Nearly every group in society has a number of great significance. Some common examples include Red Necks with the number of their favorite NASCAR driver or White teenagers who think they're Black with 187. While these groups may be content in worshiping just one number, bros never settle.
Throughout the years, Scholars and theologians alike have constantly and violently debated which number is in fact the most bro. On one hand, you have 69. Whenever 69 is mentioned in any context bros immediately unleash #13 high fives and fist pounds and start laughing about how awesome it was that someone said “69.” Bros also love putting 69 into everyday activities. For example, anytime I get some hot slam piece for a waitress, no matter what the bill is, I always leave her a 69 cent tip along with my phone number. A lot of times she’ll say some shit like, “Wow, thanks for the 2 percent tip,” and act all mad, but I really know she's just hiding her excitement after receiving the invitation to take a ride on the Pound Town Express. Fucking slut.
While 69 is without a doubt a fucking amazing number, there’s only so far that you can take it. I mean honestly, how truly bro is a 69? Why would a bro ever need to go down on a girl? Everyone knows girls get off by giving BJs. Why else would they say they love it so much in porn? Besides, bros should never be worried about "taking care" of a girl. Isn’t it reward enough just to be hooking up with a bro? Can you say selfish? Anyways, while 69 is a truly inspiring number, I present to you an alternative. A number that can be enjoyed by bros multiple times each and every day. A number that symbolizes our need to hide from the brocially charged oppression that sweeps our streets. A number whose mere mention causes bros everywhere to drop what they are doing and start telling the story about their #108 Spring Break trip to Jamaica where they smoked the dankest shit with a couple of the resort workers. That number is 420.
Smoking #70 weed is a fucking bro pastime. However, bro-haters realize this and make bullshit laws to keep bros down. That's where 420 comes into play. Not only do all bros know exactly what someone is talking about when they say 420, but stupid bro-haters have no fucking clue. April 20th is by far the greatest day of the year because it’s literally 4/20. Bros love to get together and have huge ass smoking parties outside on 420, just to say fuck you to the pigs and anyone else trying to uphold all their fucking bro-hater laws. Bros can get away with this shit by telling all the cops that they are just smoking #74 tobacco in their bongs, but the stupid fucking pigs have no clue that there’s definitely some buds in there.
Bros "Wake and Bake" every fucking day, but it doesn’t get much better than waking up on 420 knowing that you’re going to be high all day long. Being so high that little kids would think you are literally retarded is the fucking shit. After smoking so much you can’t even talk, it’s usually a good idea to pop in some entertainment. Movies like Dazed and Confused, Half Baked, and pretty much any Cheech and Chong movie are mandatory viewing for a successful 420. You also better believe that bros will be smoking anytime the word “weed” is mentioned onscreen. Smoking games are fucking 420 staples.
Unlike made up Hallmark Holidays like Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day or Easter, you can celebrate 420 every fucking day of the year. While bros will go entire semesters without stepping foot in a classroom, there’s no fucking chance they’re going to miss that 4:20 appointment with their homemade gravity bong. Bros also love celebrating #63 America's time zones by smoking at 4:20 in each of them every fucking day.
While bros don’t really know exactly where 420 came from, they don’t give a shit. It’s a fucking symbol of our eternal struggle to live in a world that refuses to accept us for who we are. 420 is a secret society allowing bros to gather and recognize bro pioneers such Woody Harrelson, Bob Marley, and the stoner guy from “Road Trip,” who spent their lives working to make it a more tolerant world for bros. So as you pack that bowl in anticipation for the clock striking the sacred time of 4:20, remember to give a nod to those that fought so hard for your rights. While 69 may be an incredibly bro number – 420 will always be king.