Thursday, November 3, 2011

#183 Workaholics

Bros are fucking chameleons. We adapt to any situation with ease, naturally fitting into our surroundings. No matter the place or time, we pretty much always fucking dominating that shit. However, there are a couple periods in every bro’s life where adaptation is just fucking tough. Puberty is the first case where bros “struggle” to adjust. While girls go through like 10 years of being awkward and shit while learning how to deal with constant #123 blood loss, we usually have a two weeks stretch where we’re wondering why a fucking plant is growing out of our balls. While getting fucking hard nipples can prove to be a tough time in every young bro’s life, the real transition that challenges us takes place when we leave the friendly confines of the College campus we spent the past 5-6 years at for our first 9-5 job.

After years of constantly getting wasted and hitting on #101 freshman girls, you’re suddenly thrust into a fucking cube with people in their 40’s and 50’s whose weekends consist of buying “fresh produce at the Farmers’ Market” just so they can say they actually did something other than cry in the shower about being alone and fat. They’ll constantly talk to you about the fucking weather or traffic and God forbid you wear the same color shirt as someone else, because for the rest of the day, you’ll be hearing, “I didn’t know it was blue shirt day!! Why didn’t I get the memo??” Honestly, the first couple weeks in the office can be more awkward than the time you got that boner in the Communion line, but thankfully, our struggle has finally been recognized. Earlier this year, three bros emerged to tell the World our story as we were introduced to Ders, Blake, and Adam: The Workaholics.

For those of you unfamiliar with Workaholics, you fucking need to be. It’s on Comedy Central Tuesday nights and along with #56 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and The League, it’s one of the funniest shows on TV. Workaholics is the bro-equivalent of “Roots." Never before has there been a show written about us, by us. I’m sure some people will try to claim #47 Entourage was a show all about bros, but how many of us move out to LA to bang movie stars and fly around in private jets? Also, E is like 4 feet tall and belongs under a bridge feasting on bone marrow, so he’s clearly disqualified from being a bro. Workaholics follows three bros who just graduated from College, but much like any true bro, don’t let a diploma dictate a transformation into society’s idea of an “adult.” Instead, they #2 steal shit, constantly #55 destroy property, smoke #70 weed, and even got wasted with a fucking retarded guy in the first season.

Workaholics is the closest thing to reality television I’ve ever seen. How many sitcoms really need to be made with the premise, “Guy graduates College. Guy gets huge apartment in New York. Guy spends his entire 20’s desperately searching for a Woman to marry. Also, Guy is a huge fucking Pussy”? You see, shows like How I Met Your Mother are just unrealistic. They reinforce society’s vision of what a guy in his 20’s should be. But is this shit natural? Fuck no. Workaholics shows that every single day of a bro’s life is an adventure, and not just some shitty network “adventure” where the lead character goes out on the “WORST DATE EVER!!,” I’m talking about breaking other people’s property and #142 blacking out during the week shit. You know, everything being a bro fucking stands for.

Comedy Central recently picked Workaholics up for a third season and the show’s once small cult is spreading like a Rodney King riot fire. But the war on Brocism is not over. We need to make our voices heard. Shows like Workaholics let society know that we’re here, and not fucking backing down until injustices against our fellow bros end. In many ways we are all Ders, Blake, and Adam, and by working together, perhaps one day we’ll be able to truthfully tell all bros going through the difficult transition from College to the Workplace that indeed, “It Gets Better.”

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26 comments:

Charles said...

Great post, but let's not forget that Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother is a fucking Broking.

Anonymous said...

you forgot to add blue mountain state to one of the funniest shows on tv, every bro loves that show and every bro needs to watch it if they havent seen it

Anonymous said...

lets not forget barney stinson sucks cock. as far from bro as possible.

Bros3idon said...

Lets not forget the amazing one liners this show provide either. Did you know that garage is derived from a Latin phrase meaning 'go rage'

Anonymous said...

i second the blue mountain state comment. that show is as bro as it gets

Anonymous said...

I just preed

Smokey Broes said...

Guys this is really weird - we're in a garage but we're not raging

Anonymous said...

is this jackdaniels?!?!... yeah! but i watered it down.. with beer

Anonymous said...

Bitch Betta Have Mah Hunnay

Topher said...

This post is very tight butthole.

on a real spiritual high said...

CATHERINE ZETA JOOOOONES, SHE DIPS BENEATH THE LASERRRRRRRSS, WOOOOOAAAAAOOOOOOOO

Anonymous said...

BMS . fucking love Kevin "Thad" Castle.

The Iron Bro said...

Everyone knows Stinson gets a lot of pussy, not calling him a Bro King is brocism

Anonymous said...

Stinson's friendship with Ted Moseby (aka the hugest pussy and saddest excuse for a male human being) disqualifies him from being a bro.

Anonymous said...

Gotta agree with everyone about Blue Mountain St. Alex Moran is about as bro as they come. Also Adam is definently the most chill on workaholics, just sayin.

Adam said...

Whenever my bros are being debbie downers, bitching about things like "I have to get to sleep earlier for work tomorrow", or "seriously guys I think I'm too fucked up to drive", I make sure they know that they are clearly the Anders-tello of the group.

Anonymous said...

Thank the fucking lord I've been waiting for this post since the pilot

Bromelio Estevez said...

Classic case of being a bro.

Anonymous said...

Real-life Stinson is a tailgunner. If that's bro, you have a very different perspective from mine.

Anonymous said...

great show but they don't get girls, BMS Thad and Moran get girls every ep

Anonymous said...

Are there chicks posting on this site now? Who the fuck knows the name of any character on How I Met Your Mother? Five minutes in to an episode of that show I realized a visit to tubgirl.com was a better use of my time. Including it in the same conversation as Workaholics is less bro than losing your virginity on your wedding night, not drinking till your 21st birthday, or using LOL in spoken conversations... Seriously, never come back to this site again, you're clearly missing the point... Oh, and Go Goats.

Anonymous said...

This show is pretty bro but BMS definitely outbros it. Workaholics is all about getting hammered with your bros, which is great. but Blue Mountain State is all about getting hammered with your bros, football, and banging the most slammin sloots on the planet

Bromaryius Thomas said...

Barney Stinson is a queer in real-life. That's so unfucking bro. In knowing this I feel that it's unbro to even like his character.

Anonymous said...

I feel like they should have an episode of Blue Mountain State where Adam, Ders, and Blake visits BMS. That would probably put an end to the the war on Brocism.

Anonymous said...

That much broness cannot be contained in one episode so they would need to make a season about it!

Anonymous said...

Love this show but wow some of you bros commenting are fcking idiots here.

And that guy wasn't 'retarded', dipshit.

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