Girls fucking love famous people. These days, you can’t even buy a 30 rack without seeing 10 different magazines giving a fucking countdown to Jennifer Aniston’s menopause. Seriously, why the fuck do girls give a shit about Angelina Jolie getting ice cream with her illegitimate kids or whether Reese Witherspoon gets Unleaded Gas? Very few things in this World make bros angrier than girls living vicariously through their favorite stars, but it doesn’t get any worse than when they actually try to be the star. By combining Daddy’s money, a plastic surgeon #69 tailored body, and shitloads of makeup to hide their beat face, celebrities no longer just include movie stars. Instead, bros are now subject to constantly hearing about “famous” people who have no actual reason for being famous. They’re everywhere. They plague our lives. They’re fucking Socialites.
Every fucking Socialite points to one day as the turning point in their never-ending journey to be famous for no reason whatsoever. Obviously, I’m talking about the night Paris Hilton banged Rick Solomon on camera. After the release of that tape, the World for these no-talent ass clowns would be changed forever. Instead of just running up $3,000 tabs at #45 clubs on Daddy’s Am/Ex hoping to get impregnated by some old “90210” cast member, they now get paid a fucking appearance fee just to sit in the VIP lounge. Honestly, the only people worse than the fucking Socialites themselves are people who pay the $200 cover to get into a club just so they can say that they saw some whore from “The Hills.” What do Socialites offer to society? Absolutely nothing.
But NYB! What about the Kardashians?? They’ve got like 5 TV shows and a clothing line!! They’re sooo talented!
Shut the fuck up and go develop an eating disorder, fatty. The Kardashians represent everything that’s wrong with America. Don’t these girls realize the reason that they’re famous isn’t because they’re “super-talented designers” or have great personalities? It’s not because their father defended OJ, either. It’s because Kim is a whore and banged some C-list celebrity on camera. That is their ONLY claim to fame, and this has lasted for what? Five years now? You would think Black guys would get over the fact that Kim has a gigantic ass by this point.
Apparently even the ugly one got a TV show, which is shockingly called “Khloe and Lamar” and not “Shrek Marries a Laker!” What was Lamar Odom thinking? He’s a fucking NBA superstar millionaire and he marries that beast? The only thing I can think of is that he’s just some big Star Wars buff and has always had some sick fetish for Jabba the Hut. Regardless, the pure fact that Lamar Odom knows the name Khloe Kardashian is the biggest fucking travesty here.
Unfortunately it’s looking like Socialites aren’t just some fad like Garbage Pail kids, Furbies, or Condoms. Thanks to famous sluts, girls now believe that they too can get paid by companies to promote the fact they have a gigantic ass. While another Socialite will undoubtedly emerge after filming a sex tape with some D-list celebrity like one of the guys from those “WASSSUPP??” commercials, bros realize they don’t fucking need to be on the cover of US Weekly to be somebody. Bros are fucking celebrities every night they walk into a bar as every single Slam Piece checks them out while saying to herself, “I’m gonna bang him tonight.” That’s fucking fame.