Monday, August 24, 2009

#65 Cheating

Bros are the smartest people in the world. There I fucking said it. “But, NYB, surely Doctors and Lawyers are much smarter than bros!” First of all, you don’t know shit you fucking bitch. Second of all, last time I checked Doctors and Lawyers have to study for like 20 years to even practice. Guess how much bros have to study. That’s right - fucking never. The only all nighters bros pull involve shitloads of booze and multiple slam pieces. Bros have perfected their intelligence to such a point that they don’t even have to go to class. So, besides being incredibly smart, how are bros able to graduate without going to class or spending any time in Loserville, USA aka the Library (besides #52 banging in the stacks)? They fucking cheat.

From Richard Nixon to Nicole Brown Simpson (probably) - #63 American history is littered with cheaters. So what’s so special about bros and cheating? Well, unlike these two people who were caught and punished accordingly, bros are way too smart to ever get caught. Every once in a while, a bro hater might rat a bro out. This is never a problem though – all the bro needs to do is remind the Dean how much money his father donates to the school and the worst he will have to do is like 3 hours of community service, which quite frankly is a pretty big fucking penalty. Bros hate helping others. I never understand when people say that working with the less fortunate is “so rewarding.” Honestly, the only “reward” I get is wanting to throw up out of disgust. So, in order to avoid this cruel punishment and ensure their parents keep paying their tuition so they can keep getting fucked up, bros cheat. Here are a couple methods bros use to get their cheat on.

Classical – Everyone knows all bros are smart as shit, but every group has that one bro who is legitimately a genius. Even though he gets fucked up all the time, he still manages to go to class and he actually knows his shit. All semester long all your bros rag on him for actually caring about his school work, but come exam time everyone is fighting over who gets to sit next to him. You can always tell who the nerd bro is in the classroom because he is the first one to flip his page on the test and everyone else in his row will flip immediately after him. This can be dangerous though –bro hater professors will often protect against this by giving out different tests. In order to avoid falling into this trap resulting in the 3 hours of hell aka making homeless people sandwiches, other tactics must be invoked.

Innovative – As arguably the most creative people in society, bros are able to overcome pretty much any challenge. Sure you can always write answers on your wrists and wear a long sleeve shirt, but honestly where is the fun in that? Bros love to come up with new ways of cheating, for example, back in our #37 DOFF’s fat days, he used to put the answers where no professor in their right mind would ever look – under the roll of fat on his stomach. Anytime he needed help on the test aka every question, he would just flip his fat up and get that shit. Another great moment in bro cheating history occurred during a Sign Language written exam. Because the professor was deaf, bros realized that they could just talk to each other to get the answers; only problem was she could see their lips moving. Now most people would feel guilty about cheating on a handicapped woman’s test. Not bros. Instead, they just put pencils in their mouth when they talked so that Professor Helen Keller couldn’t read their lips. Special my ass.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

i once had this bro hater rat me out for stealing the answer key to the exam. Not only did I not get into trouble, the professor bitched out the bro-hater for being a rat.

Mr. Brojangles said...

I havea bro who was able to use the same 8 page essay for at least 5-6 different courses, and his slam piece wrote it for him to boot. Mad bro points...long live bros

bilBRObaggins said...

the naval academy has these things called honor offenses to try to keep bros from cheating, fuck that. we cheated on the tax payers dime, because thats what americans do.

Chad BROcho Cinco said...

bros dont cheat because they have to. they cheat for the same reason they steal. its fucking fun.

Freshly Made Broagie said...

Heck ya dude!

I cheat on everything! All slam pieces get cheated on and I cheated in every class I took!

I took Home Economics once... had to bake a chocolate cake. What did I do? I took an enormous, steaming poo and put icing on it. No one knew. They all bit into my poo, then found out. Then I refered to everyone in my class as Shit Breath for the rest of the semester.

I once sat behind a complete bro hater in college. I'd copy off of this loser all the time, until they found out. So what did I do? I made a cheat sheet, used it, then threw it under their seat and told the teach that they dropped it. They flunked the course. I got an A in the course. Bro vs bro hater... the bro always wins.

Another time a bro hater would not give me an answer when the teacher left the room. What did I do? Knocked his front tooth out with my foot. Hard karate kick straight to the face.

I have cheated on every slam piece. Each slam piece I was seeing aka regularly banging... I banged their moms.

I also don't follow any rules, ever. For instance... I drove 140mph on the way to and from work. Why? Because I can. I'm rich and I don't care.

I always tell slam pieces that I hate cheaters and would never do that.. blah, blah.. then I pound the next slam piece I see.

I love cheating! Everyone single one of these posts is soooo me! I think you are writing a story about me!!!

Follow my lead... keep being bros!

Bro in Chicago said...

Cheating is how I got through college. Yeah, I could have studied, but that would detract from getting fucked up. Nothing is better than taking an exam still drunk from the night before. We had this online system created by the students where you could download virtually every homework set and old exam. Freshly Made Broagie obviously has never seen a vag his entire life (except for his sister's.) Why does Helen Keller masturbate with two hands? She touches herself with one and has to moan with the other. Bros are the shit.

Brony Montana said...

good post, obviously all people cheat because their time is better spent drinking than studying. also, freshly made broagie...everything you said in your post is a fucking lie. do you really expect people to believe you took a shit and then served it as cake...exaggeration makes stories better but this is ridiculous...you and shaquille broneal should both be banned you fucking poser

Anonymous said...

Im pretty sure bros dont make blogs and sit around and write on their blogs.. pretty blogs are no very bro... and if a true bro ever saw his friend BLOGGING, im almost positive they would all laugh.

Anonymous said...

Montana,

i suggest you read freshly made broagies last 3 or 4 posts. Clearly he is just waiting for some douche like you to call him on his stories, obviously they are not real. Go jump off a bridge you idiot.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous,

You just blogged, that means you are not a bro by your logic. Shut the fuck up and quit bro hating.

Shaquille bro'neil said...

Brony Montana is special ed, dude thinks broagie is serious. Montana is that dumb, he ist a bro that chose to cheat for the he'll of it. He needed to cheat so he could graduate from some $50 a year community college.

I am usually the bro my bros cheat off of, the cheating I do is on slam pieces that think you are dating and shit.

Bro-Bo Cop said...

I Agree with Shaquille, any bro that spends his entire day hating on someone who likes to play craps in vegas and fuck slam peices, isn't much of a Bro at all.

The only person Brony Montana cheated on was his World of Warcraft In-Game Girlfriend. Dude isn't a bro, he probably rushed TKE and got balled.

Freshly Made Broagie said...

I am serious, Shaquille Bro'Neal. This bro doesn't lie!

I would cheat on any slam piece in the universe! Lucky for me, they will still want me anyways.

Tonight I promised a slam piece I'd meet her for dinner. What am I doing? Going to the bar with my bros instead. When I'm hammered, I'll go to her place, because by then she will see I stood her up and will go home. Then I'll bang her. Can't wait. Amazing body... she's like 5'9, 170, 38b cup, landing strip... all perfect.

Good things bro-ness doesn't show up in drug tests... or I would be in trouble!

Bro-bo Cop said...

Freshly Made Broagie just highlighted the gameplan I draw out in my head every morning I awake.

EXCEPT 170 is not acceptable for a Bro King, I was thinking 110, and the reason we didnt meet for dinner is because she "looks like she has been putting on weight." I then smash, peace out, and do 4:20 beer bongs on Alpha Drive.

Rick BROtino said...

Damn 170 pounds? You must be feeding her a few too many hoagies...

As for broke back montana, this fool is a serious bra. All you do is read other bros comments and you just hate. stop being such a fucking bromo and write ur own comment instead of hatin on others you (). this site is for bros, not bras so you are the one who should be banned

Rocky BalBROa said...

As obviously satirical as freshly made broagies comments are (and lacking in funny), this quote is absolute gold:

"Good things bro-ness doesn't show up in drug tests... or I would be in trouble!"

broaid said...

Freshly Made Broagie is full of shit.....baked a fuckin shit-cake? yeah right you fucking loser, get off this site.

Brobie Trice said...

cheating is the shit. studying is for bro haters and slam pieces. back in the collegiate days, for some classes, I used to load the answers to the test onto my blackberry. bros are the shit

Broski said...

As far as cheating goes, I think at least 30 or so of my frat bro's have used the same essay for different classes for the past 3 years. We have a computer database with old tests and answers from every subject and a file cabinet with assignments, essays, anything you can think of to boot. You know they fucking recycle that shit. Fucking motherload of cheating. Got cheating down to a science; list's of dumbest teachers and ta's. we also got a few prof's under our belt which is the shit. All you bro's out there should think about this if you are really serious about cheating. As far as bitches go... fuck em all... literally.

ck said...

Im gonna link ur blog to my blog.
I like ur style.

wwww.2beersgreek.wordpress.com

Judge Bro Brown said...

I always live by the quote "if you're not cheating, you're not trying"... And that was not just for school. I was a bro hater once and had a girlfriend and still lived by the quote. Nothings better then cheating on your girlfriend.

IH

Anonymous said...

Long live the bros, this site is fucking great.

Throughout my four years of college i've probably cheated in some way on tests over half the time. You have to be slick, sly, notice trends with professors, outsmart them when they give you different tests, basically be intelligent of your surroundings. Whether I know my shit or not I wouldn't mind what a couple of my neighbors think of the answer, its a harmless fucking glance. Bros always wear hats to tests and to those bro haters professors who tell us to take them off, heres a big fuck you for being bro douchers.

Frat.

Good sororistutes deepthroat.

One night stands are the way to go. RUBBERS.

Haze balls.

Drink and smoke your ass off. Bros dont get old.

BroSox said...

Cheating is an art. Bros dont study the classwork, they study and have mastered the art of cheating. Bro-haters dont realize how much skill it takes for bros to pull off our average tests grades. We are able to get our fucked up on all day and night and still graduate. Why? Because cheating is fucking awesome.

Bros Get It.

Bron Jeremy said...

I was once forced into taking a spanish class, which i will not even begin to comment on because if your a bro you know where im going with that.. I missed the class on test day because i was out getting fucked up the previoius night, I was able to take the test in the teachers office, I not only brought in the classic cheat sheet, i used my ninja-like bro stealthness and used the cheat sheet sitting 3 feet from the professor.. dumb bitch...

Aravind said...

i disagree, bros can be smart. smart as fuck and slam pieces and drink booze....ultimate brochievement

Anonymous said...

One time i had a vocab test in english. i typed up a cheat sheet in size 5 font and put it under the label of my water bottle. Everytime i needed an answer, i took a swig of my water and looked through the bottle. I'll just say my professor thought i was the most hydrated kid in the class that day and didn't have a damn clue.

allen bryant said...

i got this deal goin down tmw. copped the straight midterm exam and it be sittin in all of our calcs. id like to call myself that innovative bro with a lil mix of that token black bro - tryna spread the love - brooklyn style

got me porn passwords
got me test answers
got me strip dancers

what else a bro need cept the weed?

Anonymous said...

I am the best cheater ever and a badass bro. studying is for asians that are wasting their time trying to find the square root of infinity or some bullshit. not bros.

Broscia said...

Next year im gonna be goin to high school, and this year decides which classes im gonna be in so ive gotta do good. i decided id try NOT cheating for once and try doin all my work and see where that gets me. lemme tell ya, doin things by yourself fuckin sucks. i flunked every fuckin class 1st markin period. so then i decided id better go back to what im good at. since ive starting cheating and taking advantage of the fags in my class that actually know shit ive gotten onto honor roll and will probably be placed in good classes in high school. BRO-LIFE

mug tiBRO said...

hahahahaha this shit reminds me of when my next door neighbors threw a kegger for their daughter's graduation. thing is, the neighbors were blind. next morning as they're sitting on their porch i am carrying about 10 cases of sam adams into my Jeep while they're about 15 feet in front of me asking eachother if they "hear something walking around their front yard."

not exactly academic cheating but probably even more fucking rewarding.

paul_to_the_wall said...

The best cheating weapon is an iphone. I would take a pic of the notes and cheat sheet, act like i was listenin to music, and look at that shit. Then pass that shit around after i cheated the fuck out of my test to all my remaining bros. then we would celebrate by gettin slammed. bros stick together.

Brony Montana said...

Cheat sheets? Going to class on test days? Are you fucking serious? That shit is too much work. With everything computerized now utilize the talents of the computer loving bro. You know the one who jerks it to his trillion gigabyte hard drive. Get him to hack the professor's account and just change your grade. Simple as that. This works especially well in classes where there's 100 people in a class where the professor doesn't even know you exist.

Frat Harder said...

Are you serious? Cheating is dope, but real Bros don't even need to do that. We are smart as shit. Once I wrote an essay after getting blackout with the boys and turned it in. I didn't even remember writing it, but the professor thought it was so good he submitted it to some faggy ass contest and it got published. The point is, bros know how to dominate everything: bitches, sports, grades. Why the fuck would I degrade myself enough to talk to a GDI, even if it was to cheat off him?

Bro von Broenstein said...

Honestly, whats even more bro than cheating is being smart as fuck. Nothing is more pro than being in class and some pseudo-intellectual fag says some uppity shit, and you take his ass down rhetorically and humiliate them like bitches. Everyone knows the type. The other benefit of being smart is that you don't have to study for shit, and you get hella good grades. This leaves time for more important things, like getting fucked up or chillin with some buddies. Damn it feels good to be a bro.

Brogi Bear said...

Bros everywhere give me mad bro cred whenever i recount this awesome cheating story...

Intrapersonal Communications class (aka FUCKING joke class) test, and i was too hungover to comprehend shit like a test. anyways, i steal a copy of the answer key and tape that shit to the professor's back with the classic "sneeze-and-tape" trick. since the professor was a bro-hater, he walked up and down the aisles to make sure his students would do exactly the thing i was succeeding at doing---fucking cheating my ass off. so everytime he walks up my aisle i score five answers. LONG LIVE BROS

Ali G as BROrat... Sexytime said...

me and 4 bros decided to pull an all nighter and binge straight through. me and my one bro made a gametime decision at 7:30 (AM) to go to class at 8... we were still drinking at that point. as neither of us had been to the past 2 classes, we were both caught by suprise when the entire class was reading their notes... seeing my look of confusion and smelling the 100 proof awesomeness on my breath, slam piece next to me called me out, handed me her notes and said "this is what we have to know for the essay question, the rest is multiple choice, just write down the question u need on the corner of ur paper and i'll put the answer at the top corner of mine."
fucking. bra. queen. not only did i pass, i got a B. had a pregame that friday and slammed her before heading out to her sorority kegger, then brought her sister home at the end of the night. needless to say she never let me cheat off her again

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