If there is one thing that bros love to do as much as getting fucked up, its stealing shit. Now in today’s economic times, we have seen many people resort to stealing to provide for their family. This is not the reason bros steal. Bros steal because it is fucking awesome. If you know the rush of stealing hard-boiled eggs, mayonnaise, and coffee filters from Wawa at 2am, then it’s a pretty good chance that you are a bro. Here are some other things bros are known to steal:
Food – who doesn’t love the thrill of dining and dashing. What makes it great is that bros can fully afford to pay the 7 bucks for their late night bowl of chili, but why waste your money when you can just take off running? Honestly, who is going to stop you? That 5 foot 100 pound Asian hostess? Hell no! Not paying for a meal is the shit and makes you feel like a man. Anyone who says otherwise is a bro-hater.
Alcohol – combining stealing and drinking is the ultimate double team. It is a proven fact that stolen beer tastes much better than beer you had to pay for. Perhaps the biggest bro-move is stealing beer from a rival party and bringing it to your place. Much like stealing from a Vegas casino, it is incredibly hard to pull off. I was once part of a bro-heist where we got a full keg out the door of our neighbor’s place and halfway to our house before we got caught. Needless to say the bros who caught us were not happy. After trying to blame it on how fucked up we were, we finally dropped enough names of mutual bros and got away without a fight. In a related story, a fellow bro told me last night his greatest stealing venture came at frat house he was not a part of during a college road trip. He was successfully able to steal a tap from the keg during the party, which is a pretty ill move and which could also be construed as the biggest dick move of all time. That is of course until you hear that this individual also used to go to the Library during exam times and when the studiers aka bro-haters went to the bathroom, he would take their text books and sell them to the bookstore. Gotta be a pretty good feeling to come back from the bathroom trying to cram for your exam only to find out your books have been stolen.
Signs – Signs are, without a doubt, a bro's favorite thing to steal. Signs are the shit, especially signs that make some sort of unintentional reference to sex, alcohol, or drugs. For example, if you run a business and have sign advertising a sale for $69.99, you might as well just have the sign say “Please steal me” because that shit is getting taken. And god help you if you are running for office and your last name is something like Boozer or Smoker because there is no chance a bro doesn’t steal your campaign banners to hang in their living room. And one more word of advice – unless you plan on finishing every set of directions to people coming over to your house with “And theres no street sign, but it will be your second left” don’t move onto High Street.
53 comments:
"we finally dropped enough names of mutual bros and got away without a fight"
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
BRO'S LOVE TO FIGHT!
your only follower looks like a fag
Bro - we were outnumbered 10 - 1. You better believe we went home and told all our bros we could have kicked their fucking asses though. Fighting is the shit!
We had signs on campus that said "SPEED HUMP"
Stolen constantly.
my bros stole a sign that said "please stay off the grass" ... fairly irrelevant to say they stole that shit
any sign (regardless of what sort, construction, poorly-anchored business signs, street signs, elaborately constructed yard sale signs, etc.) within a semi-reasonable stumbling/sign dragging distance was placed in our back yard..the hilarious ones were put up as decorations, many were burned, and others were just victims of general bro destruction.
Stealing shit is fucking awesome.
me and my bros found a giant orange sign that says "road work ahead" so we got some fuckin tape out and fixed that bitch up to read "road head"
now when all the slam pieces come to our bro pad, they know whats up
bros do love stealing shit...
the last time i fucken paid for Solo-Cups was '99, for my 2nd grade halloween party,(i was the only bro fucked up there).
On the way home from a party me and my bros stole a "Crunk for Coroner " sign, one of the slam pieces that was with us was all " thats my uncle" and shit. gave her another z and she fucked me all night
I was at a party this summer, and the bro who lived there stole the 1995 Atlanta Braves world series banner...very bro
Haha I live on high drive. Bros lax!!!!!!1111!!1
real bros steal shit from the party they are at. put that shit in their truck. and go right back to the party like nothing happened
Stealing signs is sweet, But I like those signs that saythings in moveable letters. That way you don't steal them, you just change what it says. One time me and some fellow bros changed a sign that said, "You never know what kind of role model you're being to someone else" to "You never knew your mom ate Rhino balls" The same night we found one that said, "God Bless America" and we changed it to, "I Ram Dog Ass". We drove by the next day and both were already changed back.
the mayoral candidate's last name in my college's town when i was a freshman was "COX", which on its own warrants a good steal, but his running mate.... BALL. That's right right, "COX and BALL". Needless to say, the amount of stolen lawn signs his campaign suffered almost single-handedly lost him the election.
True Bros love to steal stuff with the most sentimental value.
Stealing posters off the wall in the middle of a house party takes mad skill. Extra bro pts for ganking framed family photos!
Bro's- I was once at a Bulls game. My bro's cousin got us tickets to sit in a sky box. We were walking around during halftime looking for bras when I noticed my bro was no where to be found. A second later her comes out of another sky box with a bottle of kettle one he had just stolen. We proceeded to try to party with the others in our box. They were obvious bro haters as they called security when they found out we stole the bottle.
Me and my bros were at a rich chicks party, stole a couple hundred dollars worth of good ass steaks. we ate them all summer for free, half of the time blazed or drunk listening to dave. one time at the camp site for a dave concert.
If there is a cooler in the back of a pick-up truck. It's mine. I have 4 two man coolers. me and my bros have so much room for beer because other bros are stupid with their shit.
Stealing holiday decorations is the shit too. Me and my bros got shit bombed one night around christmas time and after a few bowl rips walked to a house like a half block away and smashed some Christmas lights and stole 3 penguins, an igloo, and mr. and mrs. clause. so we put it in my car to decorate my bro pad. so the next morning we were hungover as shit and after a wake and bake to start the day me and my bros are just brolaxing when we look out the window and see some bro hater walking through the backyard towards the house. when we let him in he starts flipping out saying we stole his shit and he caught us on camera and that he is calling the police. so me and my bros gave that fucker a fake name and number and kept all his shit.
Dave sucks. Listening to Dave offset the bro-ness displayed in stealing steaks enough to make you a cunt hair away from being a bro-hater. You should probably go shotgun beers immediately.
Sam MalBROne
I went on a blacked out stealing frenzy one night and stole a love seat, walked a half mile home with my bros (facebook photos to support me carrying this fucker)and passed out on it in my living room. Needless to say i now am notorious for furniture jacking and i make a pretty penny on selling it back to the fuckers.
Bro love baby!
In Lubbock, TX there's an intersection that is 69th and Bangor. Best believe that shit is gone.
Me and my bros rolled in eight deep to a party down the street one weekend junior year. Six of us diverted attention while the other two heisted the backup keg to our place. Shit was pro. We tapped the keg, had it killed in two hours and returned it to the party. The best part, those fags were bragging the next day about how they crushed two kegs at the party. shit was cash-money
Have a bro-king friend who stole text books from fucking nerds too. He made a few hundred and what solidified his bro-king status is he took his profits and bought a four-foot glass bong. fuckin awhsum. shit only lasted about a month bc bros can't help but break shit too. it was a shame but it was "free" so fuck it.
What the hell is "WAWA"
There's a Cincinnati City Councilcunt named Leslie Ghiz. Stole mass shit from that bitch.
Broseph47- WAWA is an ill convenience store. Similar to a 711, but a lot better. Makes sandwiches that are great for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or even a late night meal when you're wasted. Not found in every state though. I enjoyed the WAWA experience while I was visiting my bro at college in Virginia.
stealing signs = awesome
Every time one of my bro's goes to a house party he steals a family picture from the owner, takes it back to his house and hangs in on the wall. He has a room covered with other people's family pictures. Then when he has partys everyone see's it and gets pissed off but he is big as shit so they don't take them back.
one of my bro mates has the road sign for his road on his wall. the other day i was completely leathered and there was a sign on my college lawn saying 'unfit for play', you better believe its mine now. theres a road near me called tite hill, a bit of spray paint and you can guess the rest. It doesn't get any better then being a bro
Freshmen year of college there was this bro-hater RA that put halloween decorations up all over his door. There was a bridge that linked the two dorms and we ripped that shit off every day for two weeks. He caught me getting a drink at the water fountain and said did u see the guys with my decorations? I said yea they ran down the hall to the exit. That shit was in the closet right in front of me. I went downstairs real fast before his dumbass realized what happened just to see him running back across the bridge. We stole his christmas ones too. Stupid bro-hater, bros love stealing shit.
I feel like you just described my fucking life. And very respectable comment about Step Brothers. Step Brothers, Anchorman, and Pineapple Express are probably three of the most bro-quotable movies.
after an awesome pregame, one of my bros told us he needed to hit an ATM for some cash before we left for the bar. he made a withdrawl, and on his way out noticed a huge fake carboard ATM advertisement. because he is a bro til he dies, you know he stole that shit and dragged it back to our house. we left it up all semester until we broke it before we all left for summer vacation. it turns out the bank matched up his withdrawl with the security camera footage of him dragging it out of the lobby and charged him for the thing...a total bro-hater move and needless to say he is no longer a customer of this bank.
Me and my bros went to this one chicks party who we all fucking hate, take a case and two handles, and walk out. Stealing is the absolute shit, especially from bro-haters.
someone took my frats tap so the next night, me and my bros hit up a whorority and stole there tap and a handle. I dont get stolen from without gettin more in return bros
yeah the best steal was from a downtown intersection. mid-day, traffic light switch, workers not paying attention. me and 2 of my best bro's drove up, tossed a brand new traffic light in the bed of my bro' truck and we deuced. It' the highlight of our Bropad!
Fro all you bros out there here is a little trick to help you subsidize your beer cost...Trick to buying a 24 pack for the price of a 6 pack at grocery stores. Step 1: go to the beer section and get a case of Coors light. Step 2: Below the handle make a small rib in the side of the box to allow room to expose a bar code from one of the cans inside the box. Step 3: Go to the self checkout line and scan the barcode that you have exposed on the can by the handle on the top of the box. Step 4 Bingo! Self checkout reconizes item as 6 pack bc you scanned the barcode on the can not the one on the bottom of the box. The people working at the store will have no idea...trust me I do this every other night. Bros Rule!!!
Baddi in TX
Just last week i stole two giant marlboro signs from the gas station 6 blocks from my house. Fucked up as shit. Casually walked back home like nothing had happened.
A few of my bros stole 3 parking meters
me and my bro were visiting some friends at the citadel. we stop for some gas at some back country gas station. i had to piss b/c i was gassing beers the whole trip. i get the key and go to the bathroom. outside is a glass door off an old ass coke machine that says "enjoy coke" a little modifications and it is now a table in my living room.
Last weekend the there was nothing really going on so me and a few of my bros decided to crash this younger assholes party... i ended up getting completely shitfaced as all bros do and began to #1 talk about how wasted i got.. this is when this fucking bro hater who happened to own the house started running his mouth so i proceeded to #36 take a piss on his couch right in front of his face.. needless to say this didn't go over well with all the fucking bro haters there so they began to push me out of the house before they could get me out i stole his framed yearbook photo off of his wall and kept it as a sign of my bro-like behavior... its now hanging in my room.
Living la vida bro-ca.
A few weeks ago, me and my bro left a kegger with these two slam pieces completely fucked up, got a ride from a DD and told him to fuck himself when he asked for money, and I proceeded to get dome on the pool table from the bra i brought and steal a full bottle of Jameson from the house. That'll teach a house full of Bro-haters to leave their whiskey unattended around an Irishman
For some reason me and my bro's never bring up the idea of stealing street signs. I mean we get shit from walmart all the time of course but street signs is way more badass
Just found out about this site, and its the fucking shit. me and my boys do all the shit on the complete list. story of my fucking life.
Me and my bro stole a full keg from the apartment below the one I was visiting at Radford University while the faggot that lived there was in the bathroom. took it upstairs, ripped off the ownership sticker, and the dude came up minutes later and saw us drinking out of it after we were with him in his apartment five minutes earlier. He recognized the tap, and we told him we bought the keg that night and that I brought the tap from my fraternity house at another college nearby. Then he just bailed without conflict. fucking tool.
I got a political campain sign with the last name WEED, High Street, and a NO DUMPING sign over my toilet. stealing signs is the tits.
There's this politician bra in these parts with the name Cockburn... now women in government is reckless at best, but its worth the evil to collect this most excellent signage.
brohan out
Ultimate bro steal: my bros and I stole another frats letters OFF THE FRONT OF THEIR HOUSE. In Hoc fuckin' bro-haters!
stole a case from a sorority girls birthday party the night before winter break, had road beers for the whole way home!
Also i bought a tap for 5 bucks off some dude at the bus stop once. He lifted up his shirt and was waste-banding 3 of them! He said he went to 3 different parties and got away clean each time. mad respect
i was in STL this past #106 - mardi gras. Friday night before the celebration began, every bar sets up for the party and puts a bunch of kegs outside in the cold behind some make-shift piece of shit wooden bar. We partied at a bar close to my boy's #32 - bro pad and on the way out, right in front of the bouncer, me and my best boy each grabbed a handle of a full keg and walked right on to our party bus and drove off. we pregamed for mardi gras with their free beer and then went right back to the same bar to hit on the bartender. bros fucking rule
Yo, Exit 69 on I-75 in Michigan is "Big Beaver Road". so tits, that shit gets yanked all the time. fuck yeah.
So we were out slammin some brew with ma braws in finland and its about 3am when we decide to hit this lame party down at our campus. It was so intensly lame that after trying to hit on the only two hot chicks left there and gettin blown off after grabbin their asses, we decided to rob the place, oceans eleven style. YEAH!. So we grabbed everything that wasnt bolted down including some, chips, energy drinks and somekinda table ornaments we found that were totally useless btw and took them to our bropad. Ok the loot wasnt so great but we enjoyed the looks from those nerds that were giving us the "eye" and we didnt give a shit, cos we couldve taken em so easily.
stealing is really called scooping. and its funnier because whenever you take something, you whisper, or shout (depending on how fucked up you are) "SCOOOOOOOP"
My house is filled with stolen shit that me and my bros ganked. Here are some examples:
Signs:
Detour sign pointing to the upstairs bathroom.
Men Working sign in our basement where we smoke weed.
No Dunking sign that my bro stole from the arena and now hangs just below our Nerf hoop.
University Parking lot sign that one of my bros ripped out of the ground when he was wasted.
Caution tape all over our basement door.
Hallway directions sign that I stole from a freshman dorm now hangs at the top of our stairs.
The bulk of our 40-some shot glasses are stolen.
Some of our DVDs and glass pipes are stolen.
We also steal booze from our neighbors alot (it's mutual).
One of my bros is notorious for stealing candy at the counter of the convenient store down the street when he'd drunk.
Fuckin' right dawgy!
Love this site. Bro life rules. Got a solid stealing story from back in my prime bro days at college. I went to this party with a bunch of my bros and some slam pieces at some random bro haters house. The party was lame as shit so we wanted to leave but before we did I decided we needed a souveneir since the bro haters wasted our time. These dudes had a bar in the corner of the room with one of them serving drinks and shots to people. They had bottles of rum and vodka hooked up to these things where you push on them and it automatically pours out the shots. So I decide I want some of their bottles. I had a slam piece that we were with go over to the bar and flirt with the bro hater bartender to distract him while I stole that shit right out from under his nose.
Part 2 of the story, after we left the party, we went to go dominate the bars, chugging from the bottles while walking there. When we got to the bar I snuck the remaining bottle in, was grabbed empty shot glasses off the bar, poured shots and handed them out to my bros. Since I'm a bro and fucking smart as shit the bartenders and bouncers were too dumb to notice and we got away with everything. After the bottle was done I just broke that shit in the corner of the bar when no one was watching. Epic night.
BROS ARE THE SHIT!!
You think signs are fun to steal...try nabbing a fuckin fire hydrant. That shit was righteous
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