Thursday, June 3, 2010

#121 Fighting

So it was your typical Friday night last week at Dewey Beach. After about 10 hours of drinking in the sun, doing the John Wall dance for half that time and finishing the day off by destroying a trash can and putting a hole in the wall of our rental house it was finally time to hit the bar.

As I made my way through the crowded bar, just minding my own business, I heard someone yell in my ear, “Capitals fucking suck!” At first I wondered how this douchebag actually knew I liked the Capitals, then I remembered in fact, I was wearing a Capitals shirt. Since I have been a diehard Capitals fan for the past two years aka since they've been good, I couldn’t let that shit slide.

I got into this fucker’s face trying to gain some information, “Who the fuck do you like anyways?”
“Flyers,” he yelled as he struggled to speak due to his mouth-breathing limitations.

I glanced to my right to spot my 6’3’’ 265 King Kong sized bro standing next to me. It was fucking on. As I reminded him about how much of a #26 cess-pool of a town he lives in along with the fact that the greatest sports figure his town ever had was a fake boxer, all he had for me was “You’re a faggot.” Fucking clever.

While I was doing my best “Rocky” impression by holding one hand in the air and screaming, “Getting Strong Now!!” one of the guy’s 5’7’’ friends tried to get in my 6’4’’ grill. I pushed him away telling him to “go back to sucking off Papa Smurf.” That’s when they threw in the fucking towel aka when one of their girlfriends got involved. “Why don’t you just walk away!” she said with a sound in her voice that made me knew she was still dealing with the emotional after-effects of her most recent #24 abortion. I told her what I thought of her – that she was a whore, and told her that maybe her fucking boyfriend shouldn’t have started shit. At this point my big guy was pushing me away, letting me know that they had been defeated, and I agreed. Although no punches were thrown, I had won the fucking fight. And more importantly, my t-shirt’s honor was safe. Bros fucking love fights.

Fighting is the motherfucking shit, although before everyone jumps on me saying bullshit, like “Fighting is #100 Guido!!” or “Bros are peaceful!!” let’s make a clarification. Guidos go out with the pure intention of starting fights just because someone stepped on their $300 shoes or ruined their hair by touching it. Bros fight about important shit – like whose High school, College, Fraternity, or Sports Team is better. Bros fight for honor – like fucking Samurais. Let’s take a look at some of the reasons bros love fights.

Watching a Fight Unfold – Much like #69 fake tits, bros just have a sixth sense for a developing fight. Anytime there is even a hint of a fight nearby, you better fucking believe that bros are going to want to watch that shit. Bros fucking love starting “Fight! Fight! Fight!” #4 chants and then #77 heckling the fuck out of any bro-hater bouncer who tries to break that shit up.

The Rush – If anyone has ever been in a fight, you know what I’m fucking talking about. It really doesn’t get any better that finding a weakness and exploiting the shit out of until your opponent has to submit and agree with you that, in fact Honey Nut Cheerios are better than that Apple Cinnamon bullshit. After winning a fight, you feel like you can do anything. You’re fucking invincible. So what do bros do? They go start punching tickets in the bar for the final destination: Pound Town.

It Turns Girls On – Have you ever seen how fucking impressed girls are with the winner of a fight? You’re like a fucking hero. Anytime there is a fight at a bar the bartenders should put up those “Caution: Wet Floor” signs just to deal with all the excess moisture. Anytime a bro gets into a fight, he immediately has like ten girls surrounding him begging him to protect them…with his dick.

While girls use primitive techniques such as talking it out, using a mediator, or sleeping with their enemy’s boyfriend, bro do the responsible thing to settle disputes. Whether its over the starting pitching rotation for the ’92 Braves or when you get to rack for #6 Beer Pong, the point is there are important issues amongst the bromunnity that need to be settled and need to be settled that minute. Thank God we have fights. Thank God we have bros.

64 comments:

Real Bro said...

You party in Delaware? Really?

Anonymous said...

This fight probably happened at Starboard. Good thing that the bros with lax pinnies and croakies outnumbered the phili douchebags.

Effmanny, King of All Bros and Bard of the BROmnunity said...

There once was a lover of life
Who refused to make this slampiece his wife

She always nagged for him to commit
But tons of hot ass he loved to hit

Then one day she went in his room
And saw him filling another one’s womb

At first she felt really sad
But then she wasn’t even that mad

Because she realized she’s another ho
Who just got fucked over by a BRO

Boom

leBROn james said...

You are spot-on this time, NYB. Fighting is the shit. A couple years ago on slow nights I'd always go out to the bar to play beer pong. More often than not, some fag would try to tell me that blowing a ball out of a cup was legal or some stupid shit like that. Obviously I had to educate this guy about the game, and I've learned over the years who the best teacher is: my fucking fist.

Other times, a couple of fucking losers would show up to play at the table. Winning 10 cups to none gets old, so to get some real competition, we usually heckle the shit out of them. Usually they just back off and go cry in the corner, but one time this tool decided to throw his water cup across the table at my bro. After that, the next thing to get thrown across the table was, once again, my fucking fist.

Bros are the shit.

Caps Blahg said...

Though bandwagon fans make it harder to get tickets, I will be dammed if some Philly "person" tries to talk shit about the Caps. I'd say set them on fire, but the smell would be horrendous.

broadelphia said...

I think you must have been confused when writing this, because philadelphia is pretty much the chillest city on the face of the earth. Anyone who says otherwise is a hipster doushe and obviously cant handle how brotastic philly is. It literally means the city of brotherly love. How can anything even top that?

Greg BROstertag said...

there is nothing better than watching black chicks fight. screaming ebonics at them to fire them up is always a good time.

Brothanial Pierce said...

The only thing better than a bro-fight is a bra-fight, due in large part to the high chance of nudity associated with the act.

Anonymous said...

Usually this site is spot on, but to be honest if you people out there havent realized how bro many of philadelphias sports franchises and players are than i highly doubt any of you are more than little bros in training or possibly even hipsters. I mean just citing one recent example, the flyers have now managed to get rid of jew york via shootout, those gingers from boston that everyone hates via an all time comeback, and those fags from canada via total fucking beatdown all while keeping with the tradition of the broad st bullies aka getting fucked up on the reg, taking slampieces down and starting fights. Get an education hipsters

Napoleon Bronaparte said...

Great Post NYB. Bro's Love a good fight. Nothing settles a dispute better, and there's no feeling like connecting fist to face with some dousche who thinks he can talk shit to a Bro without consequences. Don't they know who they're talking to?

Anonymous said...

Best thing to do while watching other people fight whether you know them or not, is to just yell WWF moves for them to do. Yelling chokeslam him or hit him with the rock bottom. Bros find it funny so whether the sluts get it or not they go along with it and know your the man. Then bro haters who are trying to break up the fight get mad at you for just antagonizing it instead of doing something to help. When you don't know the kids fighting yelling WWF moves is the ultimate mocking of whatever fighting skills they have.
Philly sucks too.

Anonymous said...

firstly, this post is spot on. a good fight makes a great night even better.

secondly, the brohater above me needs to get his ass of this site, cus only wanna be bros watch WWF and think they are cool for doing so.

Anonymous said...

solid, but rooting for a team only when they're good is one of the ultimate J-bro moves, ever. Bros stick by their team.

Bro Outlaw said...

One night me and my bros were playing a little beruit, when some brohaters, who think they are real gangsters come in and start hating. Well me and my bros were not taking this, and we remembered that one of the bros was like borderline retarded, he wasnt even going to college. So with a couple of key comments like, "Enjoy flipping my burgers", "Paper or Plastic?" and other special olympic comments, the kid was on the verge of tears. They then threatened to fight us, when our big bro, 6'4'' 250 lbs, picked up one of the brohaters and threw him around the room. Those pussies were out the door before their skirts hit the floor. Fuckin pussy brohaters.

Anonymous said...

great post NYB. Fucking everyone knows that bros love to fight and to the d-bag from philly....put your hard-on away because everyone knows philly sucks and so far no one has defended you thus showing that in fact philadelphia is full of douche (not doushe learn how to spell you fucking window licker) bags....GO CAPS!!!

Marian BROssa said...

to the anonymous 5 posts above me I couldnt help but notice how you just so happened to not mention that the hawks are currently taking the flyers anal virginity

Nick said...

At least you admitted that you are a bandwagon caps fan.

Anonymous said...

Dewey Beach deserves its own post

$Big-Easy$ said...

Fighting is the shit. Just last week I was on my last beer of my 30 pack for the night and some douchebag proceeded to call out my bro on his Cards jersey. I looked at this guy and saw that he was wearing a Cubs hat and proceeded to get on all fours and act like a goat saying shit like "I curse you cubbies for giving me the boot and may the cardinals teabag your moms" This fucker charges at me, and my 6'5" 250 pound bro clotheslines this fucker. I laughed so hard I almost spilled my beer....almost.

As for this hockey fighting Phili is known for sandwiches almost as greasy as the deli workers. Caps are the shit, but here's to the Hawks taking down those grease ball flyers. Stat for ya teams that go up 2-0 in the cup win 90% of the time. We can all rejoice that America stomps Canada in their own fucking sport. U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!!! Let's get schwasted!

Anonymous said...

philly is one of the best sports cities in the country with the best fans. when it comes to fighting just look back to the broad street bullies or the guy who jumped over the glass to fight tie domi in the penalty box, total bro.

GO FLYERS!!

Frosty the BroMan said...

Effmanny...please leave us alone your wierd as shit

Anonymous said...

Bro's, I'm representing for all your Bro's over in Dublin, Ireland and all i can say is fighting is the shit!!!

it's not been a good night till you've got shitfaced on whatever cheap liquer you could find in your fellow Bro's house then grinded on some douchebags slampiece!!

Even better when the douche thinks he can take you on when your surrounded by fellow Bro's and his slampiece really wants to ride the train to pound town with you.... Douches, silly little buggers, Bro's are the shit

George BROstanza said...

Fighting rules. So does cheering for winning teams, being a bro is the best

brodrick bunkley said...

Being from Missouri is about as bro as having Omar Little from The Wire giving you a suck j.

Anonymous said...

America stomps Canada in our own sport? bro, vancouver 2010? the only good american puck player in the stanley cup final is p.kane. and the caps, sorry NYB, but choke-vechkin and his pussy ass teammates ain't bringing home the bacon any time soon.

conor BROberst. said...

That Bro up there wrote some fucking beautiful BROetry.

Anonymous said...

hockey sucks. play a real sport, like football

Antonio Bromardie said...

First off, NYB one of your best posts yet.

Spot on with the Philly call out because I go to school in philly and 3 years ago youd never see anyone with a phillies jersey. now it seems you wouldnt be caught dead in that city without one.

The city is a bunch of bandwagon fans and some of the biggest Brohaters I have ever met.

Afuckingbro said...

Effmanny, you aren't the king of any bros. you fucking wrote a poem about some another bro doing bro shit that you probably will never be a part of. real fucking bro man, really.

hyBROponics said...

we all know that the caps are one dimensional and suck dick. they lost to the canadiens. how embarrassing. as for the jerk-off who pointed out that 90% of teams who go up 2-0 end up winning, you should probably look up the stats for the number of teams that have come back from 3-0. how many is? oh yea, 3. and what is one of those teams doing now? oh yea, playing for the cup. suck it bitch

Buzz Killington said...

philly has its share of douche bags like every city but at least they aren't guidos or hipsters or some shit. ripping on a team nicknamed the "broad street bullies" in a post about how bro fighting is doesn't even make sense. and being a bandwagon fan is nothing to be proud of and most certainly not bro

Anonymous said...

Haha I have been waiting for this post since I started reading this site...

Bob BRObert said...

Anonymous Canadian above knocking USA hockey-

While you're right, just remember that only Americans can be bros, and if you're not American, then you are a no good stinking communist...it's science. Know your role. Not to mention I'm from Hockeytown USA and you're not so you can go fuck yourself.

Also NYB, while at first I liked the post, you can't be going around saying you were in a fight (let alone won it) without any punches being thrown. Don't encourage softness.

The BROman Empire said...

The only big city in America that is the pure Anti-BRO is Philadelphia. Homos from Philly are too fucking inbred to truly be members of the brommunity. As NYB points out, fighting over worthy causes is purely BRO - but I've seen too many pencil-sharpening philly faggots who will fight a hotdog vender at baseball stadium for not having fucking cheezwhiz to put on a hotdog.

Philly sucks.

BROnus Wagner said...

Great post NYB. But bandwagon fans are fuckin d bags. The queers who claim to be yankee and laker fans because "i used to live in LA for a year, and my dad was a huge yankees fan" deserve to get their asses beat. fuckin bro haters

Born Bro said...

NYB. Bro. 1st off, this site is the legit bro code.
Now, not to contradict your oppinion, cuz we all know ur the biggest bro king, but.. caps? really?.. i mean.. i can understand theyre close to DC, so u got the concenience factor, but playin hockey for 10 years, its my humble insight that the caps are shit since Kolzig left. Sure, theres Ovie now, but thats one man. Next game you watch, just look at Green fuck up evry possible defensive play. Honestly pathetic. Philly.. bunch of fuckin goons with less stick skills than brains. Between them, jersey, and pitsburg fans are the douschiest tho. Last caps v pens game i was at, i was rockin a theo jersey (i play goalie, so i gotta rep my netminder) and this lil pric with a crosby jersey is sittin next to me. Im gladly chillin, poundin back my 6th smuggled in brew of the night ( cuz any college bro without loaded parents knows that Version Center beers too dam expensive to actually binge on.) Anyways, caps score, and ima support them over pitsburg anyday, and my beer goes all over this fag. First of all, was an honest mistake, and second, the bro hater shouldnt have been reppin Crosby in my fuckin town.
So hestands up all pissed off, clearly tryin to look big infront of this slampiece that he definately wasnt gettin it in with. I just look at him like, really fucker? chill. But like a true bro hater, he tries to push me back.. im about 5 9 and 225. this kid looked like he was barely pushin 180 at somewhere over 6ft. Needless to say, i trucked the little dick, and like a true bro hit in any stadium, knocked him off his feet, he stumbled over the seat infront and rolled haha. That concretes gotta be painful lol.
But Wings man. Red Wings for life.
Keep bein a brotastic influence to all of us lil league bros

Tony BROmack said...

Fucking love fighting

Dan Carcillbro said...

Good post, fighting is the shit. However, people coming at Philly are fucking retarded. Philly is one of the most bro cities in America, having perfected #4Chanting, #26Blindly Hating Opposing Fans, #68Tailgating, and #77Heckling. I guarantee that faggot was from Wilmington or South Jersey or some shit and not Philly. Real bros in Philly are more like the gang from #56It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Also, the greatest sports figure here is Mr. 20,000 himself, Wilt Chamberlain.

Slobrodan Mibrosevic said...

So true, bros love fighting. Bros are the shit, therefore fighting is the shit. In fact, the only thing me and my fellow bros love more than throwing fists with some losers is watching two fucking hot chicks go at it.

For example, just last weekend me and my bros were at our favorite bar. We were all at the pool tables, dominating shots and getting our chant on, when two rival slam pieces began to exchange words across the room. Being the fucking genius bros we are, we race over and form a circle around them, obviously chanting "FIGHT" non-stop. As they begin to throw cuffs you can see all the other true bros in the place start to crowd. Of course the bouncers came over and tossed these broads out onto the sidewalk. Fucking bro-haters.

Everyone loves to see two slam pieces toss fists. It's fucking science. Even the other slam pieces at the bar loved this shit. Afterward it was hard to breathe in there because of all the fucking moisture in the air.

Long story short, later that night we ran into the slam jawn that laid waste to the other chicks face. After some compliments (lies) and a few Jager shots on my dad's credit card, she was on the last train to Pound Town.

NYB, thank you for shedding light on another true love of bros.

Fighting is the shit and bros are the shit.

Anonymous said...

I think a lot of you dipshits are missing the fucking point. NYB is using the Flyers and Caps because those are the teams in his area. Apply the fucking teams you love and hate to the situation. We all have situations where some fuckhead brohater thinks his team or some other random thing is better than ours. Obviously he's fucking wrong. How do we prove this to him? Give him a trip to the dentist.

~Yankees Suck

BROshon Moreno said...

1. Steve Avery
2. John Smoltz
3. Tom Glavine
4. Charlie Leibrandt
5. Mike Bielecki/Pete Smith

The starting pitching rotation for the '92 Braves. I was 7, bitch.

Brony Montana said...

About a year ago I got into a fight with this bro hater whether the colts or the titans are better. Are you fucking kidding me? A little research shows that the titans get their name from the tight pussies they got and the colts name refers to their massive cocks that they slap hoes and opposing teams with and that they shit on opponents like a someone who brings a colt 45 to a knife fight.

Anyways this skinny fucker says he'll beat my ass. I say fine then i'll let you throw the first 3 punches. After what felt like 3 bitch slaps I hit him once and he was out. My bros started chanting "One Hit Wonder".

Fighting is the shit.

Anonymous said...

Epic post. Fighting is the shit. However I disagree with your Cheerio flavor preference. Apple Cinnamon Cheerios are fucking awesome.

And yes - I would fight about this to prove it.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what your talking about with Philly's greatest sports figure being a fake boxer. Have you ever heard of Wilt fucking Chamberlain?
100 points in a game...averaged 50 pts and 25 boards. He owned the NBA while he played.

Not only was Wilt one of the most dominant athletes ever, he's banged like 20,000 slam-pieces, thus making him one of the greatest Bro Kings of all time.

BROlanda Vega said...

Broshon, We all have google, congrats for looking like an idiot.

Broseph Stalin said...

Next to New Jersey, Philly is the taint of America

Anonymous said...

Fuck the '92 Braves rotation, lets jump forward 6 years and pay tribute to a real Atlanta Braves bro, John Rocker.

Anonymous said...

Props to Wilt the Stilt. One hell of a baller and was punching tickets to pound town night and day. Fucking bro king

Anonymous said...

I live in philly and I can attest that it 100 percent is NOT a bro city. Every bar is packed with guidos and peasants who work dead end 9 to 5 jobs at minimum wage. Fucking losers and every girl there is a certified slumpbusting hoodrat.

C-3PBro said...

Fighting is the shit...verbally, physically, any way fighting is sick. And spot on about Philly NYB. Philly fucking sucks, everything about it sucks. You are a dirty breed and you traded away your best player...there we go eagles. Bro hard bros, bro hard.

Bro's and Ho's said...

last night at the bar, a group of like 3 redneck faggot transients were trying to pick up these very underage chicks who i had made fun of earlier and immediately when i saw this i said to one of em "16 gets you 20 bro!". they werent to pleased and especially this one guy who had no business coming at me considering i was at least twice his size. verbal exchanges were made and i then bitch slapped this kid in the face. my bros quickly came including the bar owner who i knew very well and the whole thing eventually broke up. there were at least 5 different people who bought me shots after that and we got fucking wasted bro

Jomar 19 said...

Phili fans,
The only thing you have going for you is the name "brotherly love" your best basketball player in memory was Allen Iverson, only in the last 2 years did you stop booing the Phillies (you freakin morons booing your own team on the reg??? fn losers), your football team just released its starting RB and traded it's starting QB (wth???), and the Flyers are about to get fucked by the Bhawks... Where is the good part of all of this lol I mean fuck your bandwagon fans of your own home teams???

Tom BROkaw said...

Fuckin LAX BROS!!!!

Billbro Baggins said...

I got in a fight one time. Does that make me a bro? I can make wookie noises and the sound the surfer from spongebob makes! Bros RULEEEE!!! EEEEEEKKK

Broman Catholic said...

To Billbro Baggins, chill the fuck out.

Anonymous said...

i was in aruba, and my family 'friend' who happens to be a guido was threatened by this guy, and being the pussy that he is he backed down, so i grabbed the closest beer and fucking smashed it over that guys head and he was out in a second, then me and my 6'4" bro took on 3 cops. stupid fucking cops in aruba don't carry weapons, what a mistake. we fucking beat the shit out of them to. we then proceeded to "protect" the three nearest slam pieces by fucking the shit out of them on the beach

Anonymous said...

NYB, im completely with you on the bandwagon issue that you seem to be catching a lot of heat for. im also from the DC area and to me a bandwagon fan is someone that has always paid attention to the sport and had a favorite team, but decides to change that favorite team according to who is good. Sorry that i didnt give two fucks about hockey when i was little and the caps sucked and got zero coverage or ever came up in conversation, but ever since we got man man bruce buBRO the caps have been sick and ive been all about em. also the rule changes came about right around that time that made hockey a lot more fun to watch.

#5 BRO Flacco said...

NYB, your site is great - it is the word by which all of my bros, and by which all bros should abide.

Fuck Crosby & bandwagon fans - GO CAPS.

Stephen Strasburg may very well be a bro king.

Anonymous said...

Philly is deffinitley one of the most bro citiesin america. Its nicknamed the city of brotherly love. And Jomar, have you ever heard of Wilt chamberlin, Moses malone, Dr. j, or charles Barkley. and were not bandwagon because we've stuck with our team through everything we just let them know when they need to improve. And Philly is famous for fighting.

Anonymous said...

Very nice work once again. You never cease to amaze me. But I do agree with that other bro - DB deserves it's own post. Also you should do a post on sam Adams (rapper from Boston)

Anonymous said...

From a true bro, let's get a few things straight.

1. Philly, there are nice parts and bad parts; welcome to any city in America. Philly is mostly bad..ugly bad that is. Not a very pretty or bro city at all.

2. USA > Canada for the Canadian talking shit about Vancouver 2010. How's Crybaby Cindy Lou? Being a Caps fan.. well hell, I wont even waste more key strokes, just read this..http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1155624/index.htm

3. To Philly fans. I personally have NO hate towards Philly sports fans at all, unless they play my team, which must be understandable. I dig how passionate the bros are about their teams, I can respect that. The way they go about it though, not cool. It's arrogance, which isn't bro at all. Confidence, that's bro. Arrogance, that's pussy bullshit. Not saying all Philly sports fans are like that; that would be a ridiculous accusation, but many I have encountered are as described above.

4. Ovechkin chokes once and got the nickname Chock-Vechkin by a previous commenter. To you sir, you shall be named idiot for the rest of my post from here on out. For one, in seven games he tallied 5 goals, 5 assists, for a total for 10 points while going +5. That's hardly choking, it's not his usual 5* results, but surely cannot be considered choking.

5. Mike Green choked. Damn.

6. To the original broster, I agree with basically your whole thread besides the opinion I have amended in the above statements.

Thank you bros. Live, Love, Lax.

Brobi Wan-Kenobi said...

Philly and the Flyers are total bros. Have you seen the Boosh dance after the shootout victory? Fuckin chill. Think about it, the GM is a drunk, and multiple players are said to do blow on the reg, and Hartnell has some fuckin' sick flow.

Anonymous said...

Bros can't be Canadian? Hoser bros laugh constantly at dudes who flex when they crush a 30 pack of 2.5% beer. We'll drag you to the curb when you tough your way through an average Canadian beer six pack. We also step with the greatest dope on the continent. Also, anyone who has thrown down knows that Canadian bros having your back in a fight is the shit. Our favourite game has rules institutionalized to INCLUDE fighting. What's more bro than that?

Just like the bro-king beat down World War 2: Americans and Candians bring bro pain collectively. And if you aren't convinced, challenge the next Canadian you meet to a drinking contest. When he kicks your ass, don't be "sorry".

Bros are the shit.

Anonymous said...

awesome post..but philly's the shit idunno what the fuck you're thinkin bro

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