- Kegs: Perhaps the most important aspect of the party is how much alcohol was punished. Kegs are an absolute must for a good party. If you ever start a story and someone stops to ask you how many kegs you had, you do not want to have to tell them you just had a couple cases. Please note, any time you find yourself someplace where cases are being served, you are NOT at a party, you are at a pre-game. Anyways, the more kegs the better; if you can get into double digits with then you tell that story to everyone. Also important is the hard liquor. This adds to your story immensely. Which sounds more legit? “Dude, we had 3 kegs.” Or “Dude, we killed 3 kegs, 4 bottles of liquor, AND a Gin Bucket.” Obviously, the second, who cares if no one drank the gin bucket because you made it so shitty – it was there at the party, so it fucking counts.
- How drunk people got – If people were going fucking ape-shit at your party, you’re going to want to let other people know. This included dancing on tables, drinking out of teapots when cups run out, burned household items, hook-ups and most importantly pass-outs. It’s well known bro-code that when some random guy passes out in your house, you have the right to do whatever you what to him. One of my bros’ best stories involved a passed out guy in his bed. After drawing on his face got boring, we moved him to a nearby couch to spend the night, when he woke up, he was greeted by a tied-off condom which someone had spit into. Oh, and did I mention he was probably pretty sore back there because a girl had tried to sodomize him with a wine bottle the night before? Never saw that guy again.
- Cops – This can add some major street cred to your story. If you are at such a rager that the cops show up, this is a story that needs to be told. The only thing better for your story than the pigs showing up is if someone gets arrested, preferably for trying to fight the cops. Shockingly, Cops don’t really like to hear things like “Fuck you pigs” and “Do you know who my father is?” aka typical things bros have been known to say. So, more than likely, if these things are said, someone is going to the slammer. Taking one for the team in this situation is a smart move, not only does it give the party more bro-cred, but it gives you your jail story too.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
College is the time where the bro in training gets his wings and becomes the bro that he will be for the next 10 years of his life. It’s a time of growth, added responsibility, and an most importantly – getting really fucked up. Every bro has wild stories from college that usually involve a shitload of alcohol and some sort of hilarious disgrace to a bra. Every bro also claims that their college had the wildest parties and therefore they had the best time. Luckily for me, I went to what is widely considered the biggest party school in America (William & Mary) so I always win those debates. But what makes a college party worthy of telling your bros, lets look at the criteria: