So what exactly is a Betch? Well, according to a website that blatantly rips this one off to the point where it’s teetering on the edge of fucking plagiarism, a Betch appears to be a female equivalent of a Bro. In fact, she enjoys many of the exact same things a Bro does, but in many cases just the exact opposite, you know, because they’re girls! Need some examples? How about Studying Abroad, Birthdays, (Giving Girls) Nicknames, (Not) Going on Dates, (Hating) Justin Bieber, (Hating) Clubbing, Pregaming, Spring Break, Fighting, (Hating) Graduation, (Not Caring About) The Environment, Las Vegas, (Loving) America, Sexting, Birth Control (Not Involving Condoms), Halloween, and basically every other fucking post they have, except of course for their HILARIOUS sendups about Salad, Eyebrows, Froyo, Bottled Water, Diet Coke, Sushi etc. In fairness, those last few are just pure genius ideas I couldn’t even think about claiming as my own. But how did they get all these ideas and more importantly what inspired them to make an identical website to this one? Luckily another fucking shitty website decided they deserved to be interviewed for their brilliant and groundbreaking work and asked them!
BANGSTYLE: What made you want to create the site?
BETCHES: Well, the site actually happened accidentally. We felt like a female voice was needed to counteract all this “bro” culture. You know, books like, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, and The Bro Manual.
ACCIDENTALLY!!! Purely an accident to create a website, originally titled “BetchesLoveThisSite.” Hmm, that’s such a distinct and original name, I really have NO FUCKING CLUE how they could ever come up with that. Admittedly, I took the entire format of this website from StuffWhitePeopleLike.com, but it’s not like I straight up copied everything from that guy and made it into StuffWhitePeopleWhoAreGuysLove.com or some shit, then when interviewed about it replied, “Oh, you know, it was a total accident, I wanted to provide a voice for, you know, guys, not just Whites in general.” Fucking please.
“BUT COME ON NYB, IT’S FLATTERY! THIS SITE IS JUST A SPIN OFF AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!” Fair enough, let’s actually give them the benefit of the doubt and take a glance at their so-called original and clever writing in one of their “accidental” posts, Sexting:
So it’s Sunday afternoon and you’ve just woken up, hungover as fuck and only moderately pleased to find that no one is sleeping next to you. After popping some advil, the next step is clear: look through your phone to see what kind of night you had.HMMMMM, that style of writing sounds familiar doesn’t it?!?!? I guess it’s just because it’s SOOO fucking similar to Tucker Max and “The Bro Manual” aka a book that doesn’t even exist. That MUST be it. It can’t be because I fucking write like that in pretty much EVERY FUCKING POST.
After you get through the extensive and quite boring rounds of “where r u!?” “by bar nxt 2 hot guy w big adams apl where r u” you move on to the more interesting shit. That’s when you see it, your Sunday morning regret of the week. Fuck. You’ve gotten drunk and sexted.
Sure, I’m probably coming off as bitter, but I’m not just defending my shit, I’m taking a fucking stand for Bros across the country. And it’s not like I’m just fucking pissed my work is getting copied for profit and notoriety, but they’re fucking stealing our souls in the process. The more girls that read all this shit proclaiming they’re fucking “in control” of Bros, the worse it is for America. Girls are reading that site today and thinking, “HOLY SHIT, this describes me exactly!!” But I’m fucking sorry girls, it doesn’t. Sure you went out, got wasted, and probably banged some random dude, but he’s not staring at his phone REALLY hoping you call him for a date or some shit. No matter what the fuck you want to call yourself, you’re still a fucking slam piece and he’ll always be a Bro.
It’s really sad that so many girls have fucking banded together to join this fucking “Betch” fantasy camp. I don’t blame girls for wanting to be Bros, I mean hey we all can dream. Fuck, I wanted to play in the NBA when I was like 8, but you know what, that shit’s not fucking happening.
The hilarious irony of all this shit is that girls are empowered by the fact that they’re these “Betches,” who supposedly think for themselves and don’t play by anyone’s rules, when all the while their entire existence is based on copying Bros. Fucking get your shit together, Betches. Why don’t you learn to fucking think for yourself or better yet, focus on an original and practical career that you didn’t fucking copy directly off a Bro and you might actually be good at, you know like “Homemaker.” Fucking hacks.
*Please note I did not mention the name of the offending website or link to it in the post, but if you’d like to visit it to see for yourself just Google, “Hack website written by girls who think they’re hot, but are most likely really fucking fat and ugly and will DEFINITELY be dying alone because cats don’t count.” Should be the first one! Enjoy!
Follow Me on Twitter
Like Bros Like This Site on Facebook
Friend Me on Facebook