#8 Rolling Deep

It’s Friday night. You just got finished absolutely crushing like 15 brews. It’s time to make your way out for the night, so you call 3 cabs. “But why on Earth would you need so many cabs” you ask? That’s right. You’re fucking rolling deep tonight.

When bros go out, they don’t just go out to have dinner with a friend, or grab a Martini at a Piano Bar. They go out to dominate. Nothing says domination like 10 guys who have only one objective: Have a great time, while making anyone outside your group miserable. I don’t know what it is, but if you are not in their group of friends, bros will automatically hate you. For example, a couple summers ago we were at the beach, obviously rolling deep and dancing in a big group at the bar to some cover band. When out of nowhere, some bra decided it would be a good idea to come dance in our group. In under 5 seconds one of my bros shoved her out of our group, throwing her back to her miserable existence of being “not us.” Anyways, bros love traveling in packs and here are some reasons why:

• Chicks dig it - Honestly does it get any better than 10 bros all huddled in a corner cursing at one another and talking about what they would do to each others mothers? How can a girl turn that down? Bros rolling deep also have high standards, so you better think about that before you bras try to approach us. Usually when bros roll deep at least one girl will get the courage to approach the group of 10, but rest assured, any mishap on her part and she will be the running joke for the rest of the weekend. “Mishaps” can include, but are not limited to: having any sort of attitude, being fat, dressing slutty, having a big nose, or not sleeping with bro in question.
  
  
• Attention – As we saw with #4 Chanting, bros love to be the center of attention. What better way to draw attention to yourself than rolling deep with like 10 other bros? When you have so many bros, you can do so many things that will bring attention, like shot contests, chugging contests, and my favorite, singing songs at the top of your lungs. Favorites among bros include anything by Pearl Jam, Billy Joel, Oasis and even though its just an instrumental, “Rock and Roll No. 2” by Gary Glitter. It doesn’t get much better than when this song comes on and you are with a group of bros. Frankly, whoever invented saying “You Suck” after the “duh-duh-dun-dun-dun-DUH” is a genius. Nothing like screaming, “YOU SUCK” at some loser group of guys who are only rolling two-deep.
  
  
• Invincible – Its just a fact, the more bros you have rolling with you, the more invincible you become. You can seriously say anything to anyone and get away with it, especially if you are in law school. I only say this because one time a bro said something extremely offensive to the bouncer, who as it turned out used to play for the Redskins, but as he wound up to punch the bro in question, he stopped. Why did he stop? It was obvious, the bro stated. “He knew, if he punched me I would own the bar.” Bros think that there is power in number, but they often forget the real reason why they are invincible: The big guy. Every set of bros has a big guy. We had one in college and we have one now. This is the guy who is just huge, and by having him on your side you have the right to do anything you want to at the bar. The big guy has to be over 6’3’’ and preferably 230+. In college we were lucky to have one who was 6’7’’ and build like the Grape Ape. They give smaller bros the right to pick fights with whoever they want, hit on anyone’s girlfriend, break whatever they want and they are able to settle the fight by simply pointing over to the big guy and saying, “He’s with me.” I’ve had guys who originally wanted to fight me, give me a high five and apologize to me for being mad after seeing my big guy. So, even though rolling deep can give you mad beer muscles – nothing compares to having someone to beat the shit out of a guy who didn’t like it when you called his girlfriends a whore.