Wednesday, March 3, 2010

#108 Spring Break

It’s early March and this fucking snow isn’t going anywhere. After spending pretty much the entire month of February off of school due to “dangerous campus conditions,” getting wasted with your bros and smashing snow men that all those fucking #80 losers made around campus, you’re sick of this shit. If you hear one more “yellow snow” joke you’re going to fucking lose it. You even heard some rumor that there might actually be make-up classes. Fuck that shit. The only make-up that a bro ever should have to deal with shows up on their pillowcase the mornings after a midnight ride to Pound Town. Not only is all this snow about to make you lose your fucking mind, but you’re on a cold streak of epic proportions. Sure it’s only been like three weeks since getting dome from that chick with the weird eyebrows in a bathroom two dudes had already #48 puked in, but it might as well have been three fucking years ago. Just when you’re thinking that even that Olympic luger had better luck than you do, you stop yourself. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. After struggling through a month and a half of sleeping through classes, getting wasted five nights a week, and #65 cheating your way to a C on your midterm, it’s time for some “Me” time. That's right - it's motherfucking Spring Break.

I have no idea who invented Spring Break, probably Jesus or something, but whoever it was, he was definitely a fucking bro. Honestly, I dare anyone out there to bring up Spring Break with a group of bros. There is no fucking way that some sort of “SPRING BREAK” #4 chant doesn’t immediately break out. Bros plan all year long for Spring Break to get here, and when it arrives bros are as excited as Daniel Snyder the night before the first day of free agency. I mean seriously, who could blame them, Spring Break is the fucking bro Mecca. So why do bros love Spring Break so much? Let’s take a look.

Constant Drunkenness – In a perfect world, a bro would get fucking hammered nonstop every fucking day. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world. There are bro haters everywhere using bigoted words such as “alcoholics” to put us down. That’s why Spring Break is so fucking amazing. All those fucking bro bigots are nowhere to be seen. They’re carrying on their fucking loser ways of Interning, applying to grad school, or worst of all, participating in some community service trip. Spring Break brings together bros and slam pieces alike who share one goal – not being able to remember a fucking thing about the entire week. Spring Break is like the Triple Crown of drinking and your liver is the horse. The entire week you are beating the shit out of your liver to keep up with the rest of the bros, and just like in horse racing, if your “horse” pulls a Barbaro, you still go down as a fucking legend. Anyone that drinks himself to death on Spring Break is a definitely a fucking Bro King.

Cheap – Everyone fucking knows bros are rich as shit. But please, the point of Spring Break is not to drop like 10K from your fucking trust fund on some tropical resort in Bali. The point of Spring Break is to go to some shitty ass resort in some town that only caters to College Students so there’s no chance so seeing anyone over the age of 30. Have you ever heard of people going to South Padre Island or Panama City on a family vacation even though they are cheap as shit? No. Because they're fucking shitholes. Bros also will throw like 10 guys into a fucking room because let’s be honest, there’s no fucking chance you’ll be sleeping in the room anyways. You’re a bro - your dick doesn’t have a chance in hell of staying dry one night, much less an entire fucking week.

Slam Pieces Everywhere – Unlike our Parents and Grandparents who grew up with movies telling them Spring Break involved some shitty band playing on the beach while a bunch of women in horned-rimmed glasses and one-piece bikinis that went down to their knees did “The Swim” dance and screamed like fucking banshees, we were told the truth. Thanks to MTV’s Spring Break and perhaps the greatest series of film that has ever been passed over for awards by The Academy, “Girls Gone Wild,” bros and slam pieces alike know exactly what is expected at Spring Break: meaningless anonymous sex. Honestly, if you can’t get laid at Spring Break, you seriously might want to think about joining the priesthood, because there’s no hope for you. I always love to hear girls talk about how they “met someone special on Spring Break” and “hope to make it work even though we’re 10 hours apart.” Yeah fucking right – newsflash - the only reason he even accepted your facebook friendship is so he can show people pictures of the girl he banged next to the #52 Senor Frogs dumpster.

While bros have contributed much to society over the years (beer bongs, the backwards cap, etc.), society gives little back. Spring Break is one of the few handouts that society provides us with and you better believe we take that shit. Drink until you puke in the pool. Pull off that upper-decker. Throw chairs off the hotel balcony in a drunken rage. Bang that girl you met 10 minutes ago #24 without the condom. It’s your Spring Break. You’ve earned it.

58 comments:

aBROnymous said...

NYB you've done it again. My junior year of college our Big Guy pounded 28 different chicks over our 9 day break. Still the frat's record.

Ryan Miller = bro king

Effmanny said...

Spoken like a true bro.

Sorry For Partying said...

2 weeks ago broke both bones in my leg and the ligaments and had to have surgery to have screws put in my ankle. I cannot walk or anything close to it, i'm absolute shit on crutches.

STILL going with all my frat bros to PANAMA CITY. Doctors giving me all this bullshit about bloodclots on the plane, and not being able to drink on pk's, and not being keeping it elevated is bad for it. Forget that crap. Spring break senior year.

I may go to school in the north with a bunch of yankees but ill be damned if im goin to mexico. Why would I wanna be around mexicans and guidos all day when i could be in PC in AMERICA with gorgeous southern whores. Im gonna waddle my way into Pineapple Willes, find a seat, and binge drink on my dad's credit card until I find a girls who have enough sympathy for me to blow me in the bathroom.

SORRY FOR PARTYING.

Anonymous said...

Sorry for Partying, you truly have the proud makings of a fucking CHAMPION.

SigChiBro said...

A post of epic proportions. Can't wait till my senior year. Spring break then will be fucking epic. France this year so kinda gay. Whatever, i'll be drunk as fuck every second of the day any ways.

IHSV

Willy Broman said...

SigChiBro, bros DO NOT "wait until senior year"!

To make amends I hope you bash all those smells French assholes and let them know USA is the bro kingdom.

Field Marshall Brommel said...

I heard that the Jersey Shore cast is going to be at Panama City beach this year and all over La Vela (club on the beach that hosts all the MTV stuff there). I can't wait to call that troglodyte Snooki fat and have Jwoww's slutty ass try fighting me for calling her a whore!

Plus one of my bros parents has a sweetass beach house there we're all going to crash at.
SPRING BREAK 2010!!!!! WOO!

Bromeister said...

I'll be turning 21 over my break, you better fucking believe i'll be taggin slampieces in some dive bar bathroom. Im definitely gonna hit up some fuckin cougars too, theyre the most vulnerable cause they havent had their pie touched in a good while. They just go out with their "girlfriends" looking to get taken to pound town.

BROshon Moreno said...

"Sorry for Partying" you are a champ, but don't you EVER apologize for partying. Last I checked, having fun was not illegal.

Sorry I'm not sorry.

Anonymous said...

holy shit I was just saying outloud I bet nyb's next post has gotta be on spring break. Went fucking ape shit every year in college in a different party city. Now it's my first spring break out of college but will that stop me from punching at least 1 ticket to poundtown a night on a un suspecting slam piece...I think not.

cabo 2010 bros lets fuck shit up

Anonymous said...

getting hammered is fucking sweet, especially during spring break. -graz?

BROSKI said...

Sorry For Partying: Great attitude, bro! I broke my ankle partying back in college and was on crutches for 8 weeks. Still managed to slay 6 different Slam Pieces in that timespan! Also, since I'm a bro, therefore, smart as shit, I filled my extra Rx for Percocet and sold it to a kid in my dorm. Bros are the shit!!

Anonymous said...

Ya don't make the mistake of going to Cancun...Complete sausage fest and 75% of the guys were guidos...only took down one slampiece during the week and that was after turning her down three times...PCB this year so hope it's alot better

Bro Mountain State said...

My Bros and I are heading to Panama City for Spring Break this year and it's going to be fucking epic. All the slam pieces will see the bros and my vintage thrift store tshirts and brooks brothers polos and they'll just about wet themselves with anticipation to become the next car in the pound town express.

"Oh, Bro Mountain State, clothing doesn't make a difference." - Anonymous Bro-Hater

Yeah they fucking do! All bros have perfect bodies so the only thing we have to improve on with our looks is our clothing. By wearing vintage t's and polo shirts, we show the slam pieces that not only are we hot as shit, we know how to dress as well.

Broin Out said...

Beta Gamma Omicron β Γ Ω enough said

Anonymous said...

Last Spring Break me and my bro's go so fucked up we passed out on the beach, robbed a liquor store, stole weed from some fucked up slam piece who took like 6 xanax bars and couldn't talk, to name a few things. Panama City: I love you but fuck you.


Alethia Kai Logos motha fucka

Bro Haden said...

We should really found a fraternity dedicated to bros. Beta Gamma Omega β Γ Ω. It will be a top tier house for all the slam-pieces to party at. Spring Break 2k10 lets fuck shit up

Jimmy Brollins said...

My Bros and I will be Loving Life in Panama City this Spring Break getting Blackout Drunk with Sears Hardware Stores greatest invention The Painstick

FRATTYLAX.BRO said...

I have never been to Cancun but this year my best muddy and i are flying down with 6 volleyball girls to stay in my grand parents time share. all free except beer and condoms . i don't care if there are Guidos there because Laxers don't give a shit. I got bitches and beer and Beach. 6 girls to 2 guys are pretty good odds and lots of like rappers are down at the clubs so its worth a trip.

Anonymous said...

As a bra, I just wanted to say that I fucking love the posts. NYB, you are the bro!

PiKappBRO said...

Couldn't be more stoked for Spring Break in 2 weeks. Spent the last 2 in the western haven of South Padre, by the way no one ever taking family vacations there is bullshit. My freshman year a family of Mexicans camped out next to us on the beach and the fat, hairy, speedo-wearing Dad tried to chew us out for being too rowdy. What a fucking joke, we threw beer cans at his face for the rest of the day and the bitch didn't do a thing about it.

Headed to the MECCA this year, Panama City. Get ready to slay gentlemen.

SFP for life.

C-3PBro said...

NYB you never cease to amaze. Well done sir.

Anonymous said...

Gulf Shores is gonna be fuckin tiight

Chef Bro R Dee said...

Fraternitys are bro haters

Anonymous said...

laxers are the fucking shit and every one knows it

Mooseknuckle said...

"Pull off that upper decker", fuckin right on man. If anyone is staying in the Sandpiper Beacon in PCB they are in for a treat. The Tiki bar there is as far as you need to go. Usually we just yelled as skanks from our balcony till they came up to get supermanned.

Rocky BalBROa said...

Just when I wonder about what you could possibly write next, you come up with a masterpiece. Nicely done.

Anonymous said...

A few years ago on spring break me and my bros, went to Panama City and packed 9 guys into one room. The minute we get there I spit a dip in the sink which clogged the drain.

Instead of telling the toothless janitor, we just let our sink overflow all week and put up a "do not disturb" sign on our door so maids wouldn't come in and clean. Long story short the entire room flooded and it leaked over to the room next door. Once the bro-hater manger discovered the leak he said we had 15 minutes to grab our shit and get the fuck out. So 10 minutes and 2 upper deckers later we were on our way. Fuckin bro haters

Your Welcome said...

Senior Year Spring Break in Padre TX:
Best week of my life that I dont remeber except for:
First Drink of Crown at 9am, wasted by noon...8 days in a row.
And an entire hotel room full of slams from Oklahoma University next door

-Your Welcome

heteBROsexual said...

I eagle swoop on bitches all day everyday; but on spring break, i make a living out of that shit. BROS, BROS, BROS, BROS, BROS!

Brozo the Clown said...

Went to Gulf Shores last year. Almost all dudes, and the bitches were fugly. I made the most of it by getting wasted as fuck and raw-dogging a 5. This year, I'm going to Panama City and I expect it'll be much better. In conclusion, don't waste your time at Gulf Shores.

BroHard said...

Key West is the fucking Spring Break location to bro down. There's nothing like motorboating a fake tittied cougar in the middle of the bar and then high fiving her husband...

Anonymous said...

Brozo I hear you; went to Gulf Shores during my high school bro-years and the slampieces were not in full force. I was forced to heavily rely on moderately attractive #101 younger chicks

Bilbro Baggins said...

There's nothing like chilling with your Bro's at your lake house, smoking blunts and poppin' brews. This is my vision of a great spring break, oh and don't forget the inconceivable amount of ladies...

Brorelli said...

Absolutely amazing... I get to combine #107 Studying Abroad and #108 Spring Break... Its like taking a fucking vacation because I'm too tired from nailing foreign dimepieces every night. Gotta mix it up and slay foreign bitches of a different nationality.

Anonymous said...

Fucking awesome post. Spring Break is to a bro what hanukkah is to a Jew. I went to PC last year and stayed at the Sand Piper which was fucking epic. My dick stayed dry only one night of the trip, but I was still pissed, because I strive to be a fucking bro king like everyone else on this website. This year I am going to the Frat capitol of Spring Break.....Fucking Destin. Me and my bros have a house with like 20 people in it. I think the fucking bro hater owner said we could only have 12. Sorry bro hater owner, we dont give a fuck about your property and we will definitely be breaking a lot of shit. To all you bros out there, please make sure you don't remember this week.

William Jefferson Clinton said...

Fantastic post, NYB.

God Bless America.

Anonymous said...

I'm in key west for spring break this week and my #81 21st birthday on thursday...

i might go into an alcohol-induced broma

Barack BRObama said...

I decree spring break a national holiday and slam pieces to be a national treasure. spending all of your rich dad's money on getting fucked up is the best way to stimulate the economy. To all bros I say get your asses to spring break, get fucked up and slay as many slam pieces as you can in honor of this great nation in which we live.

G.I. BRO said...

Sorry For Partying:

I broke my ankle and got a shit ton of grief from some bro-hating doctor about blood clots because of flying. Not only did I not get those aforementioned clots, but I also took all three of the flight attendants to pound town in the aft lavatory. Turns out the bro-hating doctor smelled the bro on me when I stepped into the office and wanted to ruin my break since he was in the library for all 14 of his during his time at med school.

Have fun on your trip and good luck getting to the Mile High Club.

Anonymous said...

spring break south padre consisted of 18 pike bros crammed into a ridiculous nice house on the beach...yea we fuckin lied and told them we were a church group...we successfully assessed 2k in damages to that bitch and the people that were supposed to stay there next week had to be put up in a hotel for 4 days to clean up our shit...my bad for partying

BROdar Kumaritashvili said...

Ripping on Georgia's luger is not a bro thing to do. I can't think of anything more hardcore of a bro that to go 90 MPH on an ice slide. Total bro-love here.

RhoBro said...

Jimmy Brollins I'm so glad some other person has used The Painstick...quite possibly the greatest invention to ever be invented by man.

AEKDB

James Bond, Double-Bro 7 said...

Last year, we took the journey to the road. Being able to brag about how you took a ride on the Pound Town Express, in every single State, is true Bro-King status.

pc girl said...

Haha, fucking dudes. living in pc our spring break last two fucking months! sup brahs?

BROshon Moreno said...

Jimmy Brollins/RhoBro,

I don't mean to sound naive, but what is The Painstick? I'm always looking for new ways the bro down. Share the bro love with the rest of us!

BROshon

RhoBro said...

BROshon Moreno,

The Painstick a.k.a The Paint Stick. Is a common twist painting stick that you can purchase at Sears or any other fine retailer. You basically put beer in a pitcher and you suck it all up with the Paintstick.

Then you put the handle end against a wall, but the spout into your mouth and proceed to push against the wall whatever rate you feel comfortable with.

The Painstick will shoot beer down your throat and it is 200x better than a beer bong.

Enjoy

AEKDB

bromo sapien said...

i will agree with aBROnymous, ryan miller is not just a bro-king, but a legend bordering on a myth. spring break myrtle beach is fast approaching. not only will there be massive alcohol consumption but my friend has a hookup in the city for those sweet greens. bros are the shit

Anonymous said...

gay shit talking about flying to spring break. me and 20 of my bros are about to drive 18 hours to Panama City. pussys fly. bros cruse and booze.

LTron Hubbard said...

My Bro Move of Spring Break 2.0 (PCB this weekend was legit, and my spring break was 2 weeks ago.)

Me to Cop: "I just wanted to check with that I am safe to drive"

Cop to Me: "If you don't think you can drive you shouldn't"

Me to Cop: "I know I can drive. I just want like... a doctor's note in case". I proceed to load Keg #2 from beach into vehicle and leave. ...BRO KING!

Anonymous said...

hell yea for Pikes in south padre, that shit was off the chain, slammed 2 slam pieces in 4 days, but its ok, one was a close friend and a sorority sister of the ex. bro as shit

Anonymous said...

You are not a fucking bro unless you fuck a slampiece on the beach wherever the fuck you go. Last week in Destin which is about 12 beers(30 miles) from panama I fucked a slampiece on the beach while smoking a cigar and drinking a keystone. That's about as romantic as a bro can be.

the ultimate laxitute said...

im a slam piece and i would like to say that this past week i hooked up in an employees only closet at senior frogs. spring break is the shit. keep it brotastic.

senorita frog said...

i would like to say that the porch at senor frogs is much better than next to the dumpster. blowing a guy up high is much more exciting.
love you "ultimate laxtitute"

the ultimate laxitute said...

senorita frog dont forget about beachside blowies. and the closet was super bro because the illegal who threw us in there asked for 20 bucks, i gave him one and told him to fuck off. but i do respect the porch because you could go down the waterslide and then finish that ride with another type of ride.
senorita frog i'm into your sexcapades.

Brodo Baggins said...

Dude I slayed so many slam pieces over spring break. Typical bro move.

Rambro said...

amen, bro

Brett "4-inch" Favre said...

Hey bros, its almost that time of year again. And I just wanted your opinions on cruises. Last spring break, I went on a cruise through the Mexican Riviera, and it was chill as shit. So many bros and slampieces. Amazing week. This year ill be going on another cruise to the bahamas, and I'm just wondering what my fellow bros opinions are on cruises, possibly some past experiences. Lets open this spring break shit up again.

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