Tuesday, May 17, 2011

#166 Mad Men

Just a few years ago, when anyone would mention the 1950’s or 60’s, visions of families crowded around the radio, biting their fingernails while anxiously awaiting to see what the fucking Lone Ranger does next would enter my mind. Either that or thoughts of a fucking Sock Hop where some poindexter with horned-rimmed glasses would stand in the corner working up the courage to ask some ugly chick in a huge ass poodle skirt to dance to some Fats Domino song. The whole thing sounded lame. I mean, what the fuck was wrong with that generation? They barely had TV, they got married when they were like 22, and worst of all, I seriously doubt they even knew how to #29 grind. I know, sounds like fucking Hell to me, too. But recently, my eyes opened. Thanks to the power of Cable Television, the World has learned of incredible facts that for some reason got excluded from our History books, most likely censored by fucking #133 feminists. You see, bros aren’t just some fad like Garbage Pail kids or condoms; we’ve been around forever. In the 1950’s and 60’s however, we didn’t go by Bros - we were called Mad Men.

For those of you out there who’ve never heard of this show, I suggest you leave your fucking Amish community now before they’ve found out you’re reading this website at the library and stone you to death or whatever it is those fucking retarded inbreds do for punishment. For everyone else, I truly hope you’ve at least seen one episode. Basically Mad Men is about working in an ad agency back in the early ‘60’s and all the shit that went down on Madison Avenue. Now don’t worry, this show isn’t just about a bunch of guys sitting around a room trying to come up with the fucking “By Mennen” jingle. It’s all about how awesome it was for guys back then and, if I’m not mistaken, I’m pretty sure the Director is making a case that we should go back to this type of atmosphere in the workplace.

For bros these days, work means getting in late, trying to hide your hangover from your boss, then pretending to be productive while reading ESPN.com all day. Back then it meant one thing: time to get fucking drunk. To be honest, I really don’t know how they were able to get any work done whatsoever. They were constantly pounding Scotch and other shit non-stop from the second they walked into the fucking agency. I mean, I’ve been drunk at work before, but once I start drinking the last thing on my mind is doing actual work. I’m usually more concerned with trying to convince my female coworkers to take Xerox copies of their fucking tits. But, seriously, when the fuck did drinking become so frowned upon? Don’t you think “going to work” wouldn’t be such an awful thing to say if it meant getting fucking shitfaced all day?

While getting fucked up at work is fun and all, nothing beats their true pastime: banging their secretaries. There was once a time where young women in the World didn’t have these wild fairy tale fantasies of equality in the workplace implanted in them by women too ugly to hold a man like Betty Friedan, Hilary Clinton and the White Aunt Jemima on that “We Can Do It” poster. Back in the “Good Old Days” women used to have one job: making babies. And how did they get that job? By becoming a secretary and banging their boss of course! It’s hard for me to imagine a world without sexual harassment in the workplace, but Mad Men certainly gives us a glimpse. The fucking Bro Kings not only constantly hit on the women in the office (even ugly ones like Peggy Olson) but they also bang them during the middle of the day! And the best part about it? All the guys are married! I mean sure it sucks and all that they’re fucking married, but come on, I feel as though you automatically get your Bro card revoked by saying “I Do,” cheating on your wife is definitely grounds for reinstatement.

“The Good Old Days,” are being reexamined. Some fucking Bro-Haters are even suggesting that constant drinking, secretary pounding, no rights for women whatsoever, and men cheating on their wives was actually a bad thing. In times like this it’s good to see such a great tribute to past Bro Kings Don Draper and Roger Sterling. As feminists spew hate words upon them like “misogynists,” “bad fathers,” and cheaters on these heroes, we know in our hearts the only word that truly applies to them: Bros.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

Roger Sterling=BRO KING Of KINGS

Brobodan Mibrosevic said...

two posts a week now? you're a mad man, great post NYB

BROLAX said...

NYB youre my hero

Anonymous said...

Don draper is the epitome of fuckin bro. Great post NYB

Anonymous said...

two--no three--words: christina fucking hendricks

Anonymous said...

oh my god, i was waiting for when you were gonna a post about the most bro show on television, NYB. way to recognize.

Anonymous said...

NYB if everyone watched only the shows you recommended we would have a lot less bro-haters in our society and a lot more slamming. Keep up the great work.

Anonymous said...

I need a Secretary like Joan Harris, don't you think all women in the workplace should be like her NYB?

Broling for Columbine said...

i once had a girl over to day drink in my pool, then we went upstairs to my room to watch mad men and bang. i drank 18 year old scotch before, during, and after having sex with her and i didn't use a condom. after we were done she left and 2 of my bros picked me up and we went to the liquor store. true story

Anonymous said...

not enough bros know about this show. heres the short of it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2X654tkCvoQ Draper = Bro King

Broey Dimaggio said...

My great uncle has been married since right before he left for WWII yet he still has stories of pounding some Okinawan slam pieces during the island hop. Apparently marriage back then meant you had a for sure slam piece at the end of the bench if you couldn't land a starter. RIP uncle Don, BRO KING

Living with Balls said...

I've actually never watched this show before but you've convinced me to start watching it.

The Man With Bro Name said...

Anonymous - January Jones is the hottest girl on the show.

Christina Hendrix is just a fat chick with huge tits. Feminists are trying to shove her down America's throat as a new "sex symbol" because they think if men start jerking off to her, it will give all the overweight bitches in America an excuse to stay fat. Fuck that shit - only Bros get to decide who is a sex symbol, and everyone knows Bros prefer their slampieces to have BMI's in the 20-ish range. That porker Christina Hendricks is pushing at least 30.

Anonymous said...

damn dude I never thought I'd see the this post happen, fuckin right. The Man With Bro Name I couldn't agree more.

Anonymous said...

NYB what about Blue Mountain State?

Anonymous said...

ill second the blue mountain state comment. that show is as bro as it gets

Brolitics said...

The White Aunt Jemima thing got me. Still chuckling on that one

Anonymous said...

you forgot to mention the constant cigarette consumption, in addition to the incessant drunken trips to poundtown. buzzing 24/7.

Snoogins said...

Draper and Sterling are the definition of Bro-G

Anonymous said...

Roger Sterling having a heart attack while he and his bro Don bang 2 chicks at once? Fucking Awesome.

Don't forget that flight attendant Don slayed.

Anonymous said...

new drinking game ....take a shot every time they light up a cig ...

Anonymous said...

Californication is pretty bro also, except for Hank Moody's hang-ups on his old slam piece.

Bro Breezy said...

Totally agree with Bro Name - the chick who plays Don's wife Betty is by far the hottest bitch on the show.

Christina Hendrix is just a fatty with big knockers - bitches like that are dime-a-dozen (chicks tend to also put on weight in their tits when they pork up). Once you get a big-tittied fatty's clothes off you no longer care about the funbags because you're faced with a pile of other, less desirable skin rolls you gotta navigate on the trip to Pound Town. Fucking gross.

January Jones also has fairly big tits, you just can't see them on the show because they're covered up by those old-school 50's bras everyone wears. Check her out in the movie "X-Men First Class" - she spends like half the movie in lingerie and has some tig-ol-bitties on display. Much better. Plus, the rest of her body is toned and fit (unlike Fatty McRedhead), so you get the whole package.

I'm sick of feminist slampigs trying to convince me that Christina Hendrix is "hot" because it fits into their bullshit political agenda of promoting "beauty at any size" (hahaha, what a joke). She might be good for a motorboat or a tit-fuck, but it takes more than tits to make a dime slampiece, and she just doesn't cut it. If she lost like 30 pounds and got a better face she might be an 8.

Anonymous said...

God damn. I stopped reading. Don't type so fucking much

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