I’ve been around the Military my entire life. Both my Dad and Grandfather went to the Naval Academy and I know, at least at an early age, there was hope I’d follow in their footsteps. Unfortunately for them, I found something I liked more than waking up at 6am on a Tuesday to run miles before class: the College life. I couldn’t really see a situation where I would want to pass up on “the best four years or your life” to spend that time in Military Academy where there might be like 10 girls in the entire class. The allure of actually doing something to help my country was an idea lost not only on me, but on a majority of aspiring bros across the country. Personally and regretfully, I took my country and freedom for granted. All I knew was that I lived in America, the #63 best fucking country in World. We were invincible. That is until that early September morning nearly 10 years ago.
It was like watching a fucking movie, only that shit was real. As towers collapsed, the Pentagon was attacked, and the passengers of United 93 sacrificed their own lives to prevent the deaths of others, people reacted in their own way as people often do to tragedy. Some were stunned. Some went into deep depression. And then there were some who took it as a challenge. They weren’t going to sit by and let some fucking psychopath determine which innocent people deserve to live and which deserve to die. They decided to drop their lives in America to protect our country in a foreign land that no one in their right mind would ever want to go to, and ultimately spend years of their lives there, away from their families, away from their bros. Honestly, I was hesitant in even writing any of this shit because I’ve got so much god damn respect for what they do and don’t want anyone to think I’m poking fun at them. But in the spirit of one of this country’s greatest accomplishments in the assassination of Osama Bin Laden, I don’t know how I can’t salute them. As the “U-S-A” #4 chants filled Citizen’s Bank Ballpark in Philly Sunday Night I knew it’s time to honor the true Bros: the Troops.
Now while there might not be that many upsides to being in the Military, outside of the obvious ability to actively defend the Nation you love, I’ve been told by a number of my buddies that are scattered from the Marines to the Navy Seals that when you’re on leave, it’s a fucking lay up line. Just look at fucking Fleet Week. There’s a reason the saying goes “only sailors use condoms,” it’s because they fucking need to or their dick might fall off from having so much sex.
In one of my bro’s first few days in the Marines, his entire boot camp was told by their commanding officer that joining the Marines meant they’re “gonna pull more ass than you’ve ever gotten in your entire fucking life!” The officer then pointed at one of the uglier recruits and screamed, “EVEN YOU!” Needless to say, this shit’s fucking true. Anytime he visits in DC it doesn’t take long from the time he tells some random girl he’s in the Marines to the point where she’s repeatedly screaming “HOO-RAH!!”
Not to mention whenever they get the opportunity, the Troops fucking throw down. Even though they’ve made the conscious decision to spend their peak bro years on Military bases or living in pods in Afghanistan, it doesn’t mean they’re different from you or me. There was some random Navy guy based in Norfolk that used to party with us back at William and Mary. He used to fill up a #130 beer bong with 6 beers and a couple shots and take that shit to the face. Of course he immediately #48 threw it all up and was a #142 walking zombie the rest of the night, but the important thing is he got that shit down for a couple seconds and it was fucking awesome.
The death of Osama Bin Laden marks a victory for America. While it will never make up for the deaths of thousands ten years ago, it validates the efforts of every single American who gave their time, effort, limbs, and even lives so that we can live without fear. Under normal circumstances, I’d crown the Troops as Bro Kings, but they’re so much more than that. Instead they’ve earned the only higher distinction known to mankind: True Americans. God Bless America. God Bless the Troops.