Thursday, April 23, 2009

#9 Talking about Lifting

Obviously, every bro loves to lift. This is a fucking staple in their life and gym time is basically the equivalent of church. Sure bros like to look good for the ladies, but the real reason bros work out is so that they can talk about it to other bros. Much like girls will buy 100 pairs of shoes just so other girls see how stylish they are, bros want to be able to explain to other bros just how jacked they are. It just doesn’t get much better for a bro than finding out they bench more than any bro at the party. Other popular topics include:

  • How many reps of each exercise you complete.
  • How long you work out for.
  • How jacked the guys you work out with are.
  • How the dumbbells at the gym are not nearly heavy enough.
  • How much of an absolute joke the Nautilus machine is.
  • What brand of protein you take and how often you take it.
  • How Under Armor is the greatest invention of the past 20 years.
  • How you are tight with the trainers and they give you training tips for free.
  • How the people who don’t lift as much as you don’t deserve to work out at your gym…or live.
  • The number of chicks at your gym that you could totally bang.
  • How you both wish you were at the gym right now.

As you can see, conversations about lifting are pretty sweet. Knowing how to handle this type of situation will let you accomplish the ultimate goal – impressing your bros.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

The only thing more bro than lifting is not lifting when you work out. And by not lifting I don't mean doing the eliptical or treadmill, but instead doing plyos (if you don't know what a plyo is, you're not a bro), or just a fuckload of pushups. basically, the goal of a true bro workout is to train for a bar fight. To quote the fine bro-film "the foot-fist way" - "animals don't lift weights, and they're strong as shit!"

Anonymous said...

if your not looking big bro, your not looking good

hasBRO said...

and you get hella bro points for meeting a bro who sells roids

Anonymous said...

i'm so bro, i bench other bro's

Anonymous said...

Real Bros Lift weights. All the Weak punk "NL" (Non Lifters) out there reading this better realize quick that if don't lift you are a bitch.

Moundpounder.

Anonymous said...

im so bro, id rather be at the gym than reading this...

Anonymous said...

I was rollin at a super bowl pregame and naturally, lifting comes up. This one big quiet dude who lives at a gym comes in and starts fucking curling me right there, and I'm 150. Fuckin bro.

Anonymous said...

You weigh 150? You are not a bro. You sound more like a fat girl.

Anonymous said...

you dont get more bro than powerlifting...gotta give props to ryan kennely, scot mendelsson, and gene rychlak here, anyone whos got the balls to get under and bench over 1000lbs is a fucking bro king

Anonymous said...

Get Swole

Anonymous said...

Being jacked is the shit. Especially being more jacked than your bros, true bro cred. By far the best part of being jacked is all the slam pieces you get.

gonna stop typing and go lift right now

Anonymous said...

yes, bro's like nothing more than talking about and being jacked.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking the other day when all of a sudden it hit me ...

Bros don't lift to failure .. Bros lift to SUCCESS!

Anonymous said...

there is nothing more then going to the gym and moving weight like its nothing, and checkng out your swole chest and arms ... bro thats the sensation of lifetime... and your not a bro if you dont know what imt talking about.

Anonymous said...

if youre lifting weight light enough to move like its nothing, you are not a bro

Anonymous said...

Being jacked as fuck is one of the most important aspects of bro-dom, no lie. But true bros never use steroids, however supps are most definitely legit. A true bro already produces all the testosterone he needs from his massive sack. Lifting hard and getting swole the natural way also has the benefit of jacking your metaBROlism, allowing you to eat giant, bro-worthy amounts of food (especially steak), and drink fuckloads of beer, putting fat, vegan/vegetarian, dieting bro-haters to shame.

-Brocrates

Mister BROstal said...

all bros must do these lifts: squats, bench, deadlift, power clans, overhead press, and weighted pullups and dips (if you cant add weightt and weigh under 200lbs, you are a bro hater)

Brotein said...

Supplement companies know that working out is for bros, thats why they make Jack3d and so many flavors of creatine and protein. I love being swole and carrying my shaker cup around so everyone knows I mean business

Anonymous said...

Mister BROstal you are a bro hater because i am a bro and i weight 150 pounds and i can bench 235. bros that weight 150 pounds do not just lift 235 easily. it is called being a bro and working out and taking creatine and protein and how much i workout at the gym.

Mark RippeBRO said...

weighing 150 and benching 235 is not impressive unless you're fucking twelve... this kid is 137 and he can bench 235

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6toArxIzIAg

you = bitch

Anonymous said...

if you cant bench 100 lbs over ur body weight u should just kill urself, because ur a pussy, not a bro...step ur supp game up and do some goddamn pushups-- my #1 bro (my older brother) and i play nhl 2010 a shit ton (bros fucking love video games) and we have a rule: if you lose a fight you immediately have to do 25 pushups...bros love being meatsticks
-- curtis BROseph

Anonymous said...

and you too are bro haters becuase you probably weight 400 and can only bench 500 then u are weak as shit becuase u can only bench 6/5 of your weight but if u weight 150 pounds and u can bench 235 that is 8/5 of my weight. so that means that i can bench more pound for pound so you are the weak bro hater. and other bro hater that dudes does not weight 137 becuase i weight 150 and i am all muscle when he had none and some of my bros weigh 160 and they can bench 225 and they have more muscles then he do and if u use your bran then u will see that he is only benching 225. that is not that good if he is 170 benchin 225. so all your bro haters out their can get some facts before you bro hate

Anonymous said...

Benching is cool, but not nearly as bad ass as the the deadlift.
If you can't deadlift 2x your bodyweight, you ain't bro.

BROchacho said...

deadlift is bro but i think benching is more bro because everyone knows what benching is but some people do not know what deadlift is.

Ross said...

...the cialisaurus and troidactyl mated near the end of the cretaceous period, had babies, and fossilized just perfectly enough to allow ChemOne to extract their blood 450 million years later. we figured it out bros

Anonymous said...

i lift for the chikzZz

FL3SHAMM3R said...

Real bros don't need steroids to get strong or big, also they mix heavy weight lifting for mass w/ calisthenics for sick definition and plyometrics for stamina, fuck nautilus and fuck ellipticals, that shits for pussies. Crossfit Football is a true bro workout, you get the best benefits of all the best exercises

Anonymous said...

all you curl bros out there aren't real bros and you bros that don't know what i mean by curl bros are not true bros either

knowledge dropped

Broseph said...

Benching 140 at 14 and curling 50 without taking any supps is a true bro!

Anonymous said...

Benching 140 is not bro at all. 14 is getting to be bro age but literally everybody in high school can bench that. 315 is bro no matter what age you are. As well as a 495 deadlift. I'm up to 480

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