Thursday, May 28, 2009

#23 Drinking and Driving

It’s 3 AM. You’ve been pounding brews and dominating the beer pong table at your bro’s place for the past 6 hours. He’s about to go nail the last bra at the party who’s not comatose. That’s when you get the text: “What ru up to?” It’s your slam piece. She wants to fuck. You are now faced with two options: you can stick around the party and pass out in the living room with like 6 other bros, or you can make the 10 mile trip via the highway to go spend some quality time with the bra. That's when you remember: I'm a bro - you better believe I'm fucking drinking and driving.

Sure there are some serious cons to drinking and driving but believe me, the pros far outweigh them. “But, Ned’s Younger Brother, can’t you go to jail?” Listen, bitch, I don’t know if you could tell by my ankle socks, but I am a straight bro, therefore I have an uncle who’s a high powered attorney, plus like 6 friends in Law School. Whenever a cop reads me my rights, I give him his rights to work at McDonald’s the rest of his career. But let’s just say you don’t have bros on retainer like I do. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t drink and drive. Here’s some examples that even Mother’s Against Drunk Driving would have to respect:

Cheaper – I’m lucky enough to live in a big city – DC, but honestly most of you bros out there probably don’t have the luxury of illegal Somali immigrants begging to take you home in unmarked cabs every night you go out. Chances are the party/bar you go to is pretty fucking far from your house too. So what are you gonna do? Pay $65 for a cab ride home? Fuck no - you're gonna drive your ass! And honestly, if some Anonymous posts in the comments section, “How about just having a designated driver??” I promise I will find you and block you from this site. You are a true bro-hater.

Mad Bro-Cred – Everyone has that one bro who drinks and drives every fucking time he goes out. It doesn’t matter how drunk he gets, he will always be behind the wheel, and you know what? No one ever has a problem getting into his car. That’s because he is renown amongst your bros as an amazing drunk driver. Sure he’s gotten pulled over before when he was hammered, but he always passes the field tests, no matter what. He even claims he drives better when he’s hammered because he’s more careful. He is an extremely important member of your bro-posse and he gets mad respect from everyone in your crew.

Great Stories – Some of the best stories from going out end with the phrase, “And then I fucking drove home!” If you are honestly able to say you pounded like 15 shots of Patron, then drove home, you might have what it takes to be a bro-king. Just a couple weeks ago one of my bros was driving a fellow bro and his bra home and they looked over – uh, yeah, his eyes were closed AND he was driving on the wrong side of the road. Straight bro-ing it!! Another time one of my bros was driving down the highway and he had such double vision that he had to close one of his eyes to drive. Typical bro behavior.

So all you bro-haters/family members of people killed in drinking and driving accidents out there, I don’t want to hear it. Drinking and Driving is the shit and that is a fact. Please feel free to share some of your great experiences drinking behind the wheel and how it made you a better bro.

269 comments:

1 – 200 of 269   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

holy shit this was a badass post

Cross said...

Bro, a few years ago I got totally wasted at my cousin's house on Friday night. I couldn't even walk straight. My friends begged me not to drive and even tried to take my keys away. My cousing Jonathan (a true bro) ofered to ride with me so we could get some Taco Bell. I was so trashed that I never made it to Taco Bell but instead jumped on the highway (ignoring all the WRONG WAY signs) and drove in the wrong direction. I almost killed the two of us and my little sister who was in the back seat. It was one of the most amazing nights of my life.

Ned's Younger Brother said...

Honestly - that is one of the most awesome stories I have ever heard, and you know what, none of it would be possible without your cousin. I agree - anyone who gives you the keys when you are obviously too drunk to drive is a true bro. Also, Taco Bell is the shit.

Cross said...

No question! Anyone who so supports your decision to drink and drive that they would tag along with you is truly a bro.

Anonymous said...

I blew through 9 straight stop signs and hit 100 MPH on the highway with my Ford Explorer while zig zagging through cars, wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for drinking and driving

Cliz said...

I once attended a hillbilly party in the middle of nowhere (45 min away from my house) a few summers ago. All of the bras were so trashy they had barbed wire tattoos. Needless to say I got hammered. They had what was new to me at the time: a watermelon plug. This is basically a watermelon filled with all clear liquor anyone could find. Anyways, when closing time came around I said fuck sleeping in a tent with a bunch of dirt bags, so I got in the 01 Bonne and headed down the lane. Unfortunately, when I pulled out onto the road, I puked violently on the inside of my roof and my windshield. I had to pull over because I couldn't see (hammered + puke on windshield = 0 visibility). I had no towels or papers in my car so I was forced to go the bro route. I stripped, used my clothes to clean the windshield, threw them in a cornfield and drove the rest of the way home in my A&F boxers and flip flops. I got followed by a cop for 20 minutes, but never got pulled over because I'm a bro-king. The next day I had to go clean pulled pork puke out of my vents at a friends' house...God I'm awesome.

Ned's Younger Brother said...

Oh man, I fucking hate cleaning puke out of my car, but it sure beats pulling over!

Anonymous said...

On a brocation at my parents bay house, me and a fellow bro slammed a case of brews and decided to take a stroll around this unfamiliar area. So what do we do? We push my jeep out of the driveway to not wake the bro-haters who knew we had been drinking and take a cruise. We then find a wedding reception that has been over for hours and proceed to steal their remaining bottles of wine, eat some fucking wedding cake,and then decide to drive through the ditch instead of the driveway - because thats what bros in jeeps do! We got stuck in the ditch on a fucking root, had the cops called and when they showed up what did they do? Called the bros a tow truck! Tow truck cost us $50 to be pulled out of the ditch and that was it. Cop wanted to keep his job so he didnt bother to ask why we were in a random ditch at 3am with wine stains on our shirts. We then swerved our way home and pushed that shit back into the driveway and another great night of bro driving was documented.

Ned's Younger Brother said...

Nice work on not only driving drunk but stealing shit, too!

Anonymous said...

Gotta love the times when you wake up and peice together your night that you don't remember because you blacked out - and eventually you ask another bro "How the fuck did we make it back here last night???" When fellow bro responds "Dude!! you fuckin drove us!"

- fellow DC Bro

Anonymous said...

These Bro Comments are fucking great, and all so true to life real world experiences for us all.

I'm so glad there are no fuck head Bro Haters posting up.

Well, I'm gonna go slam a case of brews and pull some catwalks on my motorcycle. Shit yeah!

Anonymous said...

I was visiting some bros at their college, slamming a bunch of brews, when a bro I just met was not allowed to drive home. I would have allowed it, but his bro-hating friends and some bras at the party would not. So, with a recent DUI and suspended license, I drove the bro home. Being less wasted than him, I didn't think twice to make sure the bro got home but still had the pleasure of drunk/illegal driving.

Anonymous said...

the stories are even better when it ends with someone telling you you drove home.

Anonymous said...

Can't tell you how many times I've woken up and thought "fuck I have to go pick up my car." Only to stumble outside, blinded by shitty natural light and find my trusty whip in the driveway. Here's to you alcohol. Fuck the haters.

Anonymous said...

You are all idiots and cowards. Grow up.

Ned's Younger Brother said...

Keep calling people cowards and posting as anonymous, fucking bro-hater.

John said...

about 3 weeks ago when every one was just getting home from school and by people im meen sluts, me and my bro got wasted..$7 handle of vodka wasted. So my bro also my best wing man said lets call sarah (the biggest slut we know) me being the bro I should, offered to drive as long as my bro would give me some solid directions and play his key roll as DJ (no one wants to listen to a song for more than 45 seconds when drinking and driving). So we hit the road get on a mojor highway and he gives me solid directions as promised. About 20 minutes later we get to Chrities house, not Sarahs. Christie was obviously suprised having to wasted bros show up at 4 in the morning. We gave her no choice its was more shitty vodka shots and pool time. About half an hour later my bro says ill be right back, and Im thinking thats why your my wing man and I moved in for the kill with Christie. Next thing I know my bro has sarah undressing to jump in the pool. Dont remeber much after that but we both woke up in seperate rooms with seperate bras. Never would have happened if we werent wasted, drving, and showed up to the wrong house.

Ned's Younger Brother said...

Wow, another inspiring testimonial. It's stories like these that need to be told to all those bro-hater Mothers and Students who are blinded by the media's propaganda and thus are against Drinking and Driving. Well done bros.

Anonymous said...

Nice work, bros: http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/06/08/california.pitcher.killed/

Ned's Younger Brother said...

Yeah that sucks and all but still:

http://tinyurl.com/mcu4p5

I rest my case.

acanet said...

My frat is on the other side of campus, i drive blacked out every Tuesday, Wednesday, thursday, Friday and fraturday.

Anonymous said...

Hey Cross, did I catch a 9er in there, this bro-hater is making this shit up so he can be bro, go back to your laser tag arena

Anonymous said...

Why do pussy ass bro-hater faggots come in here when there is a great vibe going on with bros from across the world sharing their best DUI stories and try and ruin it with comments like, "grow up" and post a stupid ass story about some fellow pussy ass bro-hater killing himself while drinking and driving in his tube socks?

I hope the next time I am shitfaced driving to some skeezer's house to fill her in at 6 in the morning that I crash my Tahoe into your 1994 hyundai while you're on your way to some AA meeting, killing you instantly. And once the cops arrive on the scene and find out who my dad is, they shit their pants and then laugh as your bro-hating riceburner goes up in flames.

Gob Bluth said...

I don't know how many times I have driven to taco bell on the verge of being blackout. I've had to tell my friends to wait up for me and to call the cops if I don't make it home in 30 min with my food. It seems to be worth the risk everytime.

Matt said...

Last summer I was at a house party that the cops busted up. Like pussies, everyone in the garage ran inside the house, except my main bro and I. We posted at the keg drinking from the tap until everyone got kicked out. He proceeded to drive me home, until i got a text from ho asking to pick her up and rail her. My bro dropped me off at my place, and i hopped in my car sped off. Got pulled over on the way, cop asked if I had been drinking, said "damn right" and got locked up for the night.

Got a top lawyer that my dad knew for free, and got that d.u.i. dropped to an m.i.p (I was 20, drinking age should be 18, if any).

Anonymous said...

It was just another fratty thirsty thursday a couple months ago when me and my main bro made our most epic drinking and driving story of college...
We all started at the frat house around 3pm doin some day drinking with some keystones and a little pong. From there we went to a local establishment in our collegetown where we could do some outdoor drinking and yell shit at all the bro-haters who were walking back from their classes with their backpacks (class is for pussies). Then we went over for some 20 cent wings and more pitchers at another bar (bros gotta get our protein) and at that point (around 8pm) we were all blacked out. From there we had to go back to the frat cuz our pledges had constructed a mini golf course throughout our house and we got all dressed out in golf attire and continued to drink while getting in 9 holes. At this point I was blacked out and had to get filled in on the details the next morning, but apparently we rolled deep to the bars and continued our bro'd out day with jameson shots and excessive bro chanting. after the bar closed i met up with some other bros and went back to their place to watch 300 (also very quotable movie for bros) while we passed around a giant ham bone (more protein a must at this point in the night). It was at that point that I had the option to pass out with the bros or make the trek across campus with the possibility of running into some bras. Unfortunately at my ivy league school most bros and bras can't keep up with my bro-ness, so i made it back to my place without any bra sightings. It was at that point (approx. 4am) that i found my main bro with whom i started the day drinking still up watching zoolander and drunk dialing his ex-bra from home that goes to school in Philly. At this point, my main bro comes up with the great idea of drinking and driving and says "wanna go to Philly?" Seeing that we were both hammered from a day and night of bro-ness and that Philly was a good 4 hours from where we were, I naturally said "fuck it, we'll do it live! (Bill O'Reilly quote, also a total bro)" and off we went. My main bro is "that one bro who drinks and drives every fucking time he goes out", so I tossed him the keys, pounded some red bull, smashed the cans, and drove the 4 hours to Philly. We made it in one piece, took about a 4-hour bro-nap once we got there, and started it all up again. Needless to say after a story like that we both got pussy in Philly.

Pedro B said...

If you master Ninja focus, like myself, you will be able to conquor any road, at anytime, no matter how split you are. Drinking and driving while using Ninja Focus is 100% legal

Anonymous said...

I used to get shitfaced drunk and drive all the time. Then a few years back, a friend of mine was driving home drunk, when 4 of our friends including his roommate decided to walk the ten minute walk back home. He ran them over and killed them all. But yea drinking and driving is cool. This is the douchiest website I have ever seen in my life.

Anonymous said...

Last St. Patty's Day I'm crushing beers with my bros from noon in the daytime to midnight in the nighttime... during the day my one bro calls me and we setup a round of gold for like 8 am the next morning... At around 11 pm, I realize my clubs are back at school which is an hour and a half away... No shot I'm missing my golf round with my bro the next day... At midnight I drive back to school to get my clubs to play, and the next morning I'm banging out hangover bogeys

Steve from PA said...

You're just plain stupid. I think all the hair gel has seeped into your empty brains.

Anonymous said...

drinking and driving is legal when the sun is out...or if it is raining

Anonymous said...

most epic maneuver of my drunk driving career involved driving from connecticut to mass, drinking the whole way ... getting shitty at my bros frat house then driving back to ct with three of my bros in the car cheering me on... all told it was over a hundred miles crossed state lines

adam said...

First off, how the fuck am I supposed to get anywhere if I don't drink and drive.
When I was around 19 or 20 I started drinking early 11am'ish. Did too many nasty shots of Jager and puked out of my drivers side window while driving in the middle of the day. Hooked up with some of my bros and they drove me to a bar (not in my car since there was puke on the side of it) pounded more beers the whole way to the bar that I ended up not getting in. Walked back to the car and pounded more beers. Decided to walk back to the bar while pounding beers. Cops bust me for underage drinking and give me a ticket. Fuck this shit, take a cab back to my car. Jump on the highway going 85 in a 60 get pulled over. Cops asks whats the hurry, told him I was going to bang some slam piece. Asked who puked on my my car "Mother fucker this is fucking bullshit, people are such assholes" was my answer. Hands me me ticket and sends me on my way. Got to slam-pieces house knocked the bottom out of that pussy for 45 minutes and drove my happy drunk ass home with 2 tickets and shit load of bro-cred

Bro Patterno said...

Christmas break 2008: The day after returning home to Cleveland, Ohio aka America's asshole, I attended a party at a buddy from high school's house. Upon my arrival, I noticed that there were an exorbitant amount of dudes (most of whom were definitely not bros)and maybe a handful of bras. Pissed off, I start scouting out the bras when this assclown whips out a bottle of Bacardi 151. In typical fashion of a non-bro, this jerkoff kept challenging bras to do shots with him. I decided that I must perform my bro duties and show this fool up. Next thing I know, the dude is passed out and someone is trying to rip the bottle outta my hand. "That guy had 2 shots and then you grabbed the bottle from him and started chugging it like Jon Belushi in Animal House," says some random slore. So I apparently pounded half the bottle. The absolute last memory of that night is of my friend who I drove with dropping me off at the mall where my car was--20 minutes from my house--and asking me if I was okay to drive. Mumbling something, I start my car and pull out of the lot while singing "Mr. Tambourine Man." Next thing I know, I wake up the following morning and immediately yell "Oh fuck! The Car!" I run outside and notice that the car is perfectly parked in the center of the drive way, but the door is open and my wallet, phone, and a shoe are on the ground. After collecting my belongings, I walk inside to see my mom sitting at the table with that look on her face, (you know that look)a look that could melt steel. "So how much did you drink last night?" "umm, 2 beers," I say. "I'll ask again: how much did you drink last night?"
"Well, I'm not sure. I only had a couple cups of punch but it must have been stronger than I realized (lie). I'm sorry (lie). I promise it will never happen again (colossal lie)." My mom's response?
"It's okay, everyone makes mistakes. Besides, your dad doesn't exactly set the best example for you." Money! Blame it on Dad! I will take it.

Epilogue: I eventually asked my mom what I did when I came home. She said that she came to the door when I pulled in the drive way and, upon exiting the car, I instantaneously fell on my face. She then said I proceeded to stumble into the bushes 3 or 4 times before I reached the door. When I reached the door and she asked what was wrong, she claims that my eyes were SPINNING independently like the eyes of a fucking chameleon and that I sounded as if I was attempting to speak in tongues. God, I love alcohol.

walkthedog said...

ok there is something all these bro-haters need to understand and thats drunken car wrecks are not caused by alcohol. they are caused by being a straight pussy behind the wheel. if you cant keep your daewo lanos (danny mcbride, much bro love) in between the lines then get off the road and accept your place in the ranks of non-bros. Maybe you should be drinking coffee at a poetry club or doing some other gay shit rather than trying to keep up with bros taking ten to twelve tequila shots on a wednesday night. hell, i drive my 3/4 ton diesel dodge (why dodge and not ford, cause Id rather be cummin than strokin pussies) blackout home from the bar at least three nights a week and there is not a scratch on it. Mothers Against Drunk Driving is the ultimate group of bro haters next to babies so they can go suck some dick and stop raising pussies that can't drive home after a night of raging on booze and taking care of slamming some slam piece.

Hurny F The kid said...

Bro, so I'm riding shotty in my bro's whip and we are totally shitty off jagermeister and Stella's. I'm talkin to my bra on the phone, trying to cop some late night tang. When we get on the highway I stop paying attention to my bro's whip skills and we cruise right past our exit. no worries though, My bro just throws the explorer(which he obviously gave a name cuz he is a bro)(Dora) in reverse on the highway and we cruise in the reversal direction till we get to the on ramp, just managing to miss traffic in the lane next to us. I made it home that night 5 minutes faster than I would have if we had to turn around. Was it worth it? Fuck yeah bro

Derek said...

the road is wider when you are drunk, that is a fact

SocialChair said...

The cop radar detector was invented not only to allow bros to speed but to also justifies driving blacked out. "hey you cant drive, your drunk", reply: "Nah its alright i got a radar dector"..."sweet lets go to BK". Oftentimes i find myself annoyed at the little beeping thing on my dash and pull it out, forgetting what the fuck it is yet still make it home drunk, texting a slam piece, workin the ipod, while dipping some nuggets into sweet n sour sauce.

Pro Brono said...

First off, super pissed that I only found this site yesterday; missing out on more than half a years worth of epic broness. Secondly, although I'm a solid 4 months late on this one, I would be remiss if I let my fellow bros miss out on a brotastic drunk driving adventure... After a solid night of slamming brews at the bar (after hours because the owner's son is the broest of bros), I hop into my new (week-old) Jeep to make the 10-12 mile journey back to my house, on the main highway of course. Not two minutes into the drive, and bam, projectile vomit all over the steering wheel/dash, which was quickly followed by round two, which I was able to direct mostly on my shirt/shorts. Now, being the bro that I am, I was able to keep my composure and make it home without missing a beat. The next morning, I found my phone on the drivers seat in a pile of puke. Later that day, the slut at Verizon gave me a dirty look and told me the battery was covered in something weird and it smelled like beer. Sluts.

Anonymous said...

I'm the bro that drinks and drives whether its casual morning keg stands or late night blacking out. This summer I was at a buddies of mine for a couple kegs. Around 2 we're pretty shitty and my main bro asks if i wanna drive to taco bell. one of my good bros just got a dui earlier that week (fallen soldier) so I tell my main bro pry not tonight. We proceeded to black out and wake up in the morning with taco wrappers and a 39 dollar taco bell receipt and my keys in my pocket. Sorry I party

Anonymous said...

I got drunk and parked in a red zone in front of a police station and then went to the bars, furious that my car had been towed when I came back blacked out I took a taxi to the police impound and ran through the open gate, stole my car back and popped 2 tires in a car chase that went through grass fields and over 100 mph on the interstate. Didn't pay the cabbie or the impound fee.

Anonymous said...

After boozing all night long in manhattan for my birthday with all my bros in a party bus we took so no one would drink and drive, the bus dropped us off at my friend's restaurant so we could get our cars and drive home. All my bros encouraged me to drive home, even though i was comatose on the bus ride home. Apparantly i peeled out of the parking lot at like 60 (with 5 mph signs poseted everywhere, along with numerous speed bumps) pulled up to a cop at a red light, stopped and then proceeded to floor it and run 3 red lights (including the one i pulled up next to the cop at) while swerving all over the road. Needless to say I got pulled over, but certain bro connects I had kept me ticket-free and out of jail...... one for the books

Anonymous said...

I am not lying. This actually happened. My uncle drank a whole case of bud light on his three hour drive down to the beach by himself. He didn't break the seal. I was sitting next to him in the passenger seat, basking in the glory of a true drunk driver.

Anonymous said...

i drove into the side of my house, personally i think its structure looks better now, and my car has got more character. drinking and driving can have pros where you least expect it.

Anonymous said...

A few of my bros and I were pounding booze at one of our favorite bro spots to post up at. Some of our bro pussies took the homeless way home (cab), but it was only fitting for me and my other bro to drive his luxury vehicle home completely shitfaced. Who doesn't like driving shitfaced anwyay? I didn't think it was possible, but he was way too hammered to drive and I was pretty fucked up, but able to keep my eyes open so by default I was the designated drunk driver. Were a couple blocks from my house when I swerve into a tree and his luxury vehicle becomes totaled. 5 mins later cops come and clearly we were both completely intoxicated. Obviously bros are completely above the law and the cops ask if I had been drinking in which I responded no, and I ask him to take a field sobriety test and he says thats ok. Probably knowing that if he tried to lock us up our rich fathers who are politically connected would personally make sure he was one of the fucking vagabonds constantly panhandling.

Anonymous said...

you are all douchebags and chicken fucking bitchwhores, who wish that they could skull fuck their own mothers before a day of buttfucking with their 'bros'

Fucking fags

Tim said...

Bro, double vision? FUCK that, a real Bro-King gets quadruple vision and closes one eye just to get down to double vision on his drive home.

mike said...

If Muchas Gracias wanted me to remember driving there and spending 15 dollars at 3am then they would make their food tast good without adding half a bottle of green sauce. A true bro knows he had a great meal when he finds out he went their because the styrofoam was still in the cup holder when he woke up at 1 the next day.

Anonymous said...

nothing beats pulling a slam piece from a house party, jacking the bottle of cheap whiskey, getting dome in my M3 (true bros drive em or AMG) and doing 135 taking pulls hammered driving back to slam at the frat

Anonymous said...

well were on the subject of cars and driving wats the ultimate bro whip?

obi-wan Bronobi said...

me and my bro are at some lame-ass party we snag a bottle of jameson and circle of death it with a few other fellow bros in the driveway.

before walking back into the party i grab my fellow bro and say to him this party sucks - it sucks so much lets go home - i'm driving.

as im driving him home theres 2 dividers of traffic on our busy road but its 5am and no one's around so i decide to bust it on the other side of the divider with my bro. Clearly we could of been killed and both of us still would do it again. I got him home but not before busting a turn at 30 and being yelled at by a bunch of cops outside a house that was being reported for a home invasion..

Anonymous said...

Its all about minimal movements BRO!!

Anonymous said...

one time my bros and i pregamed at this slam pieces house and then thought it would be smart to bike/ skateboard to the party.
got there got hammered and decided we didnt want to bike home so we pick the two most drunk bros(me and my bro) to bike back to my house and get my car and drive back so we could keep the party going and then be able to drive home later

Anonymous said...

I drank 17 beers in one hour, blacked ot and then drove to a friends house. Woke up a couple of miles away with my car tturned off and in park on a gravel road. Success!

Anonymous said...

One time I pounded a case went to the bar took a couple shots and drove to my bro's house and didn't realize till halfway there I didn't have my lights on. Straight up.

Danimite Dani said...

First off yes, I am a bra but I have to share the ULTIMATE drinking and driving story. A month ago my girl and I got completely shit faced and decided it would be a good idea to drive to Lake Shasta CA. Our friends were there on a house boat so it sounded like a fantastic idea. We decided to head out at about 9pm, grabbed a 30 pack of beer and set off on our 5 hour journey. The first time we got pulled over the cop clocked us at 101mph in a 55. My friend was driving (because I was on the verge of blackout) and she is the better drunk driver. I was passed out and woke up to the cop’s voice because his accent was this as shit. I interrupted him and said “Hey are you Australian?” He responded “No. I am Scottish and you should probably get rid of that open beer you have in between your legs.” It turns out my friend had a suspended license and instead of the cop giving her a reckless driving ticket for going 46 mph over the speed limit, a DUII, and arresting us, he gave her a driving while suspended and made us follow him to the nearest hotel off the freeway. Once he drove away, we got right back on the freeway only to get pulled over BY THE SAME COP twenty minutes later. He slapped my friend w/ another driving while suspended and told us to “take the next exit and to NOT drive anymore tonight.” Fuck that, we blew right past the next exit and kept driving. We got pulled over our third and final time 80miles from Lake Shasta. The cop told us that every cop within a 200mile radius was looking for a car driving w/ my license plate number. My friend got her third driving while suspended for the night and my car was impounded (for 30 days). The cops did however let us take our bags AND the remainder of our 30 case of beer and put it in the trunk of the cop car. They dropped us off in a town in the middle of nowhere at 4:30am. We slammed the rest of the case and found two normal-looking people to take us the rest of the way. We finally arrived in Lake Shasta at 11am (14hours after we began our journey). I just got my car back 2 days ago costing me $1,300 to get it out of the impound. That trip was fucking awesome and I have no regrets, road trips must always involve alcohol!

somewhere over the rain-bro said...

One of the best nights of my bro life. I was fucking hammered with one of my friends (you will see why hes not a true bro) and a few bras. My friend (not drunk) told me he had to go home and he was my only ride. So what was i left to do? He drove me back to my Bro Pad where I went and got my own car to drive. I drove 20 fucking minutes just to slay this slampiece from Jersey. So once I got there, not only did I slay her like a true bro would, I slayed her in the pool even after cutting my ass in an attempt to hop the fence. Truly a night to remember for all bros.

Anonymous said...

One night last fall me and one my bros won 18 games of beer pong in a row. After we finished I took like 3 GB's in a row and drove back to my apartment. I was so fucked up I parked on the curve and my brohater neighbor upstairs called a tow truck and had me towed. The next day I slit all 4 of his tires, ripped the Honda emblem off his grill, kicked a bigass dent in his hood and stole his antenna. All in broad daylight. Fucking douchebag.

broyourboat said...

Kelly's Island - Killed the traditional dish of Mind Erasers, Whiskey, Root Beer Floats, and fucking brew at the local watering hole with my main bro. My bro asked if I wanted to bro out and go for our traditional "evening cruise" to go meet my slam piece. Obviously tore threw the woods blacked out. Woke up just in time to slay my piece and open our bar. Found my truck sideways in the parking lot with no mirror or door handle. If you see a truck with no door handle on the island, look over and raise your glass, like a true bro would, while driving.

Anonymous said...

ol'boggs

so i was at my little cousins 3rd birthday party. me and my little bro were sneaking brews the whole time in the laundry room. im feeling a little tipsy and my fucking uncle keeps talking to me about some bullshit. he doesnt fucking know im drunk cause i hide it like a real bro. so im outside having a smoke and my slampiece shoots me a nasty text. so should i stay at the lame party or go stack some box. of course im gonna stack some box i fucking thrive off that shit. so i take my uncles 67 vette to go slay my slampiece (btw i grabbed a few brews for the road). could u belive this shit im just finishing my last brew and i see sirens. i ditch the car im a true bro so i split fucking booking like its freshmen track and field all over again. i stop hearing sirens so i hide in the backyard of my slam piece. i ring the doorbell a few times ho doesnt answer, im fucking pissed so i kick that goddamn door down. so i go inside and like bitch why arent u naked yet. i get my shit done and get out of there fuckin ho. start walkin down the block feeling like the man, when i see a pig (cop for all u nonbros). he tackles me i break it of course cause i work out at Xsport. he whipped out a nightstick when another pig came from behind(i didnt fucking see him im ready to kick some ass) the other pig tasers me and next thing i rememember is waking up in a jail cell with a bbc (big black cock) all in my face. ill be in jail for the next few years whatever at least i got some pussy. BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

Anonymous said...

bro,
over the summer me and some bros went to some bras farm in the middle of fucking nowhere. after finishing 26 brews like a true bro i had the bright idea to drive around the farm/woods at high speeds..after making two or three laps me and the bros decided to jump onto the car and ride on top and the side of the car while i drove at high speeds through the forest. i ended up throwing one of my bros of the car into the woods at around 35-40 mph...he was lost for 3 hours and most of us bros assumed that he was dead and continue to drink for him. after he resurrected some bra was being a cunt we decided to leave at 5:30. but i didn't drive home because i claimed to be to drunk. after this i blacked out. i woke up the next mourning at my bros house with my car completely caked in mud with foot prints on the hood and roof of the car. as i got into the car and found empty beer cans and white castle bags everywhere.

true bro

A Bro-Loving Bra said...

I'm a bra, the daughter of a true bro, but I have to disagree with this post. My now ex-bro-boyfriend did 2 power hours in a row with his frat bros last november, and drove to a party to meet up with other slampieces (our only rule while dating was "Don't hook up with any girl I wouldn't hook up with"). He had mad bro-cred as far as drinking goes. It was a slow week if he only got wasted 5 out of 7 days, and he always drove drunk back to his bro pad. Well this night he wasn't so lucky. After draining a 24 pack of beer, he went to drive back home as usual, at 3am. He didn't see the car in front of him that was stopped at a stoplight, and ran into it going 70mph, killing the bro inside who was DDing for his frat that night. He was once a bro-king but now his entire bro-life is over. I ask all of you "bros" reading this... is killing a fellow bro worth the thrill of driving drunk? If your answer is yes, I hope you never get the chance to slay another slampiece like me because some fellow bro kills you while drunk driving. And anyway, a real bro knows that the best way to get a slampiece to take you home is by claiming that you're too drunk to drive back to your place.

Smokin Bro Frazier said...

on the way back from a party with the empty keg and my keg tap in my trunk i ran into the car in front of me at a red light then convinced the bro-haters in the car that it wasnt a big deal and left to slay a slampiece

Anonymous said...

well in the off season of course drunk driving is necessary but when it deep into pledge season they better be able to drive me and my slam piece home from my bros rager even if its is 2 hours away. pledges should ask me to pick me up from farther away.

9-br0-7 said...

so last may i hit the bars with a few bros..had been on a binge and didnt even realize it was cinco de mayo until i seen all these idiots in stupid round mexican hats..so we threw some money around and got completely smashed..poured my crown and coke on a slam piece that wouldnt put out on the dance floor and tossed my dip of cope snuff in a fat girls drink because i dont give a fuck...im an irish bro, fuck mexican holidays...so me and the bros left in a cab and i was blacked the fuck out..bailed on the cab..made it to my truck somehow and drove to my side of town..woke up to my truck running and cops waking me up...failed the fuck out of my sobriety test and blew a .193...tried to hook up with the lady cop, asked to hit dennys for breakfast, and told them i was high as fuck..woke up in jail with a pantleg ripped off and still hammered...got my truck out of impound and still had my jar of weed in the console....got high as shit and went post cinco de mayo bar hopping

Anonymous said...

A few blackout fests ago my roomate/beerpong partner aka fellow bro wakes up for work and his car is gone. Some fucking bro-haters stole his shit so he repots it to the local cops . . . fucking pigs were no help. The next day we find the whip . . .in the Taco Bell parking lot. The Bro drove to Taco Bell, and was so blacked out forgot how he got there and just walked home.

Bromasterson III said...

Back in college I decided one night to really Bro hard cause I had some bra's in town from HS, so we went to this party and took a 4 Bar, started slaying in Beer pong, while eating the fruit out of the Trash Can punch, got in a mean fight with my girlfriend so I dropped her ass off at home. Ate another 4 bar as I did 130 down 4th Street in Lubbock in the Rain over to my buddies. Kept drinking and smoking, at one point stuck a Soma to my forehead and declared myself the "Soma Master" then I got a text from my slampiece and decided to blackout pound some snooch. Headed to her place, woke up at a gas station 5 miles outside of town with a giant stop sign dent in my front bumper, and a blown out tire. Got the fuck out of there like a true bro would, drove home the 5 miles on the Rim and went back to bed. Woke up that afternoon, surveyed the damage, and then I Bro'd even harder by calling my insurance agent and telling her I had been going to pick up another bro cause he was too drunk and slid into a stop sign, needless to say they bought it because the agent was tight with my folks, and I paid the deductible to have it all fixed. Moral of the story, drinking and driving is the fucking shit, especially when you're a smooth bro and a Soma Master.

Bromasterson III

Anonymous said...

One night me and 2 fellow bros were pounding down 40s. One of the bros asked if me and the other bro could go pick up his bra and sneak her out. Being smashed we told him not to worry. She lives 30minutes away from his house so we brought 5 road beers each. We got to her house and our road beers were gone. Picked her up and brought her back. After our bro had his fill we needed to bring her back home. I blacked out at this point but when I woke up I had 5 miles of gas. Thankfully my bro gave me his mobile card to fill up my tank. 70 dollars in gas and a drinking and driving night. Doesn't get better

Anonymous said...

one nite i was so coked up that i didnt know i was drunk so i decided to drive to go get some more BLOW! id been drinking all day(Liquer) and the sun was still up. we decided to go abort highschool's girls babies for them for only $5 (coke money) but we ended up so drunk we ran over some old fat wench

Anonymous said...

Yeah my bro love drunk driving got me two dead. Legs. But I have permanent wheels now. Turned out cool & my bro still drivres drunk - he's a master

Anonymous said...

this is absolutely rediculous.. and this blog is doing nothing but showing people that its ok to drive drunk, and that its "cool"
my life has never been the same since being nearly killed by a drunk driver on the highway.. I now live with constant pain because my spine is permanently injured. If i was too injure it again i could become paralyzed or die. you're all sick people and honestly i wish some dumb drunk would hit and alter your life forever, you deserve it, not someone like me.
everyone knows you cant stop people from drinking and driving, but lets not go and promote it..

Anonymous said...

bro hater above

Anonymous said...

Bros everything about that post was so solid. Last weekend at this rager at my main bitches house i pounded a few brews with my bros, didnt even talk to my ho and then one of my bros had this idea to go to taco bell. Typical ho didnt want me driving but Im a bro so you know i dont listen to my slam peice. Drove my bros to Taco Bell, on the way home did 120 in my whip got pulled over and spent the night eating cruch wrap supremes in jail telling stories of how smashed we were yesterday. Thats a true bro night

Anonymous said...

I disagree
if you're at a party, you should be so shitfaced that you won't be able to back out of the driveway. that's when you go up to that one kid in the group that you all pretend to be friends with so you can get him to do shit for you and spend time making fun of him when you're bored.
then he takes you to your slam piece's house or you grab some bros and he takes you all to taco bell at 3 in the morning. not only does the wanna-be bro that everyone actually hates feel like a loser for being sober, being your little bitch, and not getting laid, but you got whatever you wanted done

Denver88 said...

on fourth of july this year i got fucking hammered at the lake with my bros then went to go back to some bras house and swim in her pool. got a fed on my tail and ran for a mile in a half before pulling over. after field tests and comparing the cops to the superbad cops i got arrested with a .24 bac. then had my drunk friend come pick me up from jail.

Haines said...

I was at some party one night. Completely bro-ing out with a handle taped to my hand. It was obvious that utter destruction was in my future. As the party dwindled down and it was apparent that no biddies were going to be around to smash, I decided to go home. After kicking the rest of the handle, I made my way out of the house, ignoring all pleas from stupid bitches to stop, and made my way to my car. Driving home was a fucking adventure. Pulling up to a stop sign in the center of town, I came to a realization: i needed to puke. Now. I lean out my car window, yuke everywhere and continue to drive home safely- ending up in my bed at home without an further problems.

Kimbro Slice said...

if ur drinking ur driving, pick up a slampiece and slay her ass right in the back of ur car. Nothing better

Anonymous said...

A few summers ago a couple bros and I were at an Orioles game at Camden Yards. We were planning on spending the night at a bro's row house in Baltimore, however things didn't exactly go as planned In typical college fashion, my bro Pete and I decide to sneak a liter of Castillo rum into the stadium on top of the numerous Natty Boh's consumed at Pickles Pub prior to the game. Needless to say that bottle was polished off by Brian Roberts' 3rd at-bat. Next thing I remember is opening my eyes and what do I see? The ceiling of my college apartment...in Harrisonburg, VA (a short 3 hour drive from Baltimore). I walk out front, and my piece of shit Saturn SL is parked diagonal to the curb taking up 3 parking spaces. As I get into my car to straighten it out, my ears are met with sound of the XM techno channel on full fucking volume, therefore God only knows how fast I was driving. Still not sure how I ended up leaving the group, but t'was a great night.

Anonymous said...

One day you will all grow up and realize how childish this is. How is drinking and driving cool? Secondly, being a "bro" isn't cool. There is a reason the majority of the us (non-bros) make fun of you. Despite what you may think, it is not because we're envious, or because we're 'bro-haters. It is because you are hilarious to make fun of. You make it too easy.

I've said my piece, now you can go back to your bro nonsense (everybody back in the pile).

Anonymous said...

This site was pretty funny... until I read this post. How you can condone drinking and driving is beyond me. I have some of the finest attorneys in the country to represent me, plus about 20 friends in law school, but I still find it utterly unacceptable to drive while intoxicated, no matter how much your woman wants to fuck.

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with the guy before me. I'm not against a good time, but your "bro" is not gonna feel too bad ass when he's standing next to your crying mother and watching your casket being lowered six feet beneath the ground. You can have all the fucking attorneys in the world defending you....it's not gonna matter when you're dead.

Anonymous said...

This is absolutely ridiculous. I'm disgusted at the things said on this page. "I drove with my bro next to me and my sister in the back seat."
Really?! And how would you feel might you kill a car with an infant, 2,7, and 11 year olds?! I hope all of you realize the harm you're putting so many innocent people in.
I wonder how many "bros" would add their story on here if they survived their stupidity... ?

Anonymous said...

I went to a party like 20 min. from my house stoned, knocked back a couple brews, then hopped in my car with some guys and hit up another party filled with sluts (tons of em!), ran the bp table there, hopped in my car, got followed by a cop at like 3am on my drive home but I'm money behind the wheel so nothing happened. Got home. Cracked another while watching TV, realized how hungry I was so I drove to McDy's (drunk drive thru of course) with a keystone in my cupholder the entire time (the drive thru bitch saw it and laughed when she gave me my food) and on my way home again I tossed the empty can out the window while a cop passed by... NO Problem... Typical bro night ya know.

Anonymous said...

It was your standard Tuesday day-drinking for me and my bros. We were getting pretty shitty around 7 p.m. when I got a text from my fall back slam piece. I decided I'd better roll over and lay some pipe.

During the drive over I spotted this fat bitch with her two sons out for an after-dinner walk. Being the true bro I am, I veered off the road and took all three of them out. No witnesses. No charges.

Then I got some pussy.

I still remember this as one of the finest moments of my college years.

Anonymous said...

So listen to this shit. As a 16 year old bro-king of my fucking class I was ahead of the curve on drinking, drinking and driving, smashin slam pieces and all that bro shit.
Regrettably I was at this gay party where I was one of the only bros goin hard. I bought a shitload of beer with my fake ID, made all the bitches pay me extra money and then got settled in at the pong table to fuck shit up. After defeating all my challengers the party started to die down. I started to grind up on some slut who had a boyfriend or some shit. I was sauced up. I felt her cans and let her stroke some denim dick.

I decided to show my bro-king status to these fools by proving I could chug an Old English 40 oz malt liquor in one try without stopping. After I downed that my stomach had a little too much liquid in it at once so I went upstairs to yuke some of that 40 back in the toilet. The chicks whose house I was at had an older brother who was fuckin around in the bathroom. So what did I do? fuckin hit up that bro haters room and blow chunks all over his carpet. As I left the room and proceeded to leave the brother, mother, and sister raged at me and took me keys complaining I was too drunk and I ruined their carpet. Fuck that noise. I went back over to the slam piece slept for a few hours, woke up just as fucked up as I was the night before and proceeded to drive home ditching my puke covered shit and jeans at the local highschool on the way. And the best part about it--
Because of my early arrival, my parents thought I came home that past night, sparing me from getting yelled at for sleeping out without letting them know.

Bro life

Anonymous said...

me and my bros decided to drive to ac from a bar in philly but ended up at philadelphia park at 3 am. I shit out my bros window.

Brett said...

One time after a brofest at my frineds house i was hammered but had to go home. i drove to my friends house so of course i had to drive home. what else do they expect us to do take a taxi?? fuck taht im a bro, you take a taxi. so i drive. halfway home a pig does a full u-turn and starts followin my ass. im evidently nervous but keep driven. i speed up tryin to avoid the pig and make the next turn i can. i lost him. one of the scariest moments of my life. STAY BRO

Anonymous said...

yo so one time me and my bros were rolling deep at an epic party kegs jungle juice you know the works and my bro and i both drive because its like 30 minutes away and no fucking way am i taking a cab that shit would be expensive and no fucking way am i staying sober (thats a ridiculous statement) so we're driving home racing down the highway and when we get off we start drag racing im driving down the wrong side of the road while puking out the window and yeah i fucking won that race my bro gets pulled over but because he is a true bro the cop sees who is and sees that he is the best player on our football team lets him go with a "warning" the next week the same cop saw him speeding, talking on his cell phone, and has a rolled joint in his cup holder and lets him go.

Anonymous said...

I was rolling home on 95 after hooking up w/ this slampiece in fed hill and had to rock the popeye all the way home. Needless to say, I made it record time...

Anonymous said...

Im only 14 and Drank and drove from taco bell last month. pulled over by the cops cause im a fucking bro.

Anonymous said...

It was the homecoming of my second senior year. Naturally, I had been up since dawn slamming Jim Beam (my game day drink of choice.) I live in a town that does not serve liquor, so I had to go one town over that is like 8 miles down a road that is notorious for duis and death pertaining to cars and alcohol. Not wanting to be arrested, but in desperate need of a highball a decided to do the cool and tough thing to do and not wait on beeper and drove. I took a short cut which led up to the top of a ski mountain where they were blowing snow. There was probably around 1 foot of snow on the road and this caught me off guard. I immediately began to swerve around. Keep in mind this is after about 15 hours of non stop drinking. I went around several hairpin turns unscathed. After somehow not crashing off of the 70 foot cliff to my left I made it to the bar, only to be "asked to leave" ten minutes later for disrupting the public and grinding on some douches wife. Whatever its cool.

Anonymous said...

The one-eyed drive home is called the Mr. Monopoly, like the dude with the monocle from the game. Pretty common behavior from our bros, always worthy of a call/message informing your bros of your Monopoly skills

Anonymous said...

As much as I love this site, this is a shitty post. Drinking and driving is fucking retarded. I don't care if you guys drink and drive and get yourselves killed. But somehow, the drunk driver always gets away unscathed while they kill some innocent person. I'm all for getting shitfaced, but not when you put other people at risk. Killing people is not bro.

Anonymous said...

you know your a true bro when u spend more than an hour a week looking for your car from the night before, been caught once, but thats not gonna stop a true bro

Anonymous said...

Designated driver=pledges. duh brah

Anonymous said...

So me and my bro go out to the bar for $5 pitcher night and needless to say get
absolutely mangled. I was drinking out of pitchers by the end of the night and
doing shots of some sort. As were leaving the people who parked next to us
evidently went to the pizza place next door and left a full buffalo chicken
pizza on top of their car. Needless to say we claim eminent domain and take that
shit for our own. I proceed to drive us home in a safe manner until getting 100
yards from the turn for my street when my bro challenges me by claiming "yo you
won't tokyo drift into new eastward look (our neighborhood)." Being the bro that
I am obviously I refuse to turn down such a challenge regardless of the fact I
drive an oldsmobile intrigue. I proceed to jam the gas and e-brake(which is a
pedal style) and skid out around the corner. 20 yards from my house I see the
blues light up behind me. FUCK! So I drive into my driveway and proceed to try
to get out as he screams "back in the car! Back in the car at me via
loudspeaker" However he approaches after I get back in and I proceed to come up
with a brilliant bro-esque lie. "Sorry officer my bro here was arguing with his
girl who lives over in old eastward we were originally heading there but then he
didn't want to but couldn't make a decision I really should have gone up and
turned around instead of jamming the brakes the way I did" officer: ok well
where you guys coming from?" "Oh just getting a (stolen) pizza down at fat jacks
sir"
"Alright let me run through this stuff and I'll be back" 15 minutes passes and
I'm pretty sure I'm gettin a DUI that night. Officer comes back says " sorry
bout that some technical difficulties with the system you're all set I'm giving
you a verbal warning" We in typical bro-like fashion proceed in our house pound
beers and a few shots like ten and eat the buffalo chicken pizza that saved my
criminal record.


Later that year red bull threw a giant party that they're still in court for for
people who received an orange sticker on their door( URI's scarlet letter for
party houses) I proceed to get completely sloshed on Red Bull vodkas and start
hitting on this girl who we referred to as cake face a 6 ft tall member of the
volleyball team. None of this I remember until the next morning I wake up on the
edge of my bed realizing my beds not empty I carefully peak over my shoulder and
realize its a blond girl (my fuck buddy at the time had brown hair) and I'm
slightly confused. I then get a glimpse of the face and proceed to slither out
of the bed take up residence in my computer chair and start to pretend to work
on a term paper (mind you graduation was the day before) full out with
headphones and all and I'm typing away about god knows what on a Sunday morning
after graduation.I then remember I stole the same bro from the previous story's
car from the party to take this slore home and he waked home angrily and started
beating on my door at 3 am.I evidently stayed up til 5 trying to smash this
gross tramp. She eventually leaves and my fellow bro's come in later and
proceed to refer to me as cake face or the girls name the rest of the week.Which
I gotta admit I found all of this pretty fucking hilarious given the messy nature I did
all of this in.

Anonymous said...

real bros would have pledges to drive them around and use their cars to puke in. dieing isnt fucking cool cuz then you cant be a bro anymore

Anonymous said...

we like to call it "teleporting" when we drive home drunk and don't remember but safely wake in our own beds the next morning.

Chris said...

Who can honestly say that they've never pirated their way home? I know I can't!

Thomas said...

I drove down the bike path on the GW Parkway for like a mile and finally realized it wasn't the street when I came to one of those little wooden running bridges. I was blacked out, but rememberd I'd driven down the bike path the next day when i saw the tire tracks! Yo - Sorry I'm NOT sorry for partying.

joe said...

The other night was one of those sorority date socials a shit load of bros were goin cuz our house is the shit... all the bras came to our house to pre game the event and of course the bus leaves from their house and their house is a 15 min walk away something no bro wants to do in December so watta i do.. I say im a fucking bro and fuck it im driving i pack 9 other bros and the slampieces that asked then into a ford explorer and make a normally 8 minute drive into 3... and yes the slampieces all came back to our house to get railed

stu ski said...

im always the bro thats down for the drunken ride.. cause any drunken ride can turn into findin an 18 year old slam piece with daddy issues

JD said...

Im a pro drunk driver since i got my license sophomore year of HS. Anyways my best story was one time by bro and i were on a golf course and after drinking the majority of the day and all throughout the round i completely passed out, floored the golf cart and we went right into the biggest lake they had. I might add it was late october and very cold. We left the cart there, finished the round, salvaged the beer, and then preceeded to drive home

Anonymous said...

I was blackout drunk, but luckily I remember coming to while I was driving a fellow bro to my house (where his car was), so he could drive to his house totally smashed, of course. So I drop him off, and I obviously make the 15 mile trek BACK to the party that we left origionally. Only to get more trashed before I would make the FINAL trip to my house for a good passout. I wake up with my truck halfway in the yard, and a text from the bro I dropped off earlier that read "Thanks for the ride bro, you were blowin through stop sings left and right! Awesome."

MEAT said...

When I was back in high school, the parents were gone so I threw a party at my house. I was blacked out when some slam piece hit me up trying to find her way. My only option was to bro out and pick her up. I was speeding down the block, like most bros would, and crashed into a brand new BMW. I fucked that thing up. Luckily no one was in it and it was parked, so I slipped away unnoticed. I picked up the girl, brought her back to my place, and laid hammer on that slam piece. I went downstairs cause I wasn't gonna snuggle like some kinda bitch. I was hangin out with my other bros and told them the story. Once I told them I had a naked slam piece up in my bed, they wanted to see for themselves. Like a true bro would, I took them upstairs, turned on the lights and threw the covers off her. She was lyin there butt naked surrounded by bros with their camera phones out taking pictures. I ruined my chances with that girl but I didn't give a fuck. Slam pieces come and go, but doin crazy shit with your bros last forever. Moral of the story...Drinkin and drivin gave me one of the best nights of my life.

Anonymous said...

me and my bros were at a bonfire like 30 miles away from my house, all the bras leave, what do i do? call up my slampeice, of course shes down, condom? never heard of it, so i steal my bros car and shag her in it, and not only does she put out, but she smokes me out, hella good bro night

Anonymous said...

Bras can drink and drive too.

Anonymous said...

I love the site, but drinking and driving kills, and promoting such dangerous actions is despicable. I hope no one takes this story seriously and actually drinks and drives, I don't think that they wil..

Anonymous said...

I woke up after a fraterday of heaving drinking at 9 oclock in the fall earlier this year and was headed to the redskins game for some brews and some football like any other great sunday. I picked up one of my bros at his house where we had partied late into the night and after stepping over kids passed out in the front yard and in the house we got a 30 and hit the highway. We can't let the beer get warm, so we start slamming brews and are each 10 deep by the time we get to the game. We order 3 more each at the game (damn 7 dollar beers) and finish the last 10 beers on the way back from to school, drop my bro off at his pad and go to chapter meeting.

None of this would have been possible without drinking and driving.

Big Pro Broseph said...

After getting smashed all night at a welcome home party for a bro, it was time for my sister, her friend and myself to leave. My sister (original driver) was passed out so i had to carry her to the car and get into the drivers seat. having my liscence taken away, due to a few mip's, and my double vision going on i knew i was solid to drive the 4 miles home. made it home, carried my sister to bed, fucked her friend, and then drove her friend 13 miles to her house then back home myself. success never tasted so good.

MHCLAX said...

Buddy,

The other weekend i was chillen and getting fucked up with my bros like usual, as the night ended i went home and hopped on facebook to try and get some ass...turned out to be the best idea ever, this sexy-as-fuck Asian bitch that i knew but had never spoken to was tryin to hang out aka get pounded out for hours. So she says in her dumbass voice "well i need to be picked up ". so the predicament was do i drive hammered drunk to pick up the Asian or do i just beat off for the night? the choice was was pretty clear. I drove drunker than robert downey jr after his first night of rehab and picked up this chick and fucked her for a good 3 hours. Mothers Against Drunk Driving can suck it.

Anonymous said...

yeah, bro, it is pretty awesome to drink and drive and kill people. totally rad, bro.

Anonymous said...

I knew a bro who once got pulled over and blew a .38! The cop was a bro himself and was so impressed by this guys broness (him being able to even function at that level and more impressive he drove) that the cop gave him a ride home and let him off completely.

Anonymous said...

its new years eve you better believe im drinking and driving tonight

Anonymous said...

Everyone who says that drinking and driving is awesome is a fucking dumbass. What if your fellow bro was drinking and driving and ended up killing himself? Or if you were killed as a passenger of someone who was drinking and driving?
I mean come on..be a little reasonable.
I'm in no way a bro hater, I love this site (and bros) and have purchased a tee-shirt before, but seriously drinking and driving? Not that "bro."

Fratural Ice said...

first off, way too much fucking bro-hating on this post. they make seat belts for a reason: so bros can not wear them and laugh at those who do.

don't try do deny you're envious of bros. our lives are fucking sick. yours obviously blow because you spend your days reading what its like to be us bros. one day you'll have three degrees and work 60 hours a week, and i'll still be your boss even though i spent my entire life being a bro.

bros are the shit

Browesome said...

I was home for the holidays for the winter and was at a new years party. At 2am my ex texted me, "happy new year, wanna celebrate?". Of course I wanted to plow this skanky bra, so ,after pounding tequilla shots all night, I figured it would be fine to drive the 15 min highway drive to her house.

About halfway there I decided I got a bad feeling in my stomach, rolled down the window and puked 3 times. then I rolled up my window washed with some listerine, and fucked that bitch all night long.

drinking and driving is the shit.

Anonymous said...

My freshman year of college I was a pledge of a fraternity full of Bro's, and on this one particular party night with tons of booze and slam pieces, I of course got hammered. I remember giving my keys to one of my Bro's dad who needed my truck to go on a beer run to Wal-Mart after crushing $2,000 dollars worth of booze by midnight. Needless to say I blacked out and woke up the next morning with a slam piece in my bed back at my dorm room. I noticed my car keys hanging up on my wall, but I didn't remember how I got them back. I went down to the first floor of my dorm to grab some water and saw my truck parked right in front of the entrance on the sidewalk. Nice.

Anonymous said...

How about just having a designated driver??

Anonymous said...

A few months ago i popped some ecstasy, smoked some weed, then started drinking. Then me and some bros needed to get home. Who drives? Me. My true bros hop in and don't care about the fact that i'm the most fucked up man at the party. True bros. Well I almost got us home, but then i totaled my car and two parked cars. No injuries. I got a dui. I blew a 0.33

Anonymous said...

It was a regular bro night last weekend at this random ass party out in buttfuck egypt. A couple of bras got in a fight and started swinging.. long story short blood smeared the ceilings literally. while all these nerds were fighting, i stole a couple of bottles of alcohol and a purse and dipped the joint with my reliable broseph. we chugged the alcohol while we were already on bars.... but as we left we got pulled over directly because the party was getting busted. me and my bro both passed the field test with flying colors and even ended up getting a pat on the back. we were on our way home... and unbelievably we got pulled over in a totally different area for kind of running a red light. we got another field test and passed AGAIN. he didnt find the bottles in the car because we finished them off after the first cops pulled us over and threw them out the window. and the purse... had a little under a hundred dollars in it. if this isnt a bro story... i dont know what is!

Brocho cinco said...

ton of bro-haters on this post. god, people are so ignorant. don't they realize that over 99% of drunk drivers don't even kill anybody? i guess some people are just intolerant of a bro's lifestyle. how are bros supposed to get around if we can't drink and drive? we could call a cab, but what if we want to smoke a bowl on the way home? to quote NYB, "society is a bro-hater."

Anonymous said...

me and my bros just smoked a shitload of bud and killed a ton of brews... and you better fucking believe im driving home

C Breezy said...

This one time two years ago, a few bro's and I get back from a night on the town and rendez-vous in complete and utter blackout mode at our house in victoria, B.C. A girlfriend of ours had the bright idea to leave her car and keys at our place before hitting the town. After talking about the night in the kitchen and how mad all the bros were for not wheelin any ladies, we wanted the night to continue. Upon realization that her BMW was in our driveway, the bro's made the executive decision....let's fucking go to tofino in her car!!! (a 4 our drive across vancouver island). 4 bros hop in her car, completely shitfaced, and designated the best drunk driver to get us to our destination. To get an idea of how blackout he was, we saw a pack of deer near a gas station halfway there, and he didn't remember that in the least. ANYWAYS, we're flying on the highway, pooring rain, on this twisty turny fuckin highway, and being the experienced drunk driver that he was, we trusted his drinking and driving abilities. All of a sudden....boom, we lose control, and the car slams into a cement median. We all freak out, get outta the car......and by gods good grace, a complete and utter miracle.......the car didn't have a scratch on it. The wheel well acted as protector for the rest of the car, and to this day the girl who owns the car doesn't know what happened. Gotta be my best bro drinking and driving incident.

Anonymous said...

Dont forget one of the greatest joys of drinking and driving: going through a fast food drive thru and ordering a shitload of food while totally hammered.

lleins said...

many moons ago, i was retarded drunk and decided to peace out from a party. when i woke up the next morning, i was in a park parking lot with my pants down and a rubber on my dong, and i was wearing a pair of panties on my head. i still assume that i plugged a bra, but to this day i do not know who.

LCK

Anonymous said...

My fellow bros have deemed me "The Ticking Time Bomb" because every time I get totally shmammered, there is an exact hour minute and second that I'm gonna pass the fuck out, regardless of my location or responsibilities. So naturally, as a bro, my favorite thing to do each night is try to beat the clock by driving home as drunk as a wino before I go out like a light. I also like to mow down trashcans on the LEFT side of the road, because I know that drinking, driving, and vandalism go together like tequila salt and limes. And about Taco Bell, try going through the drive thru in reverse when seriously wasted. Keep it bro, bros.

Brobi Wan Kenobi said...

Drinking and driving will soon overtake NASCAR's popularity.

EKU_bro said...

So me and my bros start the night off by drinking all the free top shelf alcohol we want at sum other fraternitys house. Me and my bros then decide that the bar is a much better venue seeing as it was Dollar Bomb Night. After that we then get the bitches aka pledges to pick our drunk asses up. After a long night at the bar me an my bros get a ride back to our cars. With little sleep and mass alcohol consumption(true bro status) i then decide there is no need for me to be around the scum(pledges) any longer. So i hop my drunk ass into my whip(bro style) and cruise over to McDonalds. Do to all the bro haters in line the wait was more than i could bare. I took wat was thot to be a brief nap which turned out to be around a 30min snooze in the Mcdonalds drive thru, and passed by everyone else(bro-haters) in the drive thru, i was then woken by the ultimate bro hater! the fucking cops. Needless to say i was crashing at the brotel aka jail for the night. Where i ran into not 1 but 3 of my bros making it quite the evening. Bros fucking rule!

BRO-J Simpson said...

This one time me and three of my best bros took a couple grams of shrooms but had to go home bc bro haters kicked us out of their house for acting so weird, so i had to convince my designated drunk driving bro that the shrooms had worn off and we were good to drive. We got pulled over by the bro hating fuzz and i was forced to shove weed up my ass while my friend passed the sobriety test for the 6th time in his life. this was my craziest experience since the shrooms were really just starting to kick in while we were driving. just a typical saturday night in the life of a true bro.

Anonymous said...

One morning I woke up at my house around 2 in the afternoon after a bad ass night of slam'n brews and asked my roommate to take me to my car. We drove around for like and hour searching for my ride and couldn't find it so I said "fuck it bro let's just go home, it probably got towed." As we pull up to our place I notice my car was parked in front look'n sexy as hell and was like that's bad ass now I dont have to waste my day going to tow lots. I knew I wouldn't have been a pussy and taken a cab or walked home that night.

Anonymous said...

drinking and driving is the shit but sometimes im so drunk that I know if I get behind the wheel, there is a 99.9% chance I will be ending somebody's life that night. So what is a bro to do? sleep it off for 2hrs and drink and drive in the morning. If you havent tried it yet, I highly suggest it. Cops are not really looking for drunk drivers in the daytime so it gives you a chance to be extra reckless on the roads. Bro or die.

Anonymous said...

sorry but i fucking hate drunk driving... it killed my friend when he was only 14 cuz his older brother got drunk and crashed into a house... then my cousin got into a car drunk and killed a family who had a 2 year old with them... pretty fucked up if you ask me

Sean though kids. said...

Drinking and driving is an art, I'm an artist, and the road is my canvas. Blackout or Back out.

Kimbro Slice said...

So me and my bros had been slamming beers and doing kegstands all day on my bro's front porch. We even created a game called "You Honk, We Drink", where we made a sign displaying said phrase and waited for cars to honk at us. If they honked, we drank. If they didn't, fuck them we drank anyways and yelled obscenities at them as they passed. Anyways, around 1 AM I get a text from a slampiece Obviously, she wants to fuck. One problem: I have to drive 20 min away via the highway to take care of this pounding. Then I thought,"Oh wait, thats not a problem. I'm a fucking bro." One of my fellow bros even rode with me and he ended up banging the slampiece's roommate while I took care of the original slampiece. Bros fucking rule.

Bro Paterno said...

My fellow bros...i ripped off 11 shots at a bar once (i know this due to the tally marks on my hand). The next morning i wake up in total confusion wondering where the fuck i was. I was in my own room. I had no clue how i got there until i came downstairs to notice my car parked crooked half in my driveway half on my lawn. Later i found my phone wallet and keys so needless to say it was a successful night.

White Thunder said...

Bro's near and far...
When I was in my junior year of high school (what I consider to be the peak of my stead ass getting) I attended a party that my boy had thrown at his cousins house (the parents of course had gone to the shore). We were all between 16 and 17 years old and the cousin was about 25. Feeling he need be responsible for all of us he demanded that all keys be given to him in order to ensure that no one would be driving under the influence. However, I had received a text from a current slam pig of mine. I explained the situation to him, on how I must release White Thunders wrath on this females genitals. At this he became an enabler and announced to the entire party I was the only one aloud to drive. I met up with the sperm dumpster, began to do the deed in the back of my two door Accord, I passed out for a matter of seconds at one point, awoke pushed her off and unleashed my children. Luckily I woke when I did for Jimmy's Cap busted and she felt the children on her stomach. She ran her fingers across her mutilated body and described her disgust. I told her to get out immediately I had a party to attend.
If it was not for my buddies cousin I would have never: scratched the rim on my car, blown my load, nor had this story to offer to the brotherhood. BRO ON!

suck_your_own_dicks said...

literally you guys are all dicks and seriously need to grow up. get a life. you literally have a miserable existence.

and fyi you're not awesome because you drunk drive, you're a dumbshit who is too selfish to see beyond your own entertainment.

seriously you're disgusting.

Anonymous said...

For all you bros out there: It's not drinking and driving, it's straight boozin' and cruizn'

Anonymous said...

Three nights ago after railing three slam pieces and killin a 30, i fuckin took my jag into a lake. great night.

alex said...

thought all the bros needed to hear this tale and a half. so im at my buddies birthday gig, nothin fancy but the bros are there, sum slam peices come by, basically im gettin right fucked. so i drive over with the intention of just havin the DOFF bitch drive my ass home (shes accepted her role and doesnt even see a point in boosin it anymore) when all of a sudden i spot some slam peice. now ive had my eye on this girl for a while, at least 10 minutes so shes goin down. clearly. she starts pullin the whole "well i cant go into your car, my sister said shed drive me home" "fuck ur sister, she drives like a retarded pirate hooker anyway, ill drive you home" so i take her out front of the place and give her the ol' one-two while the rest of the kids stumble out of this mess. when im all done it dawns on me, where the fuck are my keys? ohh left em inside the place, lights are off and no way am i goin back in my state. so here are the options: the bitch had about 10 bucks on her which was enough for a cab to my place and back, so i could either pay for the cab for both of us to go home or just make the bitch cough up and get the spare keys. well 10 bucks, 15 minutes and another couple beers later im drivin the rig down to her place. made her give me a round 2 for my trouble then went through every stop sign immaginable back to the pad. woke up realizing i had attempted to reverse park and ran over the mom's flowers. the end

Anonymous said...

id rather NOT be a bro than to die in a drunk driving accident.

Anonymous said...

i was driving with my bro one night a few summers back. We had some fine slam pieces in the back seat practically begging for it. We had been at a sick frat party fucking pounding down beers and drinking basically whatever anyone put in front of us. i was driving and my bro was in the front seat (obviously..who the fuck would let a dumb slut get the front over a true bro). We were wasted as fuck. Before I know it this slut grabs my bro and they start going at it in the back. He's fucking the shit out of this bitch and so, naturally, I give him a fist pound. Meanwhile I'm packing a bowl and driving with my knees. This other slam piece unzips my pants and starts sucking me off. So I'm driving, my buddy is fucking in the backseat, this chick is giving me roadhead and I'm smoking some crazy dro (and im still wasted out of my mind)..it was a fuckin sick night. my bro gets major points for that fucking slam piece in the back.

Anonymous said...

im a bro. ima dd...drunken driver. got get to the places i gotta be. just 16..oh well.

BroDiMaggio said...

Ridin home from a party with my bro (the bro that drives every time no matter what) a true bro. I ask him why the fuck we're still on the road as I yank the wheel off the highway into a plowed corn field. We tear shit up, jump a terrace and wind up back on the highway never missin a beat. Not one beer spilled. True bro cred

Anonymous said...

So I was at this bar, the leafe, poundin down some beers and takin some shots with my bro. I blacked out hard and had to hear the next day what happened. Apparently I sat down at a table occupied by some feminist bra. The olympics were on one of the tv's and apparently I told her that women will always be better at curling then men because sweeping is in their DNA. She got pissed and so I started calling her a dyke bitch and shit and was soon thrown out by a bouncer... and then I drove home.

Anonymous said...

So last St. Paddy's day me and my bro drive from Panama City to Destin, a good hour drive, and got completely black out. We then decide at 4:30 in the morning that it is a great idea to drive back to Panama City just to smash some ass. My bro gets behind the wheel and drives the entire way with one eye closed while I had to update him on the speed limit changes throughout the trip. Needless to say, because of some great teamwork we make it home without any trouble and end up smashing some ass.

Tim TeBROw said...

NYB, in an earlier comment, you said "too drunk to drive". I just want to know if you actually think that is possible?

Will "I never remember bitches names" von said...

Bros, the other night we were drinking with this total fuckin loser who commented on some of the spelling mistakes on this site. Needless to say, we don't chill with that fag anymore. Everyone knows that bros don't give a shit about spelling, that's for fag bachelor of arts majors. Sometimes we get on facebook when we're drunk and post comments with misspelled words. we don't care. people will know how fucked up we were without even talking to us in person. the next morning we'll come downstairs and say to other bros "what haaapened last night? I blacked the fuck out." Everyone will already know this because of the phonetic disaster you left on the news feed.

Drunk in Utah said...

It was 2 in the fuckin' morning on a Friday night after a long night of slam pieces and downing brew, and my Bro was about to go to boot camp. You're fuckin' right we hopped in my car and drove to vegas to get more fucked up.

Brobama said...

So I was getting shit faced drunk at PF Changs eating dumplings and sweet and sour pork with a fork cause bros don't use chop sticks. I drank about 10 jack and cokes and called the waitress a viet cong gook even though it was some regular white girl. She looked at me with disgust but I'm pretty sure when she noticed my bulge that I wear like an accesory piece that that frown melted away. That's why I didn't tip her, the pleasure of seeing my trouser snake running down my inner thigh was all she needed to walk away from her shitty job with a smile on her face. Anyway, the slam piece I was with was driving a separate car than me, she asked if I wanted a ride because I was "acting really drunk". I laughed pretty hard at that ignorant statement and hopped in my fucking car and pointed to my bulge. She understood. So we parked in one of those shitty parking garages, and I get the brilliant bro idea that I'm not going to pay for parking. Sure I have plenty of money to blow on things like drunkenly betting on the knicks at bodog.com because Lebron James was looking like a real bitch that day. But parking should be free for bros anyway. You know what a bro does when he gets a parking ticket? He crumples it up and throws it in his glove compartment. Ask any bro to open his glove compartment, there is probably 800 dollars worth of tickets and those shits aren't getting paid until you a put a boot on his car. And once the boot is on any bros car he'll leave that shit parked where it is and just have one his slam pieces drive him around. But I digress -- when I decided I wasn't going to pay for parking, I didn't think I had to tell my little slam piece my idea, she should have seen it in the way I flexed my bulge on her. So she pays for her parking, the arm lifts up and I immediately gun it behind her. She slows down, probably watching for pedestrians or some shit I would never do, and I am put in the position of either fucking her car in the ass with my bumper or letting the arm chop down on my sunroof. Lets just say her car got fucked in the ass. Like any bro I blamed her, how dare she not see the plan so clearly written on the serendipitous veins of my bulge. Anyway, she got over her intial anger pretty fast after I put the anaconda on that ass. And the parking was free. Bros never pay for parking.

Anonymous said...

bro's I have been driving drunk since '05 thus, I've driven in my small home town to the city, Atlantic City, Stone Harbor, Road Sodas to Penn State, to Newark DE the notorious crackdown on drunk driving. my record is flawless

Anonymous said...

Fuck yeah. I'm fucking drunk driving king. I pregame, hit up three bars, and still speed my numb ass home. Radar Detectors are fucking tits. Fucking pigs can't rattle me.

Caesar Bro-gustus said...

I get mad bro cred because I have a flawless blackout driving record...and I drive a manual. A manual with my frat and rugby bumper stickers. One year at, at spring formal, I pounded a handle of vodka starting around 2pm before formal, plus whatever I drank at formal, blacked the fuck out, and when I blacked back in I was in line at McDonald's with my slam piece and my car was outside. Since it was formal, I naturally took her back to the bropad and beat her out. My Subaru is unsinkable with me behind the wheel.

And ladies: Remember to put on OX in your box.

Anonymous said...

Have I got a fucking story for you Bro, So i got real shittty drunk bar hopin one night and was about to slam this cougar so we left the bar and I being a Bro had to get taco bell instead of just going home which i woulda made it but this fucking broad had to buy me another 3 patron shots befo we had left the bar so we got the food after i hit on the "slampiece" at the drive through window i also told her to become a stripper to make mo money as we drove off I forgot were i was and i grew up in this fucking town anyway i get pulled over and I have my fucking gun on me shoulder holstered long story short showed my military ID and got away with a misdameonor that was droped by the judge to nothing it pays to know the ways of the Bro lol we are like the last of the broheekons

Anonymous said...

So about a week ago I attended a party in the middle of East Bumfuck at one of my bro's houses which you have to take a series of winding dirt roads to get to. After about nine of us polished off a keg and three handles of Jack Daniels we decided to have a drifting contest on one of the many dirt roads. Three totaled cars and a broken collar bone later we decided it was a bro worthy night and piled into another bro's wrangler and drove on the highway towards the ER, but not before we went back to the party to get some more brews for the ride.

Anonymous said...

Drive 5 hours at 100 mph to my bro's confederate "the south will rise again" bra-buster producing backwoods town. 16 double-deuce Taddy Brewskis riding shotgun to navigate. Arrive, take down high schoolers in 16 straight games of pong. Exit table proclaiming golden godness. Ride dirt with bro's real bro (also a bro) while bro rounds up country bras to slay. 82 Blue Ribbons in the cooler, 2 freshies in the cup holders, 12 men down behind the seats. Blue lights. Bro's bro, "maybe we should hide those Ribbons." Me, "maybe we should hide that gun." Bro's bro aces field tests and talks hunting with johnny law. Johnny requests I exit. Door open, empties succumb to gravity outside door. One speeding ticket, two open containers and a "y'all are gonna go straight home now ya hear." Don't. Bro knows Judge. Bro gets cases dismissed. That's why I went to lawschool.

Shaun said...

UNREAL POST
now let me tell you a great story.
i was at some fucking younger girls party and man was i hammered. fucking 26er of whiskey to my face until some unreal wheels on some broad who was wayyy to young for me, i convinced her to come home with me. fucking get in my whip and try and drive home, but I dont even make it near my house. i say fuck it pull into a park and fuck the shit outta her there, and wake up still fucked in the morning from some kids in the park yelling.

Anonymous said...

I am going to have to give mad props to my bro. We were at a concert in downtown milwaukie and I had crushed about 17 between the pregame and the show, so I was down for anything. My bro was trippin on an eighth of some killer mushrooms and decided to drive the 5 of us back to our hotel 20 miles of highway away. I don't really remember how it went, but when I woke up the car was in one piece and I was alive, so it ended well.

Anonymous said...

Was at a fucking wicked party, got smashed drinking goose on the rocks and these bro haters managed to snag my keys from me. They were pulling some shit about how I was too drunk to drive. So I started thinking like a bro and unloaded my Honda TRX450r out of the back of my truck, turfed the shit out of the front yard and rode off into the the moonlight on the streets all the way home. If your going to take my keys, make sure you have the keys to my four wheeler as well, fucking bro haters!

Anonymous said...

I got totally blackout at like 3pm and told my sober friends i was fine to drive. I split 2 cars in a 2 lane road, turned in the wrong lane, and almost ran over what i thought was a gnome in the road...........fucking best cruise ive ever had. btw im totally the drunk driver with my bros!

Anonymous said...

Me and my one of my bros went out on the town one night. but before we pounded a fucking 12 pack like any other bro would be before going bowling.. so we get to the bowling ally and keep pounding pitchers with a couple of slam pieces we meet there. next thing i know its 1 AM and im fucked up and very hungry... so what would a bro do? Fucking Wendys.. but one of the bitches said "umm you are to drunk to drive you just tripped over the curb." ha never. soo go and get some wendys and at this point its raining and i and pulling out of the parking lot and like any bro i wanted to show off for the slam pieces. so i run a stop sign doin about 35 and turn next thing i know im in a bad ass fish tail and then smash into a light pole.. my luck there is a pig sitting on the other side of the highway. and i remind you im fucked up.. he comes up to me and ask if i have been drinking and like any bro would do i lie and he gives me a test anyways... past that shit like it is my job.. go home and snooze in my own bed.. classic

Bro-Seph said...

You know it was a good night when your doing the one eye'd squint trying to seem them dam lines.

Anonymous said...

Drunk Drove over a gaspipe, 13 firetrucks, my bros mom made us cookies and couldnt stop talking about how we both had purposes in life

bro of bros said...

Holy fuck bros, the other night I was out drinking at the hottest club in town, all the fucking best lookin' bros in town by my side, and a fucking sea of flithy sluts just waiting for a pork-sword slaying. Safe to say we get to the bar and proceed to chug back a 40 pounder of tequila before the nights over.. fuck giving some indian guy 10 bucks, im a fuckin bro, so I manned up and drove, tokyo drifted away from the cops and woke up with a badass hangover and a model next to me.

God it feels good to be a bro.

Anonymous said...

cuervo on the rocks in the cup holder when i went to the car this morning, dnt remember driving but that would explain y my car was parked in the middle of the street, no tickets, people dont test my shit

Anonymous said...

senor year of high school a couple years ago me and my bros got some grain alcohol and made some bomb ass jungle juice. i was so shit housed that i woke up to my car running, tunes blasting and some homeless man knocking on my window in the parking lot of a taco bell. i felt like dale bro-hardt jr. after that shit

Anonymous said...

So one night after some typical heavy drinkin wid the bros I get a text from an old slam piece up in columbia wantin to ride the pound town express again..so me and my main bro decide to roll to columbia from myrtle beach. He also happens to be a king among drunk drivers like myself..so on our trip ridin 100 in a lifted F250we completely miss columbia and end up in savannah, GA..we notice our obvious unbro-like behavior of fuckin up directions on the way to get some ass. We immediately decide we have to get more beer for the ride back to columbia since weve easily crushed our case by now. On the way back we get pulled by a bro-hater (aka State Boys). Needless to say were on serious bro level of fucked up and fail the shit outta the breathalizer so after a shittalk session wid the bro-hater we end up in jail for the night when we had done nothing wrong. My lawyer uncle gets my charges dropped but my bro already has a DUI from the clemson game the week before so this makes his second in two weeks. He uses his one phone call to hit up an old slam piece who jumps at the opportunity to bail him out and get some quality poundin for her efforts. Once we leave the fuckin slammer we pick up another case and begin our trek back to USC for a frat party crawlin wid slam pieces. My pops is a true bro and didnt give a fuck about my bro-like behavior especially since the charges got dropped thanks to a fellow lawyer bro. Weekend ended great with some serious bro-cred being earned and a boss story for all the bros who missed out.

SC bro

Dirk BROwitzki said...

Earlier this semester I hit up a frat party on a Thursday with a couple of my bros. Needless to say, we got absolutely trashed. Around 2 a.m. I ended up taking a sorrostitute back to her room for a ride on the pound town express. After polishing off the rest of her alcohol, calling her a slut, and leaving, I realized I was bored as shit and had nothing to do. I was planning on going home for the weekend the next day, so I just decided to drive home that night instead. I ended up driving the 160 miles from Clemson to Atlanta on the verge of blackout, and didn't pull into my driveway until 6 am that morning. Bros are the shit

Drinker & Driver said...

Once I was driving so fucked up that I flipped the truck into a ditch with me, a fellow bro, and some slam. This did not stop us from flipping the truck out of the ditch, pushing it out with drunken retard strength, and driving back to party some more. I feel that this would have been enough, but, to top it off, my real bro and I made the thirty minute drive having to switch every few miles because we were both too drunk to see ten yards in front of us. Shitty morning, but it was epic.

Anonymous said...

bro one time i was driving on campus with 4 of my other bros, going to this sick ass party and this cop pulls me over when im like one block away. needless to say i was like 10 brews deep at that point not to mention just smoked a fat ass blunt. this officers tries to tell me i didnt have my headlight on when i clearly did, not to mention it wasnt even dark yet. so after arguing with this cop for like 10 minutes he let me go without a warning. fuck the po po. straight broin

Anonymous said...

so we're blowin lines one night drinking ridiculous amounts of liquor when a unanimous vote concludes that we need slampieces. we line up a few biddies and end up having to pick one of them up maybe like twenty minutes away. now lets see, all i have to do is drive drunk and i will get laid. what the fuck do you think i did next. i poured a full cup of jack and coke for the ride, hopped in the whip and picked her ass up. god i love being a bro

Anonymous said...

As much as I love this site, this is a shitty post. Drinking and driving is fucking retarded. I don't care if you guys drink and drive and get yourselves killed. But somehow, the drunk driver always gets away unscathed while they kill some innocent person. I'm all for getting shitfaced, but not when you put other people at risk. Killing people is not bro.

Anonymous said...

hey dumb fucks, this post isnt promoting wrecking your car or getting dui's, shit like that happens to idiots, NOT BROS. the whole point is to drive drunk well, meaning you can still operate the vehicle safely enough to do whatever you got to do, not risk everybodies lives you dipshits.
by definition bros are fucking smart as shit and will stop at nothing to get what they want or need, driving drunk is not an obstacle in any way to a true bro.

Anonymous said...

I have the story of being the ultimate bro... The other night one of my bros was absolutely hammered after drinking 33 beers over the course of the entire day, he walked to his car so he could drive home but decided to pass out on the ground beside his car first. One of my other bros saw him shortly after and proceeded to wake him up needless to say my bro got in his car and drove the fuck home. thats broin' it.

BroBEAST said...

me and my bro were at a party completley hammered at four in the morning when all the beer was gone. we didnt know what to do but call a slam piece and try to run train on her. after we called her she said she was too fucked up to drive so me being a hoss decided i would drive drunk and pick her up. as we picked her up we brought her to a parking lot and got her naked. all of a sudden two cop cars show up and we threw her clothes back on. they tried giving us tickets but we told them that our dads could make one phone call and they would be jobless. the only thing we had to do was leave my car there and walk home... so worth it. we later ran train on this bitch and still havent talked to her to this day

Anonymous said...

Me and my best bro were out slammin some college sodas and my mom calls and says she wants me to come home after i had just finished off a dozen brewers and a few bowls. Just because nobody wants to ruin a good bro sesh for some reason i told my mom to come pick us up at another bros house about a mile a way so me and my bro dip and somehow stumble like a mile to this house. just as we stumble up my mom goes Hey since youve got your permit you need some night driving hours. My bro then pumps me up and it like just do it itl be sick. Being as twisted as I would i agee and get into the car. I fumble around tryin to get it in gear and start to swerve out of the driveway. I black out and wake up inmy bed the next morning and my mom says for one of your fist times driving at night you did pretty good.

Anonymous said...

GI. Bro

dude one time i was so wasted on the 3rd of july and my slut bra called me for a fuck sesh and i was driving home and had to piss. so what did i do? the only thing a bro could, pop the natty top off the can and take a leak while driving, pissing all over my ford cli-Tarus

Broswanasauras Rex said...

On a fourth of July a few years back in high school, me and some of my bros got to the pregame really late and had to pound our fifths real fast and then continued drinking shortly after when we got to the party. Well I eventually blacked out and passed out at the party around 3:30 (I'm told). However, the persons parents were getting back really early in the morning (like 7) and they woke me up to kick me out.

First thing I remember is waking up in my bed the next morning thinking "Someone must have dropped me off, I couldn't have drove." Then I look out my window and my car is in the driveway. So I ask my bro if he knew who drove me home and he said, no you drove yourself home this morning and you fell walking up the stairs so we had to carry you to the car, which you sat in for 15 minutes before sloppily driving away.

Somehow I made it home safely and without waking up my parents. What I would do to see video of me on that drive home...

Rodrigo said...

Bros, last year I went to visit a friend in the south of Paris in my scooter. As soon as I arrived we started smoking our asses off with some fine weed. We then started to watch a movie about a guy who was drug-driving and killing everyone in his path, it had animations so was quite funny. Unfortunately, all the fun came to an end cause I had to leave and i took the same google-directions-path I had taken to get there but there was just one problem! it was a ONE-WAY road. I was at the middle of the road already when an undercover cop-car with three cops stopped me and were freaking angry and surprised of my behaviour and my only explanation is that I was lost and even showed them my google map. They thought the only explanation for this is that I must of been drugged and they were right, so they searched my scooter and myself but as smart a bro as I man they found nothing! For the rest of the legal consequences, the night before I discussed at a party with a bro what could happen for a "minor infraction" if I was driving an Italian scooter with a non-european license and we concluded NOTHING. Cause it's more expensive to send the fine to Italy and they can't take any points out of my license. So as angry as they were they had to leave and I continued stone-driving my friend's scooter. I'll soon start posting my drunk-drinking experiences.

Ron Broworski said...

This summer me and three bros were heading to bromerica park in detroit to watch our tigers work the yankees, and needless to say we don't attend ballgames without being hammered. Time was of the essence, so we crushed our half gallon of whiskey on I 94 in 30 minutes. I made sure to keep one eye on the road with the other buried in my luke warm cup of black velvet. I don't remember the game, but I do remember putting every pinstriped bro hater on blast and getting kicked out of three sections. Go tigers

Jay Dee said...

Bros, just last night I was at local show pounding pitchers of beers. It was in Albany about 15 minutes from my house. Next thing I know im in easy bumble fuck and dont know how to get home. Lucky for me a bra lives in east bumble fuck and I set it up. Snoogins

Anonymous said...

I drive a 400hp mustang SVT cobra with stick shift and rear M/T slicks in the rain drunk and I live to tell about it, can't be all that bad!

Anonymous said...

A year ago, I was driving back from my friends lake house after a sick party where I was asked to leave after breaking his grandmothers urn. I had shot-gunned about 10 beers and had 5 or 6 before that. I drove home, and passed a burning car. Normally, I would just pass by and say "sucks for that person" but I was fucking invincible. I pulled over, and the lady said her dog was trapped in the car. I ripped my shirt off and broke the window of the car. The dog (which was on fire) jumped out and started running like a dog that was on fire. I tackled the dog, and extinguished the flames. I was in the paper and received a key to the city for good citizenship. Drinking and driving saves lives...

Anonymous said...

uh yeah one of my best fucking "Bros" was killed by a drunk driver you assholes.

Anonymous said...

It was new years, one of the greatest nights you can spend with all your bros. We were all hammered out of our trees and got back to my house at around 3am but no we weren't done yet. These hot broads with a 5 million dollar house invite us over, its perfect because there are three girls and its me and my two bros. BUT both my bros have girlfriends and they just slammed them at the party. What ever they don't care they are just down to slam more bitches. But now our next problem was how the fuck we were gonna get there, none of us had our license and we were all hammerheads at this point. That's when i mustarded up the balls and stole my dads car. We got more drunk and each of us got laid. Thank god for drinking and driving.

Anonymous said...

Fourth of July.....Ratchet....straight pounded and had firework fights and wiffle ball all day while smokin blunt after blunt.....teleported home completely blacked out as usual with my slampiece supposiply who i have no recgonition of bringing home....red white and bro

Brosef said...

I agree with every word NYB, one thing to add, how about making those piece of shit pledges do it? I mean what else are they there for besides cleaning up your room after you rage in it the night before? Make that bitch take you there and pick you up in the morning no questions asked, as a fucking bro, you own your pledges!

Anonymous said...

So my bro just got back from the Marines on Thanksgiving leave, and like all reunions, all my home-grown bros and I went to the bar the night before Thanksgiving, for what is called "Black Wednesday" in my hometown... even his little brother got into the bar with his Military ID. Being back for the holidays, my home-grown slam piece wanted to spend the night with me, but could only justify hanging out with the bros if she was sober driver... yeah right. She picks all seven of us up after pre-gaming for a good 2 hours on a handle of Seagrams, and we get to the bar, which is totally packed with every single socially comfortable person to have ever graduated from my high school, ages +20. Seeing all the drinking, fighting, bouncing, and slam pieces running around like chickens with their heads cut off made me so happy that I got right on down to the first, if only, open bar-stool in the place.

Immediately my Marine bro starts ordering us drinks, and as the night progresses I start eye-fucking this one slam piece from across the room I thought I'd never see again, my slam piece starts buying my drinks to divert my attention. Her and I drink Yagermeister till we can't see straight, except for eye fucking... and then I black out.

The next morning I wake up to my cell going off from my one bro telling me my other bro left his cell in my slam piece's car after I gave him a ride. I take a shower and my dick's been totally chaffed and red from fucking her all night with her tampon still in....

Anonymous said...

the dudes who killed people driving drunk can't post on this because they are in jail..fuck, i want to hear their stories

Anonymous said...

Jus got my license at the age of 16, and I drive hammered everynight. as my dad taught me "if you dont puke, you better drive your ass home. and if you do puke, dont puke in your fucking car. pull over first."

Anonymous said...

Bros...dude the fucking coolest shit fucking ever happened to a fellow bro. After shotguning like 15 fucking natty ices my fucking bro decided to fucking get in the fucking car bro and this broski fucking killed a mom and her two fucking daughters. I mean broski dude isn't that a great fucking bro story? fucking bro, we are the fucking shit bro. Damn I love bros man. Broski. Fuck hipsters. I love slam pieces. I love saying fucking fuck after every fucking other word. Bros are just so fucking cool. Being a bro and acting like a complete dick and pretending I'm smart just makes me feel so good about myself since I'm really fucking insecure bro. I'm just so fucking happy my bro did that I mean how great of a fucking story for all the fucking bros out there. And you better fucking believe no bros give a fucking shit about the people who died. Bros are sooooo fucking cool man. Driving drunk is the fucking shit man especially when you get a great fucking story like killing some people.

Anonymous said...

dont be such a bro hater you bitch clearly it would not be cool if you fucking crashed and killed someone you little fuck i dont understand why you would even bother wasting you time with this retarded post just cuz your a bitch that thinks your great cuz you express yourself and dont care what other people and actually you are caring what other people like you thinks about you otherwise you wouldnt make such a big fucking deal about being a hipster

slampieceslayer said...

One night I was at a bros party drinking steel reserve and ruling the beer pong table as usual when I recieved a text from a bro in need. They were stranded at a party full of hipsters and brohaters and needed a ride. Of course I obliged. I don't remember any of the drive but the mission was accomplished. When my bros found me parked out front, I was passed out in the drivers seat with puke down my shirt into my lap. You better believe I drove back to the party changed my shirt and reclaimed my throne on the bp table.

Anonymous said...

All these bro haters are killing me man. "What would I do when I'm watching my bro's mom cry at the funeral?" Probably slay his slam piece sister then get blacked out even quicker than usual in my bro's memory.

Anonymous said...

So about a month ago I went with a couple of my bros to a party two towns over. After a night of running shit on the pong table and finishing a bottle of Captain's I roasted a couple bowls with this bro and his girl in the back of his pickup truck. Since I had no idea where the fuck i was I got lost as balls on my way back and went past a cop who immediately pulled me over for having a headlight out. Two more cop cars showed up and they dui checked me right in the middle of the street which i passed like a boss and the dumbasses even gave me directions home which i forgot instantly cuz i was mad fucked up haha. Also I happened to be wearing my Captain Morgans shirt this whole time.

Anonymous said...

So last Christmas Eve I was boozing at my boys house and crushed a 12 of Bud Light and did Shots of Jager, Grey Goose, and Cuervo. Then my friend brought out Xanex and I popped a pill and a half. To top it off, I smoked two el's that night. It was a blackout night and my friends had no idea where i went around 230. I woke up in my bed with a slam piece, my car in the driveway and 13 voicemails from my bros worried where i went. Haters!

Georgia said...

Just last night, some bros and i were pounding natty and ices and were playing some pong at this party (night before school started, of course we have to fuckin party). we got really drunk and then everyone took turns drunk driving cuz its so fucking fun. am i right? its fucking enjoyable as shit.

Anonymous said...

brochacho, ive definitely had to drive with one eye closed because i had pounded so many beers. i was followed by a cop but he didnt pull me over because he knew what was good for him.

Anonymous said...

bro, i AM the Triple-D. Designated Drunk Driver. hella good times.

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