So your at the bar with your bros and some ridiculously hot chick comes walking by looking to order a drink. Player that you are, you swoop in to order her a Cranberry Vodka. You start to hit on her – hard. You are using some of your best game, but for some reason it’s just not working. Normally you might just move on and call her a slut for taking your drink without even being interested in you, but this girl is so fucking hot and you have been on such a cold street recently that you have to break out your trump card. She needs to know just how rich and powerful your father really is. Luckily for me, my father went to Wharton and has like 5 houses, including 2 beach houses, so I never have any problem coming up with ways to impress girls. There’s different tactics to best bring up the fact that you father is more important than anyone else:
- Naturally in conversation – This is perhaps the toughest thing to do. Rarely do girls you meet at the bar ever ask you what kind of car your Dad drives, so often times you really have to gear the conversation in this direction. For example, say she asks where you went to high school, your response could be, “Yeah, I went to Tall Oaks High. It was tough though, because a lot of kids were really jealous of my Dad’s Lamborghini.” Boom, you are probably getting laid.
- Blunt statement – this is probably my favorite tactic. This is best done in a completely non-sequitor manner where there is a lull in conversation. Everyone knows what I’m talking about, you were chatting the girl up for awhile until you run out of things to talk about. You’ve already exhausted where you went to college, where you live, where you work and its getting to the make or break point where someone either pretends to have to go to the bathroom or chug their drink so they can go get another one. Well its at this point when you are looking around the bar trying to find something to talk about when you can interject and scream out – “My Dad is VP of his company and in charge of like 150 people. He fired some single mother of 3 last week because she looked at him the wrong way. But I mean business is business. He makes as much as a lot of pro athletes.” Now you’ve got her motor running! Not only do you stand to inherit millions of dollars, but there is also power in your bloodlines, and newsflash: Chicks Dig Power.
- To get out of trouble – Claiming you are your father’s son doesn’t only help you get laid, but it can be handy for trouble with the authorities. Say you and your bros decide to have some nice late night fare after a night of getting fucked up. You can barely stand, but all you want is a nice Chili Dog at Hard Times. Only problem is the dumb waitress is taking forever with your order, not to mention the fact that they won’t even serve you alcohol. The unfortunate thing for the restaurant but the fortunate thing for you is that there is a candle on the table and plenty of napkins to go around. So you and your bros decide to have a little “bro-fire” and start burning everything you can see. Things quickly get out of control and the bitch waitress of yours eventually has to use a fire extinguisher to put out the emerging blaze. You and you bros are high fiving and verbally abusing the waitress tell her its her fault for not serving us brew, when someone puts a hand on your shoulder. It’s the cops. They saw the whole thing. You explain to the cops you are a political prisoner but he is not buying it, so you are going to have to go to your big guns. You ask the cop, “Do you know who my father is?” He replies he does not, nor should he as your father is not all that famous, but the beauty of it is the stupid pigs don’t know that shit. You then assure him, that if he doesn’t let you go, he will not have a job come Monday morning. This always works. The cop, fearing for his job, is not going to want to mess with your father.