Bros fucking love Gangster Rap. But it’s not because we grew up in the fucking hood slinging rock on Crenshaw Boulevard - it’s because we are the Gangster Rappers. Every rap song ever written is about three things: #1 Getting fucked up, banging slam pieces, and talking about how #135 fucking loaded they are. Sound familiar? Only difference is we don’t have like a million kids running around, but that’s just because we’ve discovered ways to get girls #24 unpregnant.
It might shock you to learn this, but in addition to Brocism, some might argue there’s another epidemic out there nearly equal to our cause: Racism. Much like rappers can’t even roll down the street without getting pulled over on some bullshit charge like “Unlicensed Automatic Weapon,” we get put away for “Drunk in Public.” It’s fucking hard out here for a Bro, but it's encouraging to know that we’re not alone. So who are we to blame for these injustices? If something smells like bacon, there’s a reason – I’m about to fry up some fucking Pigs. Bros fucking hate the Police.
Now, I’m not a fucking idiot. I know we need Police to catch Murderers and Rapists - that’s fucking fine. What I’m not fine with is when this so-called “Police Work” ends up fucking over Bros. Police are the most offensive Bro-Haters on the fucking planet. Outside of the Bunk, McNulty and that Black guy from the "Police Academy" movies that made all those fucking noises with his mouth, there’s never been a Bro in the force. Here’s a couple facts about Cops that the fucking media seems to leave out of their news reports.
High School Drop Outs – You know who’s dream it is to be a Cop someday? Fucking no one. Everyone grows up dreaming to be a Doctor or Firemen, not a fucking Cop. Personally I always dreamed of drunkenly banging a shitload of bitches that I’ll never fucking talk to again, so no one can ever tell me dreams don’t come true. Anyways, nobody goes to College to be a Police Officer, so anytime some fucking Cop pulls you over for pretending the highway is the Richmond International Speedway, remember to ask him how old he was when his parents realized he was just dumb instead of actually retarded. Oh, I’m sorry, you didn’t go to College because it was too expensive? So basically your Dad’s a fucking loser, too? God, for the sake of the human race just get your fucking tubes tied, we don’t need any more retarded kids sucking up our tax dollars.
Power Trip – So congratu-fucking-lations, you actually passed your GED and somehow got into the Police Force. Luckily for you, all those girls that wouldn’t give you the time of day back in #111 High School because they were too busy banging Bros now HAVE to pay attention to every thing you say. Not only that, but you get a gun AND a uniform. Wow, you’ve really made it big. NEWSFLASH: If girls really loved a man in uniform, Janitors would be constantly fucking on piles of trash. Fucking get over yourself.
The only reason Cops ever have guns in small College towns is so they can artificially inflate their 2 inch dick. Last time I checked you don’t need a fucking weapon to write a ticket for an open container. And don’t even get me started on the “Campus Police,” whose entire existence is based on making sure College Students don’t drink. I would honestly rather have a job beating off Zebras on camera for some sick fetish porn than that shit. And we’re supposed to show them fucking respect? Respect for what? A glorified lamppost? What’s the matter Skippy, couldn’t cut it in the Police Academy? Reading too hard? Get a fucking real job where you can actually look yourself in the mirror rather than dust off your plastic badge every morning for a long day of telling kids to use the fucking crosswalk.
“Fuck The Police.” Bros didn’t invent that shit, but you better fucking believe we live by it. Yeah we’ve got a fucking problem with authority, but that’s only because we’re the best, and no one has the fucking right to tell us what to do. These Brocist are fucking everywhere, and the most disturbing part of it all? We pay their fucking salaries. Makes me sick.
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