Tuesday, September 15, 2009

#72 Erin Andrews

July 19th 2009. A day I won’t soon forget. While girls will always remember meaningless days such as the day their boyfriend agreed to their ultimatum and the subsequent #64 wedding day, bros remember different, much more important days. Bros remember the day they saw their first set, the day they lost their virginity, and most importantly – the day they #24 really lost their virginity. This day was different, yet equally monumental. It was a Sunday afternoon, so obviously I was at the bar with my bros getting fucking hammered. That’s when I got the text: “Dude, There’s an Erin Andrews sex tape!” Immediately, I called bullshit, but the texts continued to roll in. Unfortunately, along with the great news came equally troubling news. Much like the condom companies created the AIDS myth to sell more rubbers, it appeared that Erin Andrews’s publicists were spreading vicious rumors of a virus attached to the video. Since bros are smart as shit, they saw right through this bullshit. By the time I had gotten home two of my bros had already downloaded the video, and quickly, there was a group viewing. As we watched the 4 minute video taken by a low grade camera of the sideline reporter bobbing up and down naked as she did her hair through a hotel peephole, I realized just how incredible a moment I was experiencing. Fuck all you haters out there who call this pornography, smut, or worst of all “an invasion of privacy.” The Erin Andrews peephole video is the greatest work of art I have ever seen.

So why was this video such a big fucking deal? If you at any point asked that question you are clearly not a bro. Leave this website now to get back to your Anime porn and World of Warcraft. Throughout the years, there have been many smoking hot sideline reporters such as Jill Arrington, Lisa Guerrero, and Melissa Stark (if you're into anorexic chicks), but there has never been quite the attraction and cult following as there has been to Erin Andrews. The obsession has gone so far amongst my bros that we tried unsuccessfully to get tickets to the Spelling Bee when it came to DC since she was interviewing the losers aka the dumb kids. The reason for this is because Erin Andrews knows her shit. To be honest, for a bro, there really is nothing better than when a hot girl can legitimately hang in a sports conversation with bros. If there’s a blazing hot girl who loves sports as much as bros do, they immediately think two things: 1. I need to fucking lock this girl down and marry her. Or 2. She probably was a dude at some point.

Now, for all you girls out there who are reading this thinking it will help you get a boyfriend before you hit menopause, be wary. As hot as it is for a girl to know her shit about sports, it is equally as big a turnoff for a girl to claim she knows her shit and really knows nothing. Recently, while walking home from a bar at the beach with my bros and some slam pieces we had been making out with, we found out they were “diehard” Eagles fans. Since we are all Redskins fans, thus making them our #26 enemies our motives quickly turned from a romantic anonymous pounding to #44 making them cry. “Name 5 players on the Eagles,” one of my bros yelled. “Donovan McNabb, Brian Westbrook, Samuel Jackson…” Wrong fucking answer McFly. For the next four blocks we #4 chanted “We have to get these mother fucking dumb sluts off this mother fucking street!!” For some reason, we weren’t invited back to their beach house. Probably because they were on their period.

44 comments:

Bro-Bo Cop (the original asshole) said...

I just looked up Erin Andrews, I didn't know who she was- very hot girl! Slam piece! Oh yeah!

ps- QUIT STEALING MY NAME BRO HATER!

bro-j simpson said...

Erin andrews is a slampiece fit for any bro.

Bromeo said...

My bros and I obviously had to body paint at the college world series for our favorite team "Erin Andrews"

Anonymous said...

bro-bo cop you obviously are not a bro if you dont know who erin andrews is.

Anonymous said...

Is it bro to marry Erin andrews?

Bro-Bo Cop (the original asshole) said...

Sorry Bro, I don't watch sports so I had to google this bitch to see who she was.

Brose Cuervo said...

What kind of bro doesn't watch sports?

Joe Brogan said...

Bro-bo cop, your a questionable bro... AT BEST.

Bro-Bo Cop (the original asshole) said...

Whatever. You're all bro haters. (Because you're hatin on me and I'm a bro).

Zack Brorris said...

So let me get this straight....

1. You don't watch sports.

2. You apologized for not watching sports (real bros never apologize, because they are never in the wrong)

3. You explained why everyone is a bro hater (real bros never explain themselves)

4. You used ALL CAPITAL LETTERS and an "!" .......seriously?

I'll go out on a limb here with the rest:

5. You are a vegetarian

6. You may or may not have rounded third base. Once. With a fellow bro-ser.

7. You are, at best, 16 years old.

8. You're beverage of choice is a wine cooler. Chilled.

In conclusion, please leave the bro-ing up to the rest of us and discontinue all posts on this site ever again.

Thanks.

Brocohontas said...

Bros-

I just rubbed one out to this video while eating a fucking steak. I'm so bro its unbrolievable.

Shaquille Bro'neal said...

we have another one of those bro haters on our hands. That's not the original bro-bo cop posting. Real bros and followers of this site already know that This is probably the same tool that was posting about bros liking theatre about 15 posts ago.

rookie

Anonymous said...

Bro's are allowed to date Erin Andrews because she is the hottest slampiece on TV that isnt a dumb slut, but the Bro-King David Wright already swiped her up.

Heywood Jabrome said...

Granted, I love sports. However, I must have been broing it up the night before and blacked out/asleep all the next day because until this site I had NO IDEA Erin Andrews had a sex tape. The question is, was the guy pounding her bro enough to giver her a pearl necklace? Or a mighty dragon?

Bron Paul said...

When Micheal Beasely (huge Bro...although he lost some Bro-cred when he checked into rehab) was at the NBA draft they interviewed him and asked him what his favorite part of the draft was. He quickly responded "I'm strictly here to meet Erin Andrews". I couldnt agree more.

E.A. is banging!
Bros are the Shit!

brOce said...

bro-bo cop, ur obviously a bro-hater. no self respecting bro would ever 1. not watch sports and 2. admit it. in fact you should feel great shame in not being a sports fan and do everything in your power to either hide that fact or better yet, change it. ur life must really suck cause you're missing out on #68 tailgaiting, following #67 famous athletes, #62 fantasy football, #51 taking coed sports seriously, #34 throwback jerseys, #26 blindly hating opposing fans, #15 ultimate fighting, #9 talking about lifting... and so much more.

The Brofessor said...

I agree with broce, Bro-bo cop you are and always will be a bro-hater. Its not your fault, its all in the bro-genes. My father was a bro, just like his father was a bro.

But great topic NYB, erin andrews will always be a quality slam piece.

Brolan Ryan said...

Erin Andrew is definetly hot as shit. The new bitch on Sports Nation name Michelle Beadle is smoking too and she seems to know her shit.

Brocho Cinco said...

Andrews probably doesn't know her shit, there is a bro that tells her what to say. This makes her even hotter. A bra that says whatever a bro tells her to say

Also Bro-Bo Cop your a fag. you probably try to suck your own balls

Brobie Trice said...

Holy shit bros. Lay off Bro-Bo Cop. Yeah, he probably sucks and does all kinds of stupid non-cool bullshit, but I have never heard of Erin Andrews either. I thought she was a famous pornstar that I haven't heard of. She's not, but I looked her up and she should be! Bro-Bo Cop, I too didn't know who she was, but you're still not a bro!

Anonymous said...

whats the link? i have been struggling to find it since the news broke and humbly failed. She so money it is not even fair. If i could be D Wrights rod for 1 day it was be glorious (no homo). Im a legit bro so dont even try to bash since i am struggling with the origin/link. Help a bro-tha out

Tom Broady said...

GREAT POST.

Brobie Trice & Brobo Cop- it is now completely obvious that both of you are not bros and are not even close to being a bro. You're so un-bro that I want to puke then kick your dog after I bang your fat girlfriends, raw-dog in da butt.

Erin Andrews is a major slam piece. Would I bang her? Shit yeah. Would I marry her? Fuck no. Why? Because I'm a bro, motherfucker. I fuck bitches, I don't marry them.

This slam piece is one hot slut though. I love watching her on tv. She is a perfect 10.

Bron Paul said...

If you didnt know who Erin Andrews was like 5 years ago you are not a fucking bro! if you didnt watch the tape like one month ago you are not a fucking bro. My grandpa called me like the day it posted online and he came over and watched it too. I come from generations of true fucking bros. You fucking brosers need to get off this fucking site.

Fuck bitches without Rubbers...

Bro-Bo Cop (the real original asshole, not some pussy) said...

the Bro-Bo Cop on here has nothing to do with the real original bro-bo cop, he is a poser trying to destroy my bro cred, his shit is weak, and I will have to retire my awesome bro name. Its time to move on, and lets let this bro-hater fuck his gameboy advanced while he tries to beat pokemon that he stole from his 7 year old sister

Bronito Mussolini said...

While Erin Andrews is a complete slam piece, we should remember that she violates the #1 rule of being female: she talks.

Fuckin Bro Mamma said...

man these bro-bo cop shit is getting redic! they are all fags. all of them. Erin Andrews is the shit and a fuckin slam piece but lock her down? Fuck that bitch and record it! oh wait somebody already did. now thats a bro

Pac Man Brones said...

BroBro Cop you are a straight bra. Get off this site and get back to your World of Warcraft. Seriously, Erin Andrew's vag would get pounded like a lost puppy with no owner tags.


NYB, here are some ideas for future posts if you are looking for some.
Bros like...Porn; Strip Clubs. Bros hate... womens sports, other bros girlfriends.

Brobie Trice said...

Woah, I see I have a faggot hipster using my name. You probably don't even know who obie trice is you cock sucker. Please do not use my name to appear as a bro you bra. Let's not forget suzy kolber, a straight up cougar. Bro namath (bro king) got drunk as shit and tried to kiss her. true bro for an old man. do not mistake that homo above as me posting


ihsv

Joe Brogan said...

Great idea Pac Man Brones...

Hating other bros girlfriends. They are complete bro haters, always ruining or trying to ruin a good time. I need to restate this to: girlfriends, not other bros girlfriends, because a bro NEVER has a girlfriend- no matter what.

Each time a friend (one of your ex bros) gets a girlfriend, they lose all bro status, with no exceptions. They stop having fun and the next you know, they are a d-bag that gets married. Shortly after this, their bitch gains weight and then they are stuck with an ugly ex-slam piece. Even if they dump the slut, they do not regain bro status, they are forever a non-bro.

Enzo Brorlami said...

Bro Bo Cop imposter -

you're a dicksucker.

I met Erin Andrews working as a scrub ESPN intern 4 years ago at a Thursday night game between Miami and U of H at Reliant Stadium. Total hooker, no doubt Corso and Herby were tag-teaming that bitch in the trailer before the game, making her eat their shit.

the stupid bitch.

I managed to make her feel very uncomfortable, staring obsessively at her.

"Why is that guy staring at me?" she was probably wondering.

Fuck you skank. You're a fucking whore and I can do whatever I want.

BROhemian Rhapsody said...

lets not forget about that other hot lil espn slut, stacy dales!! she needs a sex tape as well - buit the erin andrews tape is a 10/10

Alexander BROvechkin said...

Correct me if I am wrong but the tape I saw was of her doing her hair and checking herself out(by herself) - while awesome, not a sex tape.

Pac Man Brones said...

Joe Brogan,
You know what else pisses me off about girlfriends? The fact that whenever you are trying to bro out (READ: pregame with people who can actually drink and then go to the bars to crush on slampieces), the girlfriend is always like, well you don't care if I come along too cause I'm like one of the guys. Fuck you, dumpster slut, you aren't one of the guys. If you were one of the guys, you wouldn't drink three beers and start crying about how your daddy doesn't love you and instead you would be doing something useful like stealing shit. And then when your bro finally mans up for once and tells her to stay in the kitchen, she cries about how she has to stay home all alone that night. Why don't these girlfriends ever have their own friends to hang out with, like not even one single hot or easy friend that she could use as a bartering item to hang out with us? Damn hoebagged hoes.


Brobie Trice, good to see that was a f'n impostor. I had given you mad cred for knowing about Obie Trice in the first place, but I was having my doubts when that impostor used your sign in name. Check out the rapper Red Cafe, you'll be shocked its not actually Obie Trice.

Bro Dirt said...

Erin Andrews loves it back door no baby. I would know..

David Wright said...

Let's just say Erin Andrews makes it rain...

Ichibro said...

EA shaves that snatch and has some dime-ass titties. Brolicious.

Bet Karl Ravech filmed that shit.

Brogasm said...

Bro-Bo Cop is most definetely a bro-hater. Are we in fuckin geometry or somethin cuz i see a square. Robo Cop was cool in like third grade. Real Bros watch The Departed, Good Fellas, and A night in Paris.


In addition to me about to watch the Erin Andrews sex tape. Thanks for the heads up, a real brofessional move.

703NOVA-Bro N Go said...

Bro n go ishy ish

Brobama said...

Gonna have to go with brogasm on this one. Don't forget the Bro-urne Ultimatim that movie is the bee's knees.

Bro-Bo Cop needs to jump on more cock like the bro-hater he is.

EA sex tape scale of 1-10 a bro-illion.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget Erin Andrews was in a #59 sorority. So she's slampiece and she and she knows it. I bet she gave so many brojobs at her formals.

Brone star state said...

bro bo cop sucks anal farts, bros love erin andrews and would definetly bang her, screw that marriage shit. i hate bro-haters (i.e boyfriends and bro bo cop) get him out.

slam erin andrews

bro power

SigChiBro said...

It is a complete fallacy that bros lose all their bro cred when they get a girlfriend. IE:My bro actually had 2 GF's at once. It is actually very easy to do if u just delete ur fb account. Extra bro points go to bro's who slay their girlfriends friends, have multiple girlfriends, or slay just as much as they did when they were single but maintain having that bottom slam-piece because she knows what is good for her and would never speak up to a bro.

Notorious B.R.O said...

exactly, having a girl friend means you can start #65 cheating on her

The Man With Bro Name said...

Erin Andrews is the ultimate slampiece.


Name another model-hot chick that could give you fantasy football advice while you're railing her snatch balls-deep. This woman is a bra-dess.

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