It’s 1 am. You’ve been slamming back brew dogs with your bros for like 7 hours and have a ridiculously nice buzz going. Up to this point it has been a perfect night, but now it’s time to break out the charm on some lucky slam piece. That’s when you spot her dancing in a circle with her friends. The target. As the DJ blares Lady Gaga, you slowly make your way over to the circle. Then, just at the part of the song where Lady Gaga breaks it down, you make your move. Without making eye contact or much less even talking to the girl, you saddle up right behind her, wrap your arm around her stomach and start swing your hips back and forth with her. Let the grind begin. Who says romance is dead?
Typically, unless there is a competition involving a circle of bros chanting and yelling out, “Oh no he didn’t!!” when some sick move is broken out, bros don’t like to dance. Bros generally prefer to be in the background watching and making fun of all the people who are dancing. But bros know fully well, the best way to the bedroom is through the dance floor, and what better way to get your slam piece in the mood than by a dance simulating sex.
I’m not really sure who invented grinding, probably a Black dude, but whatever its fucking awesome. I remember going to my first high school mixer as a 14 year old freshman and seeing a couple “dancing.” The guy was standing up straight and not moving at all while the girl was in grinding position but was bent over touching her toes gently swaying back and forth. This was a little different from my middle school dances where pushing the envelope meant everyone doing the Will Smith “Men In Black” dance. Regardless, I loved the new discovery
One of the great things about grinding is that sometimes bros will get a half-chub or maybe even full-chub. Bros can do one of two things when the chub arrives. They can hide it by smoothly reaching down and doing the “tuck up” by putting it in their waistband, or they can do what I love to do: just fucking going for it. By rubbing your chub up on the girl you are telling her two things: 1. “I’m not impotent” 2. “I would like to have sex with you.” This will often help you bypass any small talk you would normally have to suffer through and move things directly to the bedroom. Girls probably love it when guys get chub. It’s pretty much the best compliment they could ever receive. And honestly, I don’t want to hear any bras out there saying, “I hate it when random guys grind on me” because you are full of shit. If you don’t want guys to grind on you, you should either get really fat or you shouldn’t wear what you are wearing.
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