Thursday, April 14, 2011

#160 Hating Socialites

Girls fucking love famous people. These days, you can’t even buy a 30 rack without seeing 10 different magazines giving a fucking countdown to Jennifer Aniston’s menopause. Seriously, why the fuck do girls give a shit about Angelina Jolie getting ice cream with her illegitimate kids or whether Reese Witherspoon gets Unleaded Gas? Very few things in this World make bros angrier than girls living vicariously through their favorite stars, but it doesn’t get any worse than when they actually try to be the star. By combining Daddy’s money, a plastic surgeon #69 tailored body, and shitloads of makeup to hide their beat face, celebrities no longer just include movie stars. Instead, bros are now subject to constantly hearing about “famous” people who have no actual reason for being famous. They’re everywhere. They plague our lives. They’re fucking Socialites.

Every fucking Socialite points to one day as the turning point in their never-ending journey to be famous for no reason whatsoever. Obviously, I’m talking about the night Paris Hilton banged Rick Solomon on camera. After the release of that tape, the World for these no-talent ass clowns would be changed forever. Instead of just running up $3,000 tabs at #45 clubs on Daddy’s Am/Ex hoping to get impregnated by some old “90210” cast member, they now get paid a fucking appearance fee just to sit in the VIP lounge. Honestly, the only people worse than the fucking Socialites themselves are people who pay the $200 cover to get into a club just so they can say that they saw some whore from “The Hills.” What do Socialites offer to society? Absolutely nothing.

But NYB! What about the Kardashians?? They’ve got like 5 TV shows and a clothing line!! They’re sooo talented!

Shut the fuck up and go develop an eating disorder, fatty. The Kardashians represent everything that’s wrong with America. Don’t these girls realize the reason that they’re famous isn’t because they’re “super-talented designers” or have great personalities? It’s not because their father defended OJ, either. It’s because Kim is a whore and banged some C-list celebrity on camera. That is their ONLY claim to fame, and this has lasted for what? Five years now? You would think Black guys would get over the fact that Kim has a gigantic ass by this point.

Apparently even the ugly one got a TV show, which is shockingly called “Khloe and Lamar” and not “Shrek Marries a Laker!” What was Lamar Odom thinking? He’s a fucking NBA superstar millionaire and he marries that beast? The only thing I can think of is that he’s just some big Star Wars buff and has always had some sick fetish for Jabba the Hut. Regardless, the pure fact that Lamar Odom knows the name Khloe Kardashian is the biggest fucking travesty here.

Unfortunately it’s looking like Socialites aren’t just some fad like Garbage Pail kids, Furbies, or Condoms. Thanks to famous sluts, girls now believe that they too can get paid by companies to promote the fact they have a gigantic ass. While another Socialite will undoubtedly emerge after filming a sex tape with some D-list celebrity like one of the guys from those “WASSSUPP??” commercials, bros realize they don’t fucking need to be on the cover of US Weekly to be somebody. Bros are fucking celebrities every night they walk into a bar as every single Slam Piece checks them out while saying to herself, “I’m gonna bang him tonight.” That’s fucking fame.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tits

Anonymous said...

Another classic NYB

Broseph Goebbels said...

#160 = Truth

... I am absolutely speechless. This is one of the most on-point eviscerations of women and stupid people (yes, I realize that I'm being redundant) ever. Socialites are the parasites of our society, leeching off of other people's lives in an attempt to make their lives more interesting. These vapid, air-headed bitches try and live vicariously through these stupid socialite sluts - thinking that it's really cool to be like Paris... stupid, spoiled, whores.

Anonymous said...

Sheen marries a laker. Greatest one liner ever nyb!

Anonymous said...

My man NYB. Tell it how it is!

Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention Snookie. Talk about a fucking skeleton in the closet there if you went home with that. But for some reason that fattie gets paid to give speaches to even dumber people.

Anonymous said...

That last line was clutch! Great post NYB

Anonymous said...

Maybe the best closing line ever NYB great post.

Paul Bro'Neill said...

"'But NYB! What about the Kardashians?? They’ve got like 5 TV shows and a clothing line!! They’re sooo talented!'
Shut the fuck up and go develop an eating disorder, fatty."

Classic line from another great post

Anonymous said...

i fucking hate shrek kardashian and the other kardashian cows.

Tom Brolfes said...

Socialites are just like fraternity groupies, especially at a private school like my university. They have no talent, rich dads, and are huge fucking whores. The only difference is that my bros and I get to bang our fraternity groupies, so I don't mind them as much.

Anonymous said...

I just saw Limitless. A socialite gets killed in the movie, it was pretty chill.

The Man With Bro Name said...

Have to respectfully disagree with you on this one, NYB.

While you are absolutely correct in pointing out that Socialites are generally worthless, talentless cunts, they have made one important contribution to society: convincing impressionable young slampieces think it's acceptable to be huge whores.

Slampieces of our generation have been raised idolizing cumdumpsters like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, and as a result now have the hilarious belief that fucking every guy they meet is "empowering". Now, we Bros obviously don't give two shits about empowering females, but we go along with this lie anyway because it makes normal girls act even sluttier than usual and therefore easier for Bros to bang.

Socialite slamwhores have unwittingly done Bro everywhere a favor by making casual sex with Bros the new "feminism", and a cultural norm in today's society. We can bang bitches with no strings attached and the dumb hoes actually think it's improving their status, thanks to the Kim Kardashians of the world.

This is pretty awesome if you ask me.

Anonymous said...

NYB You are a Scholar and Bro King!

I know you hate it when people suggest topics to you but I really think their should be a topic on FREE SHIT. I know you have mentioned it in other articles but Bros love not having to pay for stuff even though they are rich as fuck.

Bushleague said...

I gotta agree with the above post because yes these dumb slutbags actually want to go out and have casual sex with guys to up they're slut- cred. However I firmly believe that whilst fucking these whores is often awesome I think that destroying their empowerment is the bro thing to do. I mean what NYB said was that bros are the celebs so shouldn't these Socialites be flocking to us because they think we are the famous ones?

I mean we would have to play the stupid game with them until we sleep with them. After I just simply verbally destroy them and let them run to daddy for some more money so they can go to Mac and get some more make- up to cover up all those tears that are draining down there porcelain faces.

Anonymous said...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

i am literally going into shock from an overload of truth. i cant even believe how brilliant you are NYB

aikenice said...

The Man With Bro Name

one thing is clear. you are not a bro. a bro does not need girls who idolize whores to get laid. we can get any slampiece at any given time and take her poundtown. just by looking at us any girl becomes a insta wet "im a lesbian and never wanted any dick before but i just saw NYB and you better believe im gna ride him to poundtown" thats how we roll. its a gift really

Boise State BROnco said...

I think that lamar odom married that monster as a plan to get even more famous. he will be shown on espn and Enews. Its a good publicity move but a terrible move in life. lamar check yourself at the door

Lamar Brodom said...

Khloe is fucking weather beaten. Lamar Odom must have either lost a bet or be the dumbest guy in the world. You're an NBA player and can bang any number of hot slam pieces, yet you settle down with Jabba the Slutt? That bitch looks like an NBA player herself, being like 6'6" with big-ass shoulders and an ugly-ass mug. When you can get famous for being "the sister of that slut who once banged that guy who had that one song like 8 years ago" you know the world is fucked up.

Anonymous said...

Kim is still fucking hot. And Lamar is definitely still banging slam pieces on the side

Anonymous said...

While this whole post was spot on as usual, im glad you finally pointed out kim kardashian is only hot cause of her giant ass. It's so fucking retarded that she's considered to be that hot when her fat ass, which any self respecting guy would find unappealing, is the only thing keeping her there. Sure she was ok back when she posed for playboy, but those days are quite fuckin over and I hope we forget that she beast soon.

Anonymous said...

Lamar is logging these appearance revenues with the Armenian Blimp and rolling 80% into shorts on GLD and the other 20% into an LA laxworld franchise.

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