Thursday, December 8, 2011

#186 Not Doing Volunteer Work

A Bro’s time is fucking valuable. Our schedules are so fucking packed that we end up sacrificing going to class or work in favor of much more important shit like getting fucking wasted, being #161 hungover while #1 talking about how wasted we got, then fucking talking about hungover we were. Throw in watching Sports and videos of people getting hurt on Youtube, and you’ve got yourself a full fucking week. And since we barely even have enough time to sleep or work, who in their right mind would think we’ve got enough time to do some pointless shit that you don’t even get paid for? Fucking idiots, that’s who. The only time a Bro’s ever associated with a Volunteer is when he lays a fucking hundo on the Tennessee money line. Bros fucking hate volunteering.

I always love when people list in their Facebook interests that they “love to volunteer!!!” Yeah fucking right, have you ever actually volunteered? It fucking sucks. Do you really think that people are actually benefiting from the volunteer work? Fuck no. 9 times out of 10 volunteers make the situation a lot worse than it was originally. Back in #111 High School, they forced us to do a shitload of volunteer work for graduation and one of the places we had to go was a state run retirement home, which was by far the scariest place I’ve ever fucking been to. Some old lady with one eye and a fucking 2 liter bottle of 7-Up kept following us around screaming out what must have been Voodoo curses. We kept trying to put trash cans and shit in her way, but she kept dodging that shit until some orderly stopped her. Anyways, we spent most of our time folding diaper clothes, but that ended up just being a good hour of trying to cover our bros’ faces with the skid marked diapers. Didn’t end up doing much folding, but still got the credit! And did it teach us that we should be better people or encourage us to actually do this shit in the future? FUCK NO – it taught us that old people are fucking disgusting and should be avoided at all costs.

Let’s get fucking real, why would anyone want to willingly be put into a situation where you’re doing the same thing that people in prison are forced to do. I mean, people running these services must be laughing to themselves behind the volunteers’ backs talking about how stupid they are for working cheaper than fucking prisoners. Bros are fucking logical so we don’t stoop to that level.

Worse than the holier-than-thou volunteers who pass out condoms and shit or pick up garbage by the side of the road, are the fucking wanna be #160 socialites, whose LinkedIn job title is “Philanthropist.” I can’t begin to describe how many fucking charity balls go on in DC and although they are all admittedly for a good cause, there’s always that group of girls who gets fucking wet by organizing, publicizing, and getting their picture on some local gossip website squeezed into some dress that probably cost more than they’ve ever donated to charity. The entire premise of a charity ball isn’t to raise money for the needy, but so a few rich married women, with a shitload of time on their hands, because shocker, they’re fucking gold diggers and don’t have to work, can get their names in the paper.

I recently received an email from some slut from College entitled, “Donate your time to a great cause!!” Normally I just delete this shit, but for some reason I decided to open it, and I couldn’t believe what I saw: a fucking charity event for disabled ANIMALS. That’s right we’re currently living in a World where people are volunteering to make sure some fucking Chihuahua named "Tito" in Texas can get that miniature wheel chair he so desperately needs, yet the greatest injustice of all still reigns free. This shit needs to end. From here on out I pledge the only cause I’ll EVER volunteer my time to is for the World’s truly most neglected victims. Fuck disabled animals and fuck volunteering, but most importantly: Fuck Brocism.

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15 comments:

fratsturbation said...

another golden post nyb.

Old blue said...

Well put. You are a god among bros

Anonymous said...

Girls love charity events which means guys should as well if they are trying to crush easy puss. Personally I love them- spending $150 to dress up in a suit, have a free open bar, and girls trying to get finger banged in their cocktail dress. I would never volunteer but I am always down to give money and show up to an event- knowing its the easiest puss in the game.

The Man With Bro Name said...

As a Bro, there are certain instances in which I will perform charity work.

For example, just the other week I banged this desperate slampiece who was only a 6.5 at best. She wouldn't normally be considered Bro-worthy, but I was like 9 beers deep and she seemed nice, so I selflessly gave her a free ride on the Bro Pole. I thought that was pretty charitable of me. I should actually ask my Dad's accountant if I can get a tax-deduction for it. Even Bros give back to the community sometimes.

Anonymous said...

NYB, good post, but I'm a volunteer Firefighter and its awesome, plus I get free beer from the fire house and rarely have to pay for food in my town. Also any time I wear anything saying "Volunteer firefighter" chicks hop on my dick. I'm with you community service like picking up stuff is terrible, but being a VF is great. I'm not sure if that is what you meant by "volunteer work" though.

Ned's Younger Brother said...

^Not at all - all Firefighters are fucking Bro Kings. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

My LinkedIn job title says Phul on rapist, heh

Anonymous said...

"Throw in watching Sports and videos of people getting hurt on Youtube, and you’ve got yourself a full fucking week. "

Hahahaha NYB this is your best post in a while. I have to grant one exception, not sure if it would even count as volunteering:

Me and a couple other Marines like to go to blood drives, number one because it's a great cause, number two it's something you can make a competition out of (who can squeeze the bag full the quickest) and number three and most importantly you can act like a fucking dick the whole time and people won't say shit. Seriously, go donate blood and call the volunteers there bloodmongers or some shit. Won't raise an eyebrow.

John said...

NYB, I fucking love this post. However, I may be a hypocrite for doing so. I am a volunteer football coach. I do however, tell all my 7th and 8th graders the truth about women and I preach the good word of broism to my players off the field.

Need your input? Is that pussy volunteer work or important to the future of our race?

Anonymous said...

NYB, I think your forgetting the most important reason to volunteer, to get slam pieces numbers, you should know this. Though time is wasted to the "good cause" you simply transfer that effort into getting bitches numbers and having sex with them at a later time, a little disappointed in you not making this point.

I, BRObot said...

To all the "bros" commenting about how donating money and doing charity work gets you girls numbers, that's pretty sad.

Real bros don't have to do a bunch of boring shit that they don't want to do and pretend they care about retarded causes in order to get laid.... or even JUST NUMBERS like you're mentioning.

You might as well just chop off your balls and get a girlfriend if you're gonna pretend to care about paraplegic kittens and Starvin Marvin in order to get laid.

Vincent Van Bro said...

Bros-
This site has been, always will be, and must remain a safe haven where Bros can relate to each other's conquests, exploits, successes, as well as their struggles as we continue to fight on to end Brocism worldwide. As NYB pointed out last week, BLTS is about community !

I suspect there's some slamholes still sore from the absolutely priceless gem of a betch-slaying post last week by NYB (read if you have not, #185), and trying to outsmart us bros and poison the well here, posing as "bros". Obviously this shouldn't be a long-term problem because if bitches are on their period over that shit, they will forget all about this within a few more minutes and move on to the next target of drama to occupy their 3 track brain (dome/sandwich/talk-shit). Probably their "besty," "little" or "boyfriend" aka Bro who banged her once 3 weeks ago and hasn't answered a single text since.

The comments section of BLTS must remain a source of quality gems to nicely chase the gospel of NYB... Let's keep it classy bros. Now excuse me while I go find a"betch".. aka whore... to lie to about how much I LOVE volunteering. I might even tell her I love her as much as I love volunteering. She will lie to me too tho, but it's ok, Ill pretend I believe her when she says she "never does this." Yea bitch, you don't get on your knees and gobble the plums of every random bro you meet. Besides, that way the lies cancel out and it works out better for both of... well basically it just works out better for me. Stupid ass bitches.

Anonymous said...

The only charity I donate money to is cheerleader car washes.

Paul Bro'Neill said...

Every month is Brocism Awareness Month

Anonymous said...

#187 Community Service (like when underage Bros get in trouble for drinking or when Bros get caught #36 peeing in public places)

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