Monday, August 3, 2009

#57 Not Caring About the Environment

Over the past few months, I think we have established one thing above all else. Bros look out for number one - themselves. Following themselves, bros always look out for their fellow bros, then their favorite athletes, then their family members, then their pets, then their possessions, and finally - bras. With all this resposibility and accountability there must be sacrifices and casualities. One of these sacrifices is the environment. Bros don't give a shit about the environment.

Bros are sick of all this talk about conserving energy and going green. Seriously, like leaving the lights on in my room is really going to rip a hole in the ozone layer. Please, save your fucking fairy tales for window lickers on the short bus. Bros are smart so they know that the most important thing is their happiness - therefore they are going to do whatever they want and not listen to fucking hippies who are "raising money for endangered species" aka trying to feed their opium addiction. Here's a few reasons why we shouldn't care about the environment:

Wasting Energy is Easier - Bros fucking love wasting shit. Bros pump the AC on high while windows and doors are open. Bros love leaving all the lights and TVs on in their #32 Bro Pad. Not only does it decrease the work they have to do by switching these things on and off, but it also acts as a pretty fucking good security system. And you better fucking believe that Bros leave the sink running when they brush their teeth or shave. Bros don't carpool. Anytime bros hit the town, they always drive separately. This ensures you won't have to wait on a ride home when a slam piece is DTF. Bros take pride in leaving as many carbon footprints as possible.

Global Warming is Fucking Nice - I don't know about you, but last time I checked, people like warm weather. Warm weather means the beach, BBQs, and Corn Hole. But most importantly, warm weather drops panties faster than feeding slam pieces the biggest lie in the book: "I Love You." So, why the fuck would we not want more of this? "Umm, because we are killing the Earth! Don't you care about the future for your grandchildren??" First of all - fuck you hippie - enjoy banging a woman with hairier legs than a fucking Orangutan for the rest of your life. But to answer your question - no, bros don't care about their grandchildren's future. Why? Because bros don't fucking have grandchildren, but if they did I'm pretty confident they would be pretty fucking happy that summer lasted six months instead of three.

Littering is Fun as Shit - I'll admit it - I get a fucking rush from throwing my trash on the ground. Not only is it much easier than putting it in a trash can, but it makes you look cool as shit and you get the satisfaction of knowing that some #38 poor person is going to have to pick that shit up. I don't stop at small trash though - one of my favorite drunken activities is knocking over full trash cans and ripping open the trash bag to dump out all the shit in my neighbors' yard. The best thing about this is you can always just blame that shit on a raccoon in the morning. The neighbors always buy it. Dumb fucks.

36 comments:

Broseidon said...

Another good way to fuck the environment is to go camping with your bros. You need about a hundred people and 15 kegs all crammed illegally into one tiny campsite. And when you pack up, that bitch is going to be littered with solo cups, broken coolers and lawn chairs, and a still smoldering tent you set on fire because it belongs to some lesbian who wouldn't fuck you. Believe that. A couple of years ago, my fraternity went on a summer trip to raft on the Nantahala in North Carolina. 50 bros, 50 slam pieces, 13 kegs and liquor for the rafts. On Saturday morning, one of my bros was drunk driving himself and some slampieces away from the campsite to the river. He swerved off the road and rolled his year-old explorer two and a half times down an embankment, ejecting one bro and making all the slampieces cry. Now you're asking, "Was everyone okay? They went to the hospital to get checked out, right?" Wrong. And you are a bro-hater for even asking that question. My bro left a note on the windshield saying he would clean shit up later, then went rafting and got fucked up with the group. True bro style, fucking the environment.

I'm Bron Burgundy? said...

When bros fuck the environment, we do it right. Last summer me and my bros were partying at my big bro's farm. There were five bros and five sloots, so we only got 2 kegs. After getting shit-housed and fucking slam pieces all night, we ended up with a lot of trash. What the fuck were we supposed to do? Throw that shit away? Fuck that. We put it all in one big pile and burned that shit.

Fuck the environment.

Brosoma Spinladen said...

Wasting energy is the shit... leaving ur tv on all night while ur out is a go to move especially when u get back at 5 in the morning and u left "ski school" playing in the dvd machine.. do u turn it off and go to bed? Fuck that shit u grab a beer and text a slampiece to come dome u up while u watch the fucking movie..

Anonymous said...

the only time Bros care about the environment is when we are high as fuck watching sharkweek!
IHSV

Edgar Allen Bro said...

Bros understand that humankind is headed down a path of self-destruction and that trying to save the Earth is a waste of time. Bros have accepted the inevitable and realize that resistance if futile. Bros are the shit.

Mario Bropez said...

Bros care about the environment about as much as they care about AIDS in Africa...They DONT....one sweet anti-environmental move that makes you look cool as shit is flicking your ciggarette butt directly at an outdoor ashtray....when doing this your either saying "FUCK YOU environment" or "FUCK YOU poor people, pick up my shit"....BROS!

Bro-bo Cop said...

When my bro's and I use to have to move out of our rooms in the frat castle, We would take all of the furniture and bottles we saved (because slam pieces dig saved bottles of patron, obviously) and toss them off our second story balcony at the trash can that was about 100 yards away. So not only were we #57 Not Caring about the Environment, but we were #55 Breaking Shit and #4 Chanting. Fuck the poor people that had to clean it up, I was helping us get out of the recession, by creating jobs (cleaning up my shit)

Anonymous said...

Al Gore: Not a bro. Bill Clinton: A doucher democrat (thus environmentalist), but definately still a bro - for obvious reasons. Cash for Clunkers? How about a punch in the face for your sissy hybrid. Keep your hands off my Land Brover.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Bro-bo cop. Double bro points for incorporating #55 Breaking shit into #57 not caring about the environment. Not to mention #38 Being better than poor people because they end up having to clean up the shit. Whether you can incorporate as many bro activities into one single event, you move closer and closer to Legendary bro status.

Camdizzle said...

@Brosoma Spinladen

My hat is off to you for mentioning Ski School. Amen, bro-tha.

Nick Valluri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nick said...

why the fuck is there an advertisement for quitting alcohol on this page

Brostradamus said...

When I was at boarding school back in the day we used to pee in glass Nantucket Nectar bottles at night because we were too damn lazy to walk to the hallway bathroom. The bottles usually were saved and whenever the temperature dropped below freezing we would make it rain.
We would throw these bottles onto a highly utilized, outdoor staircase and the urine would freeze over night. The next day the peon custodians had to clean up the numerous pieces of shattered glass, some of which were stuck to our frozen piss. Also, dumbass bras wearing traction-less shoes would eat shit and slide down the urine-soaked concrete stairs. Not only would they be in the equivalent pain of just getting railed out in the ass, but also they would inspect their hands and realize that the ice was not water but human urine.

shaquille Bro'neil said...

One time we were in trouble with the school for being too damn cool and bein too big of bro's that we were required to do some community service. We were asked to go to some community service event for the environemnt and clean up some park or zoo or something. Being a bro, I wanted nothing to do with this. It was at 8 am and I was hung over as shit with my bros. We all swing by mcdonalds grab our sausage mcmuffins and hash browns and while other volunteers are cleaning all this shit up we sleep on the benches and throw our fast food trash in the bushes for some bro-hater to pick up. When the supervisors saw we were in fact making more of a mess then anything, they told us to get to work handing us trahs bags and shit. We said fuck no, and left. We didn't get credit for our community service. I'd rather be on Bro-bation with the school than be a poor person cleaning up shit.

ih

Dom said...

I enjoy littering so much, particularly from my car - that's funny shit, throwing a whole pile of mcdonalds crap into some well-kept area by the roadside and watching the other drivers' reactions...some give you the finger but occasionally a fellow litterbug bro gives you his support

Dom said...

What do you bros all drive to do maximum damage to the environment? I drive a porsche cayenne turbo...

lamBROghini said...

I dive my 5.0 supercharged mustang a block to the grocery store and its a convertable so its easy to litter in. fuck the enviorment bros for life.

Anonymous said...

you know what's cool about frat guys?



not a fuggin thing

John Brosedow said...

Nothing is more exciting than throwing empties out your window and trying to hit road signs while heading someplace to get fucked up.

Guppie said...

Me and my bro's were riding around drinking beers then throwing them at road signs(Fucking the Enviorment) then my bro threw the last bottle, it hit a sign dead on bounced back and completly shatterd the windshield.

Jorge BROsada said...

tossing out your spitters after that fat chaw you just tossed out on the side of the road does two things. not only do you make those poor fucks clean up your shit but it also lets all the bro-haters know that bros are around

DDbro said...

Littering in a really 'green' place like a park or a nature reserve is the best...

Anonymous said...

I am a true bro, but I got my ass kicked by 12 slampieces because i decided to fuck up their pads

Anonymous said...

I hate bros. The world will end before u guys get the chance to actually enjoy the extra 3 months of summer. and the next time u decide to trash an area, It may already be too damaged for u to "live up to ur bro-status".
Fuck u all, u guys fucking suck

Anonymous said...

Whatever you fuckin tree hugger. Bros are the shit. Fact.

Benicio Del TorBRO said...

BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! now that that's out of the way, personally i am a bro who enjoys cleaning out my car by throwing every single piece of trash in it onto the side of the road, not only is it awesome to pollute but it helps keep the bro-haters occupied so they can stay out of my way. also hitting signs with your empties is one of the most bro activities around.

afbro samurai said...

go drive to the woods in your pussy hybrid and fuck a tree, you hippie piece of shit. fuckin brohaters

The Man With Bro Name said...

My bro Dave took a sweet finance job right after college, but the drawback was he had a long-ass freeway commute to get there.

There was no fucking way he was going to put all that wear and tear on his bro-mobile (a BMW M3), so he decided to get a beater-ass car for his weekday driving.

He ended up buying a used 1982 Volkswagen Rabbit Turbodiesel.

Now I know what you're thinking: "Volkswagens are total fag bro-hating cars". And that is true. But his reasoning was actually pretty bro: He purposely wanted a car that would save him gas, but still pollute the shit out of the environment. The Rabbit TDI's from the early 80's have the gas mileage of a Prius, but they put out more carbon emissions than a fucking Hummer. That's pretty bro.

Brony Montana said...

I like green shit. Come on who doesn't like weed, Heineken, money, St. Patricks day, and Mean Joe Green.

Whatever person thought up global warming probably was the same person who came up with alcoholism. Both fake. Both bro hatin.

Anonymous said...

When I die i want to have spent every last penny i earned over my lifetime. I also want to have used all the earths resources. Oh ya those resources also include slam peices.

Anonymous said...

Fuck this, as a guy this shit makes me fucking sick. Is it that hard to fucking recycle? Is it that hard to turn off your light when you leave the room? no. Its fucking not. So I dont know why all you fuckwads are being so difficult about it. Im a bro and I could buy all of your houses just to burn them down. I get the whole "throwing shit on the ground cuz poor people will pick it up" but they wont have to if you just throw it in the can. I dont want to look at that shit!

The Man With Bro Name said...

Shut the fuck up, bro-hater. You 1) care about the environment, and 2) whine to bros about polluting. Both of these make you definitely NOT a Bro. So stop calling yourself one.

Go back to your greenpeace meeting with all the unwashed dykes and their fag hippie boyfriends. Real bros pollute the shit out of the environment because it's funny and we don't give a fuck.

sundogg171 said...

You're alla buncha muff-diving Natty-swilling laxer-pinning shirt-tucking back-slapping ballbags. Just like walking into a junior high school locker room after gym class. Seriously, are any of you here over fourteen?

Try tossing McDonald's trash on THIS hippie's front lawn, ya no-neck nematode. Knda hard to be a bro with your nuts roasted off by a Mossberg.Wouldn't be hard to track you down, either. I'd just follow the smell of Big Macs and failure pouring out your car window.

Bros are total testosterone toolbags who never got past thinking of women as hos and sluts, never got over a beer pong beatdown, and still has a Tony Montana poster (framed, of course) above his jizz-stained leather couch.

Bros suck the root. Your life is pussy and beer and devoid of any meaning beyond competition for biggest douchebag on the planet. Now do the country a favor and go over to your dresser drawer and get out your handgun. Point it at your head and just pull the trigger. Do it now, right after you gimme dome.

Sick burn, bitches.

Anonymous said...

Egotism > Environmentalism

Anonymous said...

nothing says fuck the environment more then a dodge intrepid with an oil burning 2.7. i love the fact it burns a quart of oil every 500 km. fuck you green peace. eat my oil smoke. ps i clean my car out by rolling down the window

Anonymous said...

My life is beer & pussy? Fuck yeah, brohating hairy hippie!

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