros support the military. But let me be the first to say there are a lot of bro-haters in the military. I know, I know...but what do you mean Semper Bro?

Bro's, there are people in the military...right now...who believe you need to follow "Rules of Engagement". What the fuck is that shit? "Minimize civilian casualties"...umm i'm sorry, I guess you must not have seen the Marine commercial with a dude climbing a mountain and fighting a fucking dragon!?! Yeah, Rules are for fucking bro-haters and people without rich parents. Officers and senior enlisted staff are total fucking bro-haters. They tried to put my ass on legal hold for totally fucking up a small farming village after some hodgie douche blew up my friend. uhh sorry Fist Sergeant...his face was that squishy when we found him...

Great fucking thread bros, and Last of the Brohicans...please continue on with your legacy. You deserve it bro!

Semper Bro

Broshon Moreno said...

Jimmy Carter was a douchebag president, but how bout his brother's bro credentials:

a) Fucked shit up as a marine commander in Korea

b) Had his own beer, called Billy Beer, which the ultimate bro-hater, the media, used as a knock against Jimmy during his campaign...fucking morons. Bros love beer, especially when it's named after themselves. So bro.

and finally (and most notably),

c) from his wikipedia page: "Carter was known for his outlandish public behavior. For example, he once urinated on an airport runway in full view of the press and dignitaries." Pissing in public in front of the media is about as bro as you can get.

So here's to Billy Carter, the bro-est of all First BROthers.

Anonymous said...

Dirk Browitzki-sidwell is for dorks. The bro schools in DC are Landon and Georgetown Prep.

You all have also left the most bro president of all time out of the discussion: Andrew Jackson.

Take a lap.

BroAbic said...

First of all, I am definately a bro. believe it or not, im an arab.

I love bros! and i love how bros think.

believe it or not most arab muslims love america and definately drink

like true bros.

we arent all flag burning sand niggers who wear burkas.

believe it or not we love slam peices.

this has been a public service announcement brought to you in part by the muslim bro federation

TrevorAK said...

I'd rather go drunk driving then worry about queer shit like fucking voting.

I'd only vote if I got the chance to take a crack at Palin's pussy.

Teddy Broosevelt said...

I am the most bro-esident of all time. No questions asked

1) my family was rich as shit
2) I ran a group called the Rough Riders (which has inneundo written all over bitches)
3) I got the Medal of Honor for killing the shit out of people
4)I loved killing all types of animals and was just an all-around badass wicked straight bitch fucker

obama and bush can each suck one of my balls...debate over

Anonymous said...

teddy roosevelt said "Had the greatest contempt for the rich" teddy roosevelt hated the rich and wanted the rich to give money to the poor, W was way more of a bro than teddy brasevelt

Anonymous said...

Gordon Gekkbro would by far be the broest Pres to ever come out of this damn great country and the G.Bro.P.

Teddy Broosevelt said...

Anonymous - you are officially a queer. you are the type of bro-hater, who "studied" in school to know gay as quotes like that while the rest of us bros fucked slam pieces and got drunk as shit. Go in to what I am sure is only your one car garage with undoubtedly nothing better than a '98 Honda Accord in it, turn on the ignition and let the fumes fill up the room until you go to the ultimate bro-hating society out there heaven. Get inventive and get a name douche.

Anonymous said...

Andrew Jackson was the biggest bro president dude use to throw parties on the whitehouse front lawn

Anonymous said...

The politics you vote for where those bro-hater losers in college who actually opened their books to study.

Why the FUCK would I vote to give a bro-hater more power then his meager frame deserves when I myself am a bro?

Anonymous said...

McCain would have been such a bro president. his wife is a straight slam piece.

bros are the shit.

Matthew Brofford said...

Who are all these bro-posers calling Bush Jr. a Bro? Lil' Bush tried to be a Bro, but he failed.

He did alot of Bro things -- ie, not caring about politics, helping out other rich Bros, killin' Iraqis for not being Bros -- but he was stupid as fuck. He is a typical wanna be Bro, like many of you are. Instead of being smart as shit, he helped tank the economy. Nothing is less Bro than that.

People commenting that Bush is a "Bro" are the same wanna-be Bros you see at Buffalo Wild Wings on a Friday night sippin' a beer and watching Fox News. You aren't fuckin' Bros, you are ho's.

Leonardo Dicabri-bro said...

Regan was a great Bro. He broke the fucking law in the Iran-Contra affair to make sure he sold his weapons to the anti-communists.

How about Ted Kennedy being a bro? He drank and drove, killing a slampiece he was cheating with by letting her drown, and totally got away with it cuz of his dad.

And Clinton is the ultimate bro for cheating on the biggest bro-hater ever. As for him lying about it, every bro lies about cheating to his wife/public. True bros deny that shit.

JaBrory Harris said...

Arguing about Politics = not bro

Anonymous said...

Uh Brocho Cinco, James Buchanan was not bro because he was never married. He was never married because he was gay. He lived with a dude for months, and this guy wasn't his bro. Unacceptable.

Anonymous said...

most anti bro presidents

3. Clinton pre 1998
- don't ask don't tell
- appoint ruth beta "saggy skinsberg" to the court
- bros aren't white trash, clinton's mother said in a 20/20 interview the happiest day in her life was when billy-bobs half-brother was released from prison.
2. Buchanon
- stuffed summer sausage in his poop shoot
- couldn't convince the sister fucking confederate states to get with the program
1. Barack Obama
- talked non stop shit about what would have been the hottest piece of ass in white house history. Sarah "i make michele o. look like dave chapelle" Palin.
- went to a church that makes mormons seem mentally stable
- gave his daughters russian hooker names
- the only time Barack Obama and bro should be in the same sentence is one speaking of his pops. BO sr. mother fucker knocked up 6 chicks over 3 contenents.

most bro presidents of all time

3. Clinton post 98
- kudos to cheating on the greatest anti-bro of all time
- didnt do shit to support super nerd and queen of the science club Al Gore in 2000.
- fucked the intern in the oval office. (even if she wasnt even beer goggles hot"

2. W
- even when will ferrell makes fun of him, he still seems like a major bro.
- liked entourage
- told kofi anon to fuck off
1. Old hickory andrew jackson
- killed mad poserbros in duels
- told some red coat when he was thirteen to eat shit when asked to shine his shoes
- had keggers on the whit house lawn

LLNYB,
Genghis Bro

RyanR said...

The only bro way to vote would be to tail gate the vote with all your bros outside the polling place and then go in once you're all blackout drunk. Before going in, you must all agree on what particular bros or fictional badasses to write in your votes for.

bronny turiaf said...

andrew jackson - clearly most bro president of all time... p.o.w. and had an open house in the white house during his inauguration

BROmar Vizquel said...

Only douchebags are hardcore political activists, but voting is necessary for bros when it comes to bro issues such as legalizing gambling and keeping brohaters like hillary clinton out of office

Anonymous said...

regardless if you like Bush, he is DEFF A HUGE BRO. Dude did whatever the fuck he wanted as the presidents son and then the actual president. Dude totally doesn't give a fuck and just does whatever the fuck he wants. BRO invaded Iraq b/c Sadam was talking shit and tried bodying his pops. MOST importantly dude LOVES to party. BUT he was a MALE CHEERLEADER.

Anonymous said...

only time i hate my own people (bros) is when politics comes up. your a fuckin bro hater if you hate on other bros cause they are democrats. bill clinton and abraham lincoln- bro as fuck democrats. bush- got our military (military is as bro as it gets) killed for no fuckin reason, thats the definition of a bro hater right there so fuck u dumb motherfuckers who try to get bro cred by bashing libs... keep wearin your gay ass lax pins, no one likes your sport. im gonna go find myself a cleat chaser, fuck her brains out on our infield, smoke a blunt and watch californication

Anonymous said...

Reagan has to be up there with in bro hall of fame. The guy singlehandedly destroyed communism and fuckin wrecked the USSR, saved 76 lives as a lifeguard when he was younger, and he was an actor...meaning he just banged hot ass slam pieces all fuckin day and probably got fucked up all the time

BROmar Vizquel said...

As a pretty conservative/libertarian guy I gotta say that Bill Clinton was the best president of the last 50 years. More of a republican than Bush and blacker than Obama.

C-3PBro said...

Bill Clinton is the biggest presidential bro of all time...hands down. He has to many token black friends, copped dome shots in the oval office, and then lied about that shit. BRO BRO BRO.

BROnald Reagan said...

to the anonymous above that said Lincoln was a democrat, you are not a fucking bro. bros are smart as shit and any bro worth his weight in whiskey shots knows that Lincoln was the founder of the Republican party otherwise known as the G. BRO. P.

Republicans = Bros
DemoBRAts = Bro-Haters

Anonymous said...

Bro Dirt is a retard.

W is a fucking bro king. He doesn't give a fuck which is a true bro attitude. He makes up his own words which is fucking awesome. Obama is the farthest thing from a bro.

Clinton was also a fucking bro. He had shit on lock down.

Anonymous said...

Obama is pretty bro. If you read his autobiography you'll learn all about the partying he did back in the day. And the beer summit? Also pretty bro right there.

ghettobro said...

Why y'all like Bush for helping out rich people? I'm a ghetto bro, I ain't got money, but I know stealing shit is real bro.

Anonymous said...

W -- total bro.

And Clinton, mad props for broing out in the Oval Broroom.

Reagan and JFK, also bro kings.

Most broest of all: Andrew Jackson.
Badass got in a duel, let the other guy shoot first and took one in the shoulder. Then he said the most epic line "My turn" and blew that bro-hater to smitherines. Probably crushed some brews post-game too.

Anonymous said...

BRObama is a total bro.

1) he openly admited that he loves smoking green. he admitted he inhaled like a fucking badass unlike that wannabe bro bill clinton.

2) A slampiece made a viral video about wanting to fuck him. How bro is that shit?

3) he may be ending the war in iraq, but thats only so he can fuck up more bro hating pussys in afghanistan.

bros are the shit.

Anonymous said...

Obama is a bro, but Bro-Dirt, gave a bunch of bro-hater views.

Obama hung out with all cool black kids in high school. Has probably done as much or more blo and than W.

Yeah he doesn't have a good pitch but Obama is a fuckin good bballer.

W is obviously a bro...and so is Clinton, no need to explain that

Anonymous said...

okay if you're a democrat you are either very poor or are just a huge pussy and you are the anti-bro... Bros have money and don't give that shit to the government.

Thad Castle said...

anonymous at the top, good call on why bush is bro and barry is bro hating piece of shit. NYB im gunna have to call an audible and say it's bro to vote. All bros are conservatives and there is no disputing that the founding fathers were the biggest bro kings of all time. They owned slaves...jefferson had a plantation. Thats fuckin bro. But bros love America, freedom, and our republican senators that our dads are golf buddies with. So respect our founding bros and love for killing commis and go vote for our boys in red

The Man With Bro Name said...

Most bro president ever = Andrew Jackson.

Highlights of his bro credentials:

- Owned the shit out of the Indians who were squatting on future Bro territories.

- Joined an American militia during the Revolutionary War when he was 13 years old.

- At 13, when a Redcoat officer told him to shine his shoes, Jackson told the stupid limey to fuck off.

- Drove the bro-hating Frenchies out of New Orleans as an army general.

- Threw an epic kegger at the White House to celebrate his presidential inauguration. Guests broke tons of shit, but Jackson was a bro so he didn't give a fuck.

- Not only did Jackson survive an assassination attempt, he himself beat the shit out of the assassin immediately afterwards with his pimp cane.

- When the bro-hating supreme court tried to stop him from wielding presidential power with bro-like immunity, he promptly told them to go fuck themselves.

- Fought in 13 duels.

Bro-din, Ruler of Bra-sgard said...

I discovered something even more Bro than not voting:

Preventing Bro-haters from voting.


At work, I was listening to this lefty douchebag in the cube next to me drone on about how excited he was to vote this year so that we could "keep the republicans out of office". I have better things to do than wait in a goddamn polling line, but I can't stand any of the candidates this guy was planning on voting for. Luckily for me, this asshole always leaves his wallet in his briefcase. So what did I do?

That's right - I stole his driver's license so that he wouldn't be allowed to vote at all when he got to the polling place.

Since his planned votes were the opposite of what I would have voted (had I cared), I was actually able to alter the election in my favor by denying him his vote, without having to put in any effort on my part. Plus, the stupid douche had to waste an hour of his day leaving work to go to the polling place only to discover his ID missing, making the whole trip a waste of time.

And I helped myself to $40 cash from his wallet.

What did I do with his ID? I gave it to one of my little brother's Bros (who sort of looks like him) so that the kid could by booze with it underage.


Damn it feels good to be a Bro.

Anonymous said...

I know it's bad for bros to waste time learning but all presidents before Teddy Roosevelt were total bros (seriously, look it up).

Teddy Roosevelt was a huge bro getting into fights at the White House, stabbing a wolf to death on vacation, going on safaris and shit.

JFK was a bro for smoking ganj with Sinatra on the White House roof and having topless pool parties while his ball and chain was out of town.

Clinton, duh.

W. total bro.

The biggest bro hater presidents are Obama and Carter. totally preaching bro-hating behavior about like palestine, the environment, and minorities.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe what I'm reading here. While most bros are dead on accurate in their analysis, it is clear there are pussy bro-haters in our presence. The Democrat party is inherently anti-bro - populated by ugly feminists, envious rich-people haters and terrorist-sympathizing commies. That said, JFK and Clinton were solidly bro.

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