A Bro’s time is fucking valuable. Our schedules are so fucking packed that we end up sacrificing going to class or work in favor of much more important shit like getting fucking wasted, being #161 hungover while #1 talking about how wasted we got, then fucking talking about hungover we were. Throw in watching Sports and videos of people getting hurt on Youtube, and you’ve got yourself a full fucking week. And since we barely even have enough time to sleep or work, who in their right mind would think we’ve got enough time to do some pointless shit that you don’t even get paid for? Fucking idiots, that’s who. The only time a Bro’s ever associated with a Volunteer is when he lays a fucking hundo on the Tennessee money line. Bros fucking hate volunteering.
I always love when people list in their Facebook interests that they “love to volunteer!!!” Yeah fucking right, have you ever actually volunteered? It fucking sucks. Do you really think that people are actually benefiting from the volunteer work? Fuck no. 9 times out of 10 volunteers make the situation a lot worse than it was originally. Back in #111 High School, they forced us to do a shitload of volunteer work for graduation and one of the places we had to go was a state run retirement home, which was by far the scariest place I’ve ever fucking been to. Some old lady with one eye and a fucking 2 liter bottle of 7-Up kept following us around screaming out what must have been Voodoo curses. We kept trying to put trash cans and shit in her way, but she kept dodging that shit until some orderly stopped her. Anyways, we spent most of our time folding diaper clothes, but that ended up just being a good hour of trying to cover our bros’ faces with the skid marked diapers. Didn’t end up doing much folding, but still got the credit! And did it teach us that we should be better people or encourage us to actually do this shit in the future? FUCK NO – it taught us that old people are fucking disgusting and should be avoided at all costs.
Let’s get fucking real, why would anyone want to willingly be put into a situation where you’re doing the same thing that people in prison are forced to do. I mean, people running these services must be laughing to themselves behind the volunteers’ backs talking about how stupid they are for working cheaper than fucking prisoners. Bros are fucking logical so we don’t stoop to that level.
Worse than the holier-than-thou volunteers who pass out condoms and shit or pick up garbage by the side of the road, are the fucking wanna be #160 socialites, whose LinkedIn job title is “Philanthropist.” I can’t begin to describe how many fucking charity balls go on in DC and although they are all admittedly for a good cause, there’s always that group of girls who gets fucking wet by organizing, publicizing, and getting their picture on some local gossip website squeezed into some dress that probably cost more than they’ve ever donated to charity. The entire premise of a charity ball isn’t to raise money for the needy, but so a few rich married women, with a shitload of time on their hands, because shocker, they’re fucking gold diggers and don’t have to work, can get their names in the paper.
I recently received an email from some slut from College entitled, “Donate your time to a great cause!!” Normally I just delete this shit, but for some reason I decided to open it, and I couldn’t believe what I saw: a fucking charity event for disabled ANIMALS. That’s right we’re currently living in a World where people are volunteering to make sure some fucking Chihuahua named "Tito" in Texas can get that miniature wheel chair he so desperately needs, yet the greatest injustice of all still reigns free. This shit needs to end. From here on out I pledge the only cause I’ll EVER volunteer my time to is for the World’s truly most neglected victims. Fuck disabled animals and fuck volunteering, but most importantly: Fuck Brocism.
Follow Me on Twitter
Like Bros Like This Site on Facebook
Friend Me on Facebook