Tuesday, April 21, 2009

#8 Rolling Deep

It’s Friday night. You just got finished absolutely crushing like 15 brews. It’s time to make your way out for the night, so you call 3 cabs. “But why on Earth would you need so many cabs” you ask? That’s right. You’re fucking rolling deep tonight.

When bros go out, they don’t just go out to have dinner with a friend, or grab a Martini at a Piano Bar. They go out to dominate. Nothing says domination like 10 guys who have only one objective: Have a great time, while making anyone outside your group miserable. I don’t know what it is, but if you are not in their group of friends, bros will automatically hate you. For example, a couple summers ago we were at the beach, obviously rolling deep and dancing in a big group at the bar to some cover band. When out of nowhere, some bra decided it would be a good idea to come dance in our group. In under 5 seconds one of my bros shoved her out of our group, throwing her back to her miserable existence of being “not us.” Anyways, bros love traveling in packs and here are some reasons why:

  • Chicks dig it - Honestly does it get any better than 10 bros all huddled in a corner cursing at one another and talking about what they would do to each others mothers? How can a girl turn that down? Bros rolling deep also have high standards, so you better think about that before you bras try to approach us. Usually when bros roll deep at least one girl will get the courage to approach the group of 10, but rest assured, any mishap on her part and she will be the running joke for the rest of the weekend. “Mishaps” can include, but are not limited to: having any sort of attitude, being fat, dressing slutty, having a big nose, or not sleeping with bro in question.

  • Attention – As we saw with #4 Chanting, bros love to be the center of attention. What better way to draw attention to yourself than rolling deep with like 10 other bros? When you have so many bros, you can do so many things that will bring attention, like shot contests, chugging contests, and my favorite, singing songs at the top of your lungs. Favorites among bros include anything by Pearl Jam, Billy Joel, Oasis and even though its just an instrumental, “Rock and Roll No. 2” by Gary Glitter. It doesn’t get much better than when this song comes on and you are with a group of bros. Frankly, whoever invented saying “You Suck” after the “duh-duh-dun-dun-dun-DUH” is a genius. Nothing like screaming, “YOU SUCK” at some loser group of guys who are only rolling two-deep.

  • Invincible – Its just a fact, the more bros you have rolling with you, the more invincible you become. You can seriously say anything to anyone and get away with it, especially if you are in law school. I only say this because one time a bro said something extremely offensive to the bouncer, who as it turned out used to play for the Redskins, but as he wound up to punch the bro in question, he stopped. Why did he stop? It was obvious, the bro stated. “He knew, if he punched me I would own the bar.” Bros think that there is power in number, but they often forget the real reason why they are invincible: The big guy. Every set of bros has a big guy. We had one in college and we have one now. This is the guy who is just huge, and by having him on your side you have the right to do anything you want to at the bar. The big guy has to be over 6’3’’ and preferably 230+. In college we were lucky to have one who was 6’7’’ and build like the Grape Ape. They give smaller bros the right to pick fights with whoever they want, hit on anyone’s girlfriend, break whatever they want and they are able to settle the fight by simply pointing over to the big guy and saying, “He’s with me.” I’ve had guys who originally wanted to fight me, give me a high five and apologize to me for being mad after seeing my big guy. So, even though rolling deep can give you mad beer muscles – nothing compares to having someone to beat the shit out of a guy who didn’t like it when you called his girlfriends a whore.

31 comments:

Greg said...

check out the "ads by google" on this page. Where did they get "Gay" and "Ladders"?

Bromo sapien said...

NYB and Fellow Bros, I have a question... My current Big Guy is 6'6" and 350+ lbs which makes him awesome. The problem is that he showers about once a week, which seriously throws off the rest of our crew's game. Should we keep him or settle for our 6'2" 210 bro?


BTW, great site.

T Eure said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

When me and my boys go out we each take separate cabs. Nothing screams money more than 8 dudes rollin up to a bar all in separate cabs. Having money is sweet.

laitibro said...

I would settle for a studly 6'2 210 bro over a fat slob bro anyday. just make sure the 6'2 210 bro is jacked, benches a lot, and can scrap with any bro-hater out there, and you will get the best of both worlds.

Brostradamus said...

bros stab mothafuckas

Bromin said...

They got rid of "Rock N' Roll Pt. 2" at the Caps games and now we can't yell "YOU SUCK!" at the team that just got scored on. It's such bullshit.

LordOfBros69 said...

When my bros roll to a party, when we walk in we either jump the fuck out of some chinese kid who is eyeballin us, or stick our 12's in every dirty whore we see. You think your Enforcer is a badass, my boy Sballa is 5'7 136 lbs and can bench 165. I saw him blindside the fuck out of some kid who threw a crayon at him. The infamous butterfly is born.

Anonymous said...

@ LordOfBros69: My sister could shit all over some dude that weighs 136 lbs. I hope you are trying to make a dumb fucking joke.

NJ Bro Boss said...

yeah that sounds like a pretty weak bro crew with a 5 7 midget enforcer

Anonymous said...

There is absolutely nothing better than rolling fucking deep. Like 15 deep. Especially rollin into a solid house party. You just roll in and all the bro-haters and bras see the door open. Then 5 minutes later it closes cause of how deep you were rolling. And of course you gotta have you big guy (ours is 6' 7" 290) in the back just make sure no one even considers saying a word. Bras fucking love that shit. And from the moment you step in the place is yours.

Anonymous said...

"if you are not in their group of friends, bros will automatically hate you."

I'm gonna have to call you out on this one. This is absolutely not true and is actually a very "Bra-Like" behavior. What makes Bro's cool is the ability to charm and disarm anyone with their wits and also always make new friends because they're not insecure or social midgets. Hating strangers (especially from the same sex) is chick thing and I think true bros are way above that petty crap.

Anonymous said...

I think starting shit and not being to afraid to finish it, or needing you big bro babysitter to get you out of it is the least bro thing ever. If you start shit be the one to swing first, win or lose, thats way more broish than pointing out your big friend.

Anonymous said...

Great site but I have to point out that pearl jam is not a popular band amongst bros. They have zero songs about getting fucked up, fucking slampieces, or getting your lift on. I think you were thinking of Dave Matthews band or oar, who are like the beatles and rollings stones of the bro-geration.

Anonymous said...

shit i love my crew...our big guy is 6'6 280 with hands the size of a dinner plate. we call him the Russian Ox(came here in 6th grade). kids been trining in muay thai, jujitsu, mma classes, everything since he was a kid. One time we were at the bar, our guys mackin on this chick when her bf comes over. drunk as shit, he smacks our big guy like a little bitch. Ox doesnt even move, just looks at the kid, grabs him with one hand, and tosses him thru a table 10 ft away. ambulances are called, and the little bitch broke about 12 bones in his upper body (cant remember the exact ones). best part is, the owner of the bar, being an ex boxer, said it was one of the greatest moves hes ever seen, and hooks us up with a few rounds. Goddamn I love being a bro

Domthetruth said...

NYB u need to get ur shit straight. Sit back an take notes from a real bro king. Real bros like to go to and throw the most exclusive parties. I,m no different, when I roll to a banger whether its at a friends house or a strangers, I'm Rollin 4 deep and no more. And if there are more, you better believe the extras are only the finest hoes. Ask yourself, when ur at a party, would you rather see me n my bros plus our sexy bitches walk in with there Fuckin tits poppin out? Or the meat waggon of 10 or so dudes that ur Rollin with, ready to come in and make the place smell like nutsack while u sit in the corner and circle jerk on each other. All I know is that if your man-meat brigade showed up at my crib, you'd get thrown the fuck out and prolly have a beer poured on you as soon as you tried to step in the door.

Bro Magnum said...

What kind of bitch bro-crew is rolling with OAR and Dave Matthews? maybe if you've got a more resilient slam piece back at the bro-pad and you need that final ingredient to get her to drop her panties, but come on. OAR? Real bros roll with some heavy Bizkit or some Disturbed. What the fuck are you doing with OAR? Crying by yourself like a bra and using the tears to lube up and jerk off by yourself. so un-bro.

Anonymous said...

Nothin is better than rollin deep when every bro is over 6'5 220+. You only need 5 of us and we fuckin own the joint. Our fuckin crew here would shit on any of your pussy ass 10 man crews. Your big guy would shit himself and probally try and join our crew. You fuck with us and we rip yalls dicks off to make the point to never fuck with anyone again you pussy mother fucker.

Anonymous said...

Domthetruth sounds like a pussy guido with only 4 friends, real bros roll deep

Anonymous said...

I learned the hard way not to rely on the enforcer from your crew. I'm a good sized bro myself, but I was rolling deep including the biggest guy in our crew. I ran my mouth to an inferior crew and they just took it cause they knew what they were up against. A few hours later I ended up at the bar by myself talking to this slampiece and these bro haters came up from behind and surrounded me. Isolated from my crew, I was screwed so I lit up the biggest guy and took a few lumps before the bouncers grabbed everyone. Bros be advised, if your gonna rely on your enforcer, make sure you roll out together.

Anonymous said...

I appreciate everyone reppin their schools, but please leave it to the state with the most alcohol consumed per capita, Scott Van Pelt's best college town: Wisconsin Madison.

Oh and of course, good post NYB as always

Anonymous said...

When I'm out with my bros, we roll in with 10 bros, and just fucking own the place. We're jacked and 5'11"+. All of our bros are 200lb+ and can lift double our bodyweight.

Anonymous said...

if you roll deep making fun of hot sluts that approach you pushing her away how do you end up getting her in the bathroom to fuck?

Ali G as BROrat... Sexytime said...

Domthetruth: Best to avoid our crew then because i guarentee u our 8-12 bros will embarass you, your 3 boyfriends, and ur tit-poppin biddies. U roll up with ur bros and leave with ass, thats how the system works. If u feel the need to bring the meat with u, you're establishing yourself as a Grade A bitch whos too chickenshit to mingle with randos. Crack a frosty beverage and re-evaluate ur standpoint. bitch.

BROise Bro said...

me and my bro rob were invited to a house party the other night and were advised not to let word get out and not to bring anyone else. fuck that, were bros, so we mobbed into the house rolling THIRTEEN FUCKING BROS DEEP and called up at least twenty more who rolled in later. we rocked that tiny little house till the early morning. long live bros

Anonymous said...

Real Bro's Roll Deep with a Glock 23 in their waistband. Go ahead other Bro groups, Make my day.

Brodin, Ruler of Brasgard said...

^There's no need to start shit with other Bro groups. All Bros are cool with each other because they can recognize another Bro when they see one. Bros will always band together to run the bar, shut down bro-haters and slay all the slampieces.

Anonymous said...

Last week I was rolling witth 11 of my bros and a bro hater asked why I was rolling 11 deep and my answer was simple "because there weren't 12 of us." Bro haters hate bro-groups

Anonymous said...

Being the big guy is the fucking shit. You get to be the most obnoxious and hit on the most girls that are already in relationships. I am the big guy in my group of bros, but I have never had to actually fight anyone because I am fucking 6'8 and everyone thus far has been too much of a pussy.

Anonymous said...

But there were 12 of you.... "I was with 11 of my bros". 11+1 = 12. Real bros don't let bros fail 1st grade math class.

Anonymous said...

You touch dicks?

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