Thursday, May 5, 2011

#163 The Troops

I’ve been around the Military my entire life. Both my Dad and Grandfather went to the Naval Academy and I know, at least at an early age, there was hope I’d follow in their footsteps. Unfortunately for them, I found something I liked more than waking up at 6am on a Tuesday to run miles before class: the College life. I couldn’t really see a situation where I would want to pass up on “the best four years or your life” to spend that time in Military Academy where there might be like 10 girls in the entire class. The allure of actually doing something to help my country was an idea lost not only on me, but on a majority of aspiring bros across the country. Personally and regretfully, I took my country and freedom for granted. All I knew was that I lived in America, the #63 best fucking country in World. We were invincible. That is until that early September morning nearly 10 years ago.

It was like watching a fucking movie, only that shit was real. As towers collapsed, the Pentagon was attacked, and the passengers of United 93 sacrificed their own lives to prevent the deaths of others, people reacted in their own way as people often do to tragedy. Some were stunned. Some went into deep depression. And then there were some who took it as a challenge. They weren’t going to sit by and let some fucking psychopath determine which innocent people deserve to live and which deserve to die. They decided to drop their lives in America to protect our country in a foreign land that no one in their right mind would ever want to go to, and ultimately spend years of their lives there, away from their families, away from their bros. Honestly, I was hesitant in even writing any of this shit because I’ve got so much god damn respect for what they do and don’t want anyone to think I’m poking fun at them. But in the spirit of one of this country’s greatest accomplishments in the assassination of Osama Bin Laden, I don’t know how I can’t salute them. As the “U-S-A” #4 chants filled Citizen’s Bank Ballpark in Philly Sunday Night I knew it’s time to honor the true Bros: the Troops.

Now while there might not be that many upsides to being in the Military, outside of the obvious ability to actively defend the Nation you love, I’ve been told by a number of my buddies that are scattered from the Marines to the Navy Seals that when you’re on leave, it’s a fucking lay up line. Just look at fucking Fleet Week. There’s a reason the saying goes “only sailors use condoms,” it’s because they fucking need to or their dick might fall off from having so much sex.

In one of my bro’s first few days in the Marines, his entire boot camp was told by their commanding officer that joining the Marines meant they’re “gonna pull more ass than you’ve ever gotten in your entire fucking life!” The officer then pointed at one of the uglier recruits and screamed, “EVEN YOU!” Needless to say, this shit’s fucking true. Anytime he visits in DC it doesn’t take long from the time he tells some random girl he’s in the Marines to the point where she’s repeatedly screaming “HOO-RAH!!”

Not to mention whenever they get the opportunity, the Troops fucking throw down. Even though they’ve made the conscious decision to spend their peak bro years on Military bases or living in pods in Afghanistan, it doesn’t mean they’re different from you or me. There was some random Navy guy based in Norfolk that used to party with us back at William and Mary. He used to fill up a #130 beer bong with 6 beers and a couple shots and take that shit to the face. Of course he immediately #48 threw it all up and was a #142 walking zombie the rest of the night, but the important thing is he got that shit down for a couple seconds and it was fucking awesome.

The death of Osama Bin Laden marks a victory for America. While it will never make up for the deaths of thousands ten years ago, it validates the efforts of every single American who gave their time, effort, limbs, and even lives so that we can live without fear. Under normal circumstances, I’d crown the Troops as Bro Kings, but they’re so much more than that. Instead they’ve earned the only higher distinction known to mankind: True Americans.  God Bless America. God Bless the Troops.

53 comments:

Anonymous said...

got chills reading this NYB u r the shit

Anonymous said...

Nothing is as bro as going to college, and then joining the service as an officer. Best of both worlds, you get to party and you get to serve your country.

Zakarias said...

Got legit chills. Good stuff.

Anonymous said...

bro-ist thing you've ever written

Paul Bro'Neill said...

Hell yeah, NYB. That is spot on. USA. USA.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit fantastic post. I got chills running up and down my spine. Best post ever. USA USA USA.

Anonymous said...

This was a great post man, very bro but also showing respect where respect is due. I was actually at Citizens Bank Park Sunday night and I got chills watching the replay on ESPN the next day when the whole stadium was chanting U-S-A. Its a moment ill never forget just like 9/11. I know you hate Philadelphia sports being from DC but this can unite us all. VIVA LA BRO

Anonymous said...

The pulling ass shit is so true. When I was in PCB for Spring Break, we went to this bar called Spinnakers and they had a band. The band brought two sailors on stage with the hottest sluts in the bar. "USA USA USA!" chants then they played freebird. They got it in with those bitches no doubt.

Anonymous said...

you should reiterate that bros hate hippies who protest our troops. cowards. FUCK HIPPIES! VIVA LA BRO! GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Anonymous said...

Being a fellow bro that currently goes to school in Norfolk at Old Dominion University, originating from Virginia Beach, I can say that the troops deserve the utmost respect. They are, indeed, ultimate bros as well. One of the most prude girls I know was was slayed by a marine at a party I was at about 30 minutes after she found out he was a marine. God bless America.

Browen Wilson said...

^ anti-hippy Anon: Well said, bro!

Anonymous said...

My brother is in Afghanistan right now, and I appreciate this post, man. Spot on. I've read it twice and got chills both times. Best post you've ever done. God bless America, baby.

Brogan's Run said...

Buddy of mine in the Army Rangers would repeatedly drive drunk on a motorcycle, get pulled over and then get away with it due to his military status. He was also banging two hot blondes at the same time and later made them fight over him before going off to bang some other hot chick. Total bro.

Anonymous said...

I used to live with a bro of mine whose brother was a Marine in Afghanistan. Since they're not allowed to drink there, my bro would buy jumbo bottles of that yellow colored Listerene and then send over in care packages.

Funny thing is, yellow Listerene is the exact same color as Jameson (who knew?) and actually smells pretty damn similar too. So needless to say those care packages were met with significantly more gratitude than usual.

Just doing our part. Semper Fidelis to the Marines and Never Fidelis to your wives!

John said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Is there anything more bro than buying men in the service shots at the bar? The troops deserve it, women love it and troops always have your back. I once had a couple of Navy dudes kick some guido who was cockblocking me all night out of the bar. Plus troops make excellent wingmen.

Anonymous said...

one of your best ever, NYB. all i can say is thanks for writing this.

Anonymous said...

I got chills down my spine, that hasn't been mentioned by other bros, right?

Charlie said...

By taking out Osama Bin Laden, we have taken down one more religious nutjob. Good job.
Next stop: those fucking homophobic creationist idiots in the Bible Belt. Of course not as bad as Bin Laden, but religious idiots as well. One of the things ruining the U.S.A. in my opinion, and we are going to throw them all into prison.

Michael said...

Im a bro living in Miami and have been in the Marines for about 8 years now... Latin Slammies everywhere and the Marine cards pulls hard. Thanks NYB Semper

Brovid the poet said...

Shit dude, you were at w&m?? Thats crazy i live in Williamsburg

Anonymous said...

Man, Jimbo used to throw down at The College. Such a bro. Well said, NYB.

Anonymous said...

as a fucking rotc cadet in college i gotta say this post is fucking gold

Hear Bro, See Bro, See Bro Evil said...

A-fucking-men and God Bless America.

And fuck the hypocritical liberals who don't unconditionally support our troops.

Josh said...

Creationist idiots? They just realize that God is the biggest fucking bro of all time.

Mysterion said...

Im in Afghanistan right now and i just read your post. I can always count on you to make me and my bros laugh even in this shithole! keep it up

Anonymous said...

great post,perfect timing, fuck bin laden, and all I say it is missing is insulting maggot infested terrorist loving america hating conspiracy theorists. fuck those guys seriously. there is nothing I hate more than bro haters who think 9/11 was an inside job. not only are these theories completely retarded, and based on uneducated and incomplete "scientific calculations" by hipsters with fucking sociology minors from community colleges, but they're fucking disrespectful to our troops, disrespectful to the victims and family of victims in 9/11...and most of all its disrespectful to America ! God bless America God bless our troops and freedom, if you don't like it then get the fuck out.

AMERICA FUCK YEAH !!!

Thomas said...

NYB, you have truly outdone yourself this time. I get chills every time I read this . I am joining ROTC in college so that I too can defend our great country. On Monday after we all fount out bin Laden was killed, my friend and I, after our AP Chemistry exam, went out to his truck and mounted my American flag in the bed. When teachers and students came out at the end of the day, all we got were chants of USA and of how patriotic we were. God Bless the Troops and God Bless America!

Anonymous said...

I'm a bro at West Point currently and you can believe we went absolutely nuts when we found out the news. Solid post as always NYB. Shit like this gives us reassurance as to why we are going to risk our lives for guys like you.

VIVA LA BRO

CincBRO de ses said...

Thanks, NYB. I'm graduating from a service academy this month - you're right on. When I'm not gonna be bombing fucking rag-head bastards, me and my bros throw down HARD.

And the bro pad we're getting at our first assignment in pensacola...gonna be a pussy buffet

Anonymous said...

I got chills my dude. God Bless The USA

Anonymous said...

Literally got chills reading those last few lines. Best post yet. God Bless our Troops and God Bless America.

Anonymous said...

The manifestation of belligerence and success: there exists a rationale that explains the totality of this military brotherhood. For within the psyche of each mind forged under this shot storm that is USMA is a simple appreciation of the luxuries of life. There is a reason for our conspicuous nature in the public eye most prominently with our civilian counterparts we drink harder, yell louder, fight harder puke prouder fuck happier and offend greater. The basic principle behind our caveman nature is the fact that a man deprived will taste the fruits of life much sweeter. No civilian college student will ever taste alcohol as a cadet taste alcohol, nor will he enjoy the thrill of free air, nor appreciate the feel of a woman, nor understand what it is to place your own well being behind a friend and a brother. Work hard! Play hard! Live it! Love it! Because then you die . -Anonymous USMA cadet

Anonymous said...

great post but why is everyone saying i got the chills down my spine?

Anonymous said...

Your the fucking man NYB

Anonymous said...

This brought a tear to my eye bro. Probably the best posts I've seen so far. Thanks for saluting us bro.

Anonymous said...

Marine Corps F-18 Pilot- good work bro, keep it up.

Anonymous said...

Pat Tillman, fuckin bro-king

Anonymous said...

U-S-A
U-S-A

Br0302 said...

Great post, killing terrorists is the most bro thing you can do. I get a tear in my eye when I see bros in NYC crowd surfing, dressed as Captian America while everyone sings we are the champions, celebrating like it's return of the Jedi.
Br0302

Barack Brobama said...

I celebrated my bday this weekend by doing shots with Marines amidst U-S-A chants. God bless America.

Anonymous said...

as a marine and a bro i thank you collage bros for this post

Anonymous said...

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!!!

Anonymous said...

To reiterate what has already been said, ROTC is the shit because you get to throw down as hard as possible for four years then you go active duty as an officer and make bank...Unfortunately I am almost done with year 3 of the best 4 years of my life. But, when I graduate, that means I get to, as you put it, "Actively defend the nation that I love." God Bless America and those serving it

Anonymous said...

Anon 6 May 925, really? UnAmerican.

Anonymous said...

Hooah NYB. A great, serious piece that made me proud as fuck to be an American, and a renewed pride for my future as an Army officer. God Bless the USA, and the guys who have worked and are working now to defend it for our sorry asses.

Brotenant Gumball said...

To the anonymous USMA cadet... That was some bra shit. I threw down hard as fuck everyday, pretty sure I ran faster when I came to PT drunk as hell. Why? Because I'm a fucking champion. When we got a female commander, you better believe I called her ass when I was blacked out on Long Islands on a Tuesday to advise her that she should bang me before I got commissioned. America needs fucking champion bros to go fuck cats up.

Anonymous said...

I second that. To whatever anonymous USMA slug, if you haven't figured out how to get fucked up and bang strange on the reg then you are not a bro.

Deric Dunn said...

As a bro, and equally as important, a former Marine and 2x Iraq veteran, nice fucking job dudeskie. I was literally thinking earlier today when you were guna put out something on the 'vete-bros' and you didn't disappoint.

Anonymous said...

Me and two of my bros are smart as shit. We call ourselves 30 club because we all got 30s on our ACT. Two of us our going to a big 10 university, and one choose to go into the army instead. Hes leaving in a few weeks, and we were all out on the beach drunk as fuck, screaming to the ocean about how my bro is gonna go out there and fight for our freedom just so we can study and change the world because he loves his country. We got real as fuck for about an hour. There aren't words that can describe how much respect I have for the troops.

Anonymous said...

As Future sailor Johnston and a bro who is 19 i honestly cant wait to leave for the Navy on Sunday June 5th. It will be the experience of a lifetime i mention that im going into the Navy and clothes com off thanks NYB for being a true bro.

Anonymous said...

I'm leaving July 09 for the marines. All I can say is thank you, bro-king, for this inspirational post. I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but you have no idea how much it means to have so many people supporting me and my fellow troops. Come boot camp, we're gonna need it.

Hoo-Rah!!

Anonymous said...

Reading this as one of my bros in Afghanistan passed away yesterday. Super fucking moving and a solid post bro. Me being in the military myself, everything you said here is true as it gets.

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