Wednesday, January 6, 2010

#100 Hating Guidos

It’s Winter Break. For the past three weeks you’ve been lying around your house counting down the days until you can get out of this bro-hater house you refer to as “home” and back to your #32 bro pad at school. I mean seriously, who the fuck does your Mom think she is? Wake up before 2pm? Clean your dishes? Take out the trash? No #74 smoking in the house? Take it easy on the drinking? What the fuck is this? Nazi Germany? She’s lucky she pays your tuition or you would totally #97 Upper Deck the shit out of her bathroom. As you lie on the couch yelling that all the mothers on the paternity test episode of “Maury” are fucking whores, you get a call from your bro Joey from College.

“Bro, what are you up to this weekend?”

You’ve got nothing planned, but you don’t want him to think you’re a fucking loser, so you make up some story about some slutty you’re trying to bang.

“Forget all that shit,” he tell you, “My bro is having a party up here in Jersey, 5 kegs, fucking slam pieces everywhere, you’ve got to come.”

After arguing with him about how it’s like a 6-hour drive and how fucking expensive tolls are, he agrees to guarantee dick-wetness and pay your tolls. You compliment him on driving such a hard bargain and agree to go.

That weekend, after a long ass drive you finally make it to Jersey. Since you were late getting on the road you agreed to meet Joey at the party. As you roll up to the spot you see a shitload of cars parked in the driveway – “Ah, #23 drinkers and drivers,” you think, “this is going to be my type of party.” But those positive thoughts quickly start to fade. As you approach the house all you can hear is a repetitive thumping and all you see are flashing lights coming from the windows. In a state of denial that would make OJ proud, you open the door. What the fuck.

You’re eyes dart around the room in shock and disbelief. There’s enough hair gel in this place to fill up a fucking swimming pool. You notice a group of guys with designer jeans, shaved eyebrows, and muscle tees in the corner jumping up and down and pumping their fists. At first think you’re at some gay rights rally – but, it’s much worse – it’s a Guido Party.

You’re friend emerges with a girl in the strobe light and for the first time since you’ve known him, his hair is blown out.

“Great Party right? Check out this slam piece, she saw your facebook picture and promised to go down on you.”

Having never turned down an effortless blowjob you are intrigued, but then you see her: you can barely make out that she’s covered in tattoos of Italy, it’s flag, and even one of Tony Soprano because she’s as orange as a fucking carrot. I guess there’s a fucking first for everything.

You glare at your “bro” and angrily shout, “I don’t even fucking know you!”
As you storm out of the party amidst screams of “Cannoli!!” and “Cheesballs!!” and people trying to fight, you finally get outside and in one of your weaker moments almost start crying out of shock, that is until you stop yourself. You’re a bro – you don’t fucking cry – but you do fucking hate Guidos.

For the most part, bros are very tolerant individuals. They realize all the bro-hatred that is out there caused by ignorance. But since bros are by definition the smartest people on the fucking planet, they realize there are people who are just not acceptable. Bros hate #89 hipsters, but even more than their aggression towards these freak shows is bros hatred of Guidos.

Long before the rest of the World found out how much they hated Guidos thanks to “The Jersey Shore,” bros were well aware. Guidos are everything that is wrong with America. What the fuck goes through the mind of a Guido when he gets ready to go to the fucking #45 club? “If I don’t look tan as shit in the middle of fucking February and keep up on my Steroid Injections, then there’s no way I’m going to be able to bang this disease ridden whore with four pounds of makeup and a tramp stamp tattoo of her ex-boyfriend’s name?”

Honestly, do Guidos actually think they look good? What World do they fucking live in? While the rest of the country laughs at The Jersey Shore and claims that it is the degeneration of America, you know that there are thousands of Guidos out there trying new steroids and making videos to submit to be in Jersey Shore 2 because Snookie and “The Situation” are fucking icons.

The only thing that Guidos really have going for them is that they can talk all the shit they want for one reason and one reason alone: thanks to The Sopranos people think their family is in the fucking Mafia. They rely on this in every altercation because they know if people really knew they worked as $7 an hour day-laborers, their words would be powerless.

Now I know this is going to cause a stir with all you Guidos out there who thought you were bros, but I don’t give a fuck. I’m not attacking “who you are” because your skin is not really Orange, steroids are not natural, your eyebrows are shaved and that 2 pounds of gel was not in your hair when you were born. Guidos love to get fucked up and bang slam pieces just like bros, just don’t act like a fucking clown when you do it.

108 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hate Guidos so fucking much.

Bron Paul said...

NYB, couldnt agree more. These overbeearing donkey fucking dipshits have to focus on other things in life because they do not have a brain. This is most likely due to the insane amount of gel soaking through their skull. I hate going out and running into a flock of these fags. Any fucking slut that has ever been with a guido in my mind is permenantly tainted. Guidos are gay...
-Bros are the shit!

Anonymous said...

These days Arabs, or more specifically Chaldeans, are bigger "guidos" than even Italians.

Even worse is they all do all that same gel, steroids, tanning and other shit and decide to yell shit in Arabic during parties.

Sir Brobin Hood said...

Guidos fuckin blow, but I cannot keep my eyes of of Jersey Shore. Thank you MTV.

Anonymous said...

Watching Guidos on jersey shore is like watching retards play with legos, you feel bad watching them fuck up and struggle but its just so funny you cant stop. Guidos are the worst of the bro wannabes and are obviously less successful at slamming slam pieces as the situation has proved countless times. Guidos are the one type of person that makes bros want to leave a dump on the dance floor just to get those queers out of the club.

Bro-ham in Md said...

Agreed! Guido's are the biggest douche bags on earth! And Guidette's are annoying fucking tramps that when encountered I just want to slap the fucking shit out of! With that said, I can't help but laugh when watching Jersey Shore cause they are fucking clueless! Bros are the shit!

Nicky Fresh said...

great post. the visuals i saw when reading this made me think I was watching Jersey Shore. lol.

where are the guys that post these stories live? Just asking because I'm from New Hampshire, which is also 6 hours away from jersey. would be funny if these guys are from NH as well.

Mike Brosen said...

i would like to take this time to clear something up. i read this post with my slam piece. and she said "wait, aren't guidos kinda bro-ish too"

as a member of the north jersey community, i've seen first hand guidos and theyre fucking guidettes. guidos are not bros. there are NO "guidbros". Bros do not partake in the following activities:
1. fake tanning
2. dumb hair styles
3. retarted dance moves
4. drinking slampiece mixed drinks

if any of your bros shows symptoms of this guido epidemic, be sure to call for an intervention. and fuck the jersey shore

Livin' at the Bro-zone Lair said...

awesome post, anytime i see guidos all i can think of is how hard they have to try to get slam pieces (hair gel, tanning, retarded dance moves)

bros simply have to walk into a party and the slam pieces flock, that is the major difference between a bro and guido

bronavon frankenreiter said...

i am from long island. i am italian. and i HATE guidos. i am sick of going to the beach in the summer and seeing herds of orange roid pumped monkeys wearing oversized fake gucci glasses and affliction shirts sit around jerkin each other off while listening to techno. they are not bros. the day they got their eyebrows waxed disqualified them from ever being more than a bitch

Anonymous said...

This reminds me when me and some of my bros were back in high school. It was freshman Friday and we were seniors. We saw some freshman wanna-be Guido with his hair all blown out walking down the hall way. What did we do? Fuckin flushed his gel in the toilet and turned his blowout into an Alfalfa.

Bros are the shit.

The Bro One said...

Mike Brosen - You are totally right, and there is nothing that gets me more pissed off than a misguided guido thinking he is a bro.

naBROlean Dine-on-a-dike said...

mike brosen: completely agree with everything you said, except for the generalization of mixers. one of my favorite ways to get fucked up is a capt and coke - drain a third of a 2 liter coke, then just fill that shit back up with capts, jack, jim, etc. chug it and your on your way to blackout city and a night full of multiple slampieces.

BROS RULE

Anonymous said...

This is the only post I've ever seen I do not agree with, a REAL guido is just a northern version of a bro. This stupid jersey shore show has got everyones image of a guido fucked

Sparty On, Garth said...

One of the hardest I've ever laughed in my life was seeing snookie getting punched in the face. All the girls on that show are so fucking ugly and desperate for attention. Seriously, JWowws hair looks like she dipped 1/3 of her hair into a gallon of skunk semen.

Fuck guidos and fuck ed hardy. Thanks to these fucking retards, anytime I go down south, people are genuinely surprised I'm not wearing a fucking affliction T sans hair gel. Vinny on jersey shore calling those guys at the club "frat boys" made me want to throw my landshark at the tv. No fraternity member would ever be caught dead with orange spray tan and American Eagle attire.

Guidos are the bain of my existance. Even worse that guidos are white middleclass suburban kids who have replaced their cute little hollister fag gear with ed hardy, designer lids and stud earrings.

What the fuck is this country fucking coming to.

Bros>guidos said...

I didn't think bros even watched that shit. The extent of my Jersey Shore experience is My New Haircut and a clip of a girl getting punched in the face by a retard. Sorry if I was never exposed to them because I spent my youth in boarding schools and at my family's house during the summer.

Northern versions of bros are not Guidos. They are dudes who were born rich and have nice shit (read: yachts, clothes, houses, cars, trust funds) aka WASP's. Last time I checked, Guidos do not have any of that stuff.

class o' Br09 said...

Mike Brosen, thank you for representing north jersey as a fellow bro and proving the misconception that NJ is all a bunch of guidos.

NJ is full of bros that throw down, crush kegs and slay slampieces nonstop.

fuck guidos.

anti-guid said...

bronavon frankenreiter...i'm in the same predicament as you. which is why i find this site hysterical/our only saving grace for what good is left on LI

http://getoffourisland.com/

Anonymous said...

guidos are not bros at all. Thank you for posting this. I'm from New Jersey and I'm sick of these fucking New York Guidos coming to the Jersey Shore and making it seem that Guidos are from Jersey. Some may be from North Jersey but most are from Long Island and fucking Connecticut. As someone mentioned, a true bro would not even watch Jersey Shore.

Anonymous said...

Im Italian but no hate on me because of it. I don't use hair gel or buy those designer clothes or any other bullshit those jackoffs do on jersey shore.

Mike Brosen said...

naBROlean Dine-on-a-dike: you are very right about mixed drinks. nothin better then redbull and vodka for a tuesday boozeday. i was referring however to dirti martinis and cosmos. guidos inhale that shit by me. shits just ina"bro"priate

Bros Def said...

"I didn't think bros even watched that shit. The extent of my Jersey Shore experience is My New Haircut and a clip of a girl getting punched in the face by a retard. Sorry if I was never exposed to them because I spent my youth in boarding schools and at my family's house during the summer."

-Bros>Guidos

*stands and applauds*

Nebroska said...

NYB, thank you for posting this. Many bro haters out there think that guidos = bros. This misconception has hampered the bro community, and the unneeded loss of bro points. I hope the word gets out.

Anonymous said...

I had a feeling this post would be coming, and I'm glad it did. Being on the westcoast we dont see many guidos, but when we do, it is more pronounced since they are the vast minority, making their douchery stand out even harder.

Bros run this shit.

In hoc no joke.

Anonymous said...

great post... fucking guidos suck. we all make fun of Jersey Shore and all the fucking guidos drinking vodka

BROmethazine said...

hate guidos, but they are a good source of laughs

case and point:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dccsFXH6WHc

Matt Rosenberg said...

As a long time guido and bro. I would like to make a case for myself. Yes i tan everyday, shave my eyebrows, and took steroids a few years ago. I smoke weed everyday so that is all you need to know. Guidos and bros can coexist!

Bro Job said...

NYB, I was getting nervous about no Tuesday post, but this made up for it being a day late. Thank you.

If you say Chay, you're a faggot guido said...

I don't agree that real bros don't watch jersey shore. Because as NYB stated, making fun of fags and giving losers shit is a total bro move. That's like telling me I can't watch BET or listen to rap to make fun of urban people.

Kurt Brobain said...

Bros are superior to guidos in every fuckin way. Bros pull more bitches, would kick a guido's ass in a barfight, and don't do gay shit like fake tan.

Mike Brosen said...

Is matt rosenberg a bro? i don't know, but i feel like i need closure on this issue. im sorry but i cant see tanning and shaving eyebrows as a bro activity such as playing fantasy football or madden. can someone please help me out on this. are there guidbros out there? i vote no. i mean, its like comparring apples and oranges. they can be the oranges i guess, most tans are pretty dumb

Ech Brocation said...

I don't watch Jersey Shore, because Guidos (and New Jersey for that matter) are that awful. They're not even comedic to me.

Anonymous said...

Don't even put in that last sentence...I hate fuckin guidos

Anonymous said...

The only real reason to even fucking watch Jersey Shore is because of :
1. The drinking game
2. Slam pieces watch it
3. Fucking making fun of the douchebag guidos

KimBRO Slice said...

Mike Brosen, North Jersey represent. I couldn't agree more. I am italian and have been hating guidos since I first saw them. It's bad enough we have to deal with their shit all summer, now MTV went ahead and made a show for the winter. Keep livin the dream Bros. Brover and Out

SpongeBro BigDick said...

I would rather stab myself in the leg once a month for the rest of my life than be from new jersey.

BROman BROlanski said...

I am so wasted right now bros.

ASU Sun Bro said...

Guidos are pieces of crap. Not even close to a brodawg. I do have 2 questions though...

1. Is it completely un-bro to use hair gel?
2. Can bros have long hair?

Anonymous said...

im from long island and i fucking hate guidos. they are the reason i hate long island too. since when are blown-out, orange skinned, monkeys allowed into a yacht club? i mean come on.

Anonymous said...

ASU Sun Bro, hairgel=not bro. You might as well have a guido blow a load in your hair. And longhair=not bro. Who wants to look like a fucking bra?

Bro-ston said...

Pauly D from Jersey Shore shows bro potential. He bangs pussy (disease ridden guidettes but still does work), jumped on the grenade for a little while the situation got some, and is a DJ. If he wasnt a faggot guido with massive blowouts he'd be a bro

Seth Brogan said...

There is nothing wrong with styling your hair, with that being said, blowouts,mowhawks, ect. are not acceptable.

Also, many spring breakers from up north have gone to the tan bed before they make their pilgramage to mecca aka panama. This isnt to be gay, but we all know what its like to go to the beach during the winter and get burned the first day, thus making every day after that a burning off of your flesh, pretty soon your peeling everywhere from your nose to your ass. this doesnt mean getting orange from overtanning, just a good base.

briowa-bro said...

completely agree with the post... me and my bros watch jersey shore and laugh our asses off... and while gettin all fucked up as, usual, we'll do a fist pump just mocking those fuckin guidos .... bros are fuckin smart as shit and don't need any help from 'juicin' or fake tans to pick up slam pieces... and would never give a fat-ugly guidette like snooki the pleasure of even blowin us

naBROlean Dine-on-a-dike said...

Seth Brogan: mohawks are only deemed acceptable for sports teams...my high school hockey and LAX teams got mohawks whenever we made the state tournament. however if you are not on at least a varsity sport and you have a mohawk, then sorry, not a bro

Anonymous said...

the problem i have with guido shore is that too many people think bro=guido and guido=bro. and regardless of their intent, if bros watch and talk about it, that just fuels this ignorance.

Anonymous said...

a friend of mine went to school with the "typical fraternity loser" (pauly d) that punched out snookie and he said that this man punched her because he "thought she was a man". a true icon for all bros

Anonymous said...

I am hungover as shit after a night of drinking and watching the nat championship game, but thanks NYB for making my ancient egyptian archeology class way better.

Brobie Trice said...

Bros do not use hair gel under any circumstance. Unless, by chance, you're in the bathroom of a myrtle beach hotel and a bra offers you an hj and hair gel is the only available lube (true story). Anyways, the American Crew line of hair care products are the only products used by true bros, that's common knowledge.
Tanning is acceptable for one week prior to a southern vacation in order to develop a precautionary base coat. *Note: only northern bros are eligible for this.
Bros don't go to clubs.
Bros aren't functionally retarded.
Bros <> Guidos.
Guidos ARE shit.
Bros are THE shit.

That should clear up any confusion. You're welcome.

Johnny McEnbro said...

There is no difference between hair gel and American Crew. Hair product is hair product and if you have y-chromosomes and your mouth is not eager for cock, you should not use it.

BROmar Vizquel said...

off topic but me and my bro got into an argument the other day about this:

is blink 182 an acceptable band for bros to listen to? they're one of my all time favorites, but he says they're just emo wrist cutter music.

Anonymous said...

Yo fellow Jersey bros stop defending New Jersey about this Jersey Shore shit. Guidos are faggots aka people from long island but Jersey is the shit. As someone that is from is from the Jersey shore all I have to say is let the haters hate they just wish they were from here. Bros hate guidos.

brolindo mare said...

GTL

Titanium tetraBROmide said...

Brobie Trice Corrections needed for your post: base coats are unnecessary as TRUE Bros don't have to stay in the sun long enough to burn. reason: they walk out to the beach and a slampiece instantly walks up and he then takes her to her room to slam her. Secondly if you know the brand of your shampoo(the only acceptable hair product) then you are not bro.

To Bromar Vizquel I'm gonna vote that Blink 182 is Bro or at least Bro-in-training music cuz they allow to chant (Whats my age again) while chuggin Mountain Dew with your other bros-in-training or downing pitchers at the bar on Two Dollar Tuesday.

Finally brolindo mare: GTL thats fag shit, ShitShowerShaveSlam if you cant slam with the 4-S system then you are not bro.

Anonymous said...

Blink 182 may not be as bro as Dave Matthews but its still legit bro.

Anonymous said...

For everyone hating on guidos.....fuck you!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

If I didn't already treat this site as my mortherfucking mantra, I do now.

Guido's are lower than scum of the earth. I can't tell you how many fights I should have been in, but didn't because some guido decided "I wasn't feckin' werth it" before the first punch was thrown.

And oh my FUCKING god I just saw Jersey Shore for the first time a few days ago. Kill me now that show is a disgrace. Do we seriously wonder why the entire world hates us when they see this shit as an interpritation of what we're actually like?

But don't worry. I only saw Jersey Shore because of some slampiece I was working on. She made me watch it, and I promptly removed her number from my phone while driving home.

I hate guido's more than I hate bro-haters and hipsters. But goddamnit do I love bros. And this site.

Anonymous said...

There is an add for New Jersey at the bottom of this page.......

Franco ColomBRO said...

Bro King NYB,

Another solid posting - bros fucking hate Guidos. Great Sopranos reference with the "What the fuck is this? Nazi Germany?" Uncle June was a serious bro. broslikethissite.com is my favorite non-fiction website to read. Keep up the good work NYB.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure that every Guido suffers from some form of Down Syndrome. The only good thing about them is the comedic value that they supply.

As the article said, Bros have always hated Guidos, but "Jersey Shore" (which is a hilarious show) has opened everyone else's eyes to how retarded they are.

I do not know any Guido's personally (thank God), but I did meet Snookie and Paulie D a few weeks ago at my company's holiday party. Paulie D actually hooked up with a girl from my company and took her home. Needless to say she has received non-stop criticism since.

BroCAT said...

Fucking Classic Post.I fucking hate Guidos they make us Italians look horrible.The jersey shore isnt a reality show its a comedy show bc,Guidos r that fucking stupid! Guidettes are even worse for how trashy they are and they both look like there from planet Orange.As being A long Islnd bro people forget that Nassau County,parts close to the city, Staten island and the Hamptons in the summer are guido city!Check out www.getoffourisland.com for some classic Guido bashing.By any stretch Guido's r not bros!

Anonymous said...

Fuck the Benny Guidos from North Jersey and New York for clogging up the Jersey Shore beaches with their faggot ed hardy gear. Real bros would know that the true people who live at the jersey shore love drinking, partying, surfing, and most importantly Bruce Springsteen.

Barack BRObama said...

Bros dont gel up their hair and get fake tans to attract slam pieces. Slam pieces are naturally drawn to them. The less effort to slam a slam piece, the more bro said slamming is.

BROOOOO said...

Woah woah woah. Bros dont have parents who bitch at them and tell them to stop drinking. And bros dont lie about slaying slam pieces to sound cool. Having gay parents and lying are 2 complete un-brolike moves. Good thing im a bro and dont have parents up my ass or lie about fucking bitches. Being a bro fucking rules.

chevBROlet tahBROe said...

i unfortunaely had to leave for a cruise out of new jersey once. about 95% of the ship was guidos. all day and night u could hear them yelling for their coronas and cigs. they leave a line of trash and slime as they walk. it was awful.

testudBRO said...

im a proud jersey bro...although i go to school in the dc area and i would like to say that most guido assholes are not actually from jersey but from the cesspools of staten and long island. rest assured that jersey bros stand firm in their hatred of all things guido. hilarious stuff NYB

Anonymous said...

whoever disagrees with NYB on what he says a bro does is a moron seeing as how he defined the term "bro". BROOOOOO your just a skidmark on the underpants of brodom

Anonymous said...

why do guidos love brotein shakes so much, some even go as far as taking human browth hormones

eskibro said...

guidos are a bunch of cockmunching shitheads who ruin jersey for everyone, great 100th post NYB

Anonymous said...

Obama is NOT a bro. Never has been. NEVER WILL

FlannyBRO said...

There is not one Guidette that I would call a slampiece. That slut J-woww is the closest those fucking sloots are gonna get.

Anonymous said...

Way to make there be more than 69 comments, douche bag.

BurghBro said...

guidos are definitely very inabropriate people. im embarrassed for them. why cant you just see how terrible you are as a guido. disgusting to the entire brohood.

SigChiBro said...

Fuck guidos. I'm sick and tired of seeing these fagots run around my school with blowout haircuts. It's a fucking disgrace. Worst part of all is that many bros here have become tolerant of their ridiculous acts of metro-sexuality and roid raged spray tan binges. I am glad you could clear up the differences between a bro and a guido for my fraternity brothers as they all read this shit religiously.

In Hoc Signo Vinces BROther

Toyota coBROlla said...

I FUCKEN HATE Guids...

- token BRO

Anonymous said...

guidos want to be bros, bros never want to be guidos

Anonymous said...

By far the worst post i've read on this site.........guidos may have some weird tendacies but when it comes down to it their main goal is that of every bro and that is getting pussy....If you are calling The Situation not a bro you definitely need to rethink your brohood.....

Anonymous said...

no guidos here.. were all about the lax bros...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUO8s8mcvq0

Anonymous said...

In true bro fashion, I've never seen Jersey Shore.

Anonymous said...

Im from NJ and these fucking guidos on Jersey Shore give us a bad rap. nj is full of bros, not stupid guidos

Anonymous said...

Just for the record, bros DO NOT wear v-necks, unless it's as an undershirt. Fuck that guido shit

Theodore Broosevelt said...

Shit bro, I got lured to one of those fucking parties, my token bro and I stole the keg, those guidos didn't deserve it and since we were bros and therefore smarter, they didn't even fucking notice us take it

Brosa Parks said...

Dude. Bros and their hoes are the farthest things from Guidos and Guidettes. It's fucking truth.

Anonymous said...

Brobama hating on fucking guidos with a tax on tanning salons haha.. taxing the rich though losing a lot of brocred though

Anonymous said...

This is why I love Canada, they're practically non existant over here!
At least where I live...

Pablo Brocasso said...

Guidos are fake ass bros who think that fist pumping, hair gel, and fag drinks are the coolest thing since Brosef Stalin.

Additionally, and guido who uses steroids and wears fag muscle shirts with their spray on tans is a bro poser.

DOFFs > Guidos

If any bros have any guido wannabes in their group of bros needs an intervention as soon as bro possible (ASABP)

Anonymous said...

guidos are wastes of space, oxygen, hairgel and electricity for their fake tans. no self respecting bro would ever climb into a tanning bed or be spray painted orange.

and blink 182 is awesome. "it would be nice to have a blow job, it would be nice to have a blowjob from your mom"

LaxBro said...

Guidos are a fucking cancer to the entire bro-nation, the fact that people get them confused with real bros has hampered the advancement of the bro-nation for too long. im from florida and when im not raw doggin slam pieces or rippin sweet corner shots on the field me and the bros are slamin down brews and hating on guidos

Get rid of the guidos and stop sending them down here to us

Brotato said...

Guindians are the worse they think they are italian when they are clearly indians

DanilBRO Gallinari said...

Bros hate guidos because they are rival groups who have so much in common. All of the things that bros like, especially #9 Talking About Lifting, #14 Talking About How Important (Mafia) their family is, #31 One Night Stands, #61 Vegas, #69 Fake Tits, #85 Aggressive Driving, #90 Wasting Money, #109 Being Good Looking (mirror pics??), and as always #114 Rioting and #121 Fighting.

Bros and guidos have more in common than people realize.

Franklin Delabro Broosevelt said...

fuck guidos. im a grown bro, born and raised on the jersey shore as a bro and seen all these faggots 'rage' all around me. these faggots slum the beaches all around my town.

terrell BROwens said...

i dont think there is anyone i hate more than fucking guidos. it makes certain cities (new york) almost intolerable because of fucking long island. that place is guid fucking central.

Anonymous said...

Guidos are the funniest fuckin thing ive ever seen and too all you 'bros' that ask 'can a bro do this or that' thn ur not a bro...

afbro samurai said...

i completely agree with you FDB, New York guidos fucking ruin nj beaches

Brotimus Gordon said...

I like to see how my fellow bromans react to the cashed out hits that are guidos. Who in their right mind actually likes living with their mother's and having them cut the food for them? I could never take a slam piece over to my mom's house, cuz a real bro fucks em too hard for mom not to notice.

Jersey Bro said...

I agree with you 100%. however jersey is not filled with guidos. most of them are from staten island and parts of new york. please do not associate jersey with "those" people. otherwise this article is great. keep up the good work

Anonymous said...

Now dont get me wrong, guidos are annoying as shit but i have no problem with the great job mtv/jersey shore has done with the slutification of america

Anthony said...

The only thing worse than a guido is a wannabe guido. I met this faggot wannabe guido in the bar who threatened to kill me if i ever did my girl at the time wrong. I told him to go back to where he came from and reminded him that he was in my town. I live in Georgia and we dont fuck around here. We hate guido assholes who come down here and constantly bitch about the south and talk about how great the north is. If it is so good the go the fuck back! I found out a few weeks later that he is from Tennessee and probably takes it up the ass better than ru paul. Fuck guidos. I really hate that mother fucker. Also, i found this site today and i love it. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

Guidos are the shit, they do everything bros do only way betta/harda, bein a guidos a way of life, GTL is the shit and its the reason im with the girl you wish you could even talk to

Bro-G said...

Gotta love bros! I see a lot of hatred in this post and it's pretty funny actually haha. No, I'm not a guido. I'm not from New Jersey, Staten Island, or anywhere on the East Coast actually. I'm actually currently attending college in Oregon. I agree with EVERYONE when they say it's not bro to fake & bake, take roids, wear a bunch of designer shit, or spend 30 minutes on their hair.

Now on the other hand, I don't think it's bad to go out and get a REAL tan. But you can't go out and lay in your backyard. Go fishing, running, biking... Whatever. Do it naturally. Also, nothing wrong with working out and trying to stay in shape. ALL bros know that chicks like a guy in shape. In terms of clothing, overdressing is fucking retarded. No one cares about your 13 different brands you're wearing. Do the brands really matter? If you like a certain brand... Wear it, not excessively though. Don't look like a fucking douche. Bros know how to look good, we do it simplistically.

Everyone has a huge problem with the "blowout" haircut, and the fuck ton of gel. Here's my opinion on it... As mentioned before, bros know how to look good. Personally, I wear gel in my hair, but not a whole bunch of it. A dime sized amount. Do I do it all the time? No. Do I have a blowout? Not really. I can gel the sides, and back of my hair, but it's not like the super intense shit you see. I keep it classy.

The point of my post is that there is a difference between Guido's and knowing how to maintain yourself.

Yeah, I gel my hair and I like to look good. I'm also not closed minded, or a douche. I like rock, rap, country, pop and some jazz. I follow the 4S system. Shit, Shower, Shave, Slam.

Hope everyone enjoyed reading this, let me get some responses now!

Bro Out.

GMC BROnoma said...

Bro-G I have mixed feelings about ur comment. the only time "blow" and "bro" should be used in the same sentence is when some dumb slut tells her friends at the bar "i totally want to blow that bro"... i do have to agree though, bros naturally look good, we lift insane amounts of weight without the juice or the spray on tans and bikinis those fag pro bodybuilders endorse. i cant justify spending $200 on a shirt thats going to end up getting tossed across the bar, left at a broad's apartment, or puked on. i picked up a plaid shirt for $7 and my bro who has the same style shirt for $60 more thought i paid the same price he did. bros are smart enough to find bargains, or steal the nice clothes. i have a whole rack of DC shit i lifted from Zumies in Syracuse. guidos are fags. iv been to seaside and almost knocked about 6 of them out. but that show is fake as a vegas strippers tits. there are cops everywhere. none of the fights u see on that show are real. of course the pigs would gladly allow us to take charge, they know who pays their fuckin salary, but there are no bros whatsoever on that show so they dont enjoy that kind of freedom in real life.

Bro-G said...

GMC BROnoma, I agree with you on a few things there. I'll start with from the beginning. About "blow" and "bro" being used in the same sentence... that was hilarious! Guess you don't have to call it a "blowout" i just call it a taper fade when I go get my hair cut. Simple, looks good, chicks love it and I get it from Great Clips. The only thing I have that goes with my workout is Weigh Protein Complex, but those are not steroids so it doesn't matter. I don't need to go to the gym to look good. I spent $30 on a pull up bar that works my upper body so damn good. In terms of clothing, I am a damn bargain hunter. I'm not saying I am cheap... Just saying that as a college student, I need to know how to spend my money and look good at the same time. You might not like my next comment but hear me out...
You said there are no bros on that show, but I think Pauly D and Vinny are bros. Yeah they might be Guidos but heres why I think they are bros. What makes a bro? Were badass, we attract women, we know how to have fun, we don't deal with stupid bullshit drama, we don't have our heads up our asses all the time. We like to have fun and of course we're cocky sometimes, but we don't walk around thinkin our shit don't stink. That's why I think they could possibly fall under the bro category. They get chicks, don't give a fuck and have a good time.

Thanks for the reply man!!

Bro Out.

Anonymous said...

Fuck GTL its GDL gym drink lax.

Brosef Haydn said...

"1. fake tanning
2. dumb hair styles
3. retarted dance moves
4. drinking slampiece mixed drinks"

This is a brilliant list of non-bro things to do. This post is the truth.

Eff guidos

Robert said...

As an Italian bro, not a GUIDO, I think I may hate the guido douche lords more than most bros. They disgust me and give me a bad name.

KK said...

Bro, if there's anyone of these "Hating..." posts that i actually give a fuck about it's this one and "Hating Hipsters" since they actually have a direct effect on me. Both groups are fuckin disgusting

Understand where you guys are coming from shitting on Bieber and Socialites, and trust me, there are days when i'm pissed off with them too, but that's sorta annoying as hell in my mind - like society's made it kinda 'hip' to piss all over them.

Anonymous said...

There are only two types of people in this world; those that have perfect bro bodies and those that crave them sexually. When an imperfect male such the guido first sees a bro, they become BROver awed by the perfect male body that bros have to the point that guidos start sexually craving them. Guidos lift weights and pump steroids hoping to build a male body that they think a bro could possibly like ignoring the fact that bros never like male bodies sexually back. Guidos refuse to accept this fact so they keep tons of gel in their hair that they can quickly run their fingers and stick up their butts hoping to be the first to capture a gay urge out of a bro for just a second. This is how the guido prepares himself to catch! When the reality that bros can never like men sexually finally hits a guido, guidos get BROverwhelmed to the point of desperation and start attention whoring by dying their skin orange for the same reason fat, skanky, ugly bras dye their hair pink or purple.


Another type of imperfect male that craves the bro body sexually is the lazy tranny! They go by various names such as hippie, rocker, metal head, grunger, goth, emo, scene, hipster, and many more. The lazy tranny has a little more sense than the guido since they realize that bros are only sexually attracted to the female body. Lazy trannies are under the delusion that wearing their sisters’ tightest jeans and black makeup and black nail polish will make them competitive with bras for the sexual attention of bros. Lazy trannies won’t even make the effort diligent trannies do to make themselves attractive to men such removing all facial and body hair except scalp but partially removing eyebrows to a sexier shape, taking female hormones, getting breast implants, facial and sex change surgery let alone what bras do to try to get the sexual attention of bros. When lazy trannies get rejected by bros, they turn to affirmative action like bullshit arguments as to why it is only fair that bros ass slam them to. When that doesn’t work, they get more bitter than Hillary Clinton and make futile attempts to act worthy by pretending to be too good for bros. Just because half of the lazy trannies look more like a bra than Hillary does doesn’t mean bros want to ass slam them. As far as slamming diligent trannies go, even the most diligent tranny can never look like a bra except on television with lots of porn movie camera tricks so the stupid questions about slamming them are mute.


They are several other types of imperfect males that also sexually crave the bro body but I am limiting this post to the two most common types. So my fellow bros, when you see a guido, lazy tranny, or any other type of homosexual/imperfect male on campus or elsewhere, remember one thing, our bodies created this condition in them. This is natural. It is only mental illness when imperfect males expect bros to be sexually attracted back.

lasa5529 said...

I'm a girl from north jersey, italian and can't stand guids guy and girl! I don't go fake tanning so a guy should NEVER have any reason to! I only date BROS. Guys who wear more designer clothes and spend longer to get ready then I do are a huge turnoff. Give me a bro who wears a sports t, shorts and a fitted anyday.

Anonymous said...

Hey you can totally be a metalhead and a bro. I'm in on of the the hardest partying, most infamous frats around. If you're a bro in the Greek system, you'll probably know which one. And I've got a reputation as the hardest partying and the only Asian tank at drinking (and only talented in bed Asian) they know. Metalheads are most often much of the same. We like sex, drugs, and metal. We also hate pretty much the exact same people that bros do. Moshing, just pure guys bashing the shit out of each other, is our favourite sport, especially when a I, 5'8", can beat anyone down in the pit or in a fight. We love to drink like hell. The women are into different things heheheheh... Most guys like UFC. I also like the rave scene because MDMA is the best party drug. And girls that go to raves are high off their ass and super (and not in a nasty slutty wat) hot. I think you can have more of an identity than being solely a bro. You just have to be primarily a bro at heart. Guidos, hipsters, punk kids, goths (they are not metalheads, don't confuse them), white trash, gangstas, nerds, metros, and anyone whose philosophy is to be a pussy are most likely all exceptions, as they are not groups where mutual membership into brodom is possible, due to their absolute failure at understanding the important things in life.

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