Wednesday, January 27, 2010

#103 Hot Streaks

Tonight’s going to be fucking crazy. After a long, busy day of lying on the couch watching Skip Bayless argue that Sasha Vujacic is the greatest player to ever wear a Lakers uniform, it’s finally time to blow off some steam and get your motherfucking drink on. You and your bros are having people over to #35 pregame so you get the house ready for company aka turn music on and pour cups of warm water for #6 beer pong. As people start to file into your #32 bro pad, one of your bros comes up to you and gives you a #13 fist bump.

“Bro, did you end up sealing to deal last night?” he says.
You look at him like he’s fucking Simple Jack. Seal the deal? Does he even realize who you are?
“Of course I fucking sealed the deal. We ended up banging in some #52 little kid’s tree house.”
“Holy shit, that’s fucking awesome! So is she coming over here tonight?”
You just slowly shake your head at him. What is this? Fucking amateur hour?

As the pregame starts to pick up you get a text from some slam piece you slayed last week: “Going out 2nite??? ;)” Under normal circumstances you would be all over this, but not tonight. As you take a lap around the room, you start to get involved in a hot debate about who you would rather bang: #100 Snookie or "Precious," when a hand grabs you. It’s “#28 Big Rack Runner Chick” from your Art of India class.

“Hey, is this your house?”
“You better fucking believe it.”
“My name is (doesn’t matter.)”
“Hey, nice to meet you…you.” (You’ve already forgotten her name.)
“Well could I get a tour of the place?”

You immediately take her to your bedroom to show her your #17 Swingers poster collection and within minutes she’s all over you. Your bro from earlier walks by the half open door with a look of amazement on his face. You make eye contact and slowly pump your fist up and down and yell out “Toot!! Toot!!!” That’s right - you’re the conductor on this fucking train. Next stop: Pound Town.

Afterwards, as she disappears to the bathroom to do whatever it is that girls do after getting banged, you emerge from your room. Your bros immediately start yelling out old NBA Jam catch phrases like “He’s heating up!!” and “He’s on FIRE!!” At that moment, you feel as though you could hook up with Marisa Miller. You’re riding a hot streak of Ripken proportions and you are fucking invincible.

There are definitely times where all bros are forced to dip down to the dredges of humanity and hook up with a #78 fat girl. This is called rock bottom. But for any true bro, this service to society is rewarded with the pinnacle of all things bro: the hot streak. Hot streaks can last any amount of time, from a weekend to a month to their entire lives (for true bro kings.) No matter the length of the hot streak, a bro enjoying one can do no wrong.

Slam pieces must seriously have a sixth sense for bros riding high on hot streaks, because in the midst of a streak, a bro has to do even less work than usual. Not only do bros have to put in less effort aka not have to text a girl at 2am, but the quality of the girl during the hot streak is extremely high. This means if you fucked two fatties in a weekend, you are not on a hot streak, and to be honest, you’re not even a fucking bro. Just leave us alone and go fucking rub one out at Sea World.

Whether this weekend marks the start, middle, or end of your hot streak, remember to cherish the high. Hit on everything that fucking walks. Extend it as long as possible, but remember, much like all good things, hot streaks must eventually come to an end. When it does, don’t worry, you’re a fucking bro, and you’re always just one slam piece away from the start of a new streak.

68 comments:

Novak Brokovic said...

Another excellent post NYB. I`m starting to like your blog as much as HCwDBs.

Anyway, nice call on the NBA Jam references. me and my bros fucking do that shit all the time as well.



keep up the epic posts.

I AM BROSIDEN said...

Hot Streaks are the shit. Getting 4 texts from girls to come over is almost as good as an open keg party. Slaying girls are what bro's do.

PhDD said...

great post, as always, NYB. i think i speak for every non-self respecting bra when i say bros riding hot streaks are fucking awesome.
it should be "#102 art of india" though.. sounds like a jokes class to me.

Brosus said...

I had a great fucking hotstreak going last weekend aka MLK weekend. Friday night I saw this slam piece from one of my classes and we started playing tonsil hockey and I eventually had her pinned up against the bar with her skirt hiked up fingerblasting the shit out of her. Come to find out she was a Ms. Ohio contestant. I slayed a slam piece I went to high school with that I had previously never said a word to before. Thursday night was a shameful night though and I know everyone is going to give me mass shit for this but don't fucking act like it hasn't happened to you. I was making out with this bitch at the bar and we went back to her place. This girl was fucking hot and a fucking millionaire's daughter and as I was fingerbanging her in her bed she told me to fuck her and I reached down for my dick to do just that to find that my dick was as lame as FDR's legs. I told her to suck it but she just got all pissed off. Fucking whiskey dick. Don't act like any of you bros have never suffered from it.

Anonymous said...

"pussy smells other pussy. thats why when youre on a hot streak you push it like black jack"

johnny drama

Anonymous said...

best of the #100 posts so far

Anonymous said...

wow truly one of your best work yet. I was on a hot streak a couple weeks ago..was banging a slampiece for awhile and decided it was time for a replacement which happened to be one of her best friends. then the next night went to a bar with some bras and their out of town friend who obviously was asking to be pounded by a bro. so ended up taking her to pound town on one of the bras beds while she was in the bathroom puking. then to finish the weekend I went to a work party on sunday with a bro where there was tons of slam piece interns..after pounding brews we ended up taking a couple back to their hotel and got some dome shots in the bathroom and slammed them on the balcony while other interns were getting back to the hotel...

bro as shit

kylebrochill said...

ain't this shit the fucking truth. girls love hoping on you nuts right after the last one got off, it makes them feel better about them selfs. not that i care what a slam piece has ever thought. but really girls like to think there better than the last one and probably why hot streaks are so glorious! for that we should all raise our drinks up high and chant, "its good to be a fucking bro!".

Anonymous said...

(Standing Ovation)

That was fucking great.

18 and crushing it said...

much respect on the post NYB. my hot streak took a day hiatus but is back in full swing. keep it up

Anonymous said...

Skip Bayless and Sasha Vujacic have been known to 69 eachother.

Bro's and Ho's said...

Fucking hilarious. "My name is (doesn't matter.)" Honestly, I don't remember the names of at least half the bitches I went through.

Broseidon said...

My bro Paul was on such a hot streak he was getting anything over a 9 in a 3 state radius. We hosted this one party where we had a baker's dozen of kegs and 3 gatorade coolers of jungle juice. Well needless to say everyone got fucked up. My bros and I were still slinging back brewdogs and taking beer bongs of jungle juice while half the people at the party (non-bros) were passed out on the floor. I wanted to fuck with my bro Paul so I start telling the slampiece who's hitting on him the story about how he peed on a chick on Halloween. Well since he's a bro he sealed the deal outside on a cushion of empty natty light thirty packs. As soon as he air-raided the shit out of her titties he got a text from her hotter friend saying she was upstairs and "wanted to talk," needless to say he slayed that too. Maintaining his position as one of the greatest bros to ever walk the streets of DC.

Peter said...

Back in my junior year of college I was on my biggest hot streak to date. Every party I went to for 3 weeks I slayed some females. It's just something about the way you walk around when you're on a hot streak that ladies want to be nailed by you.

CaliBro said...

This post is pure gold. Me and my boys live for these times.

Keep on keeping on bro, this is the best website in the world.

Brovanni Gallardo said...

Absolutely awesome post. Throw in a few out of towners in there and and ride the fire

C-3PBro said...

Just great NYB. It's like slampieces have a sixth sense for a hot streak. You walk up to them and they know they just punched their one way ticket to poundtown. Sometimes its just too easy. Bros all day.

KiD BroDi said...

NYB, you are a fucking bro. you beast at this blog. don't stop this shit, please.

'next stop, pound town' LEGIT

oh, and BROd Pitt, I read you were in dublin. hit me up rasclatt@hotmail.com we can chill, im gonna be in dublin in august. we'll run through a couple of slam pieces every week bro.

Sgt. Long Johnson said...

See, this is what I like to see: A Brommunity. NYB, brilliant as always. In a few weeks, the loneliest weekend for hot bitches aka valentine's day will be a hot streak for sure

Vincent van Bro said...

Nothing better than a Streak on a streak. Streaks are Hot!

Tom Izzbro said...

Long johnson- agreed, the day before valentines day is one of 3 easiest days to get your dick wet.

SEAN chAyVERY said...

nothing like heating upon a thursday and hitting that fire shot on a friday night. and if theres no day chay going on that sunday call up red dress tits from wednesday night and see if she wants a slice of your soppressata.

Bro4Sho said...

The best hot streak I've had to date was the summer after my 1st year in college. One weekend me and my bros went to a concert and I managed to hook up with 6 slam pieces and also got dome shots against the back wall of the concert. I even had bro-hating parents staring at me in disgust while fellow bros started a slow clap for me. I blew off in her mouth and ran away with my pants at my knees. Hot streaks are the shit.

Slayer said...

This is weird... I'm actually on my own hot streak right now. Last 5 weekends in a row I've slammed a different slam piece and they're all of extremely high caliber. I don't see this hot streak cooling off anytime soon, but yes, for some reason I am unstoppable right now!

Pac Man Brones said...

Tim TeHOE wants to run an add at the superbowl whining about how abortion is bad for society. Can we now all agree that he is not a bro.

Lamar Brodom said...

bros are the shit.

Bron Paul said...

Pac Man Brones, not only is he not a Bro he has never been one to begin with. There is no such thing a virgin bro. I mean seriously he is a virgin. That is the lamest thing ive heard since Turtle started dating Jamie lynn.

Anonymous said...

As un-bro as it is, we all must admit that JLD is way too hot for Turtle and nailing her on a regular basis is definitely bro. Other examples include Seal and Klum etc....

Bron Paul said...

Sorry, the Bro cells running through my veins cannot allow me to agree with that fucking statement.

The Bro One said...

Brosus-

You are right all true bros have gotten whiskey dick, this is because all true bros drink obscene amounts of booze.

My personal move, which I think is the only bro thing to do, is to blame it on her. "Well I've never had this problem with any other girl..."

Bros are the shit.

Anonymous said...

Never walk away when you are on a heater...


The Bronas Brothers

Brocious Maximus said...

There's nothing like being in college to help the hot streaks keep rollin too. What's really sweet is when your street credit (which automatically becomes bro-cred) is amongst some total skeezers that will talk about how you laid waste to that pussy real good. In my opinion those skanks just dumped gasoline on a bro that was already on fire.

Racial BROfiler said...

Good post NYB. For all you out here that are looking for some more shit like this, I may have something for you. I'll be studying abroad in europe for the semester, aka getting shitfaced with better beer, and figured Id blog about it to my Bros. Just started it tonight, so give it time.

http://broineurope.blogspot.com/

wsgordon said...

you guys should create a sign much like the one Notre Dame football players hit that says, "Slay like a Champion today"

Anonymous said...

The other week i was at this party, met a girl and took her to pound town behind the house. Went back to the party met another chick n railed her in my friends basement. Then at 3 in the morning i get a text from another slam-piece i met that night and drive to her house where i rail her in her hot tub.
I guess u could call that a hot streak...

The BROman Empire said...

I fucking love selling a slampiece a one way ticket to pound town.
Bros are the shit.

GeneralBROregard said...

Tim Tebow is about as bro as AIDS. Nice call of the NBA Jam phrases I throw in a fat ass dip and play that shit every day on the super nintendo. Old game systems are the shit

Anonymous said...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoever said bronas brothers is a fag. The jonas brothers stand against all that is bro

Luc Brobitaille said...

I'll do you one better... we have the original NBA Jam arcade game sitting in our bro pad, right next to the elevator. 4 player, of course. Best $250 we ever spent.

Anonymous said...

new bro just declared..john terry. pullin the robbery. new post on robberies?

BroCity said...

think about it though you cant let the slam piece call you cause then you lose the power of the booty call (reference to scrubs) but a valid point

BroCAT said...

Wow another amzing post by bro king NYB.This reminds me of this weekend wen I went to this party w nothing but freshman slam pieces.What was the result, I slayed 2 in 1 nite!!!While my ova brother got w free willie lol!fucking good post n i got 2 keep it goin.God I love freshman so stupid,so easy!

Bro Nads said...

my fellow broski had one of the hottest streaks ive seen...until one day he decide to go for this bitch we called casper cause she was pale as shit and ugly as fuck...we were all wondering what the fuck he was thinking...next thing you know he goes for this hippo whos easily over 3 bills and has more chins than a chinese phonebook...he is currently wifed up with this fatty....its a sad story about a fallen bro

Slippery Fetus said...

If that bro thought it was acceptable to go for a girl over 3 bills he instantly lost bro cred he's ever had... you never go for a bitch over 2 bills let alone 3. This fallen bro really fucked his life up and is a swine in my book. Theres nothing funny about fucking fat chicks... ever.

SigChiBro said...

I had to take a grenade 3 weeks back but since then I've been fuckin on fire. Awesome post brother.

IHSV

C-3PBro said...

Jesus Bro Nads your bro gave it to a bitch over 3 bills. This kid is not a bro, will never be a bro, and more importantly never was a bro. Like Slippery Fetus said over 2 bills is vile. If you gotta take the grenade at least make sure she is not over 2 bills, like fetus said...NOTHING is funny about fucking a fat chick.

Anonymous said...

sometimes a bro has to keep his hot streak alive with the slaying of #101 younger chicks, something i have had to do since the new year because all the other slam pieces my age are either taken or fucking bro haters, but this weekend i got back on the prowl with a school night slay of a younger chick, and then a same age slam piece on saturday night, crazy shit, but still an average weekend for being on a hot streak which has lasted since before christmas

Ryan said...

SigChiBro, clearly the Bro-Gods have rewarded your grenade-jumping.

ms58717 said...

C-3PBro, very well put. Nething over two bills should be used strictly for gettin head n nothing else. Fat chicks give the best head and you will rarely find a fat camel which is always a nice...

Bro-dy the Hauss said...

My man NYB! Just to let you know, you went ahead and posted this right in the middle of one of my Hot Streaks!

btw, funny shit with that NBA Jam reference! For a younger Bro like myself, its safe to say, i grew up on that shit!!

Slippery Fetus said...

Sorry ms58717 bro but I'm gonna have to disagree with you on this one. Fat chicks are fucking gross and are only good for #44 Making Girls Cry and for being slayed by your #37 Designated Obnoxious Fat Friend.

Anonymous said...

Gotta love being on such a hot streak that you can be blackout beyond all belief and still slay slampieces

The MarlBRO Man said...

I have been so hot lately that when I woke up this morning It felt like I was pissing hot lava. Ode to to hot streaks and #24 Birth Control Not Involving Condoms.

-The MarlBRO Man

abroham lincoln said...

haha

Bill Bro'Reilly said...

Someone needs to seriously fucking check Simple Jack's bro-cred

brohammad said...

couldn't agree more. luckily i was on the good side of a hot streak. had a slutty lined up but she didn't wanna split with her friend. luckily my bro was trashed enough to fuck her whale of a friend and give me fuck i needed to continue the streak.

The Brosiah said...

Bros "when it rains it pours".. THE HAT TRICK

Senior year of college I took this slam piece to a formal where it was open bar(Like any great formal). We got back to my place, and I decided like any great bro would that she needed a "pearl necklace" to top off the night. After I got finished stuffing her ham wallet I told her to get the fuck out of my house. I then proceeded to call another cum dumpster #28 giving girls nicknames over and blast her guts in. My bro's decided to go camping so I fucked her brains out and ended up going camping where I knew there was potential for some sorostitue slam pieces. When the cum dumpster I brought passed out at the camp site I eyed up another girl. About 10 minutes later we were in the tent going at it...Like I said ..when it rains ..it pours!! Hot Streaks really are the greatest thing a bro could ask for..NYB you are right on the money with this post. Im sure there are other Bros on this site with a hat trick.

Anonymous said...

Tonight was one of the most bro nights we have ever had. It was bro-tastic! So my bro (we will call him the bro emperor) decided to pay this slampiece 82 dollars to strip in front of all of bros. She did that and them some. She gave the emperor dome and then got with the other bros. She did all of this while her loser boyfriend was sitting at home waiting for her. So, obviously, then when she left we took her money and kicked her out. Bros are the shit.

Rambro said...

As a bro currently on an all too familiar hot streak, I have to say there is nothing better. The pride of endless slampieces lining up for the train to Pound Town; the sheer invincibility that comes with a hot streak in the simple fact that there is nothing you can say that will keep you from getting laid; and the bro points you acquire for slaying the hottest slampieces. I love being a bro.

Connor said...

I love virtually everything about this post, but c'mon it's "Marisa" Miller. Show some respect to the angels.

Anonymous said...

This is actually my first comment although I am an avid reader and fan. But there is nothing I love more than Hot Streaks so I had to do it. And let me tell you, the two best things for hot streaks are break ups, and leaving for the military... About a year ago I broke up with my girlfriend. (I know, I know, so un-bro to have a girlfriend). But it actually turned out to be fuckin magic! It spurred a 3 month hot streak which resulted the best of slaying ranging from#101 "Younger Chicks", to #96 "Out of Towners." All these fuckin slampieces that had been jockin my shit for months now had one way tickets on the train to pound town. Dumb bitches believed me when I told them I wrapped it up with all other girls, thus making it ok to fuck without a condom. But this 3 month hot streak was capped off with a perfect 1 day hot streak, the above mentioned hat trick! This was made possible by the fact that I was leaving for 2 months of Army training... It was the day before I was leaving and I had 3 slampieces lined up the day. I had carefully laid out the day by #105 "Lying" about other shit I had to do in order to space them all out. I started off with the with the ex -girlfriend, whom I had kept around this whole time. Oddly enough I had actually invited her over to tell her that i was finished with her and that I didn't really wanna see her when I got back, but I couldn't help but get that last slam session in. Then I had this one slampiece I had been bangin for a while. That one was the easiest one. Then there was the last girl who I had been working on for a few days... This one turned out to b the hardest one to bag cuz she was some kind of beauty pageant bitch who thought that she was better than other sluts. WRONG!!! So after hittin it, I actually found out she was good friends with the bitch I fucked earlier and was chatting with her on Facebook in my room... Haha! Dumb bitches, and luckily I was gonna b gone for a while so wouldn't need to b around if they found out! I love Hot Streaks!

Anonymous said...

NYB i just about pissed my pants when you dropped the Simple Jack refferrance. This a true Bro Anthem

ColoradBRO State said...

way too reign supreme on a hot streak is to make sure to have mad back ups to avoid slump bustin fat brahds. never go two fuckin miserable weeks without slammin and throw out mass texts every weekend claimin your partyin hard and shit will never end. bitches will come to you when they think you have ol ladies already. the more fake relationships you got the better.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit NYB. How do you even come up with this shit??? It appeals to all bros, you is fuckin hilarious

Anonymous said...

lizzie likes this site. yeee. yeeeeeeee! she bangin

Brobocop said...

Serious bro props for mentioning Simple Jack. Stay bro

Broseph Haydn said...

Noice

Santonio BROmes said...

I just came off a hot-streak and have now returned to College in Alabama (I'm originally from Scotland) and I'm in the middle of the fucking bible-belt where the best slam pieces seem to be the most religious ones.

Its a hard job but being a bro is all about overcoming these adversities and taking a new passenger to the pound town express.

Bro's are the shit.

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