Monday, August 31, 2009

#67 Famous Athletes

Ever since a young age, bros have idolized famous athletes. Growing up bros would watch every game that their favorite player played, write letters for their autographs, and most importantly, have a poster of him in their room. As time wore on, the posters of Cal Ripken, Jr., Shaquille O’Neal, and John Elway were replaced with much more bro-like posters such as #17 Swingers, John Belushi wearing a "College" shirt or those two hot dykes kissing in their underwear. Even though those old posters have been trashed, the love of famous athletes will live forever among bros. These are our heroes. I always get pissed off at Nationals games when people give the soldiers from Walter Reed Hospital a standing ovation yet barely even clap when Ryan Zimmerman gets up to the plate. Are you fucking serious? He’s got like 30 home runs this year! Guess how many the soldiers have hit. Try fucking zero. Show some respect. Anyways, what I’m getting at here is that the tradition of adulation bros once had as kids continues to this day. Now, bros can contact their favorite athletes at bars and around campus, and instead of getting some shitty “Edgar Martinez Fan Club” application in the mail – you get something much more valuable. Bro Points. Much like bras would beat in (think about it) if they ever found out they would get to hang out with a cast member from “The Hills,” bros get excited as shit if they find out one of their favorite players is at the same party. This is incredibly true at college campuses where 19 year olds are treated as heroes and saviors (as they should be.) Taking advantage of being on the same campus as these superstars is incredibly important during your four – six years at school.

Seeing Them – This is basically like being at a #45 Club where Lil Wayne is at just to say you saw him. Bros from other schools love to ask shit like, “Do you ever see any of the basketball players around campus?” Obviously you have, which gives you instant bro cred, but it also gives points to your bro for being able to tell his bros, “Yeah, my boy goes to Georgetown and sees Greg Monroe all the fucking time.”

Hanging out with them – Say you’re at a party and your bro asks if you want to go smoke a fatty. Obviously you do because you're a fucking bro. You walk upstairs and who the fuck is up there? Only the a starting wideout and a running back on the nationally ranked football team. Taking shots, smoking weed, or doing lines of coke with star athletes gets more bro points than you could ever imagine. Imagine how much of a bro the guy who got Josh Hamilton to do his first shot ever was? Fucking Bro King! Major bro points go out to banging a slam piece before a famous athlete bangs her. If you can honestly say there is a Naismith or Heisman Trophy winner out there that knows what your dick tastes like, please take your throne sir. You are a king among bros.

48 comments:

Uncle Broey Full House said...

thanks for the new post on my birthday

Anonymous said...

i once banged johnny flynn's (the guard for syracuse) girlfriend while he was still dating her. salute me. also capital letters are for fags.

Tedy BROschi said...

IF YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHO THE GUY IS, HE'S NOT THAT FAMOUS, THEREFOR YOU MAY BE A BRO, BUT NOWHERE NEAR DESERVING OF BEING SALUTED.

P.S. LOWER CASE IS FOR FAGS

Anonymous said...

my bro lives in matt flynns house. fuck yeah for bro points

Anonymous said...

my bro plays for the buffabro bills and is boys with trent edwards. got fucked up in montreal with T.O. and trent

Anonymous said...

even better than seeing and hanging out at a party with a famous athlete: having them as one of your best friends.

Anonymous said...

Last i was a senior in high school i visited my brother at Maryland and went to the bars on a night that coincidently was the same day UVA beat UMD, which is fucking pathetic. Obviously i blacked out but the one thing i remember was walking out of Pita Pit to see Dave Neal (bro king by the way) passed out on the bench outside with cops hitting him to get up. It was the highlight of my fucking night

Freshly Made Broagie said...

I don't know about famous athletes, but I sure idolized my favorite male actors! I had posters up in my room of my bros Hugh Grant and Richard Gere! Just seeing their faces up on my wall gave me all the bro power I needed to pound like 350 slam pieces the first week of my freshmen year! NYB I can't believe how well you describe my life!

I am a Bro King!

BRO POWER!

Bro-Bo Cop said...

Hells yeah Broagie!!!!

I pounded 3 girls my sophmore year of college, most in my frat. I slayed the most slam pieces of all of my bros, and our fraternity was #1 on campus. Feels good to be a bro king, I know how you feel.

Keep it real dogs.

Anonymous said...

Three girls? No way! I didn't realize your mom had that many sisters.

Bro-Bo cop (the original) said...

Dude get your own posting name psudeo Bro-Bo cop. No one uses the word dogs. Don't try and steal my bro-fessional title.

Brocaine said...

No real bro thinks college athletes are bros. Most athletes on campus think they are cooler than us bros; maybe if they knew what it was like to party and crush slam pieces. I go to a D-1 University, slam pieces everywhere; we kicked out half the starting "studs" that came in our house, including the 3rd pick in the nba draft last year because he refused to shotgun a beer...Not bro at all. I will tell you the only bro college athlete, and that heisman award goes to Sam Keller. The starting broquarterback faked an injury to rush our fraternity. Unfortunately he never made it through, because he blew brocaine at halftime during games. Then afterwards he'd come to the house and do bro-ng rips casually. Just keeping it brofessional. The man degrated slam pieces and partied while being a D-1 starter. Sam Keller=Ultimate bro/only bro collegiate athlete.

Conan Bro'Brien said...

NYB- I thought you were monitoring the posts. You really need to control the Anti-Bro that is Freshly Made Broagie.. he is a no talent ass clown

Sincerely

All the real Bro's in the world!!

All Real Bros in the World said...

From All of the real Bro's in the world...

Conan Bro'Brien... you are not one of us. Face reality.

Anonymous said...

Was at a bar at Miami of Ohio and Ben Roethlisburger walks in...pretty big bro by the way...my buddy being hammered walks up to him and starts drilling him on the scouting report of the Kansas City Chiefs which turns into an argument with Ben Roethlisburger and his huge black football friends...the rest of the night is all a blur but said bro woke up in an alleyway behind the bar with a dislocated shoulder and sore hand...how many bro points for fighting famous athletes?

Anonymous said...

Whoever said athletes are not bros is a fucking slam piece.

There can only be one BROlander said...

Finally the nod to smoking weed and bumping lines, key ingredients to a bro's number one favorite thing to do (getting fucked up that is).

Broski said...

For future reference, NYB, any piece about famous athletes needs to mention Jordan at least twice... just sayin.

Anonymous said...

You meant Greg Mon-Bro right.

yeah I go to Georgetown with him.

Double-Bro-7 said...

Anyone who has ever been to UMD knows Dave Neal is a bro king

Brostradamus said...

The 1986 mets is a fucking cast of brokings...they displayed true bro dominance by getting fucked up all season doing coke (hernandez, gooden, strawberry,etc) smoking cigarettes in the runway in between innings (hernandez) gambling into debt despite making millions (dykstra) and getting into numerous bar fights which ended up on the news (whole team)....and while doing all that they still managed to win the fucking world series! BRO KINGS! maybe the reason the mets suck now is cuz they lost their balls and became fuckin brohaters

Anonymous said...

for you to say that shit about not giving former servicemen a standing o makes me fucking sick. i liked your last posting about tailgates and getting fucked up, but being a prior service member myself... I am disgusted at the lack of respect you show towards the people that protect the freedom for your ignorant, drunk, faggot-ass. Take your "bro wisdom" and shove it up your ass.

Brony Montana said...

brocaine...keller is a fucking douchebag...yea he always got fucked up but he fucking lost the USC game when we were up by 14 at half. 4 fucking interceptions. and he rushed S*gm* Kike and tried to coach the flag football team and we beat you fags by going for 2 after scoring the tying td...fucking bros a real bro is lendale white..we went to usc fall 05 for a halloween party and lendale was there with some other black guys from teh team...this bro outdrank everyone, smoked a giant blunt and banged one of the sluts that we brought with us...true bro

Brohio State Brockeyes said...

Last year I was at a party at Ohio State, i got domed up by this slam piece in my bros room withing 30 minutes of being there. later that night Tyrell Pryor showed up and smoked a fatty blunt with me and my boys, he then proceeded to rail the same chick in the bathroom later that night and being the fucking man that he is he threw the condom on the mirror where it stuck for all the bro haters to witness.

I now kick it with Tyrell on the reg, smoke weed with him on the reg, and kick it with other OSU athletes on the reg..

True Bro King

shaquille Bro'neal said...

brony montana didn't get a bid and a girl he was with got stolen from him to fuck a nignog. kid must be a real bro....

And he goes to asu, what an awful representation of my alma mater

Brony Montana said...

your alma mater...please...you were probably in one of those lame off campus houses who played dungeons and dragons and jerked each other off. everyone knows your stories are a bunch of lies and you are no doubt some fat bald 30 year old who sucks at life...your idea of a good time is getting a $30 bottle at Whip Lounge

shaquille Bro'neal said...

i'm 21(probably younger than you since i bet you are a 6th year senior still running around TKE or sigma pi claiming fame to that awesome rush party back in 2005 you threw) and have graduated with a very lucrative(that means i make money, since you probably don't use words like that) job.

Get original bra, dungeon and dragon thing was already used against you a bunch of posts ago. You are a fuckin nerd that adds nothing to this website other than jealousy. You are probably that kid "promoting"(handing out fliers) for johnny dogs in the hot dog costume that used to be on campus or some gay shit.

Odds are I probably fucked your gf as a 17 year old freshman at ASU. How does my dick taste?

sigma chi till I die

Brocaine said...

broner montana, sorry our fraternity did not give you a bid. There's always this fall, if you're trying to lose your virginity.... and for the real bros; railed a bonus last night.

ih

Brony Montana said...

nice try broneal...we all know ur full of shit and lose major bropoints if ur 21 and already graduated..that makes u the nerd. Im graduated but am a student at WP Carey MBA while working so i probly make a lot more dollars than u will ever dream of spending on hair highlights and gay canary yellow polos. you seem to just jerk off to this site and post multiple times to each topic so let me ask you
How does NYBs dick taste cockman?

Brosama Bin Laden said...

This is probably my favorite post on this site. But the comments are even better.

2 cups 1 bro said...

I fucking love this website

AwesomusPrime said...

As a Brothlete, I salute you Bro's big time! Bro's are forever. Harder than diamonds, colder than Ice. Bro love!

Live, Love, Lax! ~Syracuse Lacrosse~

Anonymous said...

Mason Crosby, the former All American and now starter for the Green Bay Packers knows exactly what my dick tastes like. He dated a former high school slampiece of mine while he was in college. Total bro move. Kevin O'Connell also has the distinguished honor of tasting my peter from a former slam piece. Bros are the fucking shit.

Anonymous said...

by the way, I feel I have to say that although ASU looks like an awesome school to go to because of all the slampieces around, it's not a true bro school because it's a school for fucking idiots. Everyone knows that bros have superior intelligence and are rich as shit and people that go to ASU are for the most part neither intelligent nor rich. Bros go to private schools and bang rich slampieces.

Yadier Brolina said...

Tim Lincecum Cy Young winner pulled over with posession of 3.3 grams of marijuana while speeding in his 2006 Mercededs Benz, the fucfkingbro hatign officer said he could smell the weed as soon as Tim rtolled down the windowm, Tim Lincecum is a fucking bro

Anonymous said...

tim lincecum got pulled over like 200 feet from my house...he was high as fuck

Dirk BROwitzki said...

CJ Spiller and Trevor Booker both know what my dick tastes like. Got with the girl before she turned into a night rider

Randy BROrton said...

Once a baseball player is on the Yankees roster he is automatically inducted into the Hall of Poon. Bitches love to throw themselves at professional athletes, especially if your on the winningest franchise of all time. The quote that says it best is from Wedding Crashers when Vince Vaughn's character John Beckwith mixes up his pick-up line stories.

Vince Vaughn- We lost a lot of good men out there.

Slamepiece- Playing with the Yankees?

Anonymous said...

A couple awful replies to this post. First off, having a Richard Gere poster (the guy who apparently had to have a gerbil surgically removed from his anus) is about the farthest thing from a bro move possible. Also, Sam Keller is the ultimate douche bag, not a bro at all. He is trying to sue/bring down the ea sports NCAA football video game franchise for "player likeness". Why? Because he sucked too much ass at football to make any money playing it. Also, all bros love NCAA football video games. Should definitely have a post on that.

sublime bro said...

i got a buddy that went to the minnesota twins game with fucking john wall. now thats fucking bro.

Brony Montana said...

The bro king of bro kings has to be the bro who owned the bong that Michael Phelps got caught taking a hit out of.

Bro Pelini said...

Bros....idk about at ASU, But when he transferred to Nebraska Sam Keller was a BRO KING. Agree with Brocaine...He embodies bro

Anonymous said...

Bron Artest is a true bro king getting suspended for a year for fighting with fans and he use get drunk off Hennessy at halftime during NBA games. TRUE BRO

Anonymous said...

Brostradamus my fucking dad partied with every one of those Mets you mentioned those were his top bros in the '80s still bros with straw and hernandez and last year on the 4th of july we got fucked up with straw and lawrence taylor another fucking bro

Anonymous said...

I go to UNC, see basketball players all the time. my best story would be taking shots with harrison barnes at a party. great night.

EADizzle said...

It was even better when Randy BROrton mixed up the movie lines by crediting Vince Vaughn with Owen Wilson's quote about the Yankees. Although, you still got the character's name right. Weird.

Party 'n' BROshit

Anonymous said...

I go to the University of Utah (I know not the most bro school) and every weekend I party with all the Ute football players. I've seen Brian Blechen all american strong safety passed put with a bottle of Seagrams in one hand and a beer in the other. Biggest bro-thlete in Utah

Anonymous said...

I'm still just a junior in high school but since I live right near Stanford I'm quite a big Andrew Luck fan. One night, I snuck out of my house (something you have to do when your bro-hater parents give you a curfew) and two of my high school bros picked me up and we drove to the frat-houses at Stanford just 5 minutes away. We ended up at Kappa Alpha, the fraternity full of athletes, and we got to party with all these football players who we had just watched play at the stadium a few hours before. The highlight of the night was when Andrew Luck rolled through and greeted a few of his teammates. I got to shake his hand and I asked him if he wanted to play a game of BP (he politely declined). After the party ended at like 4AM my bros and I were driving home when we realized how badly we wanted to steal one of the "High Street" signs. We rolled up a recycling bin and I pulled it off the post and shoved it in trunk. Such a bro-night.

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