Monday, April 6, 2009

#2 Stealing Shit

If there is one thing that bros love to do as much as getting fucked up, its stealing shit. Now in today’s economic times, we have seen many people resort to stealing to provide for their family. This is not the reason bros steal. Bros steal because it is fucking awesome. If you know the rush of stealing hard-boiled eggs, mayonnaise, and coffee filters from Wawa at 2am, then it’s a pretty good chance that you are a bro. Here are some other things bros are known to steal:

Food – who doesn’t love the thrill of dining and dashing. What makes it great is that bros can fully afford to pay the 7 bucks for their late night bowl of chili, but why waste your money when you can just take off running? Honestly, who is going to stop you? That 5 foot 100 pound Asian hostess? Hell no! Not paying for a meal is the shit and makes you feel like a man. Anyone who says otherwise is a bro-hater.

Alcohol – combining stealing and drinking is the ultimate double team. It is a proven fact that stolen beer tastes much better than beer you had to pay for. Perhaps the biggest bro-move is stealing beer from a rival party and bringing it to your place. Much like stealing from a Vegas casino, it is incredibly hard to pull off. I was once part of a bro-heist where we got a full keg out the door of our neighbor’s place and halfway to our house before we got caught. Needless to say the bros who caught us were not happy. After trying to blame it on how fucked up we were, we finally dropped enough names of mutual bros and got away without a fight. In a related story, a fellow bro told me last night his greatest stealing venture came at frat house he was not a part of during a college road trip. He was successfully able to steal a tap from the keg during the party, which is a pretty ill move and which could also be construed as the biggest dick move of all time. That is of course until you hear that this individual also used to go to the Library during exam times and when the studiers aka bro-haters went to the bathroom, he would take their text books and sell them to the bookstore. Gotta be a pretty good feeling to come back from the bathroom trying to cram for your exam only to find out your books have been stolen.

Signs – Signs are, without a doubt, a bro's favorite thing to steal. Signs are the shit, especially signs that make some sort of unintentional reference to sex, alcohol, or drugs. For example, if you run a business and have sign advertising a sale for $69.99, you might as well just have the sign say “Please steal me” because that shit is getting taken. And god help you if you are running for office and your last name is something like Boozer or Smoker because there is no chance a bro doesn’t steal your campaign banners to hang in their living room. And one more word of advice – unless you plan on finishing every set of directions to people coming over to your house with “And theres no street sign, but it will be your second left” don’t move onto High Street.

117 comments:

Ned's youngest Brother said...

"we finally dropped enough names of mutual bros and got away without a fight"

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

BRO'S LOVE TO FIGHT!

Anonymous said...

your only follower looks like a fag

Ned's Younger Brother said...

Bro - we were outnumbered 10 - 1. You better believe we went home and told all our bros we could have kicked their fucking asses though. Fighting is the shit!

Anonymous said...

We had signs on campus that said "SPEED HUMP"

Stolen constantly.

Anonymous said...

my bros stole a sign that said "please stay off the grass" ... fairly irrelevant to say they stole that shit

Anonymous said...

any sign (regardless of what sort, construction, poorly-anchored business signs, street signs, elaborately constructed yard sale signs, etc.) within a semi-reasonable stumbling/sign dragging distance was placed in our back yard..the hilarious ones were put up as decorations, many were burned, and others were just victims of general bro destruction.

Stealing shit is fucking awesome.

Anonymous said...

me and my bros found a giant orange sign that says "road work ahead" so we got some fuckin tape out and fixed that bitch up to read "road head"

now when all the slam pieces come to our bro pad, they know whats up

gbury bro said...

bros do love stealing shit...
the last time i fucken paid for Solo-Cups was '99, for my 2nd grade halloween party,(i was the only bro fucked up there).

Anonymous said...

On the way home from a party me and my bros stole a "Crunk for Coroner " sign, one of the slam pieces that was with us was all " thats my uncle" and shit. gave her another z and she fucked me all night

bday said...

I was at a party this summer, and the bro who lived there stole the 1995 Atlanta Braves world series banner...very bro

Anonymous said...

Haha I live on high drive. Bros lax!!!!!!1111!!1

Anonymous said...

real bros steal shit from the party they are at. put that shit in their truck. and go right back to the party like nothing happened

Anonymous said...

Stealing signs is sweet, But I like those signs that saythings in moveable letters. That way you don't steal them, you just change what it says. One time me and some fellow bros changed a sign that said, "You never know what kind of role model you're being to someone else" to "You never knew your mom ate Rhino balls" The same night we found one that said, "God Bless America" and we changed it to, "I Ram Dog Ass". We drove by the next day and both were already changed back.

Anonymous said...

the mayoral candidate's last name in my college's town when i was a freshman was "COX", which on its own warrants a good steal, but his running mate.... BALL. That's right right, "COX and BALL". Needless to say, the amount of stolen lawn signs his campaign suffered almost single-handedly lost him the election.

Broptimus Prime said...

True Bros love to steal stuff with the most sentimental value.
Stealing posters off the wall in the middle of a house party takes mad skill. Extra bro pts for ganking framed family photos!

Anonymous said...

Bro's- I was once at a Bulls game. My bro's cousin got us tickets to sit in a sky box. We were walking around during halftime looking for bras when I noticed my bro was no where to be found. A second later her comes out of another sky box with a bottle of kettle one he had just stolen. We proceeded to try to party with the others in our box. They were obvious bro haters as they called security when they found out we stole the bottle.

Anonymous said...

Me and my bros were at a rich chicks party, stole a couple hundred dollars worth of good ass steaks. we ate them all summer for free, half of the time blazed or drunk listening to dave. one time at the camp site for a dave concert.

Anonymous said...

If there is a cooler in the back of a pick-up truck. It's mine. I have 4 two man coolers. me and my bros have so much room for beer because other bros are stupid with their shit.

Brobi wan kenobi said...

Stealing holiday decorations is the shit too. Me and my bros got shit bombed one night around christmas time and after a few bowl rips walked to a house like a half block away and smashed some Christmas lights and stole 3 penguins, an igloo, and mr. and mrs. clause. so we put it in my car to decorate my bro pad. so the next morning we were hungover as shit and after a wake and bake to start the day me and my bros are just brolaxing when we look out the window and see some bro hater walking through the backyard towards the house. when we let him in he starts flipping out saying we stole his shit and he caught us on camera and that he is calling the police. so me and my bros gave that fucker a fake name and number and kept all his shit.

Sam MalBROne said...

Dave sucks. Listening to Dave offset the bro-ness displayed in stealing steaks enough to make you a cunt hair away from being a bro-hater. You should probably go shotgun beers immediately.

Sam MalBROne

Anonymous said...

I went on a blacked out stealing frenzy one night and stole a love seat, walked a half mile home with my bros (facebook photos to support me carrying this fucker)and passed out on it in my living room. Needless to say i now am notorious for furniture jacking and i make a pretty penny on selling it back to the fuckers.
Bro love baby!

Anonymous said...

In Lubbock, TX there's an intersection that is 69th and Bangor. Best believe that shit is gone.

Anonymous said...

Me and my bros rolled in eight deep to a party down the street one weekend junior year. Six of us diverted attention while the other two heisted the backup keg to our place. Shit was pro. We tapped the keg, had it killed in two hours and returned it to the party. The best part, those fags were bragging the next day about how they crushed two kegs at the party. shit was cash-money

Anonymous said...

Have a bro-king friend who stole text books from fucking nerds too. He made a few hundred and what solidified his bro-king status is he took his profits and bought a four-foot glass bong. fuckin awhsum. shit only lasted about a month bc bros can't help but break shit too. it was a shame but it was "free" so fuck it.

Broseph47 said...

What the hell is "WAWA"

Broseidon, Lord of the Brocean said...

There's a Cincinnati City Councilcunt named Leslie Ghiz. Stole mass shit from that bitch.

Scott BROsius said...

Broseph47- WAWA is an ill convenience store. Similar to a 711, but a lot better. Makes sandwiches that are great for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or even a late night meal when you're wasted. Not found in every state though. I enjoyed the WAWA experience while I was visiting my bro at college in Virginia.

stealing signs = awesome

Guppie said...

Every time one of my bro's goes to a house party he steals a family picture from the owner, takes it back to his house and hangs in on the wall. He has a room covered with other people's family pictures. Then when he has partys everyone see's it and gets pissed off but he is big as shit so they don't take them back.

Anonymous said...

one of my bro mates has the road sign for his road on his wall. the other day i was completely leathered and there was a sign on my college lawn saying 'unfit for play', you better believe its mine now. theres a road near me called tite hill, a bit of spray paint and you can guess the rest. It doesn't get any better then being a bro

Big "Bro" Jeezy said...

Freshmen year of college there was this bro-hater RA that put halloween decorations up all over his door. There was a bridge that linked the two dorms and we ripped that shit off every day for two weeks. He caught me getting a drink at the water fountain and said did u see the guys with my decorations? I said yea they ran down the hall to the exit. That shit was in the closet right in front of me. I went downstairs real fast before his dumbass realized what happened just to see him running back across the bridge. We stole his christmas ones too. Stupid bro-hater, bros love stealing shit.

Chill Bro Baggins said...

Once made off with a "Mary Jane Lane" sign... epic bro steal. Sucks you didn't make off with that keg, bro's love to host the after party to a weak one by stealing the first parties shit.

bro bono said...

The bros ultimate heist involves stealing other frats composites.

Curvino said...

I feel like you just described my fucking life. And very respectable comment about Step Brothers. Step Brothers, Anchorman, and Pineapple Express are probably three of the most bro-quotable movies.

Edgar Allen Bro said...

after an awesome pregame, one of my bros told us he needed to hit an ATM for some cash before we left for the bar. he made a withdrawl, and on his way out noticed a huge fake carboard ATM advertisement. because he is a bro til he dies, you know he stole that shit and dragged it back to our house. we left it up all semester until we broke it before we all left for summer vacation. it turns out the bank matched up his withdrawl with the security camera footage of him dragging it out of the lobby and charged him for the thing...a total bro-hater move and needless to say he is no longer a customer of this bank.

Futurebro said...

Me and my bros went to this one chicks party who we all fucking hate, take a case and two handles, and walk out. Stealing is the absolute shit, especially from bro-haters.

Anonymous said...

someone took my frats tap so the next night, me and my bros hit up a whorority and stole there tap and a handle. I dont get stolen from without gettin more in return bros

BroMike said...

yeah the best steal was from a downtown intersection. mid-day, traffic light switch, workers not paying attention. me and 2 of my best bro's drove up, tossed a brand new traffic light in the bed of my bro' truck and we deuced. It' the highlight of our Bropad!

Anonymous said...

Fro all you bros out there here is a little trick to help you subsidize your beer cost...Trick to buying a 24 pack for the price of a 6 pack at grocery stores. Step 1: go to the beer section and get a case of Coors light. Step 2: Below the handle make a small rib in the side of the box to allow room to expose a bar code from one of the cans inside the box. Step 3: Go to the self checkout line and scan the barcode that you have exposed on the can by the handle on the top of the box. Step 4 Bingo! Self checkout reconizes item as 6 pack bc you scanned the barcode on the can not the one on the bottom of the box. The people working at the store will have no idea...trust me I do this every other night. Bros Rule!!!

Baddi in TX

Anonymous said...

Just last week i stole two giant marlboro signs from the gas station 6 blocks from my house. Fucked up as shit. Casually walked back home like nothing had happened.

Anonymous said...

A few of my bros stole 3 parking meters

Anonymous said...

me and my bro were visiting some friends at the citadel. we stop for some gas at some back country gas station. i had to piss b/c i was gassing beers the whole trip. i get the key and go to the bathroom. outside is a glass door off an old ass coke machine that says "enjoy coke" a little modifications and it is now a table in my living room.

Slippery Fetus said...

Last weekend the there was nothing really going on so me and a few of my bros decided to crash this younger assholes party... i ended up getting completely shitfaced as all bros do and began to #1 talk about how wasted i got.. this is when this fucking bro hater who happened to own the house started running his mouth so i proceeded to #36 take a piss on his couch right in front of his face.. needless to say this didn't go over well with all the fucking bro haters there so they began to push me out of the house before they could get me out i stole his framed yearbook photo off of his wall and kept it as a sign of my bro-like behavior... its now hanging in my room.

Living la vida bro-ca.

BroGod said...

A few weeks ago, me and my bro left a kegger with these two slam pieces completely fucked up, got a ride from a DD and told him to fuck himself when he asked for money, and I proceeded to get dome on the pool table from the bra i brought and steal a full bottle of Jameson from the house. That'll teach a house full of Bro-haters to leave their whiskey unattended around an Irishman

Anonymous said...

For some reason me and my bro's never bring up the idea of stealing street signs. I mean we get shit from walmart all the time of course but street signs is way more badass

Anonymous said...

Just found out about this site, and its the fucking shit. me and my boys do all the shit on the complete list. story of my fucking life.

Me and my bro stole a full keg from the apartment below the one I was visiting at Radford University while the faggot that lived there was in the bathroom. took it upstairs, ripped off the ownership sticker, and the dude came up minutes later and saw us drinking out of it after we were with him in his apartment five minutes earlier. He recognized the tap, and we told him we bought the keg that night and that I brought the tap from my fraternity house at another college nearby. Then he just bailed without conflict. fucking tool.

I got a political campain sign with the last name WEED, High Street, and a NO DUMPING sign over my toilet. stealing signs is the tits.

Lindsay Brohan said...

There's this politician bra in these parts with the name Cockburn... now women in government is reckless at best, but its worth the evil to collect this most excellent signage.

brohan out

Anonymous said...

Ultimate bro steal: my bros and I stole another frats letters OFF THE FRONT OF THEIR HOUSE. In Hoc fuckin' bro-haters!

Anonymous said...

stole a case from a sorority girls birthday party the night before winter break, had road beers for the whole way home!

Also i bought a tap for 5 bucks off some dude at the bus stop once. He lifted up his shirt and was waste-banding 3 of them! He said he went to 3 different parties and got away clean each time. mad respect

Edgar Allen Bro said...

i was in STL this past #106 - mardi gras. Friday night before the celebration began, every bar sets up for the party and puts a bunch of kegs outside in the cold behind some make-shift piece of shit wooden bar. We partied at a bar close to my boy's #32 - bro pad and on the way out, right in front of the bouncer, me and my best boy each grabbed a handle of a full keg and walked right on to our party bus and drove off. we pregamed for mardi gras with their free beer and then went right back to the same bar to hit on the bartender. bros fucking rule

Anonymous said...

Yo, Exit 69 on I-75 in Michigan is "Big Beaver Road". so tits, that shit gets yanked all the time. fuck yeah.

finbro said...

So we were out slammin some brew with ma braws in finland and its about 3am when we decide to hit this lame party down at our campus. It was so intensly lame that after trying to hit on the only two hot chicks left there and gettin blown off after grabbin their asses, we decided to rob the place, oceans eleven style. YEAH!. So we grabbed everything that wasnt bolted down including some, chips, energy drinks and somekinda table ornaments we found that were totally useless btw and took them to our bropad. Ok the loot wasnt so great but we enjoyed the looks from those nerds that were giving us the "eye" and we didnt give a shit, cos we couldve taken em so easily.

Anonymous said...

stealing is really called scooping. and its funnier because whenever you take something, you whisper, or shout (depending on how fucked up you are) "SCOOOOOOOP"

Dude Man Bro said...

My house is filled with stolen shit that me and my bros ganked. Here are some examples:

Signs:
Detour sign pointing to the upstairs bathroom.
Men Working sign in our basement where we smoke weed.
No Dunking sign that my bro stole from the arena and now hangs just below our Nerf hoop.
University Parking lot sign that one of my bros ripped out of the ground when he was wasted.
Caution tape all over our basement door.
Hallway directions sign that I stole from a freshman dorm now hangs at the top of our stairs.

The bulk of our 40-some shot glasses are stolen.
Some of our DVDs and glass pipes are stolen.
We also steal booze from our neighbors alot (it's mutual).
One of my bros is notorious for stealing candy at the counter of the convenient store down the street when he'd drunk.

Fuckin' right dawgy!

Paul BRO'Neill said...

Love this site. Bro life rules. Got a solid stealing story from back in my prime bro days at college. I went to this party with a bunch of my bros and some slam pieces at some random bro haters house. The party was lame as shit so we wanted to leave but before we did I decided we needed a souveneir since the bro haters wasted our time. These dudes had a bar in the corner of the room with one of them serving drinks and shots to people. They had bottles of rum and vodka hooked up to these things where you push on them and it automatically pours out the shots. So I decide I want some of their bottles. I had a slam piece that we were with go over to the bar and flirt with the bro hater bartender to distract him while I stole that shit right out from under his nose.

Part 2 of the story, after we left the party, we went to go dominate the bars, chugging from the bottles while walking there. When we got to the bar I snuck the remaining bottle in, was grabbed empty shot glasses off the bar, poured shots and handed them out to my bros. Since I'm a bro and fucking smart as shit the bartenders and bouncers were too dumb to notice and we got away with everything. After the bottle was done I just broke that shit in the corner of the bar when no one was watching. Epic night.

BROS ARE THE SHIT!!

Anonymous said...

You think signs are fun to steal...try nabbing a fuckin fire hydrant. That shit was righteous

Anonymous said...

Went to a house party awhile back with a couple bros and some chicks we knew, anyway couple guys there were muggin so we started talkin a lil smack... They asked us to leave so 2 of us went outside and started talkin more shit while thats goin on me my bro and this one chick go downstairs where their rooms are jack a rolex, macbook pro and 2 packs of cigs.

the ultimate laxitute said...

stealing shit from bros after you hook up is bomb. do i look like i play fordham intermural volleyball? does it look like i play top gun fall lax? no, but you best believe i stole those shirts. best part of slam piece stealing is i take things while being watched and get away with it. what are they going to say "stop right there hot girl, you may not take my shirt" yeah thats what i thought.

Will said...

Me and my Bros roll around town and steal everyones political signs till we have about 50. We take all these signs and put them all on one of our random bros front lawns. Its the fucking best to hear them bitch about how some assholes put 50 signs on their front lawn

Anonymous said...

I JUST STOLE A FUCKING IPOD 80G FROM A STRAIGHT BRO HATER AT THIS PARTY 2 DAYS AGO..THEN WHEN I WAS ACCUSED THE NEXT DAY I TOLD THE TOOL THAT HE BETTER WATCH OUT WHEN TALKING SHIT AND IT COULDNT POSSIBLY BE ME

BRO MOMENT OF THE WEEK

IrishBro said...

This is a true bro stealing moment.

In all one weekend after another fraternity came into mine and stole some shit I decided, not on my bro watch is this shit going to fly!

So Thursday night in a drunking mess state that one must be in to pull of the best missions some Bros and I ran over and stole the other houses flag and stole our one back, than friday after entering drunkness right after class fucked off for the weekend we break into the frats house at 3am and stole all of their composites totaling 2,500 then saturday morning comes by and we day drink into the night till we are in a perfect state of mind to break into the house again to find and break into the chapter room and steal the fraternities charter. People now know that my bros and I play for keeps and as a Bro we are better than everyone else and fucking shit up and ruining lives.

-doing bad things since 1990-

bro-out!

Anonymous said...

Right next to my house, theirs a street sign. Honest Pleasure Drive, you better fucking believe that shit got stolen constantly, they actually raised the sign to 30 feet, to try and stop our fellow bros from stealing it. fucking bro-haters

Anonymous said...

Me and my bros were at the local tavern one night when the bartender went to the back room to get another keg. We proceded to steal a box containing 6 handles of Jack and ran outside to put it in our car only to come back and help ourselves to another round!

geauxtigers said...

When I was a pledge some of the bros went to Alabama for the lsu game, there pledges had to go into the stadium after the game and get 2000 souvenir cups, i decided to help them. while looking for the souvenir cups i decided to look in a suite and what do i find? 3 cabinets of top shelf liquor. So we decide to put all of into a garbage can and wheel it out of the stadium. We figured it up to be a little under seven hundred dollars worth, plus the trash can.

Anonymous said...

Over winter break a couple of us bros at UCF went to rival USF's campus for a party. Best believe in our apartment are a newspaper bin with USF on it, 2 signs, and one random ass sign that says "Hot Nuts $1". Best beleive we slammed USF dime pieces and raided their campus. We bro-fucked the shit outta USF.

Anonymous said...

I took a high street as well as a couple of license plates before. Needless to say I put it in my carry-on when I flew back to Germany, where I'm from.

Robert said...

No lies here...
I live on high st.
The sign has been stolen so many times the pole it is now on is like 15 ft. high, and its still missing every couple weeks. We have 2 in our living room!

Bromer Simpson said...

Bro's, Stealing street signs is rightous, but to be a true bro-king you need to up your game.
Couches out of people's houses-check
Pitchers/Glasses from all the bars in town-check
but the most epic of bro-lifts, me and my Bro's were at this bro-hater party, and they were being straight bro-haters...so we stole all their beer.

but I wouldn't be a bro king if it stopped there, after these bro-haters found out the beer was gone, they were all bummed out and for some reason thought they drank it all, so me and my bro's offered to go to the Liquor store to get some more booze, and they all threw down money for more booze.

Did we go to the liquor store?

If you're asking that you definitally are not a Bro, instead we took all that money and beer and went to the Strip-Club!

P.S. my mailbox growing up was 420, and that shit got stolen all the time, but I can't hate on Bro's just being Bro's

Anonymous said...

stole an authentic Wayne Chrebet jersey at a banger. I have it hanging above my bed so when I wake up everymorning it tells me I'm that fucking BRO!

Anonymous said...

Man I spent a semester in Australia, they dont know what the fuck a bro is. Im from New York and my boy is from Jerz were fucking certified bros. Steeling shit gives you street cred where I come from. We ran out of money cause wed blow it all on booze and bitches cause were fucking bros. So we would steal mad whiskey. These fucking Australian pussies didn't know what hit em, fucking stole over 1000 dollars worth of booze in 3 weeks. got a permanent ban from all liqueur stores near the school. But we didn't give a fuck were bros and thats what bros due. Steal shit and not give a fuck.Came back home now my street cred is through the roof.

Anonymous said...

no dumping signs, my bros got like 4

Anonymous said...

In sea isle city, nj there is 95 blocks that run from the ocean to the bay between strathmere and Avalon, the streets running paralell to the ocean are pleasure, landis and central. You better fucking believe me and my bros stole the 2 signs at the intersection of 69th&pleasure.

Wawa is the shit bros! You can get good food, great tins of dip, and ice for your beers all in one stop

Anonymous said...

Just some of the signs ive stolen in my years of being a bro...wild turkey rd, the infamous speed hump sign, SMOKE, FIRE, Slow Children at play(personal favorite), Bush rd, a huge purple hippo from a minigolf course and some kinda huge bird statue, and a sign that had 4/20 as its issue date..stealin is the fuckin shit

SC bro

Anonymous said...

bros love to steal sorority shit. I can't count the number of cozies and other random shit I have

Anonymous said...

Me and my bros were at some bro-haters birthday bash one time because of the hot slam-pieces there. Then we realized an untapped keg was in the garage and no one was watching it. We pulled up a truck, slid the garage door open, rolled the keg underneath, loaded it up and drove off. Best. Tasting. Keg. Ever.

Anonymous said...

Some Bro's and I collected letter from various signs, went over to the local Catholic Church, and changed their sign to "Got Kids? Call for Rape." And obviously lef thte phone number intact.

Anonymous said...

My bros and I walked out of a sporting goods stores with 1300 dollars worth of lacross gear, sold it on ebay, made 800 dollars of free money. Then took the money to baltimore for a bros night out at the titty bars.

Alexander BROvechkin said...

My best bro and I would steal 35$ packs of gilette razor heads from cvs, then head over to the wallmart and trade those sum bithces in for store credit. Subsidized our beer expenses all damn semester.

Anonymous said...

my favorite things to steal when i am fucked up with my bros is floor mats from fast food places. we've collected two mcdonalds mats, one arbys mat, one wawa mat, and one burger king mat. they are great furnishings and keep the floor clean around the beer pong table

ya buaay said...

stole the 8 foot long rug out of zaxbys during operating hours without notice to put underneath the beer pong table. because it was so successful we returned 5 minutes later to steal the ones in front of the door just to spite the bitches. all with ninja-like stealth.

T-Roy said...

love stealing! its the shit. priority list for me is drinking, going to pound town, then stealing. it is so much fun. here is a brief list of some of the street signs i stole.
nw HONKERS ct
MRORNINGWOOD rd
HIGHst
mile marker 69
among others its a fun collection

Bro Montana said...

this one time after i drove home (needless to say i was hammered) after pounding brews at my bro's house, my bro-ther calls me and tells me to look under my bed. too drunk to suspect him of treachery, i go and look, and there in all its glory is the 3 ft by 2 ft sign denoting our street- "High Road". i have never been more proud of a family member.

OMGMAC said...

i had a bro that went to rite-aid and broyanked a handle of Jager in his belt. Better believe we called some slam pieces up and took a trip to pound town.

SoCo Bro said...

Bros also love stealing shit from parties that are alcohol friendly, i.e. shot glasses, mugs, flasks, etc. I stole a bad ass flask that read "A man needs something to believe in... ...I believe I need another drink". True Bro

ProBROno said...

The frat's that were at my college are so lame. Filled with wanna be, pseudo-bros, who lock what little shit they have up with fucking padlocks. Long story short...do you have any idea how easy it is to smuggle bolt cutters into a party?

Anonymous said...

Down the shore in jersey me and my bros go garage hoping all the time. If you don't know what this is its when you steal shit from open garages of the duplexses. It is by far the easiest way to grab beer and anything you can get your hands on. A solid night of garage hoping you got 5 thirtys a couple bottles of wine and the nicest Surf board you can grab. Bros are the shit

Anonymous said...

As I recall, W&M has a Gooch Drive on campus. I'd love to get a hold of that sign.

Bromo-sapien said...

Went to a random bras party. Have total disrespect for the place. Open there fridge and slam three of there brews in there bong toss the cans on the floor. Then leave the party with the beer bong.

don't stop BROlievin' said...

My cousin goes to Columbia, he's the most legit bro I know, and he lives in New York in an apartment on West 69th.

You can imagine that fucking sign gets stolen all the time, it's over the bed in his bro-pad.

And at my bro's house, there's a hallway that makes a 90-degree turn to the right, and he has a NO LEFT TURNS sign right there. Kind of stupid, but still, he's a bro and I stole it with him when we were fucked drunk from a restaurant parking lot.

Charles BROnsen said...

Stealing shit is more fun than midget wrestling and the cred me and my fraternity get is ridic. We have huge signs from stores like the Gap and various restaurants. My favorite shit to steal are Boston University signs and green garbage bins cause the BU hoes come over all the time - so we get to rub it in their faces (know what i'm sayin?).

The ultimate thievery goes like this: once, a bunch of my bros were out pounding chicken nuggs at a sorority's house after getting fucked up at the local frat bar. On the way back, walking past a bunch of other frats, we see a giant 15 ft skull (for Skullhouse) outside their house. They had set it up so that rush kids would enter their house through the mouth of the skull. Without a doubt, five of my bros walked 3 blocks carrying that heavy as shit and set it up in front of our house. Needless to say, we got all sorts of credit from every fraternity and sorority at school including the neighbor schools. In fact, a few girls decided to stay at our house based solely on the fact that we stole the skullhouse skull. The skulls demanded we bring it back to them since it took a week to build. Did we? Fuck that - it was way to heavy. So we just trashed it with crowbars and left it on our front lawn.

Adrian Claybro said...

My bro and I were coming back from DT absolutely schwasted and stole a big ass couch off the porch of a sorority slam palace only to realize the next morning that it was a colossal piece of shit. Dumped it in a ditch outside of town before hitting up CK the next day. A lot of work, but still so fucking fun. We usually steal from that house once a week

Anonymous said...

What Bro doesn't steal shit?

One of my bros from High School (had the whole basement to himself, best believe we partied nightly over there.) Stole so much shit in our prime. We had tons of roadsigns, Highland St. Rebel Trail, Mile 69, Mile 0, Paradise Point, we even had bricks stolen from those charity things with funny names on them.

Then in college, we stole a bunch of those big barrels they use as cones, and spelled SAE in the fratyard.

Anonymous said...

Last night I went to this bitches house and needless to say I was fucking wasted and stole her sobriety.

Anonymous said...

Hell yeah me and my bros mad steal shit!! One time we stole this nerd in my social psych class and sold him into sex slavery. Mad cash flow. We ended up spending the money on C-4 and blew up some bro-haters house.

Anonymous said...

theres some dude running for mayor and his last name is Shats, no doubt his sign are getting jacked everywhere

Anonymous said...

So me and some bros were just chillin at the strip club, and I saw the bouncer left his metal detecting wand on the chair beside the exit. In my drunken stupor I shoved the wand down my shirt and pants. I don't really remember doing this, but the next day I woke up curled up with it. Probably one of my proudest moments.

Anonymous said...

was completely shittanked stumbling home at 5 in the morning and saw a sign that said Jaeger for congress. it is now hanging on my wall

Anonymous said...

a couple weeks ago me and my bros were at some other frats party and we stole their tap and keg. never caught. brought it too someones yard and drank with a bunch of people with us. fuckin great hobbling out of the house with a full keg. and it is true. Stolen beer tastes so much better then payed for.

Marco Bro-lo said...

You're forgetting the fucking cornerstone of brohood...ditching moving cabs. Yeah..drinking and driving is high on the bro-meter. Jumping out of moving cabs is badass and therefore is bro.

Theres nothing more bro than taking some unamerican cab driver fuck with a towel on their head down a one-way street and jumping out of the car. If he really wanted to help his immigrant family he wouldn't have been born not in America in the first place. You'll feel like a bro king while Osama gets out and yells curses at you as you run full-sprint in the other direction while giving him the finger.
Its extra-bro if you do this and leave behind the slam pieces from the bar that you just gave a proper facial slaying in the back seat.

Anonymous said...

was at a party wen fellow bro and i totaly shitfaced went into the girls parents room and took about $400 a diamond necklace, and all of ther pillows. we walked out of the party and put it in our truck and went back into the house. we ended up banging a bitch in the parents bedroom. we got caught.

Anonymous said...

i saw a street sign that said rebel road i just had to have it got some tools outta my truck took it down adn went home!

1up said...

for my friends birthday we stole him a street sign of his first and last name. it was chill they are hanging up in his bedroom

Anonymous said...

Early this semester me and my bro stole a grill from this guys house, but when we got back to our place we realized it was really shitty and like 20 years old so we smashed it on his lawn and stole his neighbors grill.

Anonymous said...

me and my bros stole a natty light sign

Ali G as BROrat... Sexytime said...

in broad daylight me and 3 bros stole an 8 by 8 highway sign for an offramp. great success

Browen Wilson said...

Me and some bros were on our way to steal a sign saying "Welcome to Brewsville". Couldnt believe some other bros hadn't already hit that up. But you better believe that shit was comin down. We were half way done when some cops or bro-haters stopped us and made us leave.

Anonymous said...

Me and one of my broomates are into a shotglass stealing phase, havin a brompetition to see who can heist the best ones

Anonymous said...

So one night me and my bros hit up this party which ended up being weak sauce, only one keg i mean what pussies, so we decide we gotta get something next thing ya know me and my bros are running on the streets with a microwave, yeah a fucking microwave
bro out

Anonymous said...

taxing BIC lighters while the cashier turns to grab you a blunt. bras are all about that flashy shit

Anonymous said...

me and 2 of my bros were at this bras soccer party which is already funny cause why would bras be playing sports and not be in the kitchen. anyways, it seemed to be that we were to big of bros to be handled at this particular party after she decided she didn't like us ripping down the sheet rock in the basement, which we were just making the place a little more home like so we were comfortable. So as we are being kicked out we see three full kegs at the back door and no one in sight. needless to say we were drinking on the bras soccer team that night

Anonymous said...

I'm not anonymous,I'm the Bro King Natty Bomber. I've never read the page on stealing shit until now and I'm disappointed. I just got home from a Natty fueled slamfest in Columbia MO at some MU chicks apartment. Mind you-I'm 32. My life rules. I stole $64 from her purse and two pair of panties off her disgusting bra floor to prove to my Bros that I railed 23 year old Phoebe whose dad is a Boone County judge who will probably see me in court for drinking and driving.
Are you seriously telling me that Bros don't steal slam piece's money for compensation of time spent not banging hotter sluts or getting more wasted with Bros? Or that we should not make sluts go commando as a reward for banging random older Bros? Come on! I thought we liked to steal shit....

keg runner said...

Freshman year, me and my boys were at a party. It was getting late and the keg was pretty empty ( maybe 12-15 good cups left). So we start thinking of plans to get this keg and bounce. At that moment the best plan ever comes to me. I walk over to the keg, throw it up Donkey-Kong style and start screaming "Time to refill!!" my fellow bros do the same and start chanting "more beer".. we do this through the entire house, getting everyone pumped up. Little did they know as soon as we got through the door we sprinted for our car never to be seen again. Free keg + Free keg tap + Free night-ending beers = GREAT NIGHT!

OnceaBroMyself said...

Back in my freshman year of college. My bro and I were back to our hometown for break. We decided to go out and chill at a old local bar of ours. Needlessly, we got pretty shitfaced. Well after that we came across an epiphany to go out on a drive and look for cool signs. Grabbed a screwdriver and some wrenches from the house. The first one was a highway 69 sign, the next was a golf cart parking sign, but to top the night off we decided to go out to the local police station. It was pouring rain figuring it would provide some cover but none the less we were scared shitless of getting caught. But our adrenaline was pumping and we needed to end the night in a bang. Sooo in the end we ended up stealing a police cars only parking sign and brought it back to the frat after our break ended. We were forever known as the ultimate Broskees from then on.

Miss those bro days...

brodysseus said...

"This individual also used to go to the Library during exam times and when the studiers aka bro-haters went to the bathroom, he would take their text books and sell them to the bookstore"

That is beyond evil. So much of this site is funny but that is just fucked up.

Anonymous said...

One time my bros and I stole, out of my bros' parent's neighbor's house, their 500 pound case of booze. You can't imagine how much bro-cred we got for that shit.

Anonymous said...

Alright so how has no one here heard of garage hopping. Im sure you are are rich as fuck and live in an area where people think its safe enough to leave their garage doors open with tons of valuables in the open and all their alchohol sitting in the fridge. Go drive around and take the booze and if they dont have some/enough steal some cool shit too.

Anonymous said...

One time I hit up a party a slampiece I met on vacation invited me to. I was in the bathroom, took a shit in the shower, broke this queers toilet roller, fucked and surprise creampied the slammie who wasn't on BC, stole a picture of his mom, and got fucked right up! Best part was when I added him on FaceBook, and put photoshopped pictures tagging him doing his Mom, then deleted him. Fucking bitches. Anyways, that slut ended up getting knocked up, and getting an abortion. Bro haters go ahead and hate. I'mfucking awesome.

Self Bromotor said...

Our fuckin senator is Roy Blunt. Also, we fuckin stole a sign that said "Open Trench" and hung it over one of our bro's mom's bed! She was a whore!

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